Most people just paint and maybe add a new wall.

Go ahead and tell him what sort of madness you want for Christmas.

90-year-old Alec Alder has survived car crashes, being hit by a tank, and bombings. A fighter jet once crashed into his house and his whole squadron was killed at Dunkirk. All in all, Mr. Alder has cheated death 14 times, easily besting the luckiest alley cat. Alec worked as a minister when he returned from the war and says he believes God saved his life all those times. If he doesn't win the next season of "Who Wants to Be a Superhero?", the show is rigged.

There is no shortage of comments about us selling out or running advertisements as stories. As you might expect there is no shortage of mail with the same theme. What I enjoy most about them is all the different corporate entities and sometimes political parties, that we are supposedly working for. If even half of them were true, I would have a stack of W-2s as long as my arm every year for the tax man. The truth of the matter is, nobody here sits in their Microsoft smart chair, talking on their minion iPhone, while playing in the Google money pool. (If someone knows how to get into the Google money pool, please send me a mail.) Conspiracy theories have been around as long as man, so I guess it should come as no surprise that Slashdot has a few of it's own. Read below to find out who is pulling our strings.

I look forward to the spider rehab reality show on the Discovery channel.

JP Aerospace is offering customers a chance to launch anything into space, from coffee beans to their favorite toy. I'm not sure why anyone would choose coffee or toys, instead of bills or the neighbor's dog that won't stop barking, but enough people must ask, because the company includes them on the list. They will also launch advertising billboards and take pictures of them high above the earth, which seems like a more viable business model. John Powell, President of JP Aerospace, said, "Companies are looking for ways to get above the over crowded field of advertisements. There are a lot of race cars and basketball stars out there, but, not too many spaceships, they get noticed. The field is wide open."

The old communists really knew how to have a good time at meetings.

This one stops at all the theoretical floors.

Norm never liked trees anyway.

An Israeli city is using DNA analysis of dog droppings to reward pet owners who clean up after their pets and punish those who don't. A six-month trial program launched this week, in the city of Petah Tikva, to tackle the dog mess problem in a high tech way. The program asks dog owners to take their pets to a veterinarian, who then swabs its mouth and collects DNA. The city will use the DNA database it is building to match droppings to a dog and identify its owner. Owners who scoop up their dogs' droppings and place them in specially marked bins will be eligible for rewards of pet food coupons and dog toys. Those who leave the poo on the street face fines. I wonder what sin you had to commit in a previous life to find yourself the official dog poop examiner of Petah Tikva, Israel.

A museum curator in China was fired after he glued a broken 2,000 year-old wooden turtle dove back together instead of reporting the damage. Dating from China's Han Dynasty, the antique was broken when it was transported by museum staff to an antique storage cabinet a year ago. Yang Fu, the curator of Wu Wei City Museum, went to the storeroom and glued the broken part back together with ordinary glue. Sounds like someone forgot to make an antique dove insurance payment.

Sheikh Muhammad Munajid claims that Mickey Mouse is "one of Satan's soldiers" and makes everything he touches impure. The sheikh said that under Sharia, both household mice and their cartoon counterparts must be killed. The cleric has held off on condemning other Disney characters until he can figure out, "What the hell is Goofy?"

The owner of the Storchen restaurant, Hans Locher, plans on improving his menu with local specialties such as meat stew and various soups and sauces containing at least 75% breast milk. Mr Locher posted ads this week looking for women donors, who will receive just over three pounds for 14 ounces of their milk. Hans says, "We have all been raised on it. Why should we not include it into our diet? One can cook really delicious things with it. However, it always needs to be mixed with a bit of whipped cream, in order to keep the consistency." The grand unveiling of the new menu is sure to be a noisy occasion with every stray baby in the neighborhood crying and banging on the backdoor.

It looks like the Aeron series just got come competition.

It looks like there was some room up front.

Most kids just want a pony.

Extreme unicyclist, Steve Colligan, plans on getting into the record books by tackling Mount Everest on a unicycle. Colligan has been riding for eight years and specializes in mountain unicycling. He says, "This will be 1,000km of unicycling across five mountain passes over 5,000m high, with the biggest decent in the world, at 4,600m. The route will go via Everest base camp on the Tibetan side. Most the riding will be dirt roads, so I'm taking my distance unicycle, fitted with an off-road tyre. The second part of my trip to the Himalayas will be riding down many 5,000m peaks in Nepal." If successful, Steve will become the odds-on favorite for the coveted Attention Whore of the Year Award.

It'll take more than hurricane Ike to stop hurricane bear from spreading his message of hope.

A study of 6,500 traveling executives says 35 percent of them would choose their PDA over their spouse. The study further revealed that 87 percent bring their devices into the bedroom. "It can actually ruin relationships. People are so focused on their PDAs, they're not focusing on what might be going wrong in their relationships," said Dr. Susan Bartell, a psychologist and relationship expert. I agree. The best thing to do if you're having relationship issues is to text each other openly and honestly.

She has the matching shorts that say "Juicy."