The Cheese Slicing Laser 337
purduephotog writes "Xiaochun Li of The University of Wisconsin-Madison has come up with the ultimate gift for those high-tech wine and cheese connoisseurs: A cheese slicing laser. More detailed information is available at Optics.Org."
Well darn (Score:4, Funny)
Now how am I supposed to cut my 10 pound wheels into Valentines decorations?
Re:Well darn (Score:3, Funny)
with a titanium knife! [alltvstuff.com] of course...
Re:Well darn (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Well darn (Score:4, Funny)
We had to get here eventually... (Score:5, Funny)
It was a feta-compli.
Aww. (Score:3, Funny)
A Raclette Laser (Score:4, Funny)
Hehe!
"It smelled really bad," he said.
Don't tell that a Swiss!
Re:A Raclette Laser (Score:3, Funny)
C.f. "The Laser Cheese Raclette", Annals of Improbable Research 1(3) May/June 1995. Essentially, researchers used a steerable laser to melt the surface of a block of cheese to a precise, uniform depth. The result was reported to be tasty.
Re:A Raclette Laser (Score:2)
IIRC, the Chinese aren't generally keen on dairy products... poor Mr Li picked the wrong state to move to. That would explain why the smell of fried cheese was not a pleasant one for him. Personally, I love fondue.
Re:A Raclette Laser (Score:2, Insightful)
Nitrogen, probably.
Re:A Raclette Laser (Score:4, Informative)
More likely, the bad smell is a combination of burnt proteins (ever had a bug die on top of a torchiere-style lamp?) and sulphur compounds.
Who Cut the Cheese... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Who Cut the Cheese... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Who Cut the Cheese... (Score:5, Funny)
I like mine better. (Score:2, Funny)
Sincerely,
Seth Finklestein
Acclaimed Humourist
Bets (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Bets (Score:2)
I dont know about that.. Remember it only cuts through soft cheese and probably has a very short range. It might cut u but u'd probably flinch and move before it hit the bone, which I doubt it could penetrate.
Still, this is a really amazing story. We're all going to look back on this 20 years from now when the military/street gangs are using laser weapons and gauss guns.
The first consumer laser.. it can only cut 10 millimete
Re:Bets (Score:4, Insightful)
Two things:
First, why not open up one of your CD-ROM, DVD, Gamecube, other optical drive and see what's in there? Or look at the many laser pointers and derivative products on the market? Way too late for "first consumer laser".
Second, who said this is consumer? Only the Slashdot summary, as far as I can tell. It sounded to me like pure industry use only, because it's slow, so slow it's not even useful to the industry in the present form. So it's not even a "consumer laser".
Well, at least you got "laser" right...
Yep, it's not gonna be a consumer item ;P (Score:2)
I can't really see this making into the consumer realm. at 10 watts / 20 hz it can only cut Anyways, seriously, I was just having fun with the implications of a cheese cutting "lazer"
Re:Bets (Score:4, Funny)
Sorry, CD-ROM drives use standard lasers; sharks are only rated for friggen' laser beams, which are only available to evil geniuses and their progeny.
Re:Bets (Score:3, Funny)
There'll be a warning sticker on it:
Do Not Look Into Laser With Remaining Eye.
Yeah that's great..... (Score:5, Funny)
Interesting Idea (Score:5, Interesting)
Not going to happen in the us at least.
The legal ramifications and potential misuse will make it unlikely (as cool as it would be)
to ever to be offered to consumers.
Re:Interesting Idea (Score:5, Interesting)
Not going to happen in the us at least.
The legal ramifications and potential misuse will make it unlikely (as cool as it would be)"
I can easily acquire a tec-9 semi automatic machine gun [tripod.com] and bullets for it can be bought from Wal-mart, but somehow you think a laser that cuts through cheese will be banned from consumers?
And isnt that "someone-might-do-something-bad-with-it" argument the same one we frown upon which the RIAA/MPAA uses to outlaw threatening hardware?
Get real.
Re:Interesting Idea (Score:5, Insightful)
You're obviously not accustomed to the arbitrary, uninformed outrage expressed by the typical U.S. muttonhead... er... citizen.
We've got people screaming bloody murder about "frankenfood" who learned everything they know about genetics from "The Hulk" and "Spiderman". They SHOULD be screaming for studies, they ARE screaming for a ban.
I'd be surprised if someone DOESN'T try to outlaw this or classify it as a military weapon or something similarly idiotic. "Somebody think of the children!" they'll scream as kids keep shining laser pointers in each others' eyes as a "joke".
Re:Interesting Idea (Score:2)
To which I'll reply "Mmm, delicious!" while I smack my lips.
Re:Interesting Idea (Score:3, Funny)
One or two law suits is all it will take.
Re:Interesting Idea (Score:3, Interesting)
1. unwrap toothpick
2. insert between teeth
3. dislodge food --actual toothpick instructions from the local chineese resturant
"any civilisation that had so far lost it's head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a packet of toothpicks, was no longer a civilisati
Re:Interesting Idea (Score:3, Funny)
Hey, man, this is America. A laser cheese slicer is my inalienable God-given right that He provided in the Denclaration of Independance. Pursuit of happiness. It's self-evident.
... but this is new and different (Score:2)
Re:Interesting Idea (Score:3, Informative)
While it is possible to convert a Tec-9 to be fully automatic, it would need to be done by a skilled gunsmith to be anywhere near reliable. However, it would be a horrible choice, because the gun would overheat and jam a lot. There are much bette
Re:Interesting Idea (Score:4, Informative)
You've got no clue, have you?
First: Tec-9's are semi-only. Semi-Automatic means you have to pull the trigger each time you want a bullet to come out the front. With a machine gun, you hold the trigger down, and bullets come out indefinitely unless: a) you run out of ammo, or b) you melt the barrel, or otherwise cause a mechanical failure. It's a boolean thing. A gun cannot be semi-automatic and a machine gun at the same time. Is this logical to you?
Perhaps you can rework the internals of a Tec-9 so it will fire full-auto... But I wouldn't know why anyone would want one anyway. They're pieces of shit. Last damn thing I'd take to a firefight. I'd rather have a slingshot. The old-school kind.
Thirdly, the term "machine gun" applies to military guns that use rifle cartriges, and are heavy enough to maintain fire for extended periods. They're usually crew-served, and are semi-stationary.
Light machineguns are portable, but still weigh a ton. Such as the M249 SAW (Squad Automatic Weapon).
Assault rifles CAN be automatic, but not necessairly (M16, M4, Kalashnikovs, for example) This is the common armanent for infantrymen.
Submachine guns are highly portable, and are intended for close range combat, and are fully automatic, and usually use pistol cartriges. Thompsons, MP5, UMP, etc for example. SWAT police use these more than anyone.
Machine pistols are fully automatic guns using pistol cartriges. This is what a Tec would be, if it were fully auto (which none that are for sale are). Other examples: Uzi, MP40 (which was usually seen with a buttstock, making it an auto-carbine). NOBODY uses these, except in movies. Not even the terrorists. These are intended as a defense weapon that can fit into a plane or tank easily.
Full auto guns are quite difficult to come by in the US. To legally own one, you and the gun must be liscensed, and taxed. Most gang-bangers have never laid hands on a full auto. Guranteed.
Know what you are talking about before you spout off your ignorant mouth.
Hey, I'm for anything that saves washing dishes! (Score:2, Funny)
Now if they'll just invent a laser-powered washing machine we'll be making some real progress.
Much better than Stainless wires (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Much better than Stainless wires (Score:5, Informative)
With the right software, a nice 3d surface engraving would look outstanding.
Re:Much better than Stainless wires (Score:2)
Re:Much better than Stainless wires (Score:4, Informative)
Re:Much better than Stainless wires (Score:3, Informative)
The rate is pathethic at that -- they cut with a speed of up to 10mm/second in soft cheese up to 10mm thick. A lethargic mouse with a knife would do better.
Or maybe... (Score:3, Insightful)
If I'm not mistaken, these are the same sort of lasers used in tatoo removal and/or laser eye surgery. Both procedures are crazy expensive, and a large part of that cost seems to be due to the laser.
Ultraviolet lasers and cheese (Score:3, Funny)
and now I know it's because someone was using the wrong frequency of laser. If I use ultraviolet lasers, my farts won't smell.
Thanks for the informative article.
(...or have I missed something completely?)
TDz.
Cold Laser (Score:3, Funny)
Now all we need is a corkscrew that doesn't leave floaty bits in the wine and we're all set.
Re:Cold Laser (Score:4, Interesting)
What you're looking for is a 'twistup corkscrew,' or the 'ah-so cork puller.' See here [epinions.com] for a good picture. It doesn't damage the cork at all, and it's a very good idea for wines with older corks. It takes a bit of practice to do right, but I only screwed up one cork (pushed it in rather than pulling it out) before getting it. The other advantages include the fact it's one of the smallest corkscrews (if we redefine corkscrew to be "things you can open wine with") you could carry and the fact it's cheap. They sell for $3-$4 around here, and everything here (SF Bay) is expensive.
Re:Cold Laser (Score:2)
I have one of these, and while it's quite excellent for traditional corks, you really do need a screwpull, as well. (At least, if you plan on ever spending less than $30 on a bottle of wine.) The "twistup" puller (mine was referred to as a "butler's helper" doesn't work at all on plastic corks, and doesn't work well at all on some kinds of cork corks. Fortunately, these types of corks are generall
Re:Cold Laser (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Cold Laser (Score:2)
Re:Cold Laser (Score:2)
Sounds like an idea for a great movie...
"The night the Swiss attacked! They came from their little long roofed houses by the thousands to overwhelm Europe with their iron fists and clockwork percision!"
Re:Cold Laser (Score:2, Informative)
Also, don't put the screw all the way through the cork.
A bottle of wine should be stored on its side in a dark, cool space. As a rule white wines should be drunk within two years of their date, roses a tad longer and reds, depending on what type of red, for several years if not decades.
Re:Cold Laser (Score:2)
However, there are people (like my wife) who cannot even master that task, which is why they make the rabbit-type screws; put them on the bottle and in three handle motions you have an open bottle of wine and the cork. Even an untrained monkey could do it.
oh, this is just cruel... (Score:2, Funny)
Must have...must have...must have...must have...
Did anyone else read ..... (Score:5, Funny)
I think it was Xiaochun Li and Cheese slicing laser
Re:Did anyone else read ..... (Score:2)
Would certainly help against spam <duck!>
My favorite quote from the ABCNEWS article... (Score:2, Funny)
Somewhere, a George Carlin sketch is referenced... (Score:5, Funny)
Well, now we can add cheese cutting lasers to that list.
This is really cool. (Score:3, Interesting)
Invented by Dr. Evil? (Score:5, Funny)
I have created this giant "laser" to threaten the "Earth" with "snacks."
Re:Invented by Dr. Evil? (Score:2)
*evil fanfare*
Mwahahaha, mwahahaha, mwahahaha, mwaha, mwa,... whooo....
Gold-fingahhhh (Score:5, Insightful)
Safety? (Score:5, Interesting)
By breaking molecular bonds in the cheese, wouldn't that alter the chemistry of the cheese where it had been cut? Could this inadvertently produce carcinogenic compounds (like when you burn meat)?
Depends on what bonds they're breaking (Score:5, Informative)
It sounds like it might, although the article didn't really give enough information to tell. In a nutshell, when you cleave cheese apart with a mechanical cheese cutter like a knife or a wire, the only thing you "break apart" (using the term loosely) is Van der Waals forces, and those do not hold the atomic components within molecules together (as covalent or ionic bonds do) so the action does not generally result in chemical change. Long-chain polymers will get broken too, but they typically have the same chemistry whatever their molecular length.
If the laser is truly breaking the bonds of non-polymeric organic molecules then this doesn't sound too healthy chemically, but that is not the only way that a laser might cut without burning. It is possible to imagine rapid vaporization of water or of other volatiles in the material causing sudden expansion which would cleave sections apart through vapor pressure, in a manner very similar to mechanical cutting, and hence safely.
We'll have to wait for further information on what is really going on before we know whether there are any concerns about chemical side effects.
Warning! (Score:5, Funny)
fast food industry (Score:3, Insightful)
Nice. And people wonder why US obesity rates are so high?
Re:fast food industry (Score:2)
Re:fast food industry (Score:4, Funny)
ho hum... (Score:2, Informative)
make it slice chunks from a 20 lb wheel of baby swiss, and i'll be happy. 10mm thick cheese is not that impressive.
pah!! - invent something useful (Score:2, Interesting)
I mean for fuck sakes geeks! How many Bond movies do you need to watch to get a hint that there is a market demand? I've totally lost count of the times the DEA MI5 or FSB have had me manacled to a post kicking the fuck out of me and I'm thinking like "shit ... if only I could use my Rolex to slice off these handcuffs I beat you round this cell motherfu
Innovation, Shminnovation (Score:3, Insightful)
Saying that it makes a great gift made it sound like something already in production, or at least imminently so.
If it can't yet slice through a block of cheese, then it's hardly a cheese slicer, is it?
Granted, I suppose there's something to be said for having slices of cheese cut into neat shapes. Oh, wait, my bad. There really isn't. As far as I'm concerned, shaped cheese is just one luxury that kids today will have to do without. When I was young, I got a normal square piece of cheese put in my sandwich, and that was if I was lucky!
Re:Innovation, Shminnovation (Score:2)
If it can't yet slice through a block of cheese, then it's hardly a cheese slicer, is it?
I don't think "Cheese Mangler" has the same appeal.
Why only cheese? (Score:5, Insightful)
Seems to me the higher energy costs in these factories would be offest by the gain in work hours that would have before been used for cleaning, disinfecting, sharpening, replacing etc of the blades.
well... (Score:3, Funny)
So if this happens, we might see "a fine assortment of ginsu kitchen lasers (as seen on TV)."
Re:Why only cheese? (Score:2)
A water jet cutter works better (certainly faster) for any products that can stand contact with water. Bread may not be a good candidate, but meat and sticky candy bars are. See the website of a water jet manufacturer [flowcorp.com] for more information.
Selective Fat Reduction for Steaks (Score:2, Interesting)
Re:Why only cheese? (Score:3, Funny)
All the evidence suggests that U.S. meat and poultry processing plants already save money by not cleaning or disinfecting, so this is just added unnecessary cost! Why, it sounds like you're trying to take away grisly, unpleasant, underpaid, underinsured jobs from hard working underemployed Americans and illega
cheese laser == wrong tool (Score:4, Interesting)
Re:cheese laser == wrong tool (Score:2)
Re:cheese laser == wrong tool (Score:5, Interesting)
Lots of food processing uses (Score:2, Insightful)
Michael Jackson (Score:2)
Oh wait, that's just some ad.
And I *GO* to the University of Wisc at Madison.. (Score:2)
I want a cheese sculpture (Score:2)
French Fries (Score:4, Interesting)
-Benjamin Meyer
Re:French Fries (Score:5, Informative)
On the other hand the footage of a potato-and-water jet going in one side of cutting die and french fries coming out the other side is pretty cool.
Hey, Darth ! (Score:2, Funny)
Cutting patterns in cheese, not slicing it (Score:5, Informative)
Smell? (Score:2)
And you're surprised because?
Good Eats! (Score:2)
Will W's store have them in stock?
Another invention (Score:2, Interesting)
Image of the ostehovel [srm.net]. It's a norwegian invention too.
Seriously, we use it almost every day to put cheese on our bread.
It's about time... (Score:2)
You ever try to clean 3 day old cheddar off a knife blade? I bet this was the driving force behind the invention of the phaser on Star Trek. In such an enlightend society as that you'd never see Picard hacking off a hunk of brie with a hatchet. Riker maybe...but never Picard.
Contrary to the article ... (Score:2)
Actually according to
http://www.cheesesupply.com/product_info.php/pr
it is.
It's the coolest thing since sliced bread! (Score:2)
Re:I Think I Can Sum It Up Like This (Score:4, Funny)
This is why California will never overtake Wisconsin for cheese production. We take our cheese seriously! Sure, California may be producing more milk thanks to their farming factories, but their cheese is weak. Take their pepperjack for instance. In Wisconsin, that stuff has bite. In California, it tastes like those stupid shredded cheeses. Weak man, weak.
Oh, and don't believe all those commercials you see about how cows are happier in Sunny California and are so glad to get away from frigid Wisconsin. Those cows are roasting inside their factory farms [themeatrix.com] where they have to stand on cement all day. At least in Wisconsin, we keep our cows in pastures.
Re:I Think I Can Sum It Up Like This (Score:2)
They currently produce more milk than any other state in the U.S. (Wisconsin included). What's interesting is that if you go a little farther north to Canada, they actually cap how much milk a farmer can produce. If he produces too much, he has to throw it away. Anyone caught selling milk beyond their cap could face serious fines. As a result, Canadians focus on breeding pretty looking cows instead of heavy milk producers. That's why (if you have a trained
Re:Aww, dude, who cut the cheese? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:That can me more harmful than regular lasers (Score:2, Informative)
Re:That can me more harmful than regular lasers (Score:4, Informative)
I've done experiments with 266 nm laser beams. Ultraviolet light makes nearly every organic molecule fluoresce. It is usually quite easy to see the spot where the laser beam (even if it is just a few milliwatts) hits a surface.
Re:That can me more harmful than regular lasers (Score:2)
That, and the ever-deepening hole in your arm should really tip you off quick!
Re:and that folks is why (Score:2)
Re:As a student at UW-Madison... (Score:2, Insightful)
From memory, the purpose of technology is to make things easier for us. This technology will help the cheese/dairy industries and lead to some nice economic stimulation. Although a cheese laser may sound kind of stupid, it's a perfectly legitimate techology.
Re:hmmm... (Score:2)
Re:Inevitable use of this technology... (Score:2)
Yeah, cause current hand held weaponry only blasts apart your flesh and guts! This laser would just be taking things too far IMHO
Re:Smut and Eggs (Score:3, Informative)
But your implication that Madison is lacking in culture is just dead wrong. This is the city that built a $67 million convention center [mononaterrace.com] that was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. This is the city that is building a $100 million Arts District [overturefoundation.com].
And considering Madison is approximately 100 miles to the outskirts of Chicago, your distance is either very precisely chosen, or very arbitrarily.