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Journal sm62704's Journal: Delirium Tremens 3


"I feel terrible! I can't stop itching!" Amy exclaimed. She was pale, and shaking like a leaf. "I feel like there's bugs all over me."

She'd been infected by some sort of anarobic bacteria and had freaked out, thinking her boyfriend had given her some sort of venerial disease. The doctor siad otherwise, that it was not infectuous and had been likely been caused, of all things, by bubblebath.

The problem was that the only drug that would combat this infection was Metronidazole, which has the same effect as anabuse - if you drink while on it, you become violently ill. Wikipedia says that you can die from the combination.

And Amy is a hard core alcoholic, having been in rehab twice his year for her drinking problem. She's been back on the bottle for quite some time now, and hasn't been working much. She hasn't been paying her rent, either. I joked a week ago I was going to adopt her so I could claim her on my taxes.

I'm too nice a guy for my own damned good. In short, I'm a fool. Especially when it comes to the "weaker" sex.

Tuesday morning she'd called me at work from her boyfriend's trailer out in the country, y'all, asking me to come get her after I got off of work. She was going crazy, she said. She'd stopped drinking he previous day, having put off taking the drug for two weeks. "I don't think I can do it" she said. I told her she'd done it twice this year so far, and maybe she ought to not drink anymore at all, but she was going to have to put the bottle down for a while.

The phone was ringing off the hook that morning. My daughters both called, a bill collector called. No sooner than I had gotten off the phone with Amy, one of my female friends called wanting sex. And she wasn't going to charge me for it, as she's not a prostitute.

This woman has been hitting on me ever since we met, but she's not at all attractive. I'd rather pay for a good looking whore than get it for free from her. From what I understand, she hits on everybody. I'd probably need Viagra to get it up for her.

The people selling Viagra are baldfaced liars. The commercials all show attractive women and their limp dicked men, but the truth of the matter is if you couldn't get it up for one of those good looking women in the commercials you're either gay, or you have a physical problem that the drug isn't going to help.

Viagra is so you can get it up for your fat balding toothless bitch of a wife who has gotten every bit as ugly as you do when she ages. I needed it for my last two real girlfriends, the flat chested shapeless Chris and the big fat beer-soaked Robyn.

I saw Robyn a few weeks ago and didn't recognize her, to my great embarrassment. She'd lost a lot of weight. Amy had recognized her and talked to her and told me who it was later.

Robyn's dying of chirrosis, having to have her liver drained periodically. She looks even worse than she did when she was fat.

But at any rate, I haven't been laid in a while and would have been tempted to use my last Viagra pill I've been saving since last Spring on the unattractive woman who has been hitting on me.

But I had a friend in need, and I wanted to be there for her.

Amy looked like hell. For the first time since I met her, Amy was unattractive. It dawned on me that theres nothing more beautiful than a smile, even on an ugly woman (unless it's a smiling vagina), and nothing more unattractive than a frown, even on a good looking broad (well, a goatse hole is more unattractive).

Her boyfriend dropped by with some weed, which eased her twitching and scratching and looks of horror somewhat, but she was still in a bad way. She was seeing snakes, she said, and felt insects all over her.

Her boyfriend couldn't handle it and left, after leaving her some illicit sleeping drug and some pot.

I didn't want to tempt her to drink any more than she was already tempted; she had no money but that doesn't stop a woman from drinking. No matter how unattractive she is, there's some dimwitted loser like me to buy her a drink in hopes of getting laid.

The doorbell rang. It was "Bighead", the skinny whore who's lousy in bed and charges too much. I turned her down too.

Right now I'm thinking I'm probably about to get my nerd license not just suspended but revoked, having turned down sex twice in one day. But Bighead's not worth the money and the other woman is hideous. I'm sure most of you would turn down at least the friend, especially if you've had a license suspension lately. And Bighead is so bad in bed that masturbation is more pleasurable.

But gee, I turned down sex twice in one day! And I thought I'd seen it all. I'm sure I wouldn't have, had it not been for Amy's distress. I sure as hell wouldn't have done without beer. I drove Bighead home and came back to comfort my friend.

The next night after work she was't any better. We smoked some reefer and watched a movie.

Thursday I had a completely shitty day, which started when the doorbell rang as I was almost readty to leave for work. It was Tami, who wanted to use my clothes dryer. I got a late start for work. I stopped by McShittyfood for a McBiscut and McGravy and a McBurrito, and they took their sweetassed time. I was late to work.

The sack contained not a biscut and gravy but an egg on buscut. The burrito was so hard it was almost inedible.

The whole day was like that. I went to cash a check at the bank and was informed thtat they couldn't cash it, because I'd screwed up my check register and was overdrawn, almost a week before payday. I was looking at a broke weekend. And speaking of broke, the clothesdryer stopped working.

It was my turn to need a friend, and I told Amy so. It turned out I didn't have one - she left for a party I wasn't invited to, leaving me to stew alone, completely unconcerned with my problems.

I went to bed early, fervently and guiltily hoping Amy would drink and puke her guts out. Here I'd been there for her all week, forgoing beer and sex, and when I needed her she bailed.

Typical woman.

Next: The broken weekend

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Delirium Tremens

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  • I don't know about this Amy chick. I mean, seriously. In my book, No rent money+no sex=move in with your boyfriend, lady.

    Think about it. If she paid her rent, you'd have beer money now.
    • by sm62704 ( 957197 )
      Yeah, after last Thursday I'm seriously thinking of throwing her out on her ass. But I'll need a court order and that's money and missed work.

      She stays with the BF whenever his kids aren't around - his divorce isn't final. And there's fishyness, I suspect Amy's not his only GF. If I toss her out she'll be in a homeless shelter part of the time.

The IBM purchase of ROLM gives new meaning to the term "twisted pair". -- Howard Anderson, "Yankee Group"