Don't his parents have to sign his ticket for him?

Dorian Cox, the 27-year-old guitarist of the indie band The Long Blondes, thought his guitar playing days were over after he suffered a stroke. He now has a glimmer of hope thanks to some neurological physiotherapy which includes a cutting-edge piece of medical technology. The SaeboFlex helps patients by supporting their wrists and helping them grasp and release objects. "It's a fantastic service, it's helping tremendously and I think it can work wonders for me and others — it's almost like a gym for my hand. I know things might never be the same again and nobody can give me a definite answer about whether I'll play guitar again but I'm getting back on track with their help," Mr. Cox said. This thing looks really cool, and I'm sure many people will benefit from it, though I can't help but wonder if they make a model that lets you shoot your fist at an enemy.

You don't need to worry about getting in trouble from your boss if the subway makes you late in New York City anymore. The transit authority will give you a late note. Passengers can request delay verification letters over the phone. NYC Transit verifies the date and time of the delay and sends an official note in the mail in one or two weeks. It mails 34,000 notes a year. An online system is currently in development. It won't be long before someone makes a website that lists all the late trains for your verified excuse needs.

Tom Farber, a calculus teacher at Rancho Bernardo high school in San Diego, has come up with a unique way of covering district cuts to his supplies budget. He sells ads on his tests. "Tough times call for tough actions," Tom says. The price of an ad on a Mr. Farber Calc test is as follows: $10 for a quiz, $20 for a chapter test, and $30 for a semester final. Most of the ads are messages from parents but about a third of them come from local businesses. Principal Paul Robinson says reaction has been "mixed," but adds, "It's not like, 'This test is brought to you by McDonald's or Nike.'" I see his point. Being a local business whore is much better than being a multinational conglomerate whore.

This is the beginning of a beautiful first date.

The marital bliss ended about the time of the ring exchange.

jage2 writes "Researchers say they have located the world's oldest stash of marijuana in a tomb in a remote part of China. The cache of cannabis is about 2,700 years old and was clearly 'cultivated for psychoactive purposes,' rather than as fibre for clothing, or as food, says a research paper in the Journal of Experimental Botany. The 789 grams of dried cannabis was buried alongside a light-haired, blue-eyed Caucasian man, likely a shaman of the Gushi culture, near Turpan in northwestern China."

Authorities say a cardboard figure of a person inside a Somerset County bank kept police at bay for 90 minutes. Police sealed off the area to traffic and evacuated residents in three nearby apartment buildings in an attempt to save them from the cardboard menace. The SWAT team was deployed after the cutout refused to answer repeated inquiries as to its demands.

Police community support officers in Bolton will battle public drunkenness by handing out bubble-blowers on Saturday nights throughout December. It is hoped that the new program will channel over-boisterous behavior into harmless fun. A similar program that gave the intoxicated lollipops was tested earlier this year with some success. Not everyone is keen on the idea however. Matthew Elliott, chief executive of the Taxpayers' Alliance, said, "This is completely bonkers. People want the police fighting crime, not handing out nursery school gimmicks. If this money isn't needed it should be given back to taxpayers, not squandered." If we could start a program that took away keys at bars and handed out Big Wheels for drunks to take home we could prevent many traffic accidents.

It seems that thieves in Uganda have taken a novel new approach to their business. A gang of robbers have been using women with chloroform smeared on their chests to knock their victims unconscious. "They apply this chemical to their chest. We have found victims in an unconscious state. You find the person stripped totally naked and everything is taken from him, and the victim doesn't remember anything. He just remembers being in the act of romancing," Criminal Investigations Directorate (CID) spokesman Fred Enanga said. Now that the thieves have this new boob technology they will be virtually unstoppable.

It isn't sporting to hunt the slow ones.

It's best not to hold the axe in plain sight when starting a cross-country murder spree.

MojoKid writes "The keyboard as we know it just got a makeover. What started initially as a gag apparently got so much positive feedback that the creators of the Keyboard for Blondes decided to turn it into a real product. The Keyboard for Blondes is a real keyboard. It has all the normal functionality you would expect from a traditional keyboard. It has 103 keys, is USB based, and works with both Windows PCs and Macs. As to why it is pink, the Keyboard for Blondes Website explains, 'Pink is the new black!' And being a blonde is not necessarily as prerequisite for owning one either, as the site further offers, 'this keyboard is for anyone who has ever had a blonde moment or ... two, has a good sense of humor and likes to have fun! Afterall [sic] being blonde is not just your hair color.'"

Only one person saw who stuck their finger in the cake frosting, and Kristyn would soon take care of that.

He'll have the marshmallow fluff, all of it.

Four men are being questioned after they allegedly entered England illegally by hiding in a 32-foot-tall fake Christmas tree. "Following their arrest after being found in a lorry, four suspected illegal immigrants were apprehended and transferred to our specialist teams of officers," a Border Agency spokesman said. It sounds like someone mixed up "How not to be seen" with "How to recognize different trees from quite a long way away."

Steven Flaugher is facing a misdemeanor charge for negligent handling of burning materials after his stove caught some plastic on fire. Mr. Flaugher didn't try to put the fire out or call for help. Police say he had been drinking and was too busy watching porn. I'm shocked that the fire was caused by the stove and not friction.

gubachwa writes "The student association at Carleton University in Canada recently voted that Cystic Fibrosis was a charity unworthy of receiving money raised during orientation week fund-raising activities. The reason behind the decision, as given in the motion on which the student association voted, is that Cystic Fibrosis 'has been recently revealed to only affect white people, and primarily men.'" I'm speechless.

They even get breaks every other day.

It digs in the most horrifying way.