They'll never take our irony!

It's cute until you have to change his litter box.

Garth Seehawer, 71, of Oconto Falls, has taken the coveted Top Lie of 2008 award given by The Burlington Liars Club. Four judges picked Seehawer's lie,"My grandson is the most persuasive liar I have ever met. By the time he was 2 years old he could dirty his diaper and make his mother believe someone else had done it," out of about 160 entries. "When you're the best in the world at something, sure, that's an honor," he said, insisting with a chuckle that his background as a lawyer gave him no advantage. "This will only hurt for a little while," came in a close second, with "I'd love to watch the Sex and the City movie with you," rounding out third.

An increasing number of childless women are taking fake babies to the park, out to eat, and even hosting birthday parties for them. Forty-nine-year-old Linda is married with no children of her own. Now, she says she feels like a mother because she has Reborns -- dolls made to look and feel like the real thing. Women interested in this "hobby" can spend a few hundred bucks to over a thousand on the faux infants. The owner of Reborn, Lachelle Moore, offers this unintentionally chilling line, "What's so wonderful about Reborns is that, um, they're forever babies."

You should see her catch a frisbee.

Badger, badger, badger, badger. Mushroom, mushroom! Snake!

CommonCents noted an Apple announcement a few hours before the anticipated keynote. He says "Apples' latest must have gadget does away with the keyboard. With the new MacBook Wheel, Apple has replaced the traditional keyboard with a giant wheel."

Thousands of shoes, boots, slippers, sandals, and even roller blades from sources unknown disrupted Miami traffic on Friday. No witnesses have come forward with information on the mountain of footwear and law enforcement officials say the person responsible for leaving behind the shoes will be charged for the clean up. I think we have just witnessed the beginning of the next M. Night Shyamalan movie.

This is one way to cut down on lines.

Sometimes what you seek most isn't right in front of you, it's sitting on your head.

DynaSoar writes "Lake Superior State University in Michigan's Upper Peninsula ('The land of four seasons: June, July, August and Winter') has just published its 34th annual List of Words to Be Banished from the Queen's English for Mis-use, Over-use and General Uselessness. Besides such unsurprising inclusions such as 'green' corporations being 'game changing' due to concern with their 'carbon foot print,' this year's list contains an emoticon for the first time — not a smiley face or variant, but the 'heart' symbol made from the characters 'less than' and 'three.' It's perhaps a sign of the evolution of language, or at least of this volunteer linguistic watchdog group, that a symbol compounded of two characters, neither of them a letter, is considered not only a word, but a particularly egregious one."

Way back in 1997 Seinfeld made Festivus Famous. Alexandra Casuso was only 11 years old when Festivus made its TV debut but she is now one of many people who celebrate the holiday. "My parents -- my mother is Jewish, my father is Christian -- have a Christmas tree set up," said Casuso, 22. "They think I'm crazy. But I have a Festivus pole set up in the house. I also have a huge banner hanging up that says `Happy Festivus!' And I took all the gifts from under their Christmas tree and put them under my Festivus pole." Festivus is not over until you pin CowboyNeal!

boef writes "New Scientist has a gallery showing the top 10 unusual objects that have flown in space — from a small communion kit (that resulted in a lawsuit) to small toys to indicate when crew are in weightless conditions."

Harry writes "For well over a century, American inventors have been attempting to strike it rich with creations relating to Jolly Old St. Nick himself. I've rounded up 25 of their 'breakthroughs,' from the clever to the evocative to the just plain weird. Merry Christmas to all!"

"What do you think of a person who only does the bare minimum?"

A very hyper Christmas to you all.

Two very hungry German couriers ate a fruit cake destined for a German newspaper and in its place mailed a box of credit card data. The data including names, addresses and card transactions ended up at the Frankfurter Rundschau daily. The mix-up triggered an alarm, and police advised credit card customers with Landesbank Berlin to check their accounts for inconsistencies. Fruitcake must be different in Germany for people to want to use it as something other than a paperweight.

A new world record has been set in Romania after 3,939 Santas took to the streets handing out gifts. Guinness World Records officials confirmed it had beaten the previous record held by Taipei since 2003 with 3,618 Santas. Bucharest mayor Sorin Oprescu said, "We wanted to surprise kids by bringing not one Santa but thousands of them. This is the biggest gathering of Santas handing out gifts." The mayor added he hoped to break the record for the longest cake and the longest sausage later. Let the longest sausage jokes begin.

He's checking the pity list twice.

Even a Santa statue is scary.