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In Space, No One Knows You Read Vogue 140

Chad Coffman writes "Salon has quite the story up. It seems Russian astronauts are trolling for supermodels as passengers for their space program." I guess Tito nor Shuttleworth were cute enough for Valery Korzun. May I suggest Courreges or Gaultier for space-suit designer? I'll leave the weight allowance jokes as an exercise for the reader.
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In Space, No One Knows You Read Vogue

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  • You could afford to pay for your ticket to space like Shuttleworth etc.
    • If _I_ were a Russian cosmonaut on a multi-month mission to space, I would pay quite a bit to have a _real_live_woman_ in with me (actually, Im a geek on earth, and would probably pay quite a bit too...anyway...). Besides, "in space, no one can hear you scream."
  • I guess a supermodel wouldn't need a wonderbra :)
  • by Krapangor ( 533950 ) on Sunday June 09, 2002 @04:35AM (#3668044) Homepage
    Hereby I troll for Natalie Portman in space !
    Naked and pertified of course.
    This would be rather expensive, because a pertified Natalie Postman is heavier than a non-pertified Natalie Portman, even naked.
    But I think it's worth the money.
  • i agree with the suggestion about designer space suits, they would look rad. also you could do with some other colours besides white, that's so passe. i would go for blue, or maybe black.
  • by Abstrakt ( 86571 ) on Sunday June 09, 2002 @04:38AM (#3668052)
    From the article:
    • He quickly added: "But this is a joke and we will be very happy to receive any space tourist. They're very welcome here."
  • by Ezza ( 413609 ) on Sunday June 09, 2002 @04:42AM (#3668062)
    .. with a supermodel!
  • should be their advertisement. Think about it, when you take off all the G forces pulling against your skin would stretch them out. Anyone have a picture of Homer in their head when he went into space....heh priceless.
  • NASA said the other gyroscopes were working fine and that the failure would not affect the station's navigation and control. But the bad unit will need to be replaced, and the soonest that can happen is early next year.

    they have 5 gyroscopes that they consider "major components", yet it will take em till next year till they can fly one up?

    what, they dont have any backups ready to go for critical items and have to manufacture it first?

    great planning
    • those five gyroscopes are probably designed to have a fair amount of redundancy. I'm sure the people in charge have more sense than to design major components without backups.

      they've probably also calculated the probability of enough gyroscopes failing in a year to place the station in jeopardy, and I'm betting it's a small number.

    • With five gyrosocopes in operation on the station, it stands to reason that the backups are already up there. No need for a warehouse full of extras down here.
    • The limiting factor, likely, is room on a Shuttle or Soyuz to lift the thing to orbit. Trajectories are very mass-sensitive and have likely been worked out. Plus the next few supply runs are probably already carrying important components.

      If the system is similar to that on Hubble, they only need three gyroscopes to remain fully functional, and can get by with only two. So there's not the sense of urgency you seem to feel.

    • After taking the grad class "Satellite dynamics and control" I feel im qualified to answer this question. In order to fully control a satellite such as the space station, you only need 3 gyroscopes for three axis control (X,Y,Z). And in a tight situation you could get away with two if they were in the right position (to do a 3-1-3 rotation for example) The other two gyroscopes are there to give you more control authority, and more torquing power, but if two of them fail, youll still be able to control how the station is oriented. The reason why its taking them a year to replace the thing is because they are essentially replacing a backup. If they lose another gyroscope they will definetly pick up the timetable, and if they lost two more they would have to abandon station until they could get it fixed.
    • For a start, there are only four gyros in the Z1 truss. They can operate quite happily with three, and can get by nervously with two. If a third one fails, they have to resort to using rocket propellant from the Russian segment, which depletes their supplies a lot faster, which is a Bad Thing.

      Second, each gyro weighs about 1100 pounds, including the assembly needed to secure it in the cargo bay of the Shuttle. The next two flights this year are carrying up big segments of the solar panel truss, and there just isn't enough room or weight to also carry the replacement gyro. This current flight is actually carrying a replacement wrist joint for the station robotic arm, but it only occupies about 2x2x2 feet, so it was easy to fit it into an otherwise one-third (or so) empty cargo bay.

      Believe me, if they could get the gyro up there any earlier, they would.

  • supermodels (Score:4, Funny)

    by InsaneCreator ( 209742 ) on Sunday June 09, 2002 @05:06AM (#3668098)
    It seems Russian astronauts are trolling for supermodels as passengers for their space program.

    Why would supermodels have to be passengers in the space program? They can easily fly up there to the space station, like their mentor, the superman! I've never seen him pay for a seat in the shuttle! :)
  • if a normal woman in space looks like this, [codokfokd.com] then what in lord's name will happen to a supermodel? [voodoo.cz]
    • first link should be this [nasa.gov]
    • I do not think that anyone will let _that_ model (S.C.) anywhere close to a spaceship. Her movies are a sufficient demonstration of her intelligence.

      El Macferson - more likely. But she is not in the business any more so she does not count.
      • Brains and beauty (Score:3, Interesting)

        by geoswan ( 316494 )
        Anyone who makes a crack about brains and beauty never occurring in the same person should look into the life of Hedy Lamarr [imdb.com]. Oh, there a pictures [imdb.com] too. Ms Lamarr was one of the patent holders of an important ww2 patent. She also sued Corel for using an uncredited likeness of her on the cover of one of their flagship software products.
  • I am trying (Score:5, Funny)

    by Frantactical Fruke ( 226841 ) <`renekita' `at' `dlc.fi'> on Sunday June 09, 2002 @05:11AM (#3668106) Homepage
    Trying to bite back some quip about Russians
    attempting to get the most bang for their bucks.

    Guess I failed. Sigh.

  • I think you guys are not giving enough validity to the scientific value this experiment would give. Now scientist can study the effects of silicone implants in a weightless environment. Perhaps it will allow us to design the perfect breast.
  • Porn in Space? (Score:1, Offtopic)

    by m_evanchik ( 398143 )
    So how much would you pay for the first zero-gravity Playboy pictorial?

    What about the first film really filmed in high earth orbit
  • Space suits. (Score:1, Redundant)

    by Rhinobird ( 151521 )
    They'd probably make some sort of custom body-stocking type of pressure suit. Something that simulates air pressure through elastic tension. Then your supermodel would have a very anime looking space suit...now just fix up the hair...has to be spiky and either green or blue. Also they need pointy ears, maybe a tail...whoa momma...I would so follow that mission with an anime supermodel in space...
  • by danamania ( 540950 ) on Sunday June 09, 2002 @05:45AM (#3668148)
    Apart from all the jokes, in such an isolated environment it sounds pretty natural. Humans aren't completely isolated creatures from other humans, and for most of the population the company of someone of the opposite sex - just hanging around the place - is a wonderful comfort regardless of being supermodels. Keeping each other mentally stable in such a long term trip sounds as important as having leet space skillz :)

    So where do I apply?

    a grrl & her server [danamania.com]
    • Cordwainer Smith's short story Nancy is about exactly this topic- if a crewman gets too whacky Out There he can push a button.

      He is told beforehand that pushing the button will wash out his career but he can do it. Our hero's fellow crewman and pet die, and he gets wonky, so he pushes the button. His perfect woman appears and keeps him happy throughout the voyage. She is of course an entity built from his mind that helps him function at a minimal level.

      Once he makes it back Nancy disappears (since she's part of the ship's safety equipment, never to run again. He is not only ruined for space, but for being involved with anyone else, because he's already experienced the Perfect Companion and is left with the feeling that she could pop up at any time.
  • I just have that silly scene from 007 "The man with the Golden Gun" with whoever the B girl was at the time pressing the solar plant controls with her butt.

    It stays in front of my eyes and does not want to go...
  • I just wired my money and the training starts in 2 months. Lance and I are going to have a "dance off" in space to be broadcast on PPV worldwide.
  • by AtomicBomb ( 173897 ) on Sunday June 09, 2002 @06:26AM (#3668182) Homepage
    It seems Russian astronauts are trolling for supermodels as passengers
    It makes good sense. In terms of payload, probably you can send 2 supermodels for same weight as Tito.

    Maybe sending me up the space is not such a bad idea. (A gnome shorter than 5'3" who can use both micropipette and computer program. )
  • The international space station's new skipper says forget 'N Sync singer Lance Bass as the orbiting outpost's next tourist. Send up Cindy Crawford!

    In space, no one can hear Cindy Crawford sing, and that's a good thing.
  • Jodie Shaw [fortunecity.com]
  • ...to be the first generation ever to witness space-rape.
  • One of the (many) unknown "truths" about space is that zero-g really sucks! It makes even the hardiest astronaut feel like they have a low-grade flu constantly, and worse. Your bowels clag up, your eyes feel awful, your joints are sore, the works. Of course, the view is great!
    • I don't think zero-g actually sucks. Humans suck. Or rather, we were made to live on Earth, not in a gravityless environment, so, who told humans could go out there and travel through space and to other planets and stuff like that? Chances are, if we're stubborn enough to go live on the Moon or on Mars, mutations will have to occur during a few centuries before we actually feel comfortable up there. Same goes for zero-g, I believe. dontchathink?
  • Both the Salon article title and the Slashdot blurb are pretty misleading, since the article talks very little about supermodels in space.

    This has to be one of my favorite Slashdot article titles, though. Yet another triumph of style over content.

  • I am not sure... Most of the female astronauts have been married or just downright plain-jane... I think I might have to double bag it for the bragging rights!!!
  • Regular women have had little problems getting adjusted with space travel. The problem, when you start looking at Supermodels in space, is that you must discriminate between two different, distinct types of supermodels: the waifs and the chicks with augmented breasts.

    Waifs are popular amongst engineers... their light weight mean that you can fit heavier, more practical cargo on board that would normally be sacrificed due to launch considerations.... stuff like Mah Jongg sets, a kegerator, and Russian millionaires (which are, ironically, the reason Supermodels are being considered for space travel).

    Those with augmented breasts must be discriminated against, no matter the behest of the millionaires. Intra-craft space travel would be nearly impossible to manage.... The fact of the matter is that in space, even with the relatively wightless environment, a human body will spin around it's "center of gravity". The effect of spinning to the left or right is still unknown, because we are not sure how silicon implants will react to such an environment. However, it is bound to be far less disasterous than a top-bottom spin. This is best simulated by throwing a hammer through tube of computer equipment. A model's feet will probably not survive the trip, and mental damage is inevitable if the feet get hooked on a loose computer or cargo crate.... Fortunatley, it is questionable if such mental damage of a supermodel is a valid concern, at least until said models age to their 23rd year.
  • technician: how many Gs can you take?
    super-model: I only wear one string at a time.
    technician: huh? oh, never mind.
  • Are you an astronaut baby.... Cause your ass is out of this world!
  • This would help with any sagging problems.

    A win-win situation.
  • What's up with the hubba-hubba-isms in this topic? It's just not funny anymore.

    Back in the day, part of the hacker ethic was that you judged people from their hacking skills, not on unimportant baggage like sex, race or ethnicity.
  • MTV will rent the whole place out and throw a party...or wait better yet...host the VMA's up there!
  • Supermodel and ersatz space tourist Kate Moss today was killed during launch. She would have been the first supermodel in space.

    A NASA spokesman said, "Apparently, the g-forces were too much for her bony, underfed frame and she was ripped in half by the pressure."

    "It's just as well, because I don't know how she would have survived a week with those horny, lecherous astronauts on the ISS. Either way, she would have been ripped in half."
  • Sad that the very mention of "Supermodel" gets this kind of coverage. I've read this excuse for a story in like 6 different places...the guy made a joke, that's it. Cindy Crawford is not going into space.

    Then again, maybe the story is a Russian beaurecrat (sp) actually making a joke!
  • Has any one else noticed that this is actaully an AP news wire, not a Salon article?

    Is any one else irritated by the use of the phrase "quite the" in the submission?
  • by Tablizer ( 95088 ) on Sunday June 09, 2002 @12:50PM (#3669074) Journal
    "In space, no one can hear you cream."
  • His quote is like saying...

    "Boy, I'd like to be an astronaut someday... but this is a joke, I'll take anyjob I can get.... please? Anybody? Janitor? Any openings like that? I'll be a fry cook... sigh .... fine. I'll go home.... UNLESS you have a job now? Astronaut per chance? Huh? Oh. Ok. I guess I'll be seeing you again, maybe."
  • They also reported a loud, growling noise inside the space station. (emphasis mine)

    They think it was a broken gyro... You see, principal filming can't begin until the babes arrive... then the creature will kill everyone, in ones and twos:

    Begin Scene: Korzun and Crawford in space-hot-tub (n/m the whole gravity thing) giggling. A slight scraping sound is heard...

    Crawford: Did you hear that?!

    Korzun: Aw, it's nothingks...

    There is a "loud, growling noise."

    Camera zooms on Crawford as she screams in terror.

  • Even though I am a wealthy actor and own over 10,000 guns of all shapes and sizes, I do not think that I would personally travel in space, even if it were free. However, I am content to see supermodels fly in space, provided that they are armed with the latest machine guns and plenty of ammunition.
  • "May I suggest Courreges or Gaultier for space-suit designer?"

    No, get the person who did the costumes for Barbarella!
  • Yeah, didn't Dan Aykroyd get it on with one of them in "Spies Like Us"? And hell, that was what, 10 or so years ago? So it's only natural that they're going to space now. WHEE!

"I've seen it. It's rubbish." -- Marvin the Paranoid Android