The Negative Ramifications From Invitation Declines Are Less Severe Than We Think (arstechnica.com) 37
Abstract of a paper published on the American Psychological Association: People are frequently invited to join others for fun social activities. They may be invited to lunch, to attend a sporting event, to watch the season finale of a television show, and so forth. Invitees -- those who are on the receiving ends of invitations -- sometimes accept invitations from inviters -- those who extend invitations -- but other times, invitees decline. Unfortunately, saying no can be hard, leading invitees to accept invitations when they would rather not. The present work sheds light on one factor that makes it so hard to decline invitations.
We demonstrate that invitees overestimate the negative ramifications that arise in the eyes of inviters following an invitation decline. Invitees have exaggerated concerns about how much the decline will anger the inviter, signal that the invitee does not care about the inviter, make the inviter unlikely to offer another invitation in the future, and so forth. We also demonstrate that this asymmetry emerges in part because invitees exaggerate the degree to which inviters focus on the decline itself, as opposed to the thoughts ran through the invitee's head before deciding. Indeed, across multiple studies, we find support for this process through mediation and moderation, while simultaneously finding evidence against multiple alternative accounts. We conclude with a discussion of the contributions and limitations of this research, along with directions for future work.
We demonstrate that invitees overestimate the negative ramifications that arise in the eyes of inviters following an invitation decline. Invitees have exaggerated concerns about how much the decline will anger the inviter, signal that the invitee does not care about the inviter, make the inviter unlikely to offer another invitation in the future, and so forth. We also demonstrate that this asymmetry emerges in part because invitees exaggerate the degree to which inviters focus on the decline itself, as opposed to the thoughts ran through the invitee's head before deciding. Indeed, across multiple studies, we find support for this process through mediation and moderation, while simultaneously finding evidence against multiple alternative accounts. We conclude with a discussion of the contributions and limitations of this research, along with directions for future work.
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So good riddance. Friends don't pressure. Friends offer freely without expectation.
Indeed. I have never not received further invitations by friends when I declined one. I do usually give a reason though.
To all my friends at slashdot (Score:2)
Sorry, I'm not coming to your Christmas party this year.
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You insensitive clod!
Slashdot is the new twitter? (Score:1)
WTF does "invitation declines[sic]" have to do with anything slashdot is about?
Re:Slashdot is the new twitter? (Score:5, Insightful)
WTF does "invitation declines[sic]" have to do with anything slashdot is about?
Probably because a lot of us here are introverts, and shy. It goes with the career choices.
Re:Slashdot is the new twitter? (Score:5, Funny)
Without really disagreeing with you, I'd like to point out that some of us are such successful introverts - and have been for decades - that we haven't been invited anywhere since the Clinton administration.
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Without really disagreeing with you, I'd like to point out that some of us are such successful introverts - and have been for decades - that we haven't been invited anywhere since the Clinton administration.
Geeze, be a bit more sensitive to the rest of us. Not all of us have been invited to those wild Clinton administration parties I hear so much about.
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Without really disagreeing with you, I'd like to point out that some of us are such successful introverts - and have been for decades - that we haven't been invited anywhere since the Clinton administration.
Geeze, be a bit more sensitive to the rest of us. Not all of us have been invited to those wild Clinton administration parties I hear so much about.
Yah, but it can get a bit Dicey when Hillary has a bit too much Drambuie. Woman won't take no for an answer.
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Without really disagreeing with you, I'd like to point out that some of us are such successful introverts - and have been for decades - that we haven't been invited anywhere since the Clinton administration.
And ya know, I can appreciate introversion. I think the closest I come to it is I do like to get out by myself on Sundays. Hop in the car and drive to where there's no cell coverage. Then hike a bit. I need the battery recharging that Introverts find necessary.
Also I can think on problems and come up with solution.
But I see no negative connotations with introverts. They can handle much more than extroverts.
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Because this is about a research result. You know, Science?
Easy solution (Score:2)
All my friend know I'm brutally honest because I warned them early on in our friendship. So if someone tells me "Would you like to xyz" and I just say "No", they don't get offended because they know that's who I am. And they also know they can be equally direct with me, I won't take offense.
Those who can't stand it don't stay my friends very long, and that's fine by me.
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All my friend know I'm brutally honest because I warned them early on in our friendship. So if someone tells me "Would you like to xyz" and I just say "No", they don't get offended because they know that's who I am. And they also know they can be equally direct with me, I won't take offense.
Those who can't stand it don't stay my friends very long, and that's fine by me.
My work and social calendar is chock full, so most of my friends know I occasionally need a break to recharge the batteries. So if I tell them I can't make it, it's either because I'm committed to something previously, or needed that break. So no one gets booboo feelings.
like you note, anyone who cannot handle that will be eventually off the friends list.
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It depends on who is asking (Score:4, Insightful)
Comment removed (Score:4, Informative)
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Is it your boss, your significant other, a coworker, or a casual friend. Also, how touchy are they about rejection. Every case is different.
Yep.
Maybe the chances are low that my boss will be offended if I (the full time work at home guy) can't even be bothered to come in for the Christmas party. Actually, he probably wouldn't. Do I want to take even that small chance though, if it costs me little but annoyance to attend?
Life is full of little calculations like that.
Pushing a narrative (Score:1)
The narrative is to socially isolate people so they become dependent on their phones and tvs and monthly subscriptions.
If you turn down my invite you're off the list!
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Sure, because everything is a fucking conspiracy. SMFH. And I'll bet no one invites you to much.
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I had no idea... (Score:2, Troll)
Re: I had no idea... (Score:2)
To everyone this concerns: (Score:5, Informative)
I know lots of you have the feeling that declining in invitation is not polite:
Accepting an invitation and already planning to call out with a lame excuse 30 min before the event is worse!!
Whatever it is I ask you to join, I'd like to have you there. But, in the end, I care much less if you say yes or no, just say something and stick to that!
sikology (Score:2)
Sikology results are rarely reproducible.
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A friend of mine at a tech company... (Score:3)
A friend of mine at a tech company said that they were often "volunteer'd" under the principle of "easier to get forgiveness than permission." Although in the case of volunteer'd is more difficult to get forgiveness to say no.
This friend is by nature an introvert and aspie so loathes the forced social gatherings as they put it. So not surprising...work becomes required play, or else!
JoshK.
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Work invites are part of the game of "figuring out who matters" like meetings that have the "Required" or "Mandatory" but can be skipped. Yeah I worked a tech support role where it seemed any calls were always 'Priority #1'...My friend said since the tech company used Outlook, it would "malfunction" and would go late to a meeting...hated that game but seemed every person thought a meeting was "Required" and uber-important--which most were not.
JoshK.
Every Case is Different (Score:2)
The Secret (Score:2)
Simple solution: Don't decline invitations, just ignore them. Never commit to anything. Nobody needs that kind of pressure! If you feel like going, then go, but you don't need to broadcast your assent.
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