Nicotine-Free Cigs, Genetically Engineered

jim.b0b writes "Wired has an interesting article about nicotine-free cigarettes, made from genetically engineered tobacco grown by Amish farmers. Vector Tobacco is hoping that their Quest cigarettes will make them a viable competitor to RJR and Phillip Morris. Don't worry, they are nicotine-free, not carcinogen-free."

genetically engineered tobacco?

[Anonymous Coward]

Grown by Amish farmers? Hmm... Something about this doesn't smell right. ;-)

Hahahaha

[zapfie]

...genetically engineered tobacco grown by Amish farmers

'nuff said.

What's the point?

[Anonymous Coward]

I get all of the toxic chemicals and none of the "pleasing" drugs? Burning wood chips is cheaper.

Oh yeah - how will this compete with tomacco?

Couldn't they have engineered the reverse?

[arnie_apesacrappin]

I like the nicotine. The carcinogens are what I'd like to see removed. Get me a cigarette that is loaded with nicotine, makes my breath smell good, helps me loose weight and makes me smarter. Then I will consider it a feat of genetic engineering.

Until then, I waive my paw at them and say "Bah"

decaf cigs?

[riqnevala]

Like parachuting from a 4-feet ladder.

Stay tuned

[Amsterdam Vallon]

... as the Amish plan to start producing buggies without wheels by the second quarter of 2004.

*nix.org [starnix.org] - You say you want a revolution?

Conversation in Amish farm meeting:

[pulse2600]

Ishmael: Hey Ezekiel! I have an idea! We can grow genetically engineered tobacco that is non-habit forming!!!
Ezekiel: That's wonderful! What is genetic engineering?
Ishmael: Well, you take this machine, plug it in, and...oh...nevermind.

It's the perfect product

[jandrese]

People have been clamoring for years for a cigarette that still tastes terrible, makes you smell, and kills you but doesn't get you high. I'll bet these will be really popular among the total idiot crowd.

Reminds me of an old Larry Niven quote about smoking. (sorry if I must paraphrase, I cannot remember the exact wording) "I love smoking, I think it's one of the few joys in life. If they ever make a cigarette that doesn't kill you, I'd start smoking again in a flash."

dont these already exist?

[PhreakOfTime]

Don't worry, they are nicotine-free, not carcinogen-free."

Isnt another name for this marijuana?

Well consider the momentum aspects of this....

[casings]

THC-Free Marijuana. BWHAHAHA!

oh wait. isn't that what hemp is? The material that can be used to make paper and ropes, and is very easy to grow?

oh yea hemp!

Re:I don't understand...

[Anonymous Coward]

These are for the health-conscious geek who wants to get laid.

Bah

[Alizarin Erythrosin]

Forget cigarettes... smoke a salmon.

More disturbing than the idea of nic-free tobacco

[The Wookie]

The picture at the bottom of the article has the following caption:

An Amish farmer takes a cell phone call as transgenic tobacco dries inside his 250-year-old barn in Holland, Pennsylvania.

Wonder what he uses for a ringer? Maybe a knock and a voice saying "Jedediah, thee has a call".

Come to think of it.. how does he recharge the thing?

Weird Al Said..

[Anonymous Coward]

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies all I agree I look good in black... fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Caruso
It's as primitave as can be

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another
Think you're really rightous? Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might just have to get medieval on your heinie

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in an Amish paradise

Yuck

Re:Hahahaha

[BrookHarty]

I can understand genetically engineered tabacco, they bought the seeds from another company.

BUT the caption on the picture was REALLY funny.

An Amish farmer takes a cell phone call as transgenic tobacco dries inside his 250-year-old barn in Holland, Pennsylvania.

Re:Couldn't they have engineered the reverse?

[Anonymous Coward]

I wonder how they got the mice to smoke..

Nope

[Guitarzan]

People smoke so they can stink, and make everyone around them stink as well.

Re:Bah

[Dr Caleb]

.. smoke a salmon.

I tried that, but once I found paper big enough, I couldn't get it to stay lit.

Re:Wait..

[Scrameustache]

Im a smoker. I can go without smoking for a few days if the need be. I'm not as addicted to the nicotine as I am the psychological connection to the action of smoking.

*cough*denial*cough*

Re:Couldn't they have engineered the reverse?

[Anonymous Coward]

They paid a couple of the cool mice to do it, then the rest followed on their own.

Re:Next up: genetically engineered heroine...

[teamhasnoi]

Next up: genetically engineered heroine...

I thought you were talking about Jessica Alba.

Re:Couldn't they have engineered the reverse?

[SoSueMe]

Using palladium to treat tobacco,...

Palladium? Damn! That MS initiative is into everything.

I can see it now...

[Some Bitch]

Day 1: Start smoking nicotine free ciggies. Maybe these aren't so bad.
Day 2: Ladedadeda...I'm fine, just don't talk to me.
Day 3: Jesus Christ, why do I work with such idiots?
Day 4: Are all users fucking morons or something? Jesus, what sort of prick can't set up Outlook?
Day 5: Ok, that's it, I've had enough of ALL of you! SOMEONE HAND ME THE AMMUNITION!
Day 6: Profi...oops, got carried away there.

Put another way, you can have my nicotine sticks when you prise them from my cold dead cancer ridden hand ;)

MOD GHODS: HOW CAN THE FIRST POST BE REDUNDANT?

[Anonymous Coward]

????
Anyone...???
Anyone..????
Beuler...????

Re:Unforseen Consequences?

[kippy]

This will happen, mark my words. That's the reason birth control ads have to specify that the pill doesn't keep you from getting AIDS.

If they're smart big tobacco will get on the bandwaggon and market their own nicotine free smokes. they can worm out of lawsiuts by saying "look, we clearly offer non addictive cigarettes. is it our fault to chose the addictive ones? No."

That, and they can market it like it's some sort of health food. Hell, that new light beer (I think it's like michaelob ultra lite or something) is being marketed with pictures of people doing sit-up and jumping jacks and shit. They're selling beer like it was PowerAde. MO and RJR can do the same thing and treat it like it's aroma therapy or something.

Ahhhh

[mao che minh]

Ahhh, killing yourself slowly and horribly with none of the satisfaction associated with the real thing. It's like just eating what's in the grease trough of a Foreman grill and throwing the hamburger away.

Re:Couldn't they have engineered the reverse?

[jcsehak]

Until then, I waive my paw

I did the same thing, and now it's gone. *sniff*


(sorry, couldn't resist)

This smells like gramma

[teslatug]

*cue deep, addicted-cow voice*

T-O-M-A-C-C-O

Re:Wait..

[Graspee_Leemoor]

"*cough*denial*cough*"

That's a nasty cough you've got there. Maybe you should give up ?

graspee

Re:Your pretty much a moron if you smoke

[workindev]

At least my nicotinergic receptors were sufficiently and pleasantly stimulated during my lifetime.

Translation:

At least my nicotinergic receptors were sufficiently and pleasantly stimulated during my shortened, putrid, more expensive lifetime (filled with yellow teeth, nicotine stained hands, uncontrollable cravings, and the knowledge that my filthy habit was unhealthy to the people that were close to me).

This Just In..

[radon28]

In other news, Native American tribesmen have perfected a coal-fired factory that produces absolutely nothing, yes still pollutes the environment with same efficiency as their modern counterparts. They are said to be working on genetically modified SUV's that are specially bred to not have wheels.

Re:Wait..

[Anonymous Coward]

"Using palladium to treat tobacco"

DRM == less carcinogens

You heard it hear first!

Re:Wait..

[Idarubicin]

I'm one of those people that need something to do with their hands and so out in a bar, or social situation, its comforting to smoke.

Have you considered taking up drinking?

Hmm

[BitHive]

I expect these will do about as well on the market as amphetamine-free speed, and nudity-free porn.

I would never smoke such a cigarette...

[rleibman]

I would never put in my body something genetically engineered, think of the damage it could cause me.
Heck, it may give me cancer for all I know.

Re:Losing proposition for cig. manufacturers.

[Xerithane]

If Marlboro were to sell nic-free cigarettes, and that caused people to lose their addiction, therefore causing probably a good number of them to quit, wouldn't that be a hit to the bottom line?


How often is a fool born?

Obligatory Onion reference

[Dr_Banzai]

New Smokable Nicotine Sticks: Can They Help Smokers Quit? [theonion.com]

Re:genetically engineered tobacco?

[swordboy]

Grown by Amish farmers? Hmm... Something about this doesn't smell right. ;-)

Believe it or not... Its true! I heard it straight from the horse's mouth over at AmishDot [amishdot.pig].

Take that, root server statistic log!

Re:Hmm

[msimm]

Are you talking about "erotic" fiction or caffeine?

Microsoft dipping their fingers into smokes too...

[thedji]

"Using palladium to treat tobacco, they produced a cigarette that caused 70 percent fewer tumors in mice."

Guess that's final then, Palladium is a Good Thing after all :)

reminds me of...

[devleopard]

Some caffeine-free Mountain Dew I had up north. Further proof that it is possible to market and sell products with no purpose.

Re:Your pretty much a moron if you smoke

[Stonent1]

It is also proven that dihydrogen oxide is lethal to everyone ingesting it

Water? Well I guess it is lethal to breathe it. ;)