theodp writes "Combine smartphone auto correction and fat-fingered virtual keyboard typing, writes Rob Walker, and the results can be hilarious and even shocking. The website Damn You, Autocorrect collects the awesomely embarrassing text messages that you never meant to send. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to masturbate some chicken for bisexuals night!"

The Guardian newspaper's Bad Science columnist Dr. Ben Goldacre does a stand-up routine about medicine, the placebo effect, and the mysteries of the human body at Nerdstock. From a scientific standpoint, I can't accurately say how funny it is because I was told it was great before I saw it.

New research suggests that the clear screens and easily read fonts of e-readers makes your brain "lazy." According to Neuroscience blogger Jonah Lehrer, using electronic books like the Kindle and Sony Reader makes you less likely to remember what you have read because the devices are so easy on the eyes. From the article: "Rather than making things clearer, e-readers and computers prevent us from absorbing information because their crisp screens and fonts tell our subconscious that the words they convey are not important, it is claimed. In contrast, handwriting and fonts that are more challenging to read signal to the brain that the content of the message is important and worth remembering, experts say."

Usually a boss won't care if his employee takes a company vehicle to run a few errands, but when that vehicle is a helicopter it's a different story. 32-year-old Dave Dennison is accused of taking a police helicopter to drop off a fishing net to a friend last fall. Tampa officials have suspended him for five days without pay following an internal affairs investigation. I wonder if Dave was at least smart enough to fill the tank when he was done?

An anonymous reader writes "The Red Cross apparently takes the sanctity of its 'red cross' symbol quite seriously. The UK branch of the Red Cross has threatened a patomime theatrical production of Robin Hood because one of the actresses, playing a nurse, has an outfit that includes the standard red cross. The Red Cross told the producers of the play that using such a costume, no matter how accurate, is a violation of the Geneva Conventions."

You might want to wear gloves the next time you use an ATM according to a new study. Swabs of public banking machines found bacteria levels at least equal to those found in public restrooms. From the article: "'We were surprised by our results because the ATM machines were shown to be heavily contaminated with bacteria; to the same level as nearby public lavatories,' Richard Hastings, a microbiologist for BioCote, which sponsored the study, told the Telegraph newspaper. 'In addition, the bacteria we detected on ATMs were similar to those from the toilet, which are well-known as causes of common human illnesses.'"

Stoobalou writes "WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange has been accused of 'treason' by a Florida man seeking damages for distress caused by the site's revelations about the US government. From the article: 'David Pitchford, a Florida trailer park resident, names Assange and WikiLeaks as defendants in a personal injury suit filed with the Florida Southern District Court in Miami. In the complaint filed on 6th January, Pitchford alleges that Assange's negligence has caused "hypertension," "depression" and "living in fear of being stricken by another heart attack and/or stroke" as a result of living "in fear of being on the brink of another nuclear [sic] WAR."' Just for good measure, it also alleges that Assange and WikiLeaks are guilty of 'terorism [sic], espionage and treason.'"

43 sex offenders in Pennsylvania's Allegheny County are wearing GPS monitoring devices as part of a pilot program designed to keep track of their movements. If the offender moves into an "exclusion zone," police are called. “Exclusion zones for example [are] schools, daycares, playgrounds, facilities where children congregate for those sex offenders,” John Hudson, a security consultant, said. “We’ve identified in their red zones. If an offender with a device goes into one of the red zones, an exclusion zone, we’ll be notified immediately.”

This month Boston’s Emergency Medical Services will begin rolling out ambulances equipped with special equipment designed to handle super-sized patients weighing up to 850 pounds. “With a 300-pound patient, it’s not too bad, or even 400 pounds,’’ said Jose A. Archila, a Boston EMS captain. “But to be honest with you, with a 500-, 600-, 700-pound patient — it’s just too much for you.’’

Officials at Fenland District Council in Britain have raised the ire of union bosses by proposing that employees declare in writing any personal relationships with co-workers. "Any employee who embarks on a close personal relationship with a colleague working in the same team must declare the relationship to his/her manager in writing," reads the document, adding that the specifics of the relationship will remain in the employees file. "It's quite common for relationships to start in the office, but having to declare your feelings via the HR department is hardly the most romantic way to make a move. Whilst it's important for employers to tackle inappropriate behavior at work, laying down Orwellian dictates about people's personal lives will simply generate resentment among staff," said Sarah Veale, Trade Unions Congress Head of Employment Rights.

While some airlines are charging you for carry-on bags and others are reducing beverage service, ANA would like to offer a cold draft beer. Starting July 20, passengers on All Nippon Airway will be able to purchase a tall cold one for $11.30. Until now draft beer and fluctuating cabin pressure would result in a foamy mess, but new keg technology has solved the problem.

theodp writes "Having already assembled a private Air Force, Google's top execs now seem to be turning their attention to building a personal Navy. At last count, CEO Eric Schmidt's wife had assembled a stable of three classic racing boats — the Swan 80 Selene, the 46-foot W-class Equus and the Alerion Mischief. Perhaps not to be outdone, the press is reporting that Google founder Larry Page just snapped up a $45 million superyacht called Senses from New Zealand businessman Sir Douglas Myers, who referred to the ostentatious-yet-awesome yacht as his 'adventure boat.' As Google likes to say, 'just the latest steps in Google's commitment to a clean and green energy future.' So, do Google execs eat their own carbon footprint calculator dogfood?" All I know is if Larry wants to go fishing, I'll bring bait — or he can come here and fish on Zen's pontoon boat. It only leaked once, the engine usually starts right up, and while there's no helipad, I'd love to watch someone try.

ecouterran writes "From the ecouterre article: 'We have dresses to impress, for success, even to kill, but "Herself" must be the first drapery number to clear the air. A collaboration between the University of Sheffield, London College of Fashion, and the University of Ulster, the sweeping gown is part of a larger project to engage the public in the science of environmental pollution. "Catalytic Clothing" explores how textiles can improve ambient quality, and the self-described textile sculpture, is the first prototype to emerge. Highly experimental, according to the designers, "Herself" is designed to illustrate how fabrics can eliminate pollutants so we can "breathe more beautifully."'"

The Swiss village of Reconvilier is serious about collecting pet taxes, dead serious. Officials recently said that dog owners who haven't paid their pet tax face having their dogs killed. Local official Pierre-Alain Nemitz says, "This isn't about a mass execution of dogs. It's meant to put pressure on people who don't cooperate." You don't want to know what happens when you don't pay an excise tax in Reconvilier!

rhettb writes "Scientists in the Netherlands have discovered that insects produce significantly less greenhouse gas per kilogram of meat than cattle or pigs. Their study, published in the online journal PLoS, suggests that a move towards insect farming could result in a more sustainable — and affordable — form of meat production."

An anonymous reader writes "The male test subjects didn't know what they were smelling, they were just given little vials of clear liquid and told to sniff. But when those vials contained a woman's tears (collected while she watched a sad movie), the men rated pictures of women's faces as less sexually attractive, and their saliva contained less testosterone. Is this proof that humans make and respond to pheromones? The researcher behind the study doesn't use that controversial word, but he says his findings do prove that tears contain meaningful chemical messages."

An anonymous reader writes "With Ted Williams's story (the homeless man with the golden voice, saved by the internet) blowing up online, and in the traditional media, we figured it was time to tell the stories of 5 other homeless people who've found success, be it financial or personal, through the wonderful use of this series of tubes we call The Internet."

An anonymous reader writes "A man in possession of the world's greatest license plate has lost his battle with the Virginia DMV, who ridiculously claim it encourages oral sex with kids instead of just cannibalism. According to poster WHOWANTSBEEF at Reddit, he's the owner of the infamous 'EATTHE Kids First' license plate floating around the internet for years. Unfortunately for him, someone complained his plate was advocating something beyond hilarious cannibalism."

If you have a propane tank, an ultrasonic sensor, a copy of Guitar Hero and a touch of pyromania, this is the project for you. From the article: "For version 1 of FireHero, the player simply watches a video of the guitar hero chart and plays on the guitar accordingly. Version 2 of FireHero will have a much better system, with Autoplay functionality. I will be able to take a custom guitar hero chart, convert it into a MIDI file, and use Processing to analyze it and play FireHero to the track."

dbune writes "Romanian witches are upset over the government's plan to tax them for the first time. So, they are protesting in ways that only they can. The government's austerity measures have prompted widespread spells to be cast. From the article: 'The issue is no laughing matter to many in politics. Witches are using cat feces and dead dogs in their incantations on the president and other government leaders.'"