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It's funny. Laugh. Science

Send in the Nasal Rangers 161

Posted by michael from the smell-you-later dept.
sjsoko writes "Is this for real? I see a future in alternatives to conventional Chili cook-off judging (from a distance, of course). Or perhaps that person in the cubicle across the hall can be provided undisputable evidence that the cafeteria lunches should be avoided."
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Send in the Nasal Rangers More

Send in the Nasal Rangers

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  • Talking about job insecurity (Score:3, Funny)

    by prostoalex ( 308614 ) on Tuesday October 28, 2003 @04:30PM (#7332450) Homepage Journal
    Catch a cold and you're out of job!

    No thanks, I need more stability, I think I will apply for that VB programmer job.

  • This is ridiculous (Score:1, Insightful)

    by Pingular ( 670773 )
    I can understand air and noise pollution, even light pollution to an extent, but nasal pollution? Smells are a LOT harder to stop, and some things require large amounts of smell (muck spreaders etc).
    And the price :about $15,500, with another $66,000 spent on equipment is equally absurd.

    • You've obviously never lived in the country. (Score:3, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward
      I grew up in a small hick town in Ohio, where the major agricultural industry was livestock (pigs, turkeys & chickens). My house was about 1 half mile downwind from a small (100,000 bird) chicken farm. Probably twice a week we would be almost knocked over when stepping outside. Chicken manure reeks for miles if proper precautions aren't taken. The owner of this farm was routinely being visited by the EPA, but he never did clean up his act.
    • ...And that man's name was Colonel Sanders.
    • Bad smells ARE a lot harder to stop, especially when I'm producing them.

      Imagine being stopped by one of these officers on the street for "letting one go".

      geek wear [wabshirts.com]

    • Don't like it? Don't do that business. Else do it somewhere far far away where you won't have to contain your gasses.

      I grew up in a town surrounded by farming, dairy among it. Many days per year the whole town smelled of it. Step outside your house? Cow crap smell. Go to the park? Cow crap smell. Go shopping? Cow crap smell.

      Not fun.
    • This past summer I took I-70 out to Colorado. On the way there we stopped for gas at an exit in Kansas. That was definately the worst smell of the trip. Not even the five of us guys could produce such a smell in the confines of a minivan.

  • Odd, but not new (Score:3, Interesting)

    by r_glen ( 679664 ) on Tuesday October 28, 2003 @04:32PM (#7332471)

    The ACFA has been doing this for over 2 years [cattlefeeder.ab.ca]
  • How long until one of them gets a nose full of something besides a smell?

    "Goooood Nyborg!"

  • Age old question will be answered (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward
    What does Uranus smell like.

  • This is silly (Score:3, Funny)

    by public_class_name_ex ( 643076 ) on Tuesday October 28, 2003 @04:32PM (#7332479)

    "Their findings will be part of a two-year study to help lawmakers decide if the state "... doesn't use money wisely?

    • I was actually told by several people in Rhode Island Government that "The reason we don't fire tese lazy workers is because then the'd be out of JOBS, it's the government's job to hire these people who normally wouldn't be working."

      You can imagine how far that logic is getting us.

      How much you want to bet most of the 'nasal rangers' are relatives/friends of local politicians, and how much you want to bet they get full benefits and a decent check with very little real oversight?
  • Why couldn't they just test for the presence of chemicals without the nosegun?

  • So Spencer Gifts can sell REAL fart detectors? (Score:5, Funny)

    by dpbsmith ( 263124 ) on Tuesday October 28, 2003 @04:35PM (#7332507) Homepage
    Farts contain a significant amount of hydrogen sulfide... it's only a matter of time for the price to come down low enough that novelty shops will be able to sell $29.95 items that genuinely detect actual farts and sound off with "Major Fart Alert!"

    Technology is so wonderful... maybe we won't have manned space travel to Mars, but at least we'll have fart detectors!
    • Farts contain a significant amount of hydrogen sulfide...

      Actually, they don't.. It's just that our noses are especially keen at smelling it.. we can even detect the stuff at 10 parts per billion!

      I used to work in a lab where H2S was used as a reagent. Whenever they were using it, the whole place stunk, even though it was done in a separate room, under a fume hood.
  • Someone better not let the proverbial fart out of the bag around these guys.

  • Ouch! (Score:5, Funny)

    by BrynM ( 217883 ) * on Tuesday October 28, 2003 @04:35PM (#7332509) Homepage Journal
    Once selected, the inspector gets a few days of training using an olfactometer, a device that resembles a radar gun held to the nose, and then receives a certificate and Nasal Ranger patch.
    Too many possible jokes... Head going to explode...
    • Is the nasal ranger patch a scratch and sniff?
    • Do nasal rangers get a specially shaped vehicle?
    • Do nasal rangers have to brown nose?
    • Can a nasal ranger certify potent bodily functions?
    • Do nasal rangers get to write stink tickets?
    It hurts...
  • Better not point it at windows, stinky!!
    -Seriv

  • breaking news (Score:2, Funny)

    by kaan ( 88626 )
    In addition to DNR officers using the fancy new high-technology portable odor detecting device called the "olfactometer", we've just learned that there is a cheaper, more convenient solution that's competing for market share in the fast-paced market of odor detecting devices. It's called a "nose".
    • Yeah, but if you look at the device, it would appear that it's still your nose that's doing the smelling. From the picture, it looks like just a little fan that concentrates odors to make them easier to smell.

  • Hmm... (Score:3, Funny)

    by Cytlid ( 95255 ) on Tuesday October 28, 2003 @04:35PM (#7332520)
    A DNR officer uses an olfactometer, a portable odor detecting device, near a swine operation in Iowa.


    If I had a job like that, I would sign a Do Not Recessitate agreement as well.
  • All I can say is get these guys on the public transit in Seattle and San Fran; I'm sick of people forgetting that not everyone likes the smell of urine.

    • Did you read the artical? There are minimun levels that need to be met before there is a problem. Having been near pig farms, and seeing their statisics (about 30 in 300 are too smelly) I susect that all those cars you complain smell terribal are well within specifications.

      Though I really wonder why you have such a problem in the city. In farm country it is a given that farms smell. In the citys I live in urine smells are not considered normal.

      • Read the article? Silly human. Reading is for inbreeding troglodytes. I download the data via my aural sockets!!

        As for wondering why I would have a problem with urine smell, try commuting and having that one homeless person who causes an ENCLOSED AREA to stink to high heaven.

        You can compare a pig farm that is outdoors where it can dissipate all you want but when you enclose the stench within a confined space, it intensifies; think of a fart in a crowded elevator and you'll get the idea. Except with that o

  • Nasal Rangers (Score:3, Interesting)

    by Bendebecker ( 633126 ) on Tuesday October 28, 2003 @04:35PM (#7332523) Journal
    Who cares? I mean who really cares anymore? We got Darth Ashcroft and his stromtroopers marching all over the constitution, RFID tags being plugged into everything, Microsoft trying to stop you from using your own computer, the RIAA trying to stop you from listening to anything without you paying them, and the industry monopolizing ideas. When you look at all that, who really cares if a bunch of staties want to go around smelling other peoples farts with mega phones?
  • They scrambled it with a story about the superior ergonomics of Nokia's latest releases, and leaked a picture of N-Gage II.
  • This will be very handy for warning us of impending doom from the sky [geocities.com].
    • Somewhere, Matt Groening is snickering.

      "The smell-o-scope is brilliant I tell you!"

      "Imagine the astronomical odors you can detect because of me!"

      "Oof! That stench is right off the funk-o-meter!"
  • only the pocket sized version. Remember the smellascope.
  • does is qualify for a spot in the "10 worst jobs in science" from popular science? [popsci.com]

  • I wonder... (Score:2, Funny)

    by bcolflesh ( 710514 )
    What does the 2B ton plasma sun fart headed here smell like?

  • Yes, this is _serious_ business... (Score:5, Informative)

    by PseudononymousCoward ( 592417 ) on Tuesday October 28, 2003 @04:42PM (#7332597)
    I'm an agricultural economist (IAAAE?) at a Big-10 university, and I can attest that not only is the story real, but the issues are actually quite important.

    Most /.ers are pretty libertarian, and agree that one's right to swing his/her own fist ends at another's face. But what happens when what is being 'swung' is subjective in both intensity and offensiveness? At that point, it becomes very difficult to arbitrate property rights.

    As the story points out, the individuals involved are being trained for the evaluation of CAFOs (concentrated animal feeding operations). In determining the impact of a CAFO on another's property rights, the strength of the odor emitted by the CAFO is key. But how do you measure 'strength' and offensiveness? Do you just take the property-owner's word for it? In order to be able to assess the actual impact of these operations, there must be some quantifiable measure of their effects on the surrounding property owners, hence the Nasal Rangers.

    • For a literary take on this problem, Pulitzer winner Annie Proulx has written a novel That Old Ace in the Hole that's a fine read. While the subject is not entirely CAFOs, a CAFO figures quite prominently as a "character" in the novel.

      e

    • Well the only thing that really bugs me is the following excerpt...

      People complaining of odor from these farms often are concerned about the effects of such gases as ammonia and hydrogen sulfide, said Brian Button, a Department of Natural Resources spokesman.

      really should read...

      People complaining of odor from these farms just moved in to "New-Age Suburbanite Farms", a three hundred unit planned community, located next to the state's largest pig farm, said Brian Button, a Department of Natural Resourc
      • Well, it goes both ways. CAFOs, which is what the Iowa project is almost certainly about are new phenomenon, and smell far worse than traditional hog farms. Plus, the increased efficiency makes small farming unprofitable so they sell out to developers* -- and then you have tract homes on one side and a particularly vile stench on the other.

        * Except for your dairy farming neighbors in Vermont, where zoning laws essentially keep them as serfs on their farms because transplant Dean voters like to see cows....

      • The farms have to *be* somewhere

        Farms have to be somewhere, yes. Highly polluting factory farms (which are also incredibly cruel to animals) can and should be eliminated.

    • Most /.ers are pretty libertarian, and agree that one's right to swing his/her own fist ends at another's face.

      Nose. You mean 'nose'. :)

      In a similar vein, I remember reading how there's a certain class of lawyer in California that makes their living from people suing neighbors for messing up their million dollar views.

      IMO, the occasional punch in the face probably affects quality of life a bit less than a putrid 24/7 odor, or someone carving the tree in their front yard into a 30' penis for all to se

  • It's good to know that if Jacques Chirac [riber.net] loses the next French election, he can fall back on his natural talents as a nasal ranger.

  • Futurama is right yet again!! (Score:4, Funny)

    by pegr__ ( 144172 ) on Tuesday October 28, 2003 @04:44PM (#7332608) Homepage
    This is Dr. Farnsworth's Smell-o-scope!

    Oh! And bite my shiny metal ass... ;)
  • Recruits are tested, using a series of felt-tipped markers containing varying levels of the chemical butenol....The test is repeated three times for accuracy

    So, they practice by sniffing markers? I guess they'd have to...

  • You Know, We Don't All Sit In Office Buildings... (Score:5, Informative)

    by The Spie ( 206914 ) on Tuesday October 28, 2003 @04:50PM (#7332655) Homepage
    I work in the meat and poultry industry. To us, animal waste is not only a nuisance, but a major problem that has to be dealt with on a constant basis. Smell from a slaughter plant isn't just a sensory complaint from neighbors, it's also a health hazard for a number of reasons (ammonia vapors, flies, etc.). All of that waste has to be reprocessed and treated, quickly and effectively, in order for problems to not develop in the first place.

    Olfactory testing is a valid, important, and cheap way to determine if problems are happening or will be developing. For you goofs to laugh at it just shows your complete ignorance of the world outside of your little milleu. So how about if you put down your precious code for a few seconds and think about where that burger or chicken sandwich you're stuffing down your face came from in the first place? It didn't appear by magic. It requires a lot of work, and a good portion of that work is messy, smelly, and potentially dangerous.

    Hope that you all enjoy your cases of cholera, just to name one of a dozen different diseases that can be caused by improper monitoring and treatment of waste.

  • how do you get your nose certified ? (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward
    it has to be hand picked...
  • Wasn't this [gotfuturama.com] already patented/invented by Professor Hubert J Farnsworth?
  • I go to college in Des Moines and saw the article a couple days ago. Is it really hard to imagine people in Iowa smelling things for a living? What the hell else are you going to do in this state?

  • New York has 'em beat: COFFEE offensive (Score:3, Interesting)

    by bourne ( 539955 ) on Tuesday October 28, 2003 @05:02PM (#7332769)

    New York City has fined [teaandcoffee.net] a COFFEE ROASTER for the smell of... umm... ROASTED COFFEE. See also here [google.com],

    Not some diluted ratio of it. No, an inspector responded to a complaint, walked around outside, and found that yes, he could smell roasted coffee. "During the hearing it was learned that the City inspector on the job 18-months, with no formal training in the detection or measuring of odors smelled coffee in the complainants apartment." (Usenet post [google.com]) Since ONE person found it objectionable enough to complain over, the company gets fined.

    Note: NOT a problem with the roasting chamber exhausts, which were correctly installed and functioning to specification. The smell came from coffee being stored after being roasted - you know, the smell you get in a COFFEE SHOP.

    As of the most recent update [google.com], the coffee roaster is $40k in the hole for legal fees trying to get this joke of an administrative decision overturned.

  • I can't understand why they would use this approach, they should just come up with maximum levels of the signature compounds (ammonia and sulfer containing compounds) that are allowed outside of the farm.
    Sounds like a union dreamed this one up.
  • You could pay me half of what they're getting paid and I'll tell you if something stinks -- and I don't need specialized equipment either!

  • The Specials. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0181836/ There was a character in that movie that had a machine he put on his face to enhance his sense of smell by like 3000. Great movie.
  • Well, yet another piece of evidence to show the world depicted in Futurama will eventually become reality.

    First the Japanese gave us the car selling robots... now we have the Farnsworth's Smelloscope:
    http://www.leelazone.com.ar/rants/fs a.shtml

  • when you are near a "swine operation" in order to smell anything, you really should visit a doctor. I have friends who live close by and they can not sit outside in the summer. Too bad for them the farm was built after they moved in. Ah the wonders where the city meets the countryside. :)
  • if the Rangers can legally certify who dealt it?

  • Or, "Wholly cow," as in answer to "What's the frangrance of Ferndale, WA?" I lived in beautiful Ferndale, WA for about 8 months in 1998. The pictures are beautiful, with Mt Baker standing so proud, Lindon looking so Lutheran and the tulips to die for. But as pictures are worthy a thousand words, the wafting odor of soggy dairy farms with their pools of fermenting cow dung are worth "a thousand miles," or, more precisely, 1500 miles away where I now reside, Southern California (where the air was clear until

  • what's worse, is that taxpayer money [that's you, bub] is paying this McDonald's rejects salary.
  • I used to live in a small town on the plains in the Midwest, and whenever the wind blew from a certain direction, the entire town would smell like the hog operation up wind. It was definitely heavy at times. Controlling this would be a good idea.

    That being said, I don't know about this whole "health risk" worry. While the smell may drive some people crazy, I have to say that I don't have any physical defects from inhaling pig stink. Some people just need to calm down a bit, I think.
  • Oh, and I was thinking that we would be attacked by a new "Power Rangers" series...

    Not a bad idea at all... "Nasal Rangers Zeo" would sound cooler. :)
  • No, the device attached to the "Nasal Ranger's" nose is not the fabled smelloscope. It actually dilutes, rather than strengthens, the smell with filtered air by a factor of x; the assumption being that if the intrepid ranger can still smell it the stink is too strong. Obviously, rendering plants and the like stink. The question they're trying to answer is how much.
  • Nasal Rangers would be a good name for a rock band.
  • The olfactometer helps inspectors determine the level of stink. The instrument dilutes the outdoor air seven times with filtered air. If the odor can still be detected after dilution, it's considered excessive.

    Am I the only one that noticed that the device in question is used to DILUTE air, and then pass it on to the nose to be smelled? The /. article text talks about using it for long-range stuff, and so do a lot of the posters here. That is NOT what it is. =p (So you can stop comparing it to Futura
  • In The Netherlands (call it Holland if you will), they have had skilled nasal workers for years. They are called Pig Shit Inspectors.

    It was explained to me thus: Due to the high water table, the Dutch (hey, third term for them now) have to watch the pollution of their water, so the farmers are restricted in how much (ahem) natural fertilizer they can use on their land. So, inspectors drive around the country, stop at places, get out, and have a good noseful, then zone in for further tests before pouncing o
  • Homer : Five-alarm chilli, eh? (He tastes it.) One...two...hey, what's the big idea? Ned: Oh, I admit it! It's only two-alarm, two-and-a-half, tops! I just wanted to be a big man in front of the kids Todd : Daddy, are we going to jail? Ned: We'll see, son. We'll see.

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