Computer Control Implants for the Paralyzed

unassimilatible writes: "The Boston Globe is reporting that Cyberkinetics Inc. is about to ask federal regulators for permission to start testing a device that would enable paralyzed people to control computers directly with their brains or possibly help them move their limbs. Initially, the device, implanted into the brains of paralyzed people, will help them control a cursor on a screen or play video games. Researchers believe the technology could one day enable paralyzed people to type, control lights and heating controls, maneuver wheelchairs, or even manipulate robotic arms. I, for one, look forward to playing Stephen Hawking in Unreal Tournament 2004."

My claim to fame

[mrtroy]

I claimed I could beat the smartest man in the world at unreal tourney.

Now they have to go and take that from me.

Now, sharks can control those laser beams on their heads too!

I, for one...

[Anonymous Coward]

I, for one, welcome our new cybernetic paraplegic overlords.

Everyone knows...

[WigginX]

That Stephen Hawking is a QuakeMaster [mchawking.com]!

Re:Stephen Hawking...

[ashkar]

I always wanted to see him matched against Christopher Reeves in Celebrity Deathmatch.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:Stephen Hawking...

[Bendebecker]

Nah, personally, I'd fight Ghandi.

Hawking can already kick your ass in Quake and GTA

[Rayonic]

As is chonicled in his MP3 archive [mchawking.com]. So I quoteth the bard:

The Mighty Stephen Hawking is a fucking Quake god,
got my finger on the trigger and my eye on the quad.
I know it's just a game, but I didn't come to play,
the Hawkman cometh and he's bringing Doomsday.
You say, "impressive", I already know it,
I'm a hardcore player and I'm not afraid to show it.
I got a Phd in pain and a masters in disaster,
the mighty Stephen Hawking is a fucking QuakeMaster.

grudge match!

[Tumbleweed]

Hawking vs Davros! Oh yeah...

The winner plays Captain Christopher Pike.

(I'm such a geek. *sigh*)

Hawkins would whip your ass.

[crovira]

He thinks in more dimensions than you've got limbs. You'd be toast in a minute.

Lets hope that Gates doesn't get into his head that this is potentially life extending though. Think about it, when you're old and feeble, your drones can have just come off the assembly line. Then again, running Windows on his implants might be fitting punishment.

Re:Hawking

[MrResistor]

A Stephen Hawking skin would be sweet! You'd have to have the full selection of audio taunts as well, of course.

In other news...

[fetus]

Computer Controls Implants in Wife..

"When the kids are away, i set them to DD. But if there's company over or Sally is going out with co-workers, I like to bring 'em down to a conservative B.

Re:Serious predictions

[Daemonik]

I predict that lazy people will become even lazier when they no longer have to even move their finger to change the channel on the TV.

Microsoft, the RIAA and the MPAA will fight to have your brain DRM'd so that you can't even think about their products without paying the licensing fees.

Brain hacking will be the next big teenage geek sport with Sobig2010 causing major epileptic fits around the world.

All pretenses of religion will be dropped for the truely important holy crusade of MacHeads vs Penguinistas vs MSsheep. Who will own the source code to your brain?

Re:Stephen Hawking (be careful what you wish for)

[NewbieV]

Ken: You've *ruined*... You...

Buffy: Hey, Ken, wanna see my impression of Gandhi?

(crushes his skull with a club)

Lily: Gandhi?

Buffy: Well, you know, if he was really pissed off.

...shamelessly lifted from the Buffyverse Dialog Database [vrya.net]

controlling a robotic arm?

[Jack Schitt]

I, for one, welcome our new quadriplegic-cybernetic overlords.