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Science

Corporation Investigates Spurious Signal -- What They Found Will Shock You 85

Posted by Soulskill from the your-chest-will-swell-with-pride dept.
Mother_01101 writes: The Weyland-Yutani Corporation announced today one of the most fantastic discoveries in human existence: alien life! Colony LV-426 made first contact, and one of W-Y Corp's long-term research vessels, Nostromo, has gone to provide assistance and bring these life forms home to engage in peaceful learning and negotiation. Initial reports from Nostromo indicate all has gone well, though they're now under radio silence for security purposes. W-Y Corp says they will, of course, honor all quarantine procedures and do everything they can to make sure the transition goes smoothly. Their CEO reminded us: "Safety is paramount!"
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Corporation Investigates Spurious Signal -- What They Found Will Shock You More

Corporation Investigates Spurious Signal -- What They Found Will Shock You

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  • Not funny... (Score:5, Insightful)

    by rioki ( 1328185 ) on Wednesday April 01, 2015 @07:59AM (#49385475) Homepage

    Even though its April 1st... This is not funny.

    • Re:Not funny... (Score:5, Interesting)

      by NotDrWho ( 3543773 ) on Wednesday April 01, 2015 @08:24AM (#49385627)

      Somewhere along the way, the "writers" that foist these lame stories missed that the whole point of April Fools Day is to actually FOOL people (with stories that are plausible enough to sucker some people in). Any idiot can write a fake story. But a good fake story that's actually just plausible enough to have people repeating it and believing it, THAT'S what it's about.

      • Well there is always this hoax [wikipedia.org] while truly implausible did fool a large number of people.
        • That wasn't a hoax. It's just that when they figured out how to reproduce it in the lab at a small fraction of the cost, spaghetti farming was no longer viable. That's the reason it's not seen today.
          • Well you would think that there would be a market for non lab created but naturally farmed spaghetti raised and harvested in the traditional way on family farms. If there wasn't a market for that stuff why does Whole Foods exist?
      • There's always creepypasta for that.

      • Re: (Score:1)

        by Anonymous Coward

        Somewhere along the way, the "writers" that foist these lame stories missed that the whole point of April Fools Day is to actually FOOL people (with stories that are plausible enough to sucker some people in).

        Don't you people have any sense of humor anymore? Bitch bitch bitch is all you seem to do. If the stories were more believable and suckered people in you would complain even louder about that. "They wrote a phony news story and I believed it, how evil of them to even try and fool the great me."

        Take this for what it is. A break from the constant deluge of illegal government surveillance, corrupt politicians, crooked police, dishonest judges, greedy businessmen, and cyber criminal scumbags that dominates the

        • Don't you people have any sense of humor anymore?

          I think the problem is that he does have a sense of humor. If he didn't have one, then he would be politely laughing at the stupid posts, waiting for someone smarter than him to come along and let slip a clue that explains the joke. Little would such a humorless person realize, that there is no clue to give, because there isn't much of a joke to explain.

          If you want to know whose ass that is, and why they're farting, then keep reading today's posts and mayb

      • Somewhere along the way, the "writers" that foist these lame stories missed that the whole point of April Fools Day is to actually FOOL people (with stories that are plausible enough to sucker some people in). Any idiot can write a fake story. But a good fake story that's actually just plausible enough to have people repeating it and believing it, THAT'S what it's about.

        C'mon, don't be a grumpus, that story made me and everybody in my office laugh.

      • Corporate dystopias are much more fun than real life socialist dystopias which don't have exclusive rights for anyone. Although if Administration steps in, nobody wins.

    • Well, if we'd be in - say - September, that article would clearly indicate slashdot has been severely hacked.

      • Re: (Score:2)

        by OzPeter ( 195038 )

        Well, if we'd be in - say - September, that article would clearly indicate slashdot has been severely hacked.

        We can only hope!

    • no article either, the link is info link not article link.

    • Even though its April 1st... This is not funny.

      Actually this one had potential in the headline.

      Imagine coming to /. and finding that all the articles written in buzzfeed style, done completely seriously but instead of regular stories having listicles of open source security vulnerabilities and "How this maintainer responded to a kernel patch will make your day!"

      Now that would be some serious April fools satire.

    • No, it's funny. You just don't like it and feel compelled through some unknown force to whine about it rather than just look away. The complaints are even more aggravating than bad jokes ever could be. These are the sorts of people who are paid to leave comedy clubs.

  • Weak (Score:5, Insightful)

    by dave420 ( 699308 ) on Wednesday April 01, 2015 @08:02AM (#49385501)
    Just so very, very weak. It pains me to say this, but the ponies thing from a few years back was funnier. Ouch.

  • ... the least funny April 1st post I've ever seen.

    • If you want funnier stuff, find/compose/post funny stories. Try to make /. funny instead of crying at poor April's fool posts.
  • The "OMG Ponies!" day was the best, but I'm liking the posts so far and found this amusing. If you don't like it, go read something else. It's not an easy task to build a full day's stream of funny.

    • It's not an easy task to build a full day's stream of funny.

      A full day? Fuck, they haven't managed an inkling of funny on April 1 in years.

      Seriously, movie plots? This is the sad grasping of people with no ability to do anything funny.

      If you're going to be this pathetic, it's time to stop trying.

      Yup, time to ignore Slashdot today.

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by OzPeter ( 195038 )

      The "OMG Ponies!" day was the best, but I'm liking the posts so far and found this amusing.

      Yes they are amusing, but that is not what April fools day is about. It is supposed to be about (in western parlance - I'm not sure about other cultures) things from fooling you into believing something that isn't so all the way to outright pie in the face (ponies)

      What we have here is someone not quite getting what the day is meant to about and as a result most of us are cringing rather than laughing.

    • Agree. This is April Fools day, and this isn't going to fool anyone. It's just stupid. I think the spirit of April Fools Day is to try to come up with something that is believable enough that you can get people to believe it, at least for a short time. It's not a lying contest.

    • No satire. Less subtlety than a Nomad. Lame.

      FTFY.

  • Not the post, but the clickbait title. I mean, c'mon, can't we have a proper headline anymore?! When extraterrestrials really are discovered I want to read "ALIENS DISCOVERED!," in all caps (and imagine it spoken in a 1940s-newsreel voice), not this ridiculous "click me to read the thing I could have just told you right now, but didn't" crap!

  • clickbait site. (Score:4, Funny)

    by swschrad ( 312009 ) on Wednesday April 01, 2015 @08:18AM (#49385581) Homepage Journal

    ha ha can't fool me, I didn't click.

    oh, wait...

  • They just contacted some people who still believe Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck. They are really from another planet.

  • One! Okay? You guys get one of those stupid ass non stories. Choose wisely.

    And happy "The Internet is completely useless Day" everyone.

    • Yeah, I can't wait to get back to throwing out all critical thinking skills and believing everything I see on the internet again.

  • Time to grow up. You aren't a child anymore and can be charged as an adult. Enough with the childish 1 April stories.

  • That is a sad state of affairs when they can't simply announce "ALIEN LIFE FOUND!", but instead have to go with the obnoxious "What they found will shock you."

  • Don't read slashdot day (Score:3)

    by tompaulco ( 629533 ) on Wednesday April 01, 2015 @08:34AM (#49385711) Homepage Journal
    Is it "Don't read slashdot" day already? This year is going by fast.

  • GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER!

  • Oh, that's right... (Score:4, Informative)

    by OakDragon ( 885217 ) on Wednesday April 01, 2015 @08:38AM (#49385729) Journal
    ...today is the day to not bother reading Slashdot.

    • Re: (Score:1)

      by Anonymous Coward

      I thought that was everyday?

  • If you're going to make a Star*-themed April 1st, that's fine by me, but at least try to get some sense of chronology.

  • Take off and nuke the site from orbit, its the only way to be sure

  • Forgot to bring the funny (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward

    And we have the primary reason why I detest 4/1: All the web sites and bloggers who think they're funny enough to pull off April Fool's Day jokes, when they're not even close.

    And the biggest sinner in this regard for years has been this site.

    Serious question: Why does /. even bother? Do the people responsible for this practice think anyone finds it funny or in any way enjoys it? Is it out of some misguided attempt to establish a "weird for the sake of weird" tradition? I'm honestly puzzled as to why a si

  • Head Crabs for everyone! (Score:3)

    by Lumpy ( 12016 ) on Wednesday April 01, 2015 @09:34AM (#49386115) Homepage

    It seems that the head crabs are a side effect of a discovery that Doctor Spock from the USS enterprise made late last year.

    Let the OCD nerds start foaming at the mouth!

  • Nostromo was a freighter, not a research vessel.

    April 1st is the stupidest day of the year.

  • There's only one way to stop this crap (Score:3)

    by ArcadeMan ( 2766669 ) on Wednesday April 01, 2015 @01:57PM (#49387825)

    Nuke Slashdot from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

    Note to Dice: Slashdot needs to have NERD pranks, not lame science-fiction references passed as faux news. This is only funny for stupid people in your marketing department. PLEASE STOP.

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