Doctors have reported the first case of someone using the internet while asleep, when a sleeping woman sent emails to people asking them over for drinks and caviar. The 44-year-old woman found out what she had done after a would be guest phoned her about it the next day. While asleep the woman turned on her computer, logged on by typing her username and password then composed and sent three emails. Each mail was in a random mix of upper and lower cases, unformatted and written in strange language. One read: "Come tomorrow and sort this hell hole out. Dinner and drinks, 4.pm,. Bring wine and caviar only." Another said simply, "What the......." If I had known that researchers were interested in unformatted, rambling email I would have let them read my inbox. They could start a whole new school of medicine.

Pfhorrest writes "The Times Online reports, "A supply teacher has been told not to return to one primary school after she told a class of seven-year-olds that Santa Claus did not exist. Children at Blackshaw Lane Primary School in Oldham were talking about Christmas when the teacher came out with the news. Father Christmas was not responsible for delivering their presents on Christmas Eve, the pupils were taught. The teacher, who had been drafted in for just the day, has now been told not to come back. Parents complained to the school after their children returned home to recount what they had learned in lessons that day." With all the contention about teaching religion (or the lack thereof) in schools these days, what do you all think about similar issues regarding more frivolous popular folklore like Santa Claus?" And what about Cthulhu? Should a 7-year-old be forewarned that he will eventually exist in a world of sublime madness at the whim of the ancient ones?

Times are hard for everyone, even machines.

We are in trouble when they learn to use guns.

An Anonymous Coward writes "China's online gaming themed service industry appears to be booming, riding China's fascination with online gaming all the way to the top is a Chinese restaurateur with his World of Warcraft inspired eatery." I would recommend the Critter Bites and the Haunted Herring, but would warn against the Carrion Surprise.

alphadogg writes "University of Utah researchers have invented technology that could come to be embraced by teenagers with the same enthusiasm they have for curfews and ID checks. And like those things, it could save their lives. Key2SafeDriving technology uses RFID or Bluetooth wireless capabilities to issue signals from car keys to cell phones to prevent drivers from talking on their phones or texting while driving. A company called Accendo LC of Kaysville, Utah has licensed the technology and is working to build it into commercial devices that could be on the market next year. The company is sorting out how to bring the technology to market, but one possibility is that it would be made available through cell phone service companies and could also be tied in with insurance companies, which might offer discounts for users."

Shaggy, a two-and-a-half-year-old reindeer who lost his horns, is still able to perform shows this year thanks to a wig made of rabbit pelts and the antlers he shed last year. His owner, Trevor Hill, said, "I used his old antlers from last year and a bit of rabbit fur we found that matched up with the colour of his fur. There is a bit of a toupee structure there so it covers up the wire underneath. As far as I know this device is totally unique." This sounds a lot more complicated than just a smudge of dirt on a red nose.

circletimessquare writes "Deep Space Communications Network has been hired by 20th Century Fox to beam the Keanu Reeves remake of 'The Day The Earth Stood Still' into outer space on its opening day. Whatever you think of the gimmick and its philosophical contradictions, rest assured that only the most important and highest minded of concerns went into the broadcast: 'Jim Lewis, Deep Space's director, said the company had to satisfy 20th Century Fox, the film's producers, that the transmission could not be intercepted and pirated on Earth or in the air.'" If only they had the technology to beam Keanu as well.

He's been sitting there for 20 years and he'll be sitting there in another 20.

Apartment complexes are different in rural areas.

Teachers who mark homework with a red pen could be inflicting psychological damage on their students, according to new Australian guidelines. Teachers are being urged to use less aggressive colors, like the-real-world-is-going-to-eat-you-alive green, and setting-you-up-for-failure blue. Stephen Robertson, the Queensland health minister, defended the new rules, saying that youth suicide was a serious issue. "If mental health professionals determine that as one of a number of strategies teachers should consider, then I'll support them every day of the week," he said. "This is not a matter for ridicule, this is serious."

You can help your furry friends from beyond the grave thanks to a New Mexico company that is building coffins in a partnership with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. The coffins range from $620-$670, which includes a $75 PETA contribution. They are earth-friendly, being made of wood with no screws, nails, hinges or animal-based glues. Michael McGraw, a PETA spokesman in New York, said, "We expect a healthy interest. It's the best way for people to continue to use their voice for animals in death." I would think that being fed to animals upon your death would be the most environmentally friendly thing to do, but what do I know?

There isn't a more fuel-efficient way to crush cars.

I hope the flash works the first time

Inventor Le Trung must really like the book "The Stepford Wives," because he has built the dream of every lonely man without hope, a robot wife. Le's wife, Aiko, starts the day by reading him the newspaper headlines and they go for a drives in the countryside. Le says his relationship with Aiko hasn't strayed into the bedroom, but a few tweaks could turn her into a sexual partner, even redesigning her to have a simulated orgasm. *Shudder*

The guy who wrote the Barney "I love you" song, and other musicians are banding together to protest the US military using their songs as weapons. The campaign has brought together groups including Massive Attack and musicians such as Tom Morello, who played with Rage Against the Machine and Audioslave. It will feature minutes of silence during concerts and festivals, said Chloe Davies of the British law group Reprieve, which represents dozens of Guantanamo Bay detainees and is organizing the campaign.

A British design company, called Concentrate, has come up with a product intended to help children concentrate in school, pre-chewed pencils. The company says the pencils look like they have already been chewed making children less likely to put them in their mouths and are a a cheap but effective way of encouraging youngsters to get their teeth into their lessons instead. No word on how long before they start making pre-eaten paste.

The recent boom in cosmetic procedures isn't limited to the living according to morticians. Many people are now requesting smoothing lines, plumping lips and even boosting sagging parts for their final appearance. "People used to say, just throw me in a pine box and bury me in the back yard," says Mark Duffey, president and CEO of Everest Funeral, a national funeral planning and concierge service. "But that's all changing. Now people want to be remembered. A funeral is their last major event and they want to look good for it. I've even had people say, 'I want you to get rid of my wrinkles and make me look younger.'" I wonder how much it would cost to get grandma a pair of implants on that special day?

He'll make the cutest broth you've ever tasted.

Dick was known for two things around the station: his five-alarm chili, and his hatred of school buses.