Every time I start feeling bad about crazy overreaching laws here in the US, the UK does something that makes me even sadder. Park wardens at the Telford Town Park in Shropshire, have been ordered to stop and interrogate anyone who is not accompanied by children. Visitors who can't explain their childless presence in the park risk being thrown out or reported to police. Former childcare social worker John Evans said: "It is authoritarian madness which can only be based on ignorance. It is absurd, it is insulting and it is dangerous as it panics people about the dangers their children face." I envision a new black market rent-a-kid service designed for an unmolested park experience.

Who knew that Grandma was so salacious?

When a burger is so big that you need a helmet, you know it's gonna be good.

Laurinda Drake and Elaine Clermont wanted to prove how easy it was to abduct a child from the local elementary school. So they did what any reasonable person would, they abducted one. Drake says that she noticed a young boy walking away from the school after she dropped off her own child. She picked him up and says he didn't know where he lived and he didn't want to go back to school. So she took him to the Clark County School District office. The police have a different story. They say she drove him around to various locations before going to Clermont's house to call the media and set up a meeting at the Clark County Board of Trustees building, where they would turn the boy over to the School District. It looks like these two are only going to prove how easy it is to go to jail for kidnapping.

A six-year-old Chicago Tribune story about United's 2002 bankruptcy filing, was picked up from a Google search by an investment newsletter on Monday morning, triggering a massive sell-off of United shares until trading was stopped. The stock fell as low as $3 before finally bouncing back to $12.30. Attorneys on both sides have started investigations and the incident has caught the attention of securities officials. I wonder what the market is going to do when they learn that Germany has invaded the Sudetenland.

For more than 20 years, the secret KFC recipe has been in a filing cabinet equipped with two combination locks in company headquarters. To reach the cabinet, you have to open up a vault and unlock three locks on a door. Only two executives at any time have access to it and the company refuses to release their name or title. The company uses multiple suppliers who produce and blend the ingredients but know only a part of the entire contents. All this was not enough for KFC, so Colonel Harland Sanders' handwritten recipe of 11 herbs and spices will be removed Tuesday from safekeeping at KFC's corporate offices and security improvements for the recipe will be made at headquarters. KFC hired off-duty police officers and private security guards to bring the document to an undisclosed location in an armored car. The recipe will be slid into a briefcase and handcuffed to security expert and former New York City police detective, Bo Dietl. Isn't the secret ingredient love?

There are some things a guy should do for himself.

His desk isn't as big, but it rides a lot smoother.

It was hard to figure out a way to make this slide worse.

Antonio Vasquez Jr., 21, of Fresno has been arrested in what has to be the weirdest burglary of all time. Antonio broke into a home and rubbed food seasoning over the body of one of two men as they slept. He then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man on the face and head before running away. After he fled, the victims discovered the home had been burglarized and that some money was taken. Police had no trouble tracking down the sausage wielding, spice rubbing Antonio because he left his wallet and ID behind. Lt. Ian Burrimond of the Fresno County sheriff's department said, "I tell you, this was one weird case." I'm looking forward to the sausage killer in the next season of Dexter.

It actually runs better now.

There is a zero-tolerance cootie policy on picture day.

Everyone likes to belong to something. Whether it be for fun, a sense of belonging, or a need for attention, a group gives you a feeling of solidarity. Surrounding yourself with people that share common goals and ideas can be comforting. Sometimes however, you realize that you hate the people you've surrounded yourself with. Your religion doesn't allow you to read anything that has profanity or you've subscribed to Slashdot thinking you could learn more about hockey. This week's collection is composed of people who don't want to play, read, or be associated with us anymore. Read below to find out how bad they want out.

It's hard for Ji Feng, vice principal of Zhiyuan Foreign Language Elementary School, to be humble. Ji is so handsome and well liked by his students that he has started offering signed pictures of himself to encourage hard work. "I came up with the idea of giving them my signed pictures as a reward," he told the Nanjing Morning Post. Adding, "it absolutely is not narcissism, but a way of encouragement. And only the students who perform the best can get such a reward." Things sure are different in China. Here in the US it's the teachers taking pictures of students and there is no reward when the police find out.

Japanese police responded to call from a couple who spotted a corpse while walking their dog. Fifteen officers went to the scene, where they found a woman wrapped in plastic and tightly bound around the neck, midriff and ankles. The woman was left untouched and taken for examination. The crime scene was secured by police. Officials notified the press and dozens of officers were dispatched to try and find witnesses. By mid-afternoon the pathologists office began their examination when it was discovered that the woman was actually a life-sized sex doll. Aren't the police supposed to check for vital signs?

My grandma just gave us schnapps.

58-year-old Val McCabe, had to sue the Box Butte County, Nebraska's Attorney's office in order to get his leg back from prosecutors after he had been shot. McCabe's prosthetic leg had been held because officials wanted to run tests on it and a bullet lodged inside. A judge ordered it returned on Wednesday after determining the prosecutor's office didn't have a leg to stand on.

The government estimates that 1 in 24 teens uses steroids on a regular basis.

The gritty side of the mascot lifestyle.

The most troubling part to me is that I can't see where they keep the toilet paper.