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Computers, Aliens and Operating Systems? 135

Posted by michael from the internationalization dept.
bhamon writes "Here's something from the you-have-too-much-time-on-your-hands dept. I've been watching the sci-fi show Earth: Final Conflict, it's about aliens that land on earth to bring peace but really want to enslave us ... blah, blah, blah. There's has been much integration between human and alien systems, bringing new technology. What I've been wondering is which current hardware would most be best to integrate with unknown alien technology? Which operating system would be most easily adaptable to be made compatible with alien systems? Would we still include legacy support for DOS applications??"
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Computers, Aliens and Operating Systems More

Computers, Aliens and Operating Systems

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  • Win2K... (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward
    ...it has support for alien filesystems.

  • Re:You stupid fuck (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward
    Perhaps they read /.

    If they did, could be one reason why we haven't been contacted.
  • We all know that the universal network protocol is AppleTalk. AppleTalk is available on all MacOS and many UNIX operating systems. It seems like the only logical choice. And it worked in Independence Day. If it happened in a movie, it must be real.

    And the universal OS of choice is definitely MovieOS. You can do anything you want at any time without actually having to tell the computer what to do. Absolutely amazing.

    -Chris

  • Easy. (Score:3)

    by pb ( 1020 ) on Sunday April 01, 2001 @08:32AM (#322570)
    Just watch "Independence Day" again!

    It's all there, man. The appz. The aliens. All of it. Right in front of you, man...

    (And if you believe that, you probably thought this was a real slashdot story too!)
    ---
    pb Reply or e-mail; don't vaguely moderate [ncsu.edu].
  • I was pretty sure from the movies I have seen that they only use 1 application... MacroMedia director... So, OS was not the big issue?

  • Oh Duh! (Score:1)

    by G ( 2545 )
    It's always a Mac in the movies, get with the program : b

    (I'm sure this wasn't original, but just found out I slept an hour later than I thought I did, sure doesn't feel like it : b So I'm feeling kinda obnoxious.)

    G
  • Try clicking here [retrogames.com] for everything everyone knows about AYB.

  • your body (Score:3)

    by josepha48 ( 13953 ) on Sunday April 01, 2001 @09:26AM (#322574) Journal
    No really, resistance is futile, you will be assimalated. We are aliens.

    You know I am totally ammazed at how many movies show alien tech that works with ours. What was that movie with Will Smith and the attacking UFO's??? Yeah okay I'll just hack into their system and put them to sleep.

    This person has more time on their hands and is watching to much sci fi. Get out of your house dude and get a grip on reality! Get a dog or something! It's just TV. What makes you think that any life other than bacteria is out there? And if there is what makes you think that there tech would even be remotely like ours?

    Today's posts are the result of a server in Alaska that has take over Slashdot. Please be prepaired for a meltdown and DDOS at 4pm........ April fools!!!

    I don't want a lot, I just want it all!
    Flame away, I have a hose!

  • What I've been wondering is which current hardware would most be best to integrate with unknown alien technology? Which operating system would be most easily adaptable to be made compatible with alien systems?

    Am I the only one that saw Independence Day? MacOS is the clear winner here. All you need is a powerbook and you can wipe out an entire alien race.

    It's also worth noting that the aliens were running tcp/ip. Perhaps they read /.

    --Shoeboy

  • hmmm (Score:2)

    by GC ( 19160 )
    I assume this is another April fool...
  • WTF is upp with all these aliens? Shut up already if you cant find anything better to post.

    -henrik

  • Re:/. is going downhill (Score:3)

    by abelsson ( 21706 ) on Sunday April 01, 2001 @10:03AM (#322578) Homepage
    Guess the joke's on me.. slashdots idea of a funny aprils fools joke is to post inane stories all day. Oh well..

    -henrik

  • Screw computing (Score:4)

    by SpinyNorman ( 33776 ) on Sunday April 01, 2001 @08:54AM (#322579)
    Let the aliens use DOS. Whatever.

    What I want to know is if ESR's sex tips will help me get it on with a triple-breasted alien chick.
  • This is like the 4th Ask Slashdot in the last 24 hours...

  • If this is supposed to be some sort of April Fool's joke... well then it's freakin' lame.

  • And then all of their equipment would run so slowly that they'd be completely immobilized! Brilliant tactic, general!

  • To imagine how integrating a system of lesser technology with one of greater technology, look no further than the last couple centuries expansion of European (and now American) technology into the less technically sophisticated societies of the world.

    The aliens, at least some of them, will be jingoistic and look down upon the less technically endowed, some to the point of considering us useless. Others may be kindly and willing to trade. The world leaders will trade for advanced weapons that they will use to subjigate anyone that doesn't also get the advanced weapons (cf. Mongel Empire in India, unification of the Hawaiian islands after arrival of the British). Other trade goods will arrive. These will first be used to enhance the productivity of current economic pursuits, but then will disrupt and destroy those pursuits. For example water well drilling first makes the daily trip for water easier and then plumbing destroys the need. Eventually the society becomes dependant upon technology that the members of the society cannot understand. Even if they did understand the technology, they would not have the economic and technological structure to produce it.

    The only way we will be able to survive with our societies intact is to be the cheapest supplier of some valued raw material. Maybe being the sole source of soylent green will save us!
  • Damn, you beat me to it. Congrats.

    For Ed Wood fans, however, I'd point out that "Glen or Glenda" is probably worse.

    For anyone who's actually watched "Earth: Final Conflict": did they fire all the writers last season and replace them with crackheads? There was an episode this season (Zo'or wants all the gold) that was so bad I laughed out loud. Don't make me flame it in detail; don't.

    Boss of nothin. Big deal.
    Son, go get daddy's hard plastic eyes.

  • "why the hell did they use only two bytes to represent characters when they knew that we'd eventually make contact?"

    Actually the Unicode Consortium did consider extraterrestrial life, and included UTF-32 as a standard, even though only the first two bytes are ever used (by Earth people).

    "4,294,967,296 glyphs (minus a bunch of reserved ones) ought to be enough for any body."

  • The use of RED GREEN and BLUE is very human-specific. These colours are just spikes on the colour spectrum that would be meaningless to any life form that doesn't happen to have RGB cones in their retinas.

    I propose we start manufacturing monitors that emit exact light frequencies below, above and between the three emitted by CRTs today.

    I'd be terribly embarrassed to have Visitors and no monitor they could use.
  • If you lived in the real world, (Where MS software doesn't run on everything) you might actually realize that Linux runs on *gasp* Mac hardware! Ye gods, no! Can it be?

    -------
    CAIMLAS

  • Here's something from the you-have-too-much-time-on-your-hands dept.

    no, its from the internationalization dept. Shhh...

  • you know what... (Score:3)

    by DanThe1Man ( 46872 ) on Sunday April 01, 2001 @08:41AM (#322589)
    I think aliens would be gamers [alienware.com].
  • But you have to realize that, depending on how much more advanced the aliens are (and they would have to be at least a little more advanced than us in order to get here), they may have a different definition of "sentience" and thus might rank us as being roughly as sentient as cows, or any other creature that we ourselves consider to be lacking "sentience".
  • does that make keeping more than one core dump on hand being constipated?

    Sorry, but that's abotu what I think of this apil fools days rush of bs here at /.

    ...that, and I think these pills are doing something to me.

  • Advanced aliens would be smart enough (Score:3)

    by Korth ( 50341 ) on Sunday April 01, 2001 @09:37AM (#322592)
    Another race would be smart enough to learn and understand our languages. There is a lot of reference material on this planet to make things clearer, and if a baby can learn a language, so can a very-intelligent alien, with nearly unlimited information harvesting, processing power, and very advanced artificial intelligence.

    If our historians can manage to figure out ancient languages, then so can aliens figure ours. If we want to communicate with them, we should make our best efforts to teach them our language.

    If you would want to teach an alien anyway, you should probably want to try in multiple ways. The first thing you would have to teach the aliens is the basic vocabulary. A basic touchscreen with videos, each showing several nouns. It will speak out the word, and write it down on the monitor whenever it is touched on the screen. Afterwards you could do the same with verbs and adjectives (e.g. color).

    You don't want any device like a keyboard or a mouse, because you don't know what physical properties the alien will have. So a touchscreen is the best choice. The operating system would have to be idiot proof and solidly built (and I don't think blue screens would help the aliens to better understand what's going on).

    Numbers should be counted by sticks, e.g. 20 will be represented by 20 sticks. Not very useful for big numbers, but that's the simplest option. A small tutorial about basic maths with a video would also be useful.

    Another interesting way to communicate with the aliens would be some variant of the Logo language (one that wouldn't use a keyboard). Or maybe even some simplified paintbrush.

    And finally after some basic comprehension has been established, you might try to let the aliens surf the web with a basic browser(or perhaps some slightly filtered version of it - you don't know what will happen if they suddenly get a woody, they might become aggressive). Possible good homepages are Google, the Google Directory, and perhaps AltaVista's image search, and maybe a child education site. The pages would need to be cleaned and simplified. If the aliens manage to physically speak our languages, then maybe voice recognition would be helpful for the web interface.
  • what makes you think they would see the same bandwidth of light as us. What makes you think they would percieve the world even remotely the same as us? Perhaps to them light is not the thing to see by, perhaps they respond to gravitational vibrations and they can see straight through us. To them the connections in our brain that make us the engram for "chair" look exactly the same as a "real chair".

  • Jesus, Aliens *again*? (Score:3)

    by 1010011010 ( 53039 ) on Sunday April 01, 2001 @08:40AM (#322594) Homepage
    Has Slashdot been contacted by THEM or something? Suddenly we're worrying about whether THEY get civil rights, how to integrate with THEIR technology, "politics without geographic boundaries" (clearly a reference to the impending colinial government of earth), "Slashdot during wartime," and even "What PDA do you think the Alien Overlords will prefer?"

    WILL SOMEBODY CLUE ME IN, or at least get me a job with the Alien I.T. Department? My company just went bankrupt... or did it? MAYBE it's a plot by THEM to get me to turn against MY PLANET! BASTARDS!

    - - - - -
  • Look at the facts. From a programmer's perspective, Windows is a massive, bizarre and utterly incomprehensible operating system. It has been so carelessly hacked over it's (far too lengthy lifetime) that it has taken on a life of its own. It is no longer understood by its developers, or anyone else. In short, it's already alien.

    Plus an advanced alien civilization bent on world domination would probably have a lot of respect for a company like Microsoft. And would be unwilling to release it's technology without an equally advanced and world-dominating NDA.

  • my vote goes out for windows 9x. A few reasons:
    If said aliens are going to enslave the human race, shouldn't we make it as hard as possible? Of course showing them that buggy POS would probably make them think less of us (also assuming they aren't using quantum computers and whatnot) But if they're anything like we are anymore, they won't know what to do if their computers aren't working, so forcing them to adapt to windows would at least delay our enlavement.
  • Excuse me, URL is:

    http://plan9.bell-labs.com/plan9dist/ [bell-labs.com]

  • Has everybody missed it?? PLAN 9 From Outer Space, the worst movie ever!!

    PLAN 9 From Outer Space [bell-labs.com]

  • The only way we will be able to survive with our societies intact is to be the cheapest supplier of some valued raw material.


    What about comparitive advantage? After all, they may be the best at garbage collection, but not every Alpha Centarian has time to take out the garbage right? ;)

    -Michael
  • Arthor C Clark's (sp?) series on "Rama" talked about an alien species that used a color spectrum for communication. They obviously had a much greater spectral range than we. Other species used extremely high pitched communication (e.g. higher bandwidth).

    Other posters have talked about alterior methods of communication such as odor, or gravitational fluxuations, but I can't imagine the BW would be sufficient for an advanced race to be productive.

    I'm inclined to believe, however, that the highest BW you can achieve for communication requires a direct link between communicators (kind of like using copper or fiber). The simplest could be the twiddling of human-like digits or tenticles (unless you actually believe in telekinesis and or ESP), but could also involve electric discharge (since many terrestrian creatures are capable of doing this).

    -Michael
  • It was my SETI code segment that contained the original "All your base are belong to us."
  • What about character sets? I'm sure Unicode won't be able to handle all the alien characters. We'll probably need 32-bit characters.

    --

  • Dude, its obviously a Mac. (Score:5)

    by Tridus ( 79566 ) on Sunday April 01, 2001 @08:33AM (#322603) Homepage
    Haven't you ever seen Independance Day? When they fly up to the alien mothership, David's Apple Notebook is somehow able to negotiate a compatable protocol with the alien mainframe (maybe they run TCP/IP because they don't have enough lesbian porn on their planet?). Not only that, he also gets enough access to upload a virus.

    So its obvious, the way of the future is the Mac.

  • clearly a reference to the impending colinial government of earth

    dude - didn't you catch x-files tonight, they are on their way...

  • What if we had to communicate with some weird insect alien civilization that used millions of symbols in some weird pictographic languages? Communicating with them would exhaust UTF-8 unicode in 5 nanoseconds. Or perhaps we make contact with millions of alien civilations? Suppose each civilation had hundreds of regional alphabets like we have right now on earth? We'd have to create something like UTF-64 (at the very least) to keep up. I can see an analogy being drawn to the year 2000 problem, where future generations ask "why the hell did they use only two bytes to represent characters when they knew that we'd eventually make contact?" On the bright side, us 21st century coders who'll be considered dinosaurs well past our prime in 2360 might be thawed from cryogenic suspension to become highly-paid consultants dealing with legacy earth systems.
  • I mean seriously, what in the hell is WRONG with everyone? Slashdot during a war? Geek Sex Tips? Computers, Aliens, and frickin OPERATING SYSTEMS?
    This is really starting to piss me off. I mean, is this Slashdot.org or SeventeenMagazine.com?
    Sorry to rant, but this is downright disturbing, isnt there any GOOD news out there? Anything at all?

    ----------------------------------

  • Dude, where do you think we got TCP/IP from? The ship that crashed at Roswell duh.

  • Well, I figured since Slashdot was full of useless crap today, maybe Satire Wire [satirewire.com] would have actual news... nix on that also.

    Guess I'll just have to sit and wonder whether or not I chose the proper processor architecture for interfacing with aliens that don't exist.
  • I wrote a short story in which this was one of the concepts. I dealt with it in the simple fiction way of having the aliens do the actual connecting. :)

    And yes, the protagonist (a sentient computer) sent a virus to the alien computer; and yes, I wrote it before Independence Day came out; and no, my explanation wasn't as simple as, "gee, I'll use my powerbook to send a virus out!"

    -Legion

  • First of all, lemme say this is the stupidest ask slashdot ever, and thats quite a task.

    Second of all, I think its highly likely that alien technology wouldn't operate on the same principles our technology would thus making interfacing quite dificult and probably the data would be so foreign to make the whole thing maningless in the first place! Case in point: taelons have "biological" computers...

    I will note however, my EFC soundtrack came on an audio cd, so cds are clearly the best format for inter-species data exchange.

    Lastly, none of lifes higher questions can be answered by pondering a sci-fi show :) While I do watch EFC religiously, it has absolutley no content.

  • ...this question is almost as retarded as the "Do Aliens Have Civil Rights?" question from yesterday. I hope this is just an April Fools joke, especially since there are much more worthwhile topics in the Ask Slashdot section.
  • Its april fools day shitforbrains. Stop being such a whiney loser.
  • This is vaguely a spoiler.

    Maybe they want humans to integrate into their biotech?

    I just love the way the technology of the really old races is shown on B5. It really made me think.

    We've only been doing things this way for 50 years, some things 100 years, some things 150 years. Sure we've invested a lot in building on what we've got, and then building on top of that. But there are other fundamental ways of doing some things which we might just be on the verge of discovering this century. Consider where the state of electronics in, say, 1920. Might biotech/nanotech be about the same right now compared to the turn of the next century? How might we do things in 1000 years from now? 5000? 100,000?

    What would happen as we learn to exploit biotech and nanotech? We would eventually be able to live forever. At some point, you want your population to quit expanding. Eventually your technology is indistinguishable from magic. :-) [Crell?] Do you eventually learn enough that you become bored? [Q?] Do you no longer desire any contact with the younger races? [B5 First Ones?]

    Anyway, back to the question. If aliens are much more advanced, their technology might not even resemble ours. Heck, their lifeform might not even resemble ours. In fact, they might consider us as resources, or as having fewer rights. They might consider earth uninhabited by intelligent life, and ripe for development/colonization, as we might a jungle or rain forest. Just clear back some of the natural habitat and animals.

    The assumption of technology compatibility is assuming a lot. Can we recognize them as intelligent? Can they recognize us as (sufficiently) intelligent? Can we learn to communicate? Finally, if all of the above, then do we have products/services/culture of interest to the other? [Example: how B5 Centuari Prime first traded jumpgate technology in exchange for Earth's improved hair moose formulas.] If so, then the issue of technology integration might arise.
  • Today's headlines:
    • Computers, Aliens and Operating Systems?
    • Slashdot During War?
    • ESR's Sex Tips For Geeks
    • Seven League Boots
    • New Supercomputer By Star Bridge (duplicate article)

    What's happening over there? Did you have a budget cut and lay off the last people with brains, or what?

  • Probably the XBox, it does everything else (Score:4)

    by Nerds ( 126684 ) on Sunday April 01, 2001 @09:08AM (#322615) Homepage
    What I've been wondering is which current hardware would most be best to integrate with unknown alien technology?

    I don't know, but I hope that it would be sensible enough to electrocute anyone who tried to type the phrase 'would most be best'.

  • Comment removed (Score:4)

    by account_deleted ( 4530225 ) on Sunday April 01, 2001 @09:11AM (#322616)
    Comment removed based on user account deletion
  • Despite the obvious lack of thought processes involved in the creation of this question, I'll give an answer.

    Computers function based on what can be considered an entirely different language. Such is why we have boundaries between platforms. While it is possible to cross that boundary given certain programs, it is still difficult. Thus, assuming the hardware was compatible, chances are that the software wouldn't be.

    The hardware, though, probably wouldn't be either for one main reason: silicon processors aren't powerful enough to manage any of the rigors of long-distance flight aboard a spaceship. We're talking about either the maintenance of an advanced drive system requiring, perhaps billions of billions of billions of operations a nanosecond, or the maintenance of a large colony ship carrying a large gene pool to prevent inbreeding and possessing an entire encapsulated ecosystem. Either way, silicon isn't going to do shit. And once you kill sillicon, chances are that you aren't going to stay in a binary setup. Thus, the hardwares would be incompatible as well.

  • This is my take on it.

    I think Microsoft would form an partnership with the Aliens and trade technology with them. They would put out A/OS (Alien Operating System), then the partnership would brake up because Microsoft wanted to move in a different direction. The Aliens would continue to work on on A/OS and eventually put out A/OS 2. Microsoft would integrate the aliens technology into Windows and release Windows AT (Alien Technology) and proceed to market the Aliens into the ground. The Aliens would go bankrupt, Microsoft would buy the remains of the Company for 10 cents on the dollar.

    The Aliens would then move to Silicon Valley to start a new company. They put out software which revolutionizes Networking and the Internet, Microsoft embraces the new software by buying a license and first integrating it into Windows AT, then extending it capabilities with new Windows AT only features. Because 99.9999% of the world is using Windows AT, there is now no need for the Aliens software, they go bankrupt again, Microsoft buys them out for 5 cents on the dollar. The Aliens leave Earth in disgust.


    Jesus died for sombodies sins, but not mine.

  • Steve Ballmer: Windows! Windows! Windows! But they'd better have the proper licenses or I'll come after them with everything I've got!

    Linus Torvalds: Unless they submit small patches that I can properly analyze, none of the alien code is going to make it into the kernel.

    Alan Cox: The aliens can send the patches to me and I'll add them to the ac prepatch tree.

    Jean Louis-Gassé: We ported BeOS to the x86; with that experience under our belts I'm sure we can port it to an alien architecture in under three months.

  • Err... (Score:1)

    by tcc ( 140386 )
    What's with this alien stuff since a few days? has slashdot heard rumors about an invasion that I didn't hear of? :)

  • Will Slashdot begin posting only hypotetical questions like would space aliens have civil rights? [slashdot.org], what OS would best interface with space aliens? [slashdot.org], and what would /. be like during war? [slashdot.org]. Will articles become increasingly self-referential and hypothetical until the only articles posted are idle speculation about whether, if space aliens landed, the only articles /. would post would be about what aliens would think of idle speculation about future /. postings about aliens? This is a burning question, people!

    Add a little paranoism, read Your Rights Online: Star Wars Most Violent Movie Ever? [slashdot.org], about mass deaths by planet destructions, and run for your shelter.

  • Don't worry, they are back to bashing Microsort again. (See above post).
  • Make sure it runs OS X. We don't want that little application bomb icon to appear when we are trying to blow up Earth.

    I surely hope you meant "trying to blow up the alien ship"... or should I assume they (you?) are here already?

  • What about character sets? I'm sure Unicode won't be able to handle all the alien characters. We'll probably need 32-bit characters.
    We already have UTF-32 [unicode.org].
  • ...is that we'd start over with something completely new.
  • Have aliens infiltrated Slashdot..??
  • Microsoft released in a press conference last week that Windows XP and Office XP will be able to communicate with aliens without a problem. This feture will only be in the OuterSpace edition+. More information is at www.microsoft.com/windowsxp
  • "Which operating system would be most easily adaptable to be made compatible with alien systems?"

    This guy is obviously trying to get a flame war started. At least he didn't ask which linux distro would integrate best or what programming language would be the easiest to interface with the alien systems.

  • What a great post!

    Yes, the plot right there is absurd... but I'd love to see the Aqua UI spread all over the universe! Lots of people bitch -- but when you actually spend a week and 1 day with OS X (as I have so far, not including the Public Beta days), you realize how polished and smart the UI is.

    Long live the Mac, on whatever planet!
  • You're the perfect mix between stupid and funny. Have you ever USED OS X? It is NOTHING like BeOS. I was one of the first hundred people to use Be in the OLDDDD days, and again when it came to Mac. I'm using Mac OS X *right* now and it is nothing like BeOS.

    The interface is totally different (Be's, in fact, was more of a rip-off of Mac OS) - the file systems are different, the kernels are COMPLETELY different, the applications are developed totally differently, and I could go on forever.

    You're a funny guy, did you know that?
    And obviously pretty biased too. You were smart to post anonymously.
  • What I've been wondering is which current hardware would most be best to integrate with unknown alien technology?

    I'm not sure. Do our astronomers have any information what kind of hardware the Canadians might be using?

  • If the alien species in question happened to be the Borg, it wouldn't matter. It would be their problem, really. . . :-)


    ---
  • If you were an alien trying to take over the world wouldn't you want to distribute your own OS to the people of the earth. An expensive OS which allows the aliens to collect lots of money in their quest. An OS with good enough marketing to get their system installed on most computers all over the world. However they would want the OS to crash a lot. This would make us waste our time dealing with registries or what ever when we should be watching out for the up coming take over. It would have to be closed source so we wouldn't be able to tell that the OS was written in some alien computer language. It seems clear that Bill Gates is really an alien and windows already is alien technology!
  • Actually, George W Bush is the Child of space aliens, and didn't make the cut to stay in space. But he was just good enough to rule Earth for Them.

    Don't believe it? Remember that George Bush the senior used to be head of the CIA. Who knows what he did as part of those Black Budget programs. A perfectly programmed candidate.

    Really, this is a joke

    Really.

    Don't look at those men behind the curtain

    Please?

    Check out the Vinny the Vampire [eplugz.com] comic strip

  • Awe, poor baby. Didn't realize it was April 1st eh? :P~~
  • Why should they have computers based on electronics and digital logic?

    We choosed this way in the last 50 years, based on our knowledge of electricity. Why should they choose the same thing on an other solar system?They would probably choose something completly different, based on completly different knowledge.

    I think interface with an other kind of computer would be really difficult.

  • After reading through the posts here and finding that 90% of them were just repetitve slags of Slashdot stories, I have come to the conclusion that many of the posters out there either:

    A) Take life WAY too seriously, or,

    B) Find a great deal of pleasure in being able to attack, kill and destroy anybody or anything which slides under the percieved 'coolness' radar for even a microsecond. Sheesh. Did you get beat up a lot when you were kids, or what?

    Slashdot isn't your bread and butter. It's something you read for distraction. The Internet is just a big silly video game and any 'News' about it is equally non-life threatening. Life won't end if you can't play an MP3 or watch a stupid movie or chat with your mates in Australia via email.

    I for one enjoy pondering hypothetical questions, and I am willing to bet that practically every last person out there slagging this site has spent hundreds of hours in highschool hallways talking about exactly that kind of shit.

    Don't be such a bunch of tight-ass jerks. Life is fun!

    Anyway, interfacing alien with human technology is a moot point. If aliens want to install devices on this planet with human help, they'd simply get us to build the hardware ourselves based on physical concepts which, even if we hadn't come upon them yet ourselves, will remain standard no matter which part of the universe you hail from. We'd just build the stuff with appropriate interfaces for human useage. Read up on Montauk and the Philadelphia experiment to see an example of how it works.

    Also, oral language is easy enough to learn when you can communicate through psychic means to establish common bearings. No big deal.

    Remember: This isn't Star Trek. They're here to kill us. It's organized and it's smart and it's effective, and they've done it countless times before. And aliens are only a piece of the over-all scenario. There's a ton of frightful weirdness on the way, and it's all going to hit between 1 and 12 years from now. So do what you can to get your shit together, because all the rules are about to change. In the words of Henry Rollins; "Relax. Be Drinkable."

    Fantastic Lad --That arrogant fuck isn't serious, is he? Wow. Glad I'm not messed in the head like that!

  • Start learning x86 assembly language now, before the main fleet arrives!
  • ... you'd know that the only OS compatible with alien networks is Mac OS! I this film, we can see Jeff Goldblum easily uploading his virus into the mainframe, using Apple Talk! It's as easy as that!

  • hey! (Score:1)

    by Dest ( 207166 )
    April FOOLS! Right? Well? April fools!
  • Both bhamon and michael must have toked a huge bowl before posting this story. Please. Isn't their any real news? Like maybe something about Sasquach or the Chupacabra?
  • Guess the joke's on me.. slashdots idea of a funny aprils fools joke is to post inane stories all day. Oh well..
    And that's different from the rest of the year in what way?

    (just kidding! just kidding!)
    Tongue-tied and twisted, just an earth-bound misfit, I
  • p.s. blow horn when you are there. For great justice!

    For anyone else who's wondering about the 3-breasted chick, it's NOT the one on "Total Recall", it's none other but Erotica Gallumbits, author of the great book "Everything you didn't want to know about sex, but were forced to learn anyway". Check your local "Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy" for more information.

    Tongue-tied and twisted, just an earth-bound misfit, I

  • There's been much integration between our technology and alien technology?

    If so, I hope I don't have any close encounters.

    [Fleeb] Hey! What do you mean, plucking me out of my sleep like that? And what's with the big eyes?

    [Alien] Oh, we're just going to do the usual... probing around for flora and fauna... oh, and they're easier to see you with.

    [A sinister-looking device enters the room. One of its protruberances enters where one dares not say.]

    [Fleeb, screaming] You bastards! The thing is drilling a hole through my lower intestines! It's killing me!

    [Alien to other alien] What do you mean 'I loaded that WinCE OS thing into it'? You fool! You know how it damn near threw us into the star when we installed it to the navigation system!

  • Out of the articles currently on the front page:

    Alien computers
    Star Wars most violent movie ever, despite PG rating
    Can slashdot actually do anything useful? NO. (the war story)
    Geek sex tips, obviously designed to invoke images of ESR in bed (with someone else)
    Alien civil rights

  • This is the dumbest slashdot in the history of the universe and I'm going to stop reading slashdot for all time. Unsanitary will be my veng... Oh. April 1. Never mind.

  • as much as i wantto be fucked and stupid at the same time. . .

    Seriously though, if the aliens came, youcan be sure Bill Gates would be there to get an exclusive agreement to develop software to meet their needs. Microsoft would sell out planet earth, just like the weird conspiracy guys in the X-Files. (I'm still waiting for them to admit that cancer man is bill gates' grandfather.)

  • You are assuming the aliens would use a phonic based system of communication. What if they used something different, like smell or even some sort of sensory input that we have no clue about? Hell, they could bat thier eye lashes in binary and talk that way.
  • Don't you *get* it? That's why Linux is so popular, man! Everybody knows it's the bastard child of the UNIX world, but everybody uses it! You know why? It's Linus, man! He's one of them! C'mon, look at the word - Transmeta. Just like something out of X-Files. It's Linus, man. He's gonna have us using that bastardized Ext2FS on their slave ships! Rebel now before they get all of us! http://www.freebsd.org/
  • We contact you just about every day. Does "All your base are belong to us" sound familiar. You are on your way to destruction, make your time. --Cats
  • ...let's just hope that the aliens know what open source is.

    Of course, if we get visited by the Borg, we're doomed.

  • Would we still include legacy support for DOS applications??

    Yes, DOS. What did most of today's Linux users use before Linus even started work on it? DOS. And what was the most popular version of DOS? MS-DOS (mostly because IBM kept fouling up numerous things in their version, PC-DOS).

    Face it, most of the hardcore Linux users here used DOS before Linux existed. Unless, of course, they used Apple computers ever since the Apple II back in the late 70's. Or, in some RARE circumstances, used UNIX back when AT&T was still working on it.

  • Another really stupid alien-related question on "Ask Slashdot" this weekend. I really hope this is an April Fool's question...
  • Bill was sent here from some far off Vulcan like world to contaminate the Earth with DOS and windows. Weakening are computational powers, rendering the Earth defenseless to the oncoming horde.
    It's a fact that he is an alien. The NSA and FBI did a scientific study on him back in the 60's, to see if he posed a threat to the US. During the final and decisive test, a researcher threw a red dodge ball at his head in order to test his reflexes. Bill failed to move or even raise his arms in self defense The ball bounced clean off of his forehead. Flustered by the impact to his face, Mr. Gates began to stare at dodge ball angrily until a Microsoft windows logo appeared on its side. The FBI and NSA felt that Bill Gates posed no immediate threat to the nation, seeing how he used his powers for capitalistic purposes and not for communist propaganda they let him go.
  • They run TCP/IP because it's a STANDARD. =)

  • If they're really an advanced alien species, let's see them prove it: interface the human operating system with their technology. The things we could learn from such a project would be incredible.

    Well, not for those in whom the attempt "crashes..."


    Take care,
    Mark

  • More specifically it is the 4th utterly absurd Ask Slashdot in the last 24 hours.

    Er... Well, y'know. You can't make an omelette without um... destroying a forest. Or something.

  • Will articles become increasingly self-referential and hypothetical until the only articles posted are idle speculation about whether, if space aliens landed, the only articles /. would post would be about what aliens would think of idle speculation about future /. postings about aliens? This is a burning question, people! HAHAH mod this up!!
  • combining Ryo-Ohki with a GPS system
  • NONE of our existing technology would be compatible with any alien technology. They are probably completely different beings, with completely different stuff. We probably couldn't communicate with them without years of research even with their help. However, just for us slashdotters, I would have to say that the first human alien translation program would probably be for Linux :)

  • I have noticed alot of people having a go at the Will Smith movie, Independance Day. Saying that it was stupid how a notebook computer could infect an alien ship with a virus using TCP/IP.

    I don't know how you guys know he used TCP/IP, but that's not the issue here. I always presumed that since they had the small alien fighter that was captured many, many years before, that they would have had time to figure out how the computers worked and how to communicate with them.

    I mean wasn't that the whole point of the scene where the old man tells the president about the Roswell incident? I don't know maybe I just like watching a movie that has an African American Comic Lead that flies alien space ships, for the comic content and special effects and not for the references to TCP/IP and viruses.

  • We are protected from the borg. (Score:4)

    by Mastagunna ( 251788 ) on Sunday April 01, 2001 @08:48AM (#322663)
    The borg survives by assimilating, they will see our planet controled by Microsoft Products, they will assimilate Microsoft Code and then the Borg will go down hill. They would have to rebuild the cubes every few months for no reason, just to keep of with the newest version of Borg XP. Parts of the Borg will attack themselves, causing the cube to lose its scary grey metal to take on the blue screen of death motif. The new cube will return to the Borg colony and be completely incompatable with everyother cube, it will spred viruses like mad, destroying the borg way of life, changing from a collective to seperate conflicting thought, then they will recive the licencing agreement, which will cause the end of the Borg, the we will cheer for Bill Gates for making such crap, but then he reveales himself as the new Borg Kind, Embrace and Extend.
  • If aliens were to read this discussion, they would undoubtably enslave us immediatly.
  • you can never have enough lesbian pr0n on your planet...

  • OK, I'm breaking the story (Score:3)

    by Nick Soapdish ( 413879 ) on Sunday April 01, 2001 @08:47AM (#322698)
    Seti@Home got signal last Friday.

    By early Thursday morning, the message was decoded and unmistakable, it was a single phrase repeated over and over again...

    ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US
    ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US
    ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US
    ALL YOUR...

  • OK, here's what's going on (Score:4)

    by Nick Soapdish ( 413879 ) on Sunday April 01, 2001 @08:38AM (#322699)
    This weekend is spring cleaning weekend at the VA Linux offices. Unfortunatly, they didn't open any windows and are now taking story submissions from the scrubbing bubbles that are sitting on their shoulders.

    Watch for press releases from LNUX tomorrow. "Our space robots are happy and will revolutionize the world! And SPACE!!! These are forward looking statements and..."

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