Project Grizzly Bear-Proof Suit Up For Auction 368
Ch_Omega writes "The Project Grizzly suit, The 'Ursus Mark VI', a 'grizzly-proof' suit of armour', was mentioned on Slashdot a few years ago. For all of you who then wished for such a suit (for wrestling with Grizzly Bears?), both the original Mark VI and the improved Mark VII (featuring 'a built-in video screen, a cooling system, pressure-bearing titanium struts, protective airbags, shock absorbers, a robotic third arm, built-in regular arms and swivel shoulders') are now for sale on eBay!"
Hrm... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Hrm... (Score:2)
Probaby not, what with that ERPPC on it's sholder (Mark VI model, anyway).
~Will
Great advice... (Score:5, Informative)
dont sleep in the clothes that you cook in
Re:Great advice... (Score:4, Funny)
If you're going to carry a handgun for bear defense, have the front sight removed.
It won't hurt as much when the bear shoves it up you ass.
Re:Great advice... (Score:4, Insightful)
With an offensive weapon you have much greater control over the dynamics of your encounter. You choose the the place and the time to make your shot. You get to aim more carfully at the bears vital areas. If it doesn't look like a good shot you don't take it.
In defensive situtations it's totally different. The shit has already hit the fan. The bear is coming for you and you need to stop him ASAP. You don't have time to line up the perfect shot. You need a firearm you can point in a hurry and that hits with real authority. A
This is a general truism of weaponcraft - assasins may favor
Maybe it's not just me. (Score:4, Insightful)
Zero bids? I can't say I'm that surprised. Afterall, aren't these things just a little silly? Maybe it's just me, but a 'starting' bid of $5000 with a reserve is a bit much for something with no practicle use.
Re:Maybe it's not just me. (Score:3, Funny)
No practical use!?!? If it can protect you from grizzlies, don't you think it can also protect you from being grabbed by Arnold Schwarzenegger when he's in a particularly frisky mood?
Geez, learn to think outside the box a little.
Re:Maybe it's not just me. (Score:2)
But seriously, how could anyone explain that expenditure to thier [[ parent, sibling, lover, financial-advisor, ""normal"" friends, Dean Cain or the SlashDot community ]], who would all surely chide and make fun of your rather eclectic taste for wasting money, while being jealous of your ability to waste said money?
Re:Maybe it's not just me. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Maybe it's not just me. (Score:4, Funny)
What, for really, really, tiny pedestrians and bicyclists?
Re:Maybe it's not just me. (Score:3, Funny)
Traffic soccer(football), anyone?
I'd be scared of buying it! (Score:4, Informative)
Someone wondered why he was selling it - most likely, he's trying to finance the next one. The guy seems to be obsessed with making these suits. According to the documentary, there are government agencies who are interested in the suits for things like firefighting and rescue, but he didn't seem like the kind of person who would get along with goverment agencies.
Re:Maybe it's not just me. (Score:2)
As a side note, I also have something of a grizzly-proofing tool. It's called a gun.
Re:Maybe it's not just me. (Score:5, Funny)
Bart: "I better go check out this Mongo character." [Bart reaches for his gun]
Jim: "Oh no, don't do that."
Bart: "Why not?"
Jim: "If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad."
used to be $500,000 (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Maybe it's not just me. (Score:3, Funny)
Of course one could just think of these suits as really expensive Halloween costumes. Look at me, I'm a Cylon. I suspose one could also go as a Power Ranger.
A likely buyer... (Score:2)
Re:No practical use?! (Score:3, Funny)
You never know, though - maybe is has some sort of a hatch [penny-arcade.com] or something.
Coincidence? (Score:4, Funny)
What a coincidence! Just last night I was having dinner when I though to myself "Self... your life would improve immeasurably if only you had something you could take on a grizzly bear in."
Re:Coincidence? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Coincidence? (Score:2, Funny)
Well then.... (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:Well then.... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Well then.... (Score:4, Insightful)
In that case... (Score:2, Funny)
-asoap
Re:Well then.... (Score:3, Insightful)
Mech (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Mech (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Mech (Score:4, Informative)
It looks like something from Unreal Tournament. (Score:5, Funny)
"Voice-activated recording device... to record bear sounds, or, in the event of a catastrophic failure of the Ursus Mark VI, last words."
I can't think they'd ever get many last words besides "AAAAAAGH!"
Re:It looks like something from Unreal Tournament. (Score:2)
What's the point if it doesn't even guarantee my safety?!
Re:It looks like something from Unreal Tournament. (Score:5, Funny)
> in the event of a catastrophic failure
What separates a catastrophic failure from a regular failure when you're talking about this suit? I suppose it's the *speed* at which you're eaten by the bear.
Re:It looks like something from Unreal Tournament. (Score:3, Funny)
The number of limbs the bear eats.
"It's Just a Flesh Wound!" (Score:3, Funny)
"Come on, ya pansy, fight like a man!"
More like Montgomery Burns last words in... (Score:5, Funny)
Bones Crushed... Organs leaking vital fluids... Loss of Appetite...
Or, my favourite:
It's so simple, I don't know why nobody has seen this before. The solution to Fermat's Last Theorem is....Gak
myke
Can bears laugh? (Score:2)
My idea of a "bear-proof suit" is dress slacks and sportcoat + a Ruger .44 Magnum in
Re:It looks like something from Unreal Tournament. (Score:5, Funny)
I wonder if they would have time to carve that on the inside of the suit...
Simpsons... (Score:5, Funny)
it also repels women (Score:5, Funny)
Re:it also repels women (Score:5, Funny)
At least you are for sure guarenteed not to get laid by a bear.
Cups? (Score:2, Funny)
You may look like a retard... (Score:2)
Re:You may look like a retard... (Score:2)
(ring... ring... Dad, I need to borrow your bear suit)
Well... (Score:2, Insightful)
Tinned humans
Re:Well... (Score:4, Informative)
If you've seen the documentary (which is absolutely hillarious, by the way, because the guy's a complete whacko), the suit (Mark VI) fails miserably because he can't walk on anything but perfectly flat ground without falling down.
They go out into the wilderness after 10 years of making and testing the suit, they find a bear, and then they can't do anything about it because they can't find any flat enough ground (in the mountains) to move around on. It's really, really stupid.
Featured in.. (Score:2, Funny)
What? He didn't mention slashdot?
buttocks (Score:5, Funny)
Does this suit leave my buttocks exposed? Because I need the freedom of movement. Bowel movement, that is.
Ranger Ned could have used one of these... (Score:3, Funny)
Homer: "You want some of this!?"
Saw the documentary, it was great (Score:3, Funny)
Could probably use it for crossing New York intersections.
Sweet. (Score:5, Funny)
Money back... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Money back... (Score:2)
Boy there's a lot of material here. Other such invention ideas:
An extraterrestrial repellent cologne. Guaranteed to prevent abduction.
A watch that works on interstellar space missions up to 10% of the speed of light.
Scuba gear especially designed for paraplegics
Nuclear bomb shelter (has this been done already?)
Any sort of "adult" toy. Who's gonna return the tickler 2000?
Electronic voting mach
After watching the video. (Score:2)
This guy is about to get his butt kicked.
Baiting Dangerous Animals - Xtreme Sport (Score:2)
I have to wonder what inadequacy someone is compensating for when they feel it necessary to bait a dangerous animal into attacking them.
- Greg
Re:Baiting Dangerous Animals - Xtreme Sport (Score:3, Informative)
WHAT??? (Score:2, Insightful)
damn.
--QTone
Homer Simpson should buy this! (Score:2)
open source corollary (Score:3, Funny)
Homer's suit! (Score:2)
Whatch out for your ass though...
Paint it white . . . (Score:2)
That should up the bids.
Stefan
up-and-coming industry? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:up-and-coming industry? (Score:3, Interesting)
As there is no ebay member "bearsuits", there is a member "bearsuit". Although he/she has had no action on the account since August of 2001.
His Profile [ebay.com]Re:up-and-coming industry? (Score:2, Funny)
Ten bucks says that the other "bearsuits" ebay member is a furry.
If you buy both these suits, does this make you a "steely"?
But he autographs his books, too (Score:2)
Re:up-and-coming industry? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:up-and-coming industry? (Score:3, Funny)
Animals are not toys (Score:2, Interesting)
Re:Animals are not toys (Score:5, Interesting)
Can we assume that you've moved out of your house (built on land that used to be some sort of natural, unbuilt spot inhabited by creatures of all sorts), and moved into some place on the planet that had no natural wild animals?
Like...well...actually nowhere.
Re:Animals are not toys (Score:3, Funny)
You're right, better to just visit the local zoo and admire Iraqis in a close simulation of their natural environment. Though you have to wonder, do Iraqis breed in captivity?
"out of Hurtubise's mind" (Score:5, Funny)
I'll second the "out of Hurtubise's mind" part.
Now if only that Brit would sell his Treb on e-bay (Score:2)
I wouldn't trust one of these at all (Score:4, Insightful)
"The suits are unique because they were built totally out of Hurtubise's mind, with no blueprints, drawings or schematics. "
Excuse me if I pass. I was really looking for a good grizzly bear suit, but how do you expect me to trust this if it's not built under a proper, ISO-9001 certified process?
Seriously, blueprints are a GOOD thing. Without them, you can't do simple things like stress calculations, etc. You kinda want to be able to answer questions like: "If the bear pushed me over and jumped on my chest, would it crush me?" theoretically before you do a real, live test.
If I had to go up against a grizzly bear, I'd rather have nothing but a thong and a Desert Eagle than one of these wacky contraptions.
Re:I wouldn't trust one of these at all (Score:4, Insightful)
I can see your point, but I hope your plan is to throw the thong in one direction, the gun in another, and run like hell.
Because any other plan when facing a pissed off Grizzly is going to get you dead. The Desert Eagle doesn't have enough stopping power... at least not unless you're a sharpshooter and happen to know where to shoot. You can unload the entire clip into a grizzly and kill it, sure, but it's going to live long enough to get to you and kill you.
Re:I wouldn't trust one of these at all (Score:5, Funny)
Re:I wouldn't trust one of these at all (Score:3, Funny)
The balls?
Re:I wouldn't trust one of these at all (Score:5, Funny)
Bears have no sense of decorum, and would not be adversely affected by the sight of a geek in a thong.
This leaves the desert eagle, which would probably just try to claw your eyes out. You'd be better off with a reliable, large-caliber pistol or something.
Re:I wouldn't trust one of these at all (Score:3, Funny)
Nay, you've gotten it all wrong. Your method means carrying around a heavy chunk of metal for miles and miles, only to have the bear shove it up your ass at the end of the confrontation. All you really need is a
I wonder what the REAL inspiration was...... (Score:2, Funny)
Hubby: I would if I didnt have to worry about that darn grizzy out there! Plus its dark, I can't chop wood AND hold the flashlight, I only have TWO arms you know! You figure out a way and I'll chop all the wood you want!
Sounds like a Bill Engvall bit ... (Score:2)
Pursuit of a Dream (Score:3, Interesting)
"Canadian inventor Troy Hurtubise spent 10 years perfecting the Ursus Mark-VI suit of armour."
"Perfecting" might be an exaggeration. Every time he tested any of the suits against an actual bear (unmanned), it was always Bear 1, Suit 0. Still, I have to admire Hurtubise's perseverence.
Parent appears to be entirely fantasy (Score:4, Informative)
mirror (Score:2, Informative)
The suit can handle a giant bear (Score:2)
Precursor for Elementals (Score:2)
eBay Slashvertisments will be the death of me yet (Score:3, Funny)
Obligatory Simpsons Ref (Score:2)
Why don't they invent the moron proof forest? (Score:2)
Now I can comment in the VI vs EMACS threads... (Score:2)
interesting statistics on the website... (Score:2, Interesting)
from the suit page: Trigger finger-activated "blaster can" on right arm, capable of spraying a 38 centimetre (15 in.) diameter cone of bear repellant for a distance of 4.6 metres (15 ft.), for a duration of 7 seconds.
so in other words, i better be able to run in my 150 pound suit 100 meters over rough terrain to safety within 7 seconds or i'm dinner...
Man did I read that title wrong... (Score:2)
I thought this was some sort of law suit up for action about some project about a mathematical Proof called the "Grizzly Bear-Proof"
craziest mis-read ever!
Testament to natural might (Score:4, Insightful)
Next: Suits to protect you from sharks with laser beams.
Re:Testament to natural might (Score:4, Insightful)
Even with the bear's thousands of years of evolutionary progress, tremendous strength, and impressive cunning, I can still kill a bear (or any other creature on the planet) at my whim with minimal risk to myself.
Just another perspective.
Of course, the suit is not designed to kill bears. It is designed to protect humans who study bears. How many bears study humans more thoroughly than what is necessary to tip over a trash can looking for food?
Obligatory Super Troopers Reference (Score:2)
Don't mind the teeth marks and deep claw marks (Score:3, Funny)
Anybody remember the documentary? (Score:3, Funny)
This was the subject of... (Score:3, Informative)
The funny thing was he kept on making all these tests and statements that it would simulate an actual attack but he never "put his money where his mouth was" At least when they invited the metal mesh suite for shark attacks someone tried it out.
If any one actually saw the program they can attest to how unscientifically this whole testing affair was carried out. It was almost comical. Their was a test as mentioned above with where they man stood in the suite while his two assistants (a term I use lightly) attached a cinder block or similar item to a rope and hung it from a branch. They would pull it back/higher in stages. At one point one of the assistants thought he heard the man in the suite say go all the way and let it go, when it was only supposed to be a marginal increase. Like I said it looked like something out of the Beverly Hillbillies.
Mark I through V? (Score:4, Funny)
[control] OK all systems green, release the grizzly bear.
[tester] You want a piece of me? I'll show you what a real bear hug is!
[grizzly] {hmmm, another chewy toy...}
[tester] aaaaaaaeeeeeiiiiii!
[control] Oh my... quick turn the cameras off!!
[project leader] Someone phone HR and tell them not to cancel that job posting quite yet...sigh!
Merlin.
The bear suit maker.... (Score:3, Interesting)
But the oddest thing about this comes from a buisiness magazine I read which had an interview of Troy on fire paste. In the interview, Troy said he doesn't want to patent fire paste (?!@?!@?) but would sell the formula (and patent) to any company that would give him enough money to continue working on his bear suties (!??!?!?).
I was speechless when I read that.
Re:Bear wrestling? On Slashdot? (Score:2, Funny)
Bugger Simpsons quotes, Super Trooper quotes are most appropriate this time.
ObFiresignTheatre (Score:2)
"I could never get my socks off."