Iceman Otzi was a Fighter 245
Theatetus writes "Yahoo! News is running a story from USA Today that Otzi the iceman's murder is more complicated than we thought. It seems Otzi had blood on his clothes and knife from four different people in patterns that suggested he took out two with his bow and carried a wounded or dead person over his shoulder. I sense an action movie in the making..." If you don't remember Otzi, read the original story.
Obligatory Phil Hartman quote... (Score:4, Funny)
Because I'm just a cave man!
Ah, Phil, we barely knew ye...
Time to troll... (Score:2)
It was very exciting when the blood samples came back positive for human DNA from four separate individuals
Bet they don't know about the Chimera Twins/Quadruplets [slashdot.org]
Re:Obligatory Phil Hartman quote... (Score:5, Funny)
But he wasn't gay... (Score:5, Informative)
Re:But he wasn't gay... (Score:5, Funny)
"'but Otzi is the first known homosexual man that enjoyed being [made a receptacle of lust].... Otzi was the passive partner--of this there is absolutely no doubt.... The sperm was carbon dated.'"
Y'know, at first, I thought: Why would they bother? He's been dead for like 60,000 years; why bother carbon-dating it? Can't we be sure that it's just about as old as ol' Otzi here? Even necrophiliacs wouldn't stoop that low.
Then I thought: Wait a minute, I'm questioning the bottom-line standards of necrophiliacs.
Then I stopped thinking about the issue altogether because I didn't like where it was heading. Ick.
- David Stein
Re:But he wasn't gay... (Score:4, Funny)
Are you kidding? Could you imagine the bragging rights, from fucking 5,000 year old cave-man?
Re:But he wasn't gay... (Score:2)
Primitive eating habits.. (Score:2, Funny)
I can just imagine the ancient food advertisement: "Got Crotch?"
Re:Primitive eating habits.. (Score:2)
Oh man! (Score:5, Funny)
Alright, who's with me to bid on the movie rights?
Re:Oh man! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Oh man! (Score:3, Interesting)
Stephen Speilberg [imdb.com] disagrees with your assessment of Vin Diesel's acting ability--or at least I'd have to assume so, since the role of Caparzo in Saving Private Ryan was written especially for him...
Vin Deisel predates Otzi... (Score:2)
Nah, Vin Deisel is better suited as a neanderthal.
Re:Oh man! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Oh man! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Oh man! (Score:5, Funny)
Wow... (Score:2)
Re:Oh man! (Score:2)
Simple answer for why he was killed. (Score:4, Funny)
kernel panic (Score:5, Funny)
Hmmm (Score:5, Funny)
In the all-Irish universe where O'Dyson builds O'SKYNET and unwittingly unleashes the O'Terminators?
"I'll be back, ye swags!"
Re:Simple answer for why he was killed. (Score:4, Informative)
Re:Simple answer for why he was killed. (Score:2)
Then the leprechaun dances and sings a little ditty of vengeance:
So... (Score:3, Funny)
Otzi was a fighter... (Score:5, Funny)
Since this murder case is still open, I suggest we get together and frame Darl McPrisonBride for it.
Re:SCO was a fighter... (Score:2, Funny)
he was killed.... (Score:3, Funny)
bronze age riaa
"And they were killed in the manner best befitting virgins" ---- "He's dead Jim"
he speaks to us from the grave.. (Score:5, Interesting)
btw.. i think it's great that they used the pollen (which various form found are only released in Autumn) to figure out what things were like when he died. Harsh, autumn is in the alps.. he was fighting many men for days at a time in dead brutal conditions.. RAD.. go otzi
p
Re:he speaks to us from the grave.. (Score:3, Funny)
He did go. Just not very far.
Re:he speaks to us from the grave.. (Score:4, Informative)
Re:he speaks to us from the grave.. (Score:2)
Nah, that was thousands of years ago. Life in the alps today is pretty safe. It's just retarded, boring, and just not worth it.
(I just have to figure out how to make that a flamebait against all the non-alps rest of bavaria too, especially Nuremberg, just so one can diss SuSE. On the other hand, outside of bavaria, mentioning that SuSE is bavarian should be sufficient. Apologies to all austrian, swiss, italian and french in
alternative explanation (Score:2, Funny)
or, to tie in to a previous story, perhaps Otzi is a chimera?
Wow it's like a real MMORPG! (Score:5, Funny)
DNA (Score:2, Insightful)
But at least that's better than going off looking for a Yeti! [yahoo.com]
Re:DNA (Score:4, Interesting)
The article also shows the advancement in forensic analysis. What do they mean they missed a DEEP GASH on his hand? C'mon, guys. Eyeglasses were invented in Italy. Use them.
Re:DNA (Score:3, Insightful)
It's not always easy to tell what is antemortem and what is postmortem damage, not to mention the damage done in the recovery process.
incorrect count (Score:5, Informative)
Not Necessarily a Nice Neanderthal (Score:5, Funny)
"Otzi" is a nice cute name. Maybe if they'd named him something like "Shiv" or "Kane" people's imaginations wouldn't bestow such benevolent traits upon him automatically.
Maybe he was a cannibal, who was carrying someone he killed back to his lair to consume, when he was attacked by the brothers of his victim, who were intent upon ending his rein of terror over the local populace.
Or maybe I'm a cynic. Heh.
Re:Not Necessarily a Nice Neanderthal (Score:2)
Otzi got this name because the Hauslabjoch, where he was found, is part of the Otz-Valley alps.
In fact, Otzi is so popular, even a DJ took his name [dj-oetzi.com], and got quite successful (I won't comment on the quality of the music, though).
Blood on the back (Score:3, Insightful)
While we're at it, for instance, let's speculate that Otzi simply found "his" cape after it had been lost by one of se
Re:incorrect count (Score:3, Interesting)
4 types of DNA from a European area that old is quite a find however. I'm interested to see how they are all related to each other and to us today. I'm also interested to see whether they can be used to re-run the tests for Neanderthal DNA.
Re:incorrect count (Score:2)
The speculations just keep getting wilder... (Score:3, Funny)
Next they'll tell us he was actually from the year 1865 sent back in time 5000 years to protect a hot, but dumpy looking cave-chick from the Steam powered Terminator sent from the same future to kill her before she fathered the distant ancestor of Rudolf Diesel [invent.org]...
The Rock will portray Otzi in the movie...
Re:The speculations just keep getting wilder... (Score:5, Interesting)
He was found clutching his knife, with indications from cuts on his hands that he was in a knife fight. With bruises to his torso that indicate he may have been beaten.
Seems to me the evidence does seem to point to the scenario: he was shot, pulled the shaft from his body, and was in a running fight that ended with a nasty close-up knife fight, which resulted in his demise.
Derek
Re:The speculations just keep getting wilder... (Score:5, Insightful)
The first conclusion was that he was walking the alps in Autmn. A sudden storm blew up and he died of Hypothermia.
The guys that proposed this theory and missed the huge (well not huge but not tiny) arrowhead stuck in his shoulder.
Then somebody grabbed samples of 5000 old turd from his anus and discovered spring pollen. So the next theory I believe was that he got into a fight, someone/s beat the shit out of him breaking his ribs and he fled into the mountains, collapsed and died of shock.
Then lo and behold somebody spotted the arrowhead. So then we get the shot in the back theaory and the rib deformation was determined to be post mortem, caused by the pressure of the ice he was frozen in.
Now because they've found bruises on his rib area , the entire Ice pressure hypothesis goes out the window and we're back to the beating, but with a twist. Blood samples on his shoulder spontaneously exagerates into a wounded wisecracking side kick. Other blood samples become ninja assassins and Otzi is now a Lowly Sheep-Hearder turned Vigilante Out for Justice(TM).
Have these guys ever heard of Ockham's Razor? I'm no foresic scientist, but this does not seem like the simplest explanation too me.
In fact this smacks of sensationlism aimed at Joe & Jane Sixpack, so these guys can grab more funding.
I work in research and if I cooked up a wild story everytime I think I've discovered the 21st Century's version of DNA, my boss would have my head.
Re:The speculations just keep getting wilder... (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:The speculations just keep getting wilder... (Score:2, Insightful)
I'm not claiming the theory is false or true for that matter. I'm questioning the need to sensationlize it like this, instead of just presenting the facts.
Why can't they have stated the above discoveries like you did? Instead they come up with wild theories of a Showdown in the Alps. It just makes them look stupid whenever a new disovery is made that disproves it. While its hard to argue that he hadn't been shot with an arrowhead staring you in the face, its
Can't resist (Score:2)
Re:The speculations just keep getting wilder... (Score:2)
Derek
criminal (Score:2, Interesting)
Hot cave man sex (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Hot cave man sex (Score:2)
Ninjas flip out [realultimatepower.net], thank you so very much.
Sheesh, freaking out... where'd you read that? Ching Chong's guide to ninjas and codes and stuff?
Re:Hot cave man sex (Score:2)
Read the book "Iceman" if... (Score:5, Interesting)
It's a bit boring and slow at times, but overall pretty interesting. The most memorable piece of the book describes hikers and local police/government types hacking at the ice and mud that Otzi was frozen in, irreparably damaging the corpse...breaking the bow (& arrows) in half by snapping it off in the ice when trying to pry it out of the frozen muck. The initial discover of Otzi was nothing less than a tragedy for science.
The book also discusses in detail all the political BS that went along with the discovery...whether he was found in Italy or Austria and who really "owned" Otzi. One big mess, really...
Re:Read the book "Iceman" if... (Score:2, Interesting)
I'm surprised . . . (Score:3, Funny)
Also, note that his name wasn't Otzi, and that the introduction of the knife aspect causes us to re-examine previously ruled out suspects.
So, (Score:5, Funny)
Maybe he should run for Governor of California.
* rimshot
Reject Austrian immigrants (Score:2)
You gave away the ending already... (Score:5, Funny)
Conclusion: He failed his last saving throw.
Re:You gave away the ending already... (Score:2)
What if he did not miss? He is shot in the back, so is his friend. He turns around retrievs(sp?) his "full speed" arrow and fires it at his assailants and kills 'em. He retrievs his arrow, tries to take his wounded friend home, but dies of the wounds (
Re:Otzi's AC... (Score:2)
Don't worry Otzi... just stay dead and I am sure my cousin will loan me his high level cleric to resurect you so you don't lose too much XP etc...
How many HP? (Score:5, Funny)
4?
5?
Gashes, arrow wounds, wow, he definitely had more than 10hp!
Nice Fortitude saves, too
The TV Guide Sense (Score:2)
From the end of the article: A one-hour documentary about the new findings, Iceman: Hunt for a Killer, airs at 9 p.m. Aug. 24 on the Discovery Channel. Can you tell me if you sense the last season of Farscape coming on?
No wonder everything is so boring lately (Score:2, Funny)
Re:No wonder everything is so boring lately (Score:2)
Re:No wonder everything is so boring lately (Score:5, Interesting)
How many people have you met that leave you shaking your head as you walk away? They're whiny, stuck-up, self-centered, or complete assholes. It's because we aren't allowed to beat the hell out of people who fully deserve it. In a more "natural" sort of human society, being a jerk is a crime, and can get you a severe ass kicking.
Let's get rid of these silly laws and get back to the good ol' days!
(Note for the humor impaired: this post is meant only half-seriously. It is in no way an attack on the parent post, nor is it meant as a real suggestion that we return to a state of complete lawlessness. I think the parent post [and mine] have a real point to make, though. A fundamental part of our human brain evolved to handle an environment that we almost never exposed to now, and a 9-5 job is no match for beating sabre-tooth tigers with clubs. *grin*)
Re:No wonder everything is so boring lately (Score:2)
Though you were making a point, and weren't seriously advocating total anarchy, it's notable that there are plenty of folks who do want to go back to the "good ol days". Here are the lyrics to a current country hit by Toby Keith [ev1.net] and Willie Nelson:
And also (Score:2)
Re:And also (Score:2)
So my friend takes a thin piece of cardboard and lines it with thumbtacks, wraps it around his upper arm and hides it under his sleeve. As he's sitting at his desk, the instigator walks by and my friend snidel
Rock! (Score:5, Funny)
Next season on NBC:
Law and Order: Special Caveman Unit
Re:Rock! (Score:2)
Next season on NBC:
Law and Order: Special Caveman Unit
Copied on CBS as:
CSI: Bronze Age (starring Denis Leary and Sandra Bullock)
Hurry hurry... (Score:3, Funny)
Presumably because the statute of limitations for murdering a neanderthal is 5,301 years.
A Fighter? (Score:5, Funny)
Calling all ambulance chasers (Score:2)
Why do we assume he was a hero? (Score:5, Interesting)
It's interesting how people automatically assume he was some explorer, a hero of his time.
Dig
Congratulations, Dig, you just rediscovered ... (Score:3, Interesting)
we see what we want to. And what we want are heroes, not villians. Given an unknown, we want that unknown to be Vin Diesel fighting the good fight, not Ted Bundy making of with a co-ed.
Re:Why do we assume he was a hero? (Score:4, Interesting)
He was 46 and probably a grandfather, and he had blood on his cloak trying to carry his wounded friend. So he must be a good guy
He fought and killed two of his assailants - so he is brave
Or he killed his chieftain,stole his axe, raped his daughter and was trying to kidnap her and hid in a ravine and sneakily and using "terrorist" tactics killed two of the chieftains sons
Unlikely, but possible. But then again it should be a perfectly valid thing to do, Just read hamlet.
Why not? (Score:2)
...and had an interesting end.
I think I'll actually RTFA this time.
I saw that documentary (Score:3, Funny)
Re:I saw that documentary (Score:2)
-Jellisky
O.J. Now looking for the real killers. (Score:5, Funny)
Discovery Science (Score:2)
not too important, but his name is not Otzi (Score:3, Informative)
In fact its "Oetzi", or with the correct Umlaut its "Otzi" (an O with two dots on top)
The name comes from the area "Oetztal" where he was found.
Too bad he didnt carry his ID, maybe his real name is Larry or so.
Uh oh: Hollywood. (Score:2)
After frollicing in the beautiful mountain landscape, Cavewoman is captured by an evil Ca
Otzi! What is good in life?!?!? (Score:2)
Re:Otzi! What is good in life?!?!? (Score:2)
"Man's greatest good fortune is to chase and defeat his enemy, seize his total possessions, leave his married women weeping and wailing, ride his gelding, and use the bodies of his women." -- Genghis Khan
It's a Original Trek Episode (Score:2)
Music:http://www.geocities.com/televisioncity/s
Statute of Limitations (Score:2)
All my ancestors since then have been in the lowest socio-economic bracket. I demand compensation from all living descendants of Otzi.
Next thing ya know... (Score:5, Funny)
Current weather (Score:2)
Years... (Score:2)
If there's already a way to find the year, could someone please
it's a close one... (Score:2)
The murder theory has a mystery to it. (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:Action movie? (Score:2)
Re:Action movie? (Score:5, Informative)
p
Re:Action movie? (Score:2)
Cool, SCO finally offtopic on /. (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Cool, SCO finally offtopic on /. (Score:2)
Re:Cool, SCO finally offtopic on /. (Score:2)
Re:Been there, done that.. (Score:2)
This week, it's on U-62!
BE THERE!