samzenpus writes "When Chad is done with them, they'll have to phone home from the hospital."

samzenpus writes "What do you do when words fail to express exactly how you feel?"

The mayor of Sarpourenx, a small village in the southwest of France has forbidden locals from dying there. The ordinance is designed to help fight the overcrowding problem in the local cemetery. Mayor Gerard Lalanne told the 260 residents of the village that, "all persons not having a plot in the cemetery and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from dying in the parish." He added, "Offenders will be severely punished." I'm pretty sure this is how a couple Twilight Zones and a Lovecraft story start.

samzenpus writes "To err is human, to forgive devine and nothing is as divine as a beautiful diamond ring."

samzenpus writes "He drove the elves out of your backyard and he's eaten that dog that won't stop barking. Isn't about time you got something special for that special subhuman in your life."

samzenpus writes "What's the point of having kids if you can't scar them for life?"

Timmy writes "Wired Science has picked ten of the best videos from YouTube and their own show on PBS to highlight the wonderful things chemistry can do. Only four of them involve fire or explosions. The rest range from music videos about the polymerase chain reaction to reactions that repeatedly change color. One shows how to pour sodium acetate stalagmites. Another shows Chris Hardwick giving instructions for building a glow stick while making absurd comments."

A UK woman who has been placing hoax 999 emergency calls for the past 24 years agreed to some unconventional therapy. Since she didn't seem to get the hint after being prosecuted 60 times, it was agreed they would try a kind of 'shock therapy'. Electrodes were taped to her fingers while doctors told her to dial 999 on a specially rigged-up phone. Every time she pressed the final digit an electrical current was passed through her body making her scream in pain. The therapy worked for 4 years before she called in a bomb threat. Officials now plan on flying her to New Jersey for some 'bat to your knees' therapy.

samzenpus writes "Contrary to popular belief and historical record Lincoln survived the attempt on his life and lives in the woods behind this guy's house."

samzenpus writes "With all the scrutiny that Diebold has received in past few years you'd think that they would be more careful but apparently due to a malfunction in some machines, they have leaked the results to the 2008 presidential race early. Hopefully this will be the nail in Diebold's coffin. Surely we have another company in this country that can run a sham election better."

While an old meat smoker atop a three-wheel scooter covered in impact-resistant rubber with attached spotlight, infrared camera, loudspeaker and water cannon, may not be Iron Mans new sidekick, it is working for one neighborhood in Atlanta. Rufus Terrill, a bar owner, got sick of the drug dealers, petty thieves and vandals around his downtown location so he built the 4-foot-tall, 300 pound device to fight crime. The robot crime stopper looks imposing but Rufus says that it is quite harmless and that every criminal is given 20 seconds to comply.

samzenpus writes "It's a shame that this interview didn't make the cut. Anyone who lived underwater for a week deserves some face time."

samzenpus writes "I like The Greenskeepers because they prove you can make a great song out of anything no matter how horrific. Yes they do Precious, they prove you can make a great song out of anything."

If you're the kind of person who drives across the country a lot and needs to know exactly how far away you are from some naked breasts, tatas, melons, hooters, jugs, funbags, lady lumps, knockers, boobies, gazangas, mamma-jammas, coconuts or Honk Hogans at any given time. The NUDAR GPS system might just be the perfect thing for you. Boobs.

rtknox00 writes "For astronauts spending months in space, the smallest touch of home can make a big difference. So when South Korea's first astronaut Ko San boards the International Space Station this April he'll be bringing along a hefty supply of kimchi, the national dish of his native country. While bringing a cherished food on a long journey might seem like a simple act, taking kimchi into space required millions of dollars in research and years of work." Science may never get Thorramatur in orbit.

samzenpus writes "If you've never seen any of Don Hertzfeldt's shorts you should really check them out. Here is his Academy Award nominated film, 'Rejected'."

Ever wonder what happens to all the 'winner' memorabilia that gets printed for losing teams? It turns out a lot of it is donated to help out poor children in Latin America and Africa. This year hundreds of children in the southern city of Diriamba, Nicaragua will be sporting Patriots perfect season jerseys and caps. Maurice Castillo, coach of the Diriamba city youth football league said, "This is a big deal to these kids. These jerseys mean more to them than you can imagine." Unfortunately this gratitude didn't extend to the scrimmage between the junior league team and the once powerful Pats, where the kids upset the Patriots 21-10.

samzenpus writes "Have you heard the saying, 'The cost of fame is high'? This definitely falls into that category."

samzenpus writes "I'm all for helping your fellow man but sometimes lending a hand is the last thing you should do."

With features including swimming pools, salons, rocket launcher and a mini-submarine, Mr. Hussein's 82-meter Ocean Breeze yacht is going to be the must have item for every billionaire dictator enthusiast or minor James Bond villian this spring.