Chimp Found Plotting Against Zoo Guests

rjshirts writes "In further proof that Planet of the Apes is coming to pass, researchers in Stockholm, Sweden have proof that primates can plan ahead. From the article: 'Santino the chimpanzee's anti-social behavior stunned both visitors and keepers at the Furuvik Zoo but fascinated researchers because it was so carefully prepared. According to a report in the journal Current Biology, the 31-year-old alpha male started building his weapons cache in the morning before the zoo opened, collecting rocks and knocking out disks from concrete boulders inside his enclosure. He waited until around midday before he unleashed a "hailstorm" of rocks against visitors, the study said.'"

Jane Goodal

[IAR80]

Bring me that Jane Goodall chick!

And I for one...

[Coraon]

welcome our well perpaired monkey overloards...

Primate Dilemma

[Sponge Bath]

Rocks or feces...hmmmm.
Maybe I'll just stick with chairs.

Re:Translation

[IAR80]

And they call me anti-social next they are going to call me a communist.

Intelligence in animals

[thegnu]

I'm always surprised when science finds out about something I already knew. Now, I know I probably know things that actually aren't true, but sometimes it's downright shocking that people didn't know something. :/

Re:Translation

[Capt. Cooley]

Intelligent? Maybe. Good aim? Definitely not. He didn't even seriously injure anyone. This is news why?

A Clear Causation

[Frigga's Ring]

Although I have no basis for this observation, this new, violent behavior is clearly a result of exposure to violent video games. I'm proposing a measure to restrict the same of video games to primates. Won't someone please think about our zoo-faring children?

Re:Primate Dilemma

[snowraver1]

From TFA: "For a while, zoo keepers tried locking Santino up in the morning so he couldn't collect ammunition for his assaults, but he remained aggressive. They ultimately decided to castrate him in the autumn last year[...]"

I would throw feces. Look what throwing rocks gets you...

Re:Damn dirty , uh, chimps

[Locke2005]

The fact that chimpanzees are so close to us is a strong argument for us to defend them.

No the fact that chimps are so close to us is a strong argument to wipe the little bastards out quick before they figure out a way to take us out! Every day we find out Chimpanzees are more and more like us... I don't know about you, but that scares the hell out of me!

Point and laugh.

[Ostracus]

"For a while, zoo keepers tried locking Santino up in the morning so he couldn't collect ammunition for his assaults, but he remained aggressive. They ultimately decided to castrate him in the autumn last year, but will have to wait until the summer to see if that helps."

Guns don't kill people...uh oh!

"It is normal behavior for alpha males to want to influence their surroundings ... It is extremely frustrating for him that there are people out of his reach who are pointing at him and laughing," Osvath said. "It cannot be good to be so furious all the time."

Now we know why review sites get sued.

Re:Primate Dilemma

[maxume]

You get 1 point for getting the joke.

You forfeit all points for a period of 1 year for thinking that it is funny to say so.

Re:A Clear Causation

[CaptainPatent]

Although I have no basis for this observation, this new, violent behavior is clearly a result of exposure to violent video games.

I blame "Gorillas Gone Wild"

Re:Translation

[xwizbt]

Clearly not intelligent enough - to really assert his intelligence he ought to be constructing small enclosures for other animals to keep for his own amusement.

Only intelligent animals keep other animals in cages.

Re:Translation

[CaptainPatent]

Translation: "I'm an intelligent primate who doesn't like being caged up for your amusement."

They must be even more prepared than we originally suspected...

They've hired a translator!

MI

[Tgeigs]

"That's the second biggest monkey I've ever seen" I would have been more impressed if he declared "my name is Mr. Fossey" and challenged the visitors to insult sword fighting...

Re:Translation

[CaptainPatent]

And they call me anti-social next they are going to call me a communist.

But doesn't anti-socialism lead to anti-communism?

Re:A Clear Causation

[oodaloop]

Just tax the rocks. Problem solved.

Re:Translation:Cycles.

[sakdoctor]

Pretty impress CV; I'd hire him.

Re:Translation:Cycles.

[publiclurker]

You get to hire your own management? I'm impressed.

Re:Translation

[Locke2005]

You're assuming he was actually trying to hit someone. Watching humans scream with panic and run away when you throw things at them is funny! Watching them fall down, bleed, and get carried away in a stretcher -- not so funny. He's throwing rocks for the same reason most chimps throw feces -- not because he is trying to injure a spectator, but because it amuses him to see their reaction!

Re:Intelligence in animals

[thegnu]

Because when I publish my knowledge, AC-holes like yourself give me shit. And plus, I'm busy.

Re:Intelligence in animals

[Anonymous Coward]

Now, I know I probably know things that actually aren't true

Actually, that's not true.

Re:Translation:Cycles.

[Anonymous Coward]

Disclaimer: I felt like being an off-topic tool on a political soapbox, and felt the need to qualify my dick-headed statement in order to appease the level-headed /.'ers with mod points who will, no doubt, still do the right thing and mod me into oblivion.

Fixed that for ya, Herr Douchewolfen

Re:Translation:Cycles.

[flyingsquid]

Arguably, he demonstrated more foresight and planning than the primates running the investment banks on Wall Street.

Re:Damn dirty , uh, chimps

[Anonymous Coward]

Defend them? Or destroy them?

Re:Translation

[mooingyak]

Wow I would simply not have made the connection without your helpful comment. Much obliged!

Re:Translation

[Threni]

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/animals/animals-headlines/chimpanzee-displays-human-trait-of-not-liking-prison-200903101631/ [thedailymash.co.uk]

That site's funnier than the Onion, if you ask me.

Re:Translation

[Swizec]

You can't even expect a human to remember what happened on "today" last year and you want something with a brain the size of a tennis ball to do it?

Re:Translation

[Stray7Xi]

I don't think that the monkey had that bad of aim.

Chimps aren't monkeys. They're apes.
...I'm only saying because your mom doesn't like being called a monkey.

Re:Translation:Cycles.

[StarkRG]

Woah, woah, woah. You're saying that lending enormous amounts of money with extremely high interest rates to people who can't possibly afford to pay it back is a bad idea? Since when? Next you're going to tell me that trickle-down economics doesn't work and that two plus two doesn't equal five (even for very large values of two)! You obviously aren't an economics major.

Re:Translation

[ChadM]

Ok I giggled. If your cat has a brain the size of a tennis ball then it's got a huge fucking head.

Re:Translation

[frieko]

Whenever I've thought an expert in a field I don't know as well is wasting their time, I usually come to realize that I was actually not understanding the situation.

You, or the guy that hands out the grant money..

Re:Translation

[xwizbt]

No, no - I wasn't joking, I was being scathing about the human race. This poor animal is so pissed off about being where it is that it stores up missiles to throw at its assailants. When was the last time you were in that situation?

Sadly, my commentary was interpreted as humour by the moderators, rather than the scalpel-sharp incisive wit that it was. Ah, well...

Re:Translation

[Hooya]

>> And you cannot represent every statement of concepts in a purely mathematical expression.
> Yes we can, it is the whole point of mathematics.

Had you said that in mathematics, I would have believed you.

Re:Translation

[Idiomatick]

I'm sure it'd be modded +1 scalpel-sharp were there such an option

Re:Translation

[Al Al Cool J]

Thus, researchers are always on the lookout for situations that can distinguish between the two. Novel situations where instincts wouldn't be expected to apply, pathological situations where instincts would fail if applied, etc.

I wonder, do researchers do this instinctively or is it a cognitive process? If they are always on the lookout for these situations, then that suggests to me that it is instinctive, and that these instincts have helped lead them to succeed as researchers.

Re:Translation

[MichaelSmith]

No doubt female orangutans are given similar warnings about human males...

Re:Translation:Cycles.

[Anonymous Coward]

I was pointing out that the current president is doing a piss-poor job at leading the country.

I know, right? I mean, Jesus H. Crackers, it's been almost two months already! Why the hell isn't everything fixed???

Re:Translation

[Anonymous Coward]

Congratulations, you have the world's dumbest cat.

Re:Translation:Cycles.

[indifferenthues]

two plus two doesn't equal five (even for very large values of two)!

perhaps it equals a very small value of five?

Re:Translation:Cycles.

[turing_m]

Bankers or stockbrokers? Because they're very different. You'd expect bankers to look for a relatively conservative growth model

Bankers of which era? Recent bankers haven't been very conservative.

Re:Translation

[Stratocastr]

anti-social != anti-socialist Therefore,

opposite of anti-social is social. opposite of anti-socialist is socialist.

social = goes to parties and stuff and eventually gets laid

socialist = believes that everything belongs to everyone (no correlation to getting laid)

communist = wears red and does not get laid

The reason he did this

[Anonymous Coward]

Obviously the chimp was playing the violent GTA hot-coffee version of Zoo Tycoon which caused him to lash out this way.

How long until...

[fataugie]

We get that Shakespeare play from Bobo the chimp?
Maybe the keepers should leave a typewriter in there with him and see what develops.

Tasty Monkey

[bulletmissile]

Does this mean we should stop eating those monkey-meat tacos?

isnt this the deffination of terrorism?

[ticktickboom]

we have found the first primate terrorist. are we gonna keep him in the zoo or put him on trial?