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The UK's Largest Sperm Bank Is Now An App (technologyreview.com) 65

Sperm bank? There's an app for that. The largest sperm bank in the United Kingdom -- the London Sperm Bank -- has released an official app that aims to "modernize the process of hooking prospective parents up with the biological material they need to make it happen," according to MIT Technology Review: The app is essentially just a mobile version of the filtered search function the London Sperm Bank offers on its website. But in doing something as simple as bringing its desktop services to mobile devices, the bank is making a play to further normalize reproductive technologies. The London Sperm Bank boasts that users will receive push notifications as soon as new donors are available, which could help speed things up for hopeful parents looking for a match. The road to conception can take years for people using reproductive technologies, so expediting any part of the process would be a welcome time-saver. But the bank has over 10,000 vials of sperm, so searching, even using filters, could still be a lengthy process. To combat this, the app also offers a wish list function that lets more focused users predetermine what they're looking for in a donor, and receive a notification when their criteria are met. The way the service works on mobile has been compared to Tinder, but there's actually no swiping involved. Its wish list function means it's more akin to apps like Anthology, which job seekers use to find their next career move. The report notes that, while there are other mobile sperm bank apps out there, the London Sperm Bank is the only one with several medical associations and the U.K. government's Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority on board. Also, the app is free to download, but the cost of ordering sperm is about $1,200 per order, which is the same as if you order through the London Sperm Bank catalogue.
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The UK's Largest Sperm Bank Is Now An App

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  • by Viol8 ( 599362 ) on Thursday September 29, 2016 @05:13AM (#52982355) Homepage

    I mean, cum on!

    • by AmiMoJo ( 196126 )

      I'm surprised there isn't a kinda of "Uber for sperm donation", bypassing the sperm bank and allowing people to connect peer-to-peer.

      In the UK once the child turns 18 they can get the donor's details. In other words, 18 years later you might be tracked down by one of your offspring. A lot of men don't want that.

      Some people don't want to go through the process of being vetted to receive donations either.

      The law states that you can give your sperm to anyone you like, as long as you don't profit from it. You c

      • I'm surprised there isn't a kinda of "Uber for sperm donation", bypassing the sperm bank and allowing people to connect peer-to-peer.

        We call that Tinder.

    • Can the app connect the sperm donation from your mobile device? There's an fapp for that. Or do you have to rub your equipment against the screen? Oh what? You want to borrow my phone to make a call, no problem!
    • According to this mornings unsolicited email thre should be some In App Upgrades :)
  • No female member
  • The UK's largest sperm bank is apparently located at 51.157N 1.809W

  • Huh (Score:4, Funny)

    by Rei ( 128717 ) on Thursday September 29, 2016 @05:33AM (#52982393) Homepage

    If they're having trouble finding donors, I suggest they try Hoxton, Brighton, the House of Commons, and the BBC media city in Salford; there's plenty of wankers there to choose from.

    • If they're having trouble finding donors, I suggest they try Hoxton ... there's plenty of wankers there to choose from

      I'm afraid they're dickheads [youtube.com] not wankers.

    • If they're having trouble finding donors, I suggest they try ... the House of Commons

      The problem is not just getting donors it is getting a donor that someone is willing to use. Would you want a child who is genetically related to your average MP?

    • My uncle went in to donate. He came back out and told the lady - " I tried with my right hand, I tried with my left hand..I just couldn't get the lid off the jar."

  • The UK's Largest Sperm Bank Is Now An App

    So any company or service provider that releases an app is now an app?

    I rather think there might be a few services (a handful, you might say) which the bank in question can't dish out via an app.

  • I realize that 'apps' are the future and all; but "a sperm bank is now an app" is pure nonsense. A sperm bank took their existing search tools, as provided on the only-for-old-people-and-desktops "web" and wrapped it in an interface more suitable for finger painting. I'm pretty sure that their big cryogenic storage facility didn't migrate to the cloud at the same time. Why is this even a story?
    • I realize that 'apps' are the future and all; but "a sperm bank is now an app" is pure nonsense.

      Yep. Unless my phone can sequence my DNA, upload the results "to the cloud" and then someone else can download them on their phone and print a sperm, the sperm bank is not an app. I don't use the sperm bank by spooging on my screen, so the sperm bank is not an app.

      Why is this even a story?

      Slow editor day.

  • Can I squirt it to a Zune ?

  • So does this mean I can now insert a smartphone and get a woman pregnant? No? Then it's not an app.
  • by Anonymous Coward

    One clever feature of bank apps is to make a deposit into your account directly from the phone just by snapping a photo of the cheque. Is there a way to make a deposit into this bank using the app to snap a photo of your junque?

  • by tinkerton ( 199273 ) on Thursday September 29, 2016 @07:24AM (#52982775)

    I read that Apple has already bettered that. Instead of an app they provided a hardware solution on their iphone.

  • by Anonymous Coward

    Apps that app other apps get apped!

    Apps!

  • I'm not sure in this context I'd say it's to improve the ability of their customers to "hook up" with donors.

    Or maybe that's exactly what they mean.

  • by I4ko ( 695382 )
    I think they misspelled "monetize" as "modernize"
  • Isn't Tinder a way to hook up with a sperm donor?
  • 1200 per order? Anyone else feel like they've given it away for free?

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