The Cheese Slicing Laser

purduephotog writes "Xiaochun Li of The University of Wisconsin-Madison has come up with the ultimate gift for those high-tech wine and cheese connoisseurs: A cheese slicing laser. More detailed information is available at Optics.Org."

Aww, dude, who cut the cheese?

[Anonymous Coward]

Well darn

[DarkHand]

"Basically, the cutting process is cold laser ablation, like that in laser eye surgery," said Li. "At 266 nm it gives a very good clean cut, although going deeper than 10 mm is difficult."
Now how am I supposed to cut my 10 pound wheels into Valentines decorations?

A Raclette Laser

[TheMidget]

At first, Li tried using a traditional commercial laser that uses heat to cut by melting or evaporating; it fried the cheese.

Hehe!

"It smelled really bad," he said.

Don't tell that a Swiss!

Who Cut the Cheese...

[mcasson]

I can see the advertisement now...it's how the civilized cut the cheese.

I like mine better.

[Seth Finklestein]

My cheese grater [apple.com] isn't laser-guided, but it is highly powerful. And it can run Linux!

Sincerely,
Seth Finklestein
Acclaimed Humourist

Bets

[saden1]

Someone is going to lose a finger within the first week it is out on the market.

Yeah that's great.....

[whiteranger99x]

we just need to get some frickin sharks to put the frickin lasers on their frickin heads!!

Hey, I'm for anything that saves washing dishes!

[MissMarvel]

Bring it on!

Now if they'll just invent a laser-powered washing machine we'll be making some real progress.

Ultraviolet lasers and cheese

[Anonymous Coward]

I've always wondered about the smell when one of my co-workers said "awww, who cut the cheese?"
and now I know it's because someone was using the wrong frequency of laser. If I use ultraviolet lasers, my farts won't smell.
Thanks for the informative article.
(...or have I missed something completely?)

TDz.

Cold Laser

[wrax]

That laser, known as a cold laser, cuts by blasting apart the molecular bonds that hold materials together.

Now all we need is a corkscrew that doesn't leave floaty bits in the wine and we're all set.

oh, this is just cruel...

[tuxette]

It's bad enough I'm seriously addicted to cheese. And to cool kitchen gadgets. And now they're making a cheese slicing laser. I'm never going to get cured! Never I say!

Must have...must have...must have...must have...

Did anyone else read .....

[MajorDick]

Maybe it was just my eyes jumping around but did anyone else read "Chinese slicing laser"
I think it was Xiaochun Li and Cheese slicing laser ....had me worried there for a second

My favorite quote from the ABCNEWS article...

[jmertic]

"At any other university, people would have just laughed. But this is Wisconsin. It's cheese. And this is no laughing matter"

Somewhere, a George Carlin sketch is referenced...

[whiteranger99x]

"In a country where you can buy cinnamon dental floss, cheese in a spray can, and edible womens panties, are people really breaking their balls to save nine cents on a fucking phone call?!"

Well, now we can add cheese cutting lasers to that list.

Re:Well darn

[Frymaster]

Now how am I supposed to cut my 10 pound wheels into Valentines decorations?

with a titanium knife! [alltvstuff.com] of course...

Invented by Dr. Evil?

[doc_traig]

I have created this giant "laser" to threaten the "Earth" with "snacks."

Yeah, I saw it in Goldfinger

[Black Parrot]

And another Chinese guy had a cheese-slicing hat.

Re:Well darn

[roseblood]

If you put it on the head of a shark you can go 20cm deep, 10 cm from each side. And to think that people said that sharks with frigging laserbeams on their frigging heads would never see any practical application!

People Slicer

[absolut_kurant]

Call me when they have a people-slicer. No more waiting in queues with my new light sabre (I wonder if the name is taken?)

Warning!

[cperciva]

Do not look at cheese slicer with remaining eye!

Re:I Think I Can Sum It Up Like This

[AKAImBatman]

As they say, only in Wisconsin

This is why California will never overtake Wisconsin for cheese production. We take our cheese seriously! Sure, California may be producing more milk thanks to their farming factories, but their cheese is weak. Take their pepperjack for instance. In Wisconsin, that stuff has bite. In California, it tastes like those stupid shredded cheeses. Weak man, weak.

Oh, and don't believe all those commercials you see about how cows are happier in Sunny California and are so glad to get away from frigid Wisconsin. Those cows are roasting inside their factory farms [themeatrix.com] where they have to stand on cement all day. At least in Wisconsin, we keep our cows in pastures.

Re:Aww, dude, who cut the cheese?

[__aahlyu4518]

That was 1 cheezy comment...

Not good.

[frinkster]

My co-worker that graduated from UW-Madison already gets made fun of too much. Today is going to suck for him.

well...

[UrgleHoth]

the article did state He believes that the work could point to a new and lucrative market future for lasers. "The food industry could be a huge market for lasers just like the semiconductor industry," Li said. "We've also been asked to cut meat and potato with a laser but we haven't done that yet."

So if this happens, we might see "a fine assortment of ginsu kitchen lasers (as seen on TV)."

Dare I say it?

[Syncerus]

This is Dangerously Cheesy.

Hey, Darth !

[Vinnie_333]

...your assistance is needed at the snack table!

Re:Who Cut the Cheese...

[Dr Caleb]

The rest of us just get someone to pull our finger.

sweet! another stick fighting flash movie

[Dot Com Drew]

oh. Lasers. Cheese. What the hell?

My bad I saw xiao and I jumped the gun just a bit.

Re:Who Cut the Cheese...

[AndroidCat]

This is the weapon of a Jedi Caterer...an elegant utensil for a more civilized day. For over a thousand generations the Jedi Caterers were the servers of hor'dorves and snacks in the Republic. Before the dark times, before the Kraft Empire...

Re:Well darn

[Hogwash McFly]

This is quite a Gouda invention. Infact I think it's Brielliant! A laser would be much Feta than a cheese wire. It Provolone won't be used outside of a large scale industrial setting though.

Re:A Raclette Laser

[po8]

C.f. "The Laser Cheese Raclette", Annals of Improbable Research 1(3) May/June 1995. Essentially, researchers used a steerable laser to melt the surface of a block of cheese to a precise, uniform depth. The result was reported to be tasty.

Re:Bets

[ncc74656]

Someone will try to look straight into the laser, thinking its like the one at the supermarket checkout.

There'll be a warning sticker on it:

Do Not Look Into Laser With Remaining Eye.

Re:Why only cheese?

[Anonymous Coward]

Seems to me the higher energy costs in these factories would be offest by the gain in work hours that would have before been used for cleaning, disinfecting, sharpening, replacing etc of the blades.

All the evidence suggests that U.S. meat and poultry processing plants already save money by not cleaning or disinfecting, so this is just added unnecessary cost! Why, it sounds like you're trying to take away grisly, unpleasant, underpaid, underinsured jobs from hard working underemployed Americans and illegal aliens! Why don't you go back to Communist, um, Canada! Yeah.

Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean you're not eating it [findarticles.com]

Re:Interesting Idea

[trb]

I can easily acquire a tec-9 semi automatic machine gun and bullets for it can be bought from Wal-mart, but somehow you think a laser that cuts through cheese will be banned from consumers?

Hey, man, this is America. A laser cheese slicer is my inalienable God-given right that He provided in the Denclaration of Independance. Pursuit of happiness. It's self-evident.

From the article: Smelled bad

[SassyDave]

At first, Li tried using a traditional commercial laser that uses heat to cut by melting or evaporating; it fried the cheese.

"It smelled really bad," he said.

What do you expect when cutting the cheese?

Re:fast food industry

[PetoskeyGuy]

Yes of course - if people would only eat their cheese in square slices they wouldn't get so fat.

Re:Interesting Idea

[ReTay]

Exactly.... Remember the cardboard signs that you can put in your windshield to keep out some of the sun during the summer? There is a reason that in big letters on the back it says DO NOT DRIVE WITH SHADE IN PLACE!!!!

One or two law suits is all it will take.

Re:Bets

[Jerf]

I opend my CD-rom and I can see the laser. Now where do I attach the sharks head?

Sorry, CD-ROM drives use standard lasers; sharks are only rated for friggen' laser beams, which are only available to evil geniuses and their progeny.

We had to get here eventually...

[sczimme]

It was a feta-compli.

:-)

Re:Cold Laser

[krusadr]

I used to prefer to CO2 powered cork extractor. You inserted the needle through the cork and released the gas while simultaneously screwing up your face and trying to cover your gonads.

Aww.

[Trejkaz]

Damnit, I knew my puns wouldn't make the grate. :-(