pdragon04 writes "According to The Register, "the Knights Templar are demanding that the Vatican give them back their good name and, possibly, billions in assets into the bargain, 700 years after the order was brutally suppressed by a joint venture between the Pope and the King of France..."." I wonder what a holy grail goes for with 700 years of compound interest.

linuxwrangler writes "Preparing for English-speaking visitors, a restaurant in China recently ran its name through an online translator, took the result, then purchased and mounted a large sign displaying the English version of their name: Translate Server Error." This one has been around for a couple of weeks but it's destined to become a classic.

The world's oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and it appears that toilet humor was popular with the ancients just like it is today. The Sumerian saying goes like this, "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap." The people who brought you written language and the wheel also brought you the fart joke. Dr Paul McDonald, senior lecturer at the University of Wolverhampton said, "Jokes have varied over the years, with some taking the question and answer format while others are witty proverbs or riddles. What they all share however, is a willingness to deal with taboos and a degree of rebellion. Modern puns, Essex girl jokes and toilet humor can all be traced back to the very earliest jokes identified in this research."

Arguendo writes "It seems that earning $5000 a month for bed rest as a NASA contractor may not be so enjoyable after all. A 38 year-old woman selected for the study is blogging about her experience as test subject for NASA's study about the long-term effects of microgravity on people. There's quite a bit of information on her page, including info about the screening process, the food options [.xls link], and the not-so-great days of testing and immobility. It definitely sounds like work."

In an effort to get rid of surly taxi drivers, you will have to be able to pass a 15-minute conversation test to get a Taxi License in the UK. Topics of conversation will include things such as their favorite places and would be mixed up so the drivers can't simply answer in a "parrot fashion." Sajid Hussain, 35, manager of Walsall Radio Cars said, "A lot of taxi drivers can do their job properly but they may not be particularly well spoken. Obviously it is important they are polite and can talk to customers and keep them happy but many don't communicate well, although I have never had a complaint about drivers being rude." I don't care what the demeanor of my cabbie is, as long as he doesn't drive like he's playing Crazy Taxi.

18-year-old James Harris has been obsessed with buses since he was little. This obsession has landed him in some trouble recently, as police are accusing him of stealing buses from Miami-Dade depots on at least three occasions. What sets James apart from an ordinary thief is that he drove the buses along their correct routes, picking up and dropping off passengers as usual and then returning to the depot at the end of his "shift" without stealing the fares he collected. James would wear a uniform to avoid detection and take the bus for between four and six hours at a time. I have a feeling that most of Mr. Harris's school trips were on the short bus.

Barence writes "British police are shaming hoax 999 callers and time-wasters on YouTube in an effort to cut down on non-emergency calls. Video clips uploaded include a lady phoning police to ask what year the internet started, the dramatic tale of a man whose wife would only provide salmon sandwiches for lunch, and another worried soul who had lost her glasses and could not see properly to peel potatoes. Anyone else think the chance of YouTube fame is more likely to encourage copycats than educate people about the wrongs of hoax calling?"

In an attempt to rid the country of excessive eyeliner, Dr. Martens, and self indulged sadness, the Russian government has proposed a new law that would make goth and emo music illegal. The law would also target websites and have emo and goth fashion banned in schools and government buildings. Officials say that goth/emo music are "negative culture" which encourage depression, social withdrawal and suicide. In Soviet Russia it is always winter and never Christmas.

Beijing has set up a sex determination lab to test female athletes suspected of being male. The lab will evaluate cases based on their external appearance, blood samples, sex hormones, genes and chromosomes. I was surprised to read that the standing urination test and the potpourri appreciation chart were not listed among the gender verification methods.

Ubuntukitten writes "When some walls in Bocchignano near Roma started to erode, the perfect solution was found in Lego bricks (although some look suspiciously like Duplo bricks to me). FTA: 'At first I thought it would be a complicated procedure to fit the pieces, But as it turned out, the bigger plastic pieces were compatible with the smaller ones, and the Lego held itself in place without any glue whatsoever.' I like the effect. It's like the scene has been created on the holodeck but a few holoemitters are broken ..."

Scientists in Wales have run out of things to study so they are designing streets to be more "drunk friendly" in the hopes of reducing conflicts and violence. After going to the streets of Cardiff, breathalyzing locals and studying their behavior, it was discovered a quarter of the people encountered were so drunk they were staggering. Feeding this info into their computer model, they came to a staggering conclusion that drunk people trip over things. The researchers plan to investigate how moving street obstacles or increasing pedestrianization might ease congestion around nightspots. Study leader Simon Moore, from the University of Cardiff, said "Drunks become irritants because they slow people's progress towards their goal. They may then become targets of violence." The solution to this problem is obviously alleys full of bean bags and blankets.

A 9-year-old New Zealand girl, Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii, has been made a ward of the court so that she can be given her a name that won't "... make a fool of the child and set her up with a social disability and handicap." This was not the first crazy name Family Court Judge Rob Murfitt has encountered. Among some of the most memorable: twins named Benson and Hedges, Violence, and Number 16 Bus Shelter. Some other New Zealand Names that were denied by The Registrar General of Births, Deaths and Marriages include Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Stallion, and Sex Fruit. On a more personal note, there are still some hard feelings at our office as Mr. Malda did not name his child "Zanzibar Buck Buck Mcfate" as agreed to at lunch.

A Japanese couple who sold lucky charms guaranteed to glow for more than a decade were forced to stop after it was discovered that the charms were radioactive. The pair, ironically based in Hiroshima, imported tritium from Britain for the charms. Unfortunately they used 27 times more tritium than is allowed under Japanese law. It seems to me that the people who have to constantly fight Godzilla would make it harder for someone to order radioactive materials.

A northern Virginia spa is making big waves by offering fish pedicures. John Ho and Yvonne Le have been offering the treatments for four months in their salon, Yvonne Hair and Nails. Customers place their feet in tanks of water where tiny carp eat the dead skin. The couple says over 5,000 people have had the skin eaten off their feet so far and John hopes to start a chain of Doctor Fish Massage franchises and is evaluating a full-body fish treatment. I think Mr. Ho is on to something here. It shouldn't be that hard to teach my lab to give French manicures, she chews on her own nails all the time.

Forget Russia's precision flying walrus team and Brazil's razor wielding greased monkey squadron, Britain has high altitude parachuting German Shepherds. The SAS (special air service regiment) has been training the dogs to make jumps as high as 25,000ft. Fitted with their own oxygen supply and strapped to special forces assault teams, the Shepherds will be sent out with tiny cameras fixed to their heads, to find insurgent hideouts. The cameras will send back live pictures to the troops, showing enemy locations and warning of ambushes. An SAS source told The SUN: "The dogs will be exposed to very high levels of danger on these operations and you never know what's going to be behind a door. Nobody wants to see the dogs get killed but if it's their life or a man's it is obvious which the CO would prefer."

An anonymous reader writes "HP customers will be familiar with their bizarre packaging practices (5 pounds of packaging for 8 license keys!); lets just say this story is not an isolated incident ... " I've seen some excessive packaging, but perhaps nothing to top this.

If you're like me, your favorite part of the bar is the layer of cigarette stench that coats the walls, seats, air and eventually your clothing. It seems the Dutch agree. Rain Showtechniek, a Dutch company that specializes in stage effects, has created a machine that reproduces that wonderful bar smell we all love. "There is a need for a scent to mask the sweat and other unpleasant smells like stale beer. People find that smells such as Mocha coffee, Havana cigars or cigarettes can be about good moods and different ideas of living well" said Erwin van den Bergh, a spokesman for the company. The machines come in various sizes and prices, ranging from the giant £3500 model for exhibition halls to the smaller cafés machines, priced at £440.

You can call Shiv Charan simple, foolish, or just plain stupid if you want. The one thing you can't call him is a quitter. Starting in 1969, Shiv has devoted his life to passing India's year 10 exam. Since then he has taken the test every year except two (to study, I guess), and has failed every time. He has vowed not to marry until he can pass the test and is still single, which is now his main motivation. "As long as I am alive I will go on giving examinations in order to get a wife. For me, success is not merely about clearing the examinations. It will also throw open the doors of marriage," he said. By now Shiv must have the most impressive collection of prom wear in all of Asia. It seems like he'd pass just so he wouldn't have to dance to Alphaville's Forever young again.

Apparently, NASA sent a memo to its employees at the Johnson Space Center asking for their urine so they, NASA, could use it to test the Orion space capsule. How much urine? 30 liters per day, including weekends. Disposal of urine for up to six months would be required if Orion is to work as planned.

Alert reader nettamere adds a link to story at Discovery.com, excerpting: "Donations will be treated with a chemical that can hold solid particulates in the liquid so they don't clog up the tubing in microgravity, said Leo Makowski, company spokesman for Hamilton Sundstrand, a contractor designing the new spaceship's toilet. ... "It's difficult to come up with a faux urine, explained NASA's Jim Lewis, the systems manager overseeing development of Orion's potty. 'That's why we depend on collections.'"

A new child protection curriculum being implemented by the Education Department in Australia urges teachers to give children safety messages after reading them fairytales. The goal is to make sure that children understand not to engage in unsafe behaviors such as talking to strangers like Little Red Riding Hood and not to enter strange houses like Hansel and Gretel. While I can see the value in teaching kids not to talk to strangers, I want my kids to know that is is perfectly acceptable to push any elderly cannibal into an oven should they be kidnapped and kept in cages.