He's got guts and guts is enough.

Honesty isn't always the best policy.

A 60-year-old British woman is suffering from a neurological defect that is sure to put her in the next version of "The Man who Mistook His Wife for a Hat." She is unable to recognize any voice she hears — any voice, that is, but Sean Connery's. Unless she sees the face of the person speaking, she has no idea who is talking to her, even her daughter and co-worker's voices are unrecognizable. Dr. Brad Duchaine at University College London, thinks she might have the first documented case of vocal prosopagnosia, a condition which makes it extremely difficult for people to recognize faces. "His accent is distinctive," Duchaine explained. "And she is a British woman in her sixties ... let's say it's probable he got her attention."

The Telegraph has put together a good list of the 30 greatest conspiracy theories of all time. All the old hits are there: the assassination of John F. Kennedy, Roswell, The Philadelphia Experiment, and the death of Elvis Presley. It also includes some relative newcomers such as claims that Diana, Princess of Wales, was murdered, Chemtrails, and "the AIDS virus was created in a laboratory." Put on your tinfoil hat and read them quickly before they take it down.

I have a recurring dream that is very similar to this, the only thing missing is Godzilla holding a copy of The Road Warrior and a dozen roses.

The creepiness of a clown is nothing compared to the horror of Rainbow Man. Good luck in therapy, kid.

An Australian man with his penis caught in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 km/h car chase. The police found him stopped in a no-stopping zone, and became worried he might have a weapon after noticing he was doing something with his hands in his lap. Instead, they found him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar. After a brief chase, the man was forcibly removed from his car and attempted to continue "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling." You have to admire his resolve. A search of the car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.

Having made amazing discoveries such as how to make the perfect cheese sandwich, linking heavy caffeine use to sleeplessness, and figuring out where all the teaspoons have gone, science has made the greatest breakthrough yet. They have uncovered the secrets of making the perfect phone call. The perfect phone call clocks in at a mere 9 minutes and 36 seconds, easily 11 minutes shorter than any conversation I've ever had with my mom. Unlike a call to mom, the perfect phone call is almost devoid of any gossip about her divorced neighbor and her heavily tattooed daughter. Instead three minutes should be spent catching up with news about family and friends, one minute on personal problems, a minute on work/school, 42 seconds on current affairs, 24 seconds on the weather, and 24 seconds talking about the opposite sex. What's left of your 9 mins 36 secs is a free for all.

There are easier ways to get your nicotine fix.

You don't want to see what happens when you add a quarter.

A woman calling herself Susan042764 posted a question on the Apple support forums asking if a "technical glitch" could be responsible for nude photos of her husband she found attached to an email. She wrote,"Please help! I took my husband's iPhone and found a raunchy picture of him attached to an email to a woman in his sent email file. When I approached him about this, he admitted that he took the picture, but says that he never sent it to anyone. He claims that he went to the Genius Bar at the local Apple store and they told him it is an iPhone glitch — that photos sometimes automatically attach themselves to an email address and appear in the sent folder, even though no email was ever sent. Has anyone ever heard of this happening?" Assuming this is true, it has to be one of the lamest excuses ever.

They didn't even notice the new pants he was wearing today.

No, not that kind of sex party, a political party. The Australian Sex Party will be launched in Melbourne on Thursday as an alternative to moral campaigners and prudish politicians. Fiona Patten, who is head of the national adult retail and entertainment lobby group the Eros Association, said the trigger had been the government's decision to place a mandatory filter on the Internet. "This filter actually blacklists any adult site so it means that material which is absolutely legal for an adult to buy in a newsagency in Australia, they will be prohibited from viewing it online," Patten said. I'm not sure how effective they will be, but I'm sure they'll have the best conventions ever.

I think you should get an hour nap time after your lunch break.

This isn't from Star Wars, it's actually my high school wrestling team. We ruled the heavyweight division.

The people of Rhodes will once again be able to gaze upon one of the world's seven ancient wonders with the help of East German artist Gert Hof, and international funding. Like the original, the new Colossus will adorn an outer pier in the harbor area of Rhodes, and be visible to passing ships. Unlike the original Colossus, this one will be made of light. "We are talking about a highly, highly innovative light sculpture, one that will stand between 60 and 100 meters tall so that people can physically enter it," said Dr Dimitris Koutoulas, who is heading the project in Greece. "Although we are still at the drawing board stage, Gert Hof's plan is to make it the world's largest light installation, a structure that has never before been seen in any place of the world."

A one-eyed San Francisco artist, Tanya Vlach, wants to replace her missing eye with a Web cam. There has even been talk of her shooting a reality TV show using the video eye. "There have been all sorts of cyborgs in science fiction for a long time, and I'm sort of a sci-fi geek, with the advancement of technology, I thought, 'Why not?'" said Vlach. I'm a bit perplexed that the obvious things you'd want in a cyborg eye: range finder, infrared/lowlight vision, and a hypno-ray are not discussed in the article.

In case anyone cares "Meh" is now officially a word, big deal.

Nothing is as serious as a rhino driving over your ass.

Karma is going to get you.