samzenpus writes "This isn't that unusual. I've called 911 over a grilled cheese that wasn't gooey enough in the center and a salad that had too much dressing."

As proof that things are only getting worse the list of deadly sins, written in the 6th century, has just had an update. The Vatican has added pollution, mind-damaging drugs, genetic experiments, and monetary social injustice. New Line Cinema has already retained Morgan Freeman and is working on a script for 'Ten'.

Does having to look at the disadvantaged and downtrodden while you are trying to buy a $1000 pair of shoes make you feel bad? If so Esther Viti, who oversees the donation of public benches for a merchants' association in La Jolla, Ca. has the solution for you. Esther is trying to employ teams of the lethargic to take 3 hour shifts on benches in her upscale shopping district thereby replacing the dirty and poor with the more aesthetically pleasing sedentary.

15-year-old Gemma Anscomb has accepted the Corey Worthington challenge and may have surpassed his mega-party with her internet advertised celebration. When her parents got home they found their dog Bailey had overdosed on ecstasy. Their dining room floor was covered in four inches of beer, their lap-tops, iPods and jewelery had been stolen and they found handcuffs and underwear in their eight-year-old daughter's bedroom. While I appreciate the trend of giant destructive teenage parties and especially the overdosed dog, they all seem about the same to me. What they should shoot for is a party big enough to destroy a neighborhood or region.

Voters in eastern Sri Lanka were blocked from polling booths Monday by elephants. Local officials sent a team of commandos in armored personnel carriers and sirens to drive them away and clear the streets. This marks the first time the Republican party has unleashed it's army of vote busting elephants on an Island nation.

samzenpus writes "Even though Christmas has come and gone, someone is acting as a secret Santa for people in need of a new kidney. It's nice to see a story about people helping people."

Still seething in anger from his exclusion as a core race in the new 4th addition Dungeons and Dragons, a gnome has been terrorizing the streets of a small town in Argentina. The gnome, who wears a pointy hat and travels with a distinctive sideways walk, has been spotted many times according to locals.

samzenpus writes "When Chad is done with them, they'll have to phone home from the hospital."

samzenpus writes "What do you do when words fail to express exactly how you feel?"

The mayor of Sarpourenx, a small village in the southwest of France has forbidden locals from dying there. The ordinance is designed to help fight the overcrowding problem in the local cemetery. Mayor Gerard Lalanne told the 260 residents of the village that, "all persons not having a plot in the cemetery and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from dying in the parish." He added, "Offenders will be severely punished." I'm pretty sure this is how a couple Twilight Zones and a Lovecraft story start.

samzenpus writes "To err is human, to forgive devine and nothing is as divine as a beautiful diamond ring."

samzenpus writes "He drove the elves out of your backyard and he's eaten that dog that won't stop barking. Isn't about time you got something special for that special subhuman in your life."

samzenpus writes "What's the point of having kids if you can't scar them for life?"

Timmy writes "Wired Science has picked ten of the best videos from YouTube and their own show on PBS to highlight the wonderful things chemistry can do. Only four of them involve fire or explosions. The rest range from music videos about the polymerase chain reaction to reactions that repeatedly change color. One shows how to pour sodium acetate stalagmites. Another shows Chris Hardwick giving instructions for building a glow stick while making absurd comments."

A UK woman who has been placing hoax 999 emergency calls for the past 24 years agreed to some unconventional therapy. Since she didn't seem to get the hint after being prosecuted 60 times, it was agreed they would try a kind of 'shock therapy'. Electrodes were taped to her fingers while doctors told her to dial 999 on a specially rigged-up phone. Every time she pressed the final digit an electrical current was passed through her body making her scream in pain. The therapy worked for 4 years before she called in a bomb threat. Officials now plan on flying her to New Jersey for some 'bat to your knees' therapy.

samzenpus writes "Contrary to popular belief and historical record Lincoln survived the attempt on his life and lives in the woods behind this guy's house."

samzenpus writes "With all the scrutiny that Diebold has received in past few years you'd think that they would be more careful but apparently due to a malfunction in some machines, they have leaked the results to the 2008 presidential race early. Hopefully this will be the nail in Diebold's coffin. Surely we have another company in this country that can run a sham election better."

While an old meat smoker atop a three-wheel scooter covered in impact-resistant rubber with attached spotlight, infrared camera, loudspeaker and water cannon, may not be Iron Mans new sidekick, it is working for one neighborhood in Atlanta. Rufus Terrill, a bar owner, got sick of the drug dealers, petty thieves and vandals around his downtown location so he built the 4-foot-tall, 300 pound device to fight crime. The robot crime stopper looks imposing but Rufus says that it is quite harmless and that every criminal is given 20 seconds to comply.

samzenpus writes "It's a shame that this interview didn't make the cut. Anyone who lived underwater for a week deserves some face time."

samzenpus writes "I like The Greenskeepers because they prove you can make a great song out of anything no matter how horrific. Yes they do Precious, they prove you can make a great song out of anything."