You definitely need a bigger boat.

Who needs an airbrush when you have dirt to work with.

She's going to make a great babysitter one day.

An anonymous reader writes "You've seen the Large Hadron Rap by Kate 'Alpinekat' McAlpine. Now a NASA magazine has commissioned an astrobiology rap. Jonathan Chase, aka 'Oort Kuiper', produced a six-minute YouTube rap video on astrobiology, the scientific search for extraterrestrial life. The lyrics include: 'We've been on Earth for many years and we are still producing answers; as time passes, collective knowledge advances.' This epic rap battle sees Alpinekat/CERN on top with over three million views on YouTube compared with about ten thousand for Oort Kuiper/NASA."

Pittsburgh Public Schools officials have enacted a policy that sets 50 percent as the minimum score a student can receive for assignments, tests and other work. District spokeswoman Ebony Pugh said, the 50 percent minimum gives children a chance to catch up and a reason to keep trying. If a student gets a 20 percent in a class for the first marking period, he or she would need a 100 percent during the second marking period just to squeak through the semester. The district and teachers union issued a joint memo to ensure staff members' compliance with the policy, which was already on the books but enforced only at some schools. At this rate, it won't be long before schools institute double extra credit Mondays and Fridays to ensure students don't take three day weekends.

After a minor traffic incident, Serena Sutton-Smith, 54, rammed her car into another vehicle and spun her tires until the sparks from her disintegrated wheels caused her car to burst in flames. She was so furious, that when rescuers tried to remove her from the car she threatened them, shut her door and died in the flames. Nicholas Willmore told an inquest that he was in his workshop when his mother alerted him to what was happening. He said, "The car's front wheels were spinning and there was loads of revving. I could see a biggish person at the wheel and there was movement in the car. Flames were coming from underneath the car and I thought the person might be trapped inside although I couldn't hear any shouting. I opened the driver's door wide. It opened easily. The person looked at me, it was a big built woman. I said 'You've got to get out of the car. It's going to burst into flames.' The person replied 'F*** off, just f*** off' and she raised her right fist towards me in a threatening manner before slamming the door shut." By the time fire fighters arrived, Serena was dead.

I want to be pulled into you like you were the Sarlacc.

Bathroom graffiti has really come a long way.

When he rode up front, he wouldn't stop sticking his head out the window.

If you are so busy that you don't have time to take your clothes off before you shower, a suit has been made with you in mind. An Australian company, Australian Wool Innovation (AWI), has come up with a suit that can be washed in the shower. AWI corporate affairs spokesman Stephen Feighan says, "The idea is that you hang it up and then ... you give it a spray, and leave it overnight, and it's dry the next morning." He added that the suit could be worn in the shower, although it was probably better to drape it on a clothes hanger and carry it instead. All we need now is for someone to invent shower toast.

Sometimes the best parties are the smaller ones.

The schnozberries taste like schnozberries.

Most people just paint and maybe add a new wall.

Go ahead and tell him what sort of madness you want for Christmas.

90-year-old Alec Alder has survived car crashes, being hit by a tank, and bombings. A fighter jet once crashed into his house and his whole squadron was killed at Dunkirk. All in all, Mr. Alder has cheated death 14 times, easily besting the luckiest alley cat. Alec worked as a minister when he returned from the war and says he believes God saved his life all those times. If he doesn't win the next season of "Who Wants to Be a Superhero?", the show is rigged.

There is no shortage of comments about us selling out or running advertisements as stories. As you might expect there is no shortage of mail with the same theme. What I enjoy most about them is all the different corporate entities and sometimes political parties, that we are supposedly working for. If even half of them were true, I would have a stack of W-2s as long as my arm every year for the tax man. The truth of the matter is, nobody here sits in their Microsoft smart chair, talking on their minion iPhone, while playing in the Google money pool. (If someone knows how to get into the Google money pool, please send me a mail.) Conspiracy theories have been around as long as man, so I guess it should come as no surprise that Slashdot has a few of it's own. Read below to find out who is pulling our strings.

I look forward to the spider rehab reality show on the Discovery channel.

JP Aerospace is offering customers a chance to launch anything into space, from coffee beans to their favorite toy. I'm not sure why anyone would choose coffee or toys, instead of bills or the neighbor's dog that won't stop barking, but enough people must ask, because the company includes them on the list. They will also launch advertising billboards and take pictures of them high above the earth, which seems like a more viable business model. John Powell, President of JP Aerospace, said, "Companies are looking for ways to get above the over crowded field of advertisements. There are a lot of race cars and basketball stars out there, but, not too many spaceships, they get noticed. The field is wide open."

The old communists really knew how to have a good time at meetings.

This one stops at all the theoretical floors.