LHC Shut Down Again — By Baguette-Dropping Bird 478
Philip K Dickhead writes "Is Douglas Adams scripting the saga of sorrows facing the LHC? These time-traveling Higgs-Boson particles certainly exhibit the sign of his absurd sense of humor! Perhaps it is the Universe itself, conspiring against the revelations intimated by the operation of CERN's Large Hadron Collider? This time, it is not falling cranes, cracked magnets, liquid helium leaks or even links to Al Qaeda, that have halted man's efforts to understand the meaning of life, the universe and everything. It now appears that the collider is hindered from an initial firing by a baguette, dropped by a passing bird: 'The bird dropped some bread on a section of outdoor machinery, eventually leading to significant overheating in parts of the accelerator. The LHC was not operational at the time of the incident, but the spike produced so much heat that had the beam been on, automatic failsafes would have shut down the machine.'"
Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
OK. That proves it.
Multi-world interpretation is correct and LHC is just a variant of quantum-suicide experiment.
Birds dropping baguettes? (Score:5, Funny)
Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
Large Bread Collider (Score:5, Funny)
Bird briefing... (Score:5, Funny)
The bird's briefing:
The approach will not be easy. You are required to maneuver straight down this trench and skim the surface to this point. The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should destroy the station.
I hate you for that misleading headline! (Score:2, Funny)
the spike produced so much heat that had the beam been on, automatic failsafes would have shut down the machine.
And had I been there at the writing of this headline, I would have kicked his ass! ^^
Wait for the next article's headline to be: Someone Kicked Philip K Dickhead's Ass Again! (Because I bet, with that name, it happened more than once already. ;)
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
Yes, but what's its unladen airspeed velocity?
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Multi-world interpretation is correct and LHC is just a variant of quantum-suicide experiment.
That's what the birds want us to think. The truth is, they planned this, and there's more to come. We cannot allow even one more baguette to fall on the LHC. We must strike back.
That's right. I'm calling KFC.
Re:Put a roof over it or something? (Score:5, Funny)
One wonders how much it would take to put some kind of roofing over the most vulnerable exterior equipment. Something like corrugated tin on a steel frame or whatever.
You slashdot wise guys! Do you REALLY think PROFESSIONAL scientists would leave critical equipment exposed? That professionals paid to design and engineer a multi-billion dollar piece of equipment would forget a basic piece of covering? That you sitting there and speculating behind your keyboard sitting in your underwear in your mother's basement might have a better idea of how to protect delicate scientific equipment than hundreds of scientists and engineers with post graduate degrees?
Well in this instance it looks like you might be right?
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
Yes, but what's its unladen airspeed velocity?
I am more interested in the terminal velocity of the Baguette.
Re:Bird briefing... (Score:5, Funny)
The bird's briefing:
The approach will not be easy. You are required to maneuver straight down this trench and skim the surface to this point. The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should destroy the station.
If the bird has been hitting womp-rats back home there should be no problem.
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:1, Funny)
Neither.
The problem was caused by a non-swallow
Re:Bird briefing... (Score:3, Funny)
Admiral Platypus: At that close range we won't last long against those particle beams!
Pidgeo Pidgrissiann: We'll last longer than we will against that quantum suicide event! And we might just take it down with us!
ObSimpsons (Score:5, Funny)
I have a rock that keeps tigers away to sell you ...
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
I also want to know why the only thing the Baguette thought on the way down was oh no, not again.
Re:Put a roof over it or something? (Score:4, Funny)
put some kind of roofing over the most vulnerable exterior equipment.
There was a roof over it... but unfortunately they forgot about the tunnel effect...
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:4, Funny)
So then is this the improbability drive? Eee gads!!!! Douglas Adams was a prophet.
Re:Misleading summary title (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
A gag?
Re:Put a roof over it or something? (Score:5, Funny)
The bird breadboarded a busbar inside a building.
The problem is Windows.
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Bird briefing... (Score:2, Funny)
Or maybe we could genetically modify this swineflu into something that kills birds...? That would be awesome, and it's pretty safe to assume nothing can go wrong.
Re:Bird briefing... (Score:3, Funny)
Maybe the scientists at CERN can discover some hidden force of nature, a Force that may be with them in their fight against the Avian Empire?
What about gravity? We could build a machine so powerful that it is theoretically capable of creating a black hole, and.. oh, wait.
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:4, Funny)
I'm pretty cock-sure all the birds have it in for us.
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
A spit obviously.
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:3, Funny)
Yeah, it's obviously a pre-emptive strike by crows on quantum physicists.
Isn't that part of the long range plot line of the TV show Flashforward ?
Re:Bird briefing... (Score:4, Funny)
Maybe the scientists at CERN can discover some hidden force of nature, a Force that may be with them in their fight against the Avian Empire?
You don't understand your position. We are the ones with the planet destroying technology. Besides, any attack by the Avians against the Collider would be a useless gesture.
Comment removed (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Wow, you guys don't even have a plan for this bad joke thread, do you? Probably best to just wing it, anyway...
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:1, Funny)
Had it swallowed, it would not have dropped the baguette, now would it?
Re:Bird briefing... (Score:3, Funny)
A bird carrying a baguette - I think not! (Score:4, Funny)
Two African swallows with a piece of string between them... maybe.
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Wait, what does KFC have to do with actual birds?
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:4, Funny)
Wow, you guys don't even have a plan for this bad joke thread, do you? Probably best to just wing it, anyway...
Would you ladies quit your clucking? We have a serious problem at hand!
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:4, Funny)
Yeah! Al those tits flying around! We must do something!
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
You can jump from a plane with a parachute and start defecating. If a bird got caught it would be an awesome revenge.
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
It has a lot to do with birds, just not much to do with chicken.
Re:Put a roof over it or something? (Score:2, Funny)
The problem is Windows.
You can leave it to slashdot to blame Microsoft for this whole state of affairs :-/
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
They're both foul?
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
Then again, the universe might reset if we found out.
Or perhaps it already ha*&@#!(.. <NO CARRIER>
Re:ObSimpsons (Score:5, Funny)
I have a rock that keeps tigers away to sell you ...
Please, this is the 21st century... there's an App for that.
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
> Wait, what does KFC have to do with actual birds?
Think pigeons and seagulls.
Everyone should have one... (Score:4, Funny)
The LHC... the worlds most sophisticated toaster!!!
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:4, Funny)
Well looking at past experiences; we might be able to get something done, on a wing and a prayer.
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Your poor simple bastard. Fell for it, hook, line, and sinker.
The birds DID NOT plan this at all!!! They were *hired* by the Squirrels!
Even more insidious is the fact the Squirrels KNEW people like you would turn to KFC for revenge.... where addictive chemicals would make you crave it fortnightly!
It's all part of their PLAN!!! Wake up!
Re:Put a roof over it or something? (Score:5, Funny)
“Nobody knows how it got there,” she told The Times. “The best guess is that it was dropped by a bird, either that or it was thrown out of a passing aeroplane.”
If they've regularly got aeroplanes flying unnoticed through their buildings, they probably have bigger problems than birds and pieces of bread...
Obviously they should put up "no flying in buildings" signs.
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Multi-world interpretation is correct
Douglas Adams is now in an alternate universe, controlling this one. Proof? Well, I had no idea what a "Baguette" was; French for birdshit, maybe? So I looked it up at [wikipedia.org], where I was presented with a picture of a breadstick.
The first sentence of the article is "Not to be confused with Breadstick.
For the architectural ornament (decorative), see Baguette (disambiguation)."
Ok, I'll be sure not to confuse this breadstick with a breadstick. French people, sheesh... Or did the bird drop a decorative architectural ornament (not to be confused with a breadstick) down the hole?
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Put a roof over it or something? (Score:3, Funny)
The problem is Windows.
Thankfully, the EU is looking into the anticompetitive practices of Windows, and is demanding that pidgeons have a menu of choice between Windows and Doors, as well as Apple(s) for ammunition.
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Dear Pigeons:
we were only kidding [xkcd.com]
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:1, Funny)
They were *hired* by the Squirrels!
And they work for the queers, who are in it with the aliens. They're building landing strips for gay martians! I swear to God!
You know what, EdIII? I like you. You're not like the other people here in the trailer park.
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Reminds me of a joke.
In a park far away, two statues stood staring at each other across a fountain. One was a beautiful woman, the other a handsome man, both naked. One day, an angel appeared, waved his hand, and brought the statues to life. "You have been staring at each other for so long," said the angel, "that I would like to give you 30 minutes to enjoy each other's company."
The two people grinned at each other and ran into the bushes. The angel heard much giggling and merriment from them as he waited. Then, sweaty and out of breath, the two came back.
The angel looked at his watch. "You still have another ten minutes!"
"Awesome!" said the man to the woman. "This time, you hold the pigeon and I'll shit on his head!"
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Did you not the dimensions on that wikipedia article? A baguette is not a bread stick. It's that long loaf of bread that people on TV are always carrying in their grocery bags when something interesting happens to them.
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
If we ever capture any, we had best not let them out on bail. I'm sure they pose a flight risk.
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:2, Funny)
apricot
I bet you go up to kids on the beach and step on their sandcastles, kick sand in their face and knock over their drinks. Don't rain on my parade. :(
Re:ObSimpsons (Score:4, Funny)
But what about pointed sticks?
The real danger: (Score:2, Funny)
Tell me this isn't how it happens: some escaping convict, with dogs barking and flashlights swinging wildly behind him is being chased through the Swiss woods. He jumps the one fence with the "do not enter" sign even as the klaxons begin to blare in warning of the experiment beginning. In his panic he doesn't notice the air-cooling door opening ahead of him and falls through into the machine itself. He yells, and bangs on the walls but is unheard and unnoticed as the cold voice of science counts down to ignition over a distant intercom. The hairs on his arms stand on end and electricity crackles through the air around him as the room begins to glow...
More the point: what kind of open-air equipment is immune to rain and vulnerable to bread?
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:4, Funny)
.. let's weaponize the shit out of implausability !
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:3, Funny)
Yeah, the fear detector won't work. They're unflappable.
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:3, Funny)
The unimportant aspects of reality appear to be essential. The essential aspect is both invisible and omnipresent.
It is a circle, who's circumference is nowhere, and who's center is everywhere.
I could go on, but I assume you aren't really listening, and would be just as dismissive.
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:4, Funny)
I imagine finding anything that expires on the 23th of any month would be very weird...
+1, Informative (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:3, Funny)
What if the theory is correct except for the part about reaching into the past? Or maybe if the theory is accurate, it would be impossible to even build the machine or think of the theory that would actually destroy the universe, and the LHC isn't even potentially dangerous (unless you stick your head in the beam). Here comes my headache...
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:3, Funny)
Embarrassment of being raised by natural science geeks #322: When people talk about "tits and ass", you think they are talking about the taxonomic family of passerine birds and the domesticated beast of burden Equus africanus asinus.
Embarrassment of being raised by natural science geeks #323: when embarrassment of being raised by natural science geeks #322 happens, you get more excited than the other people present.