He's not very big but he's a hell of a shot.

stonedcat writes "A Wisconsin woman has claimed that Dell computers and Ubuntu have kept her from going back to school via online classes. She says she has called Dell to request Windows instead however was talked out of it. Her current claim is that she was unaware that she couldn't install her Verizon online disk to access the Internet, nor could she use Microsoft Word to type up her papers."

MBGMorden writes "It looks like in an act that defies common sense, a bill has been introduced in the South Carolina State Senate that seeks to outlaw the use of profanity. According to the bill it would become a felony (punishable by a fine up to $5000 or up to 5 years in prison) to 'publish orally or in writing, exhibit, or otherwise make available material containing words, language, or actions of a profane, vulgar, lewd, lascivious, or indecent nature.' I'm not sure if 'in writing' could be applied to the internet, but in any event this is scary stuff."

Scientists at Washington State University have found that about four in ten of us will laugh at a bad joke, while less than one in 100 will voice displeasure. Researchers believe that we may be amused at being let down by the humor, and that we laugh at how bad a joke can actually be. Dr Nancy Bell made her findings after a team of colleagues told this joke to almost 200 people: "What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? Nothing. Chimneys can't talk." At last I understand how Dane Cook and Carrot Top have careers.

5-foot tall, 275-pound Carolyn Ragan is upset with the University of Kansas Hospital after she was told to have an MRI of her spinal tumor done at a zoo because the hospital's machine could not accommodate her. "(a medical assistant)...suggested the Kansas City Zoo," Ragan said. "I thought, I know I'm big, but I'm not as big as an elephant. And my husband got mad." The University of Kansas Hospital would not comment on Ragan's claim, but said its MRI department does not know of any animal MRI in the Kansas City area that would scan a human. You know it's time to put down the burger and go for a walk when you have to go to the large mammal exhibit for health care.

At least you can tell if there is someone shady in the next stall.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the beach....

Police have arrested a California man for allegedly trying to sell his 14-year-old daughter into marriage in exchange for $16,000, 100 cases of beer and several cases of meat. The police became aware of this shining example of fatherhood after he went to them to complain that the buyer had failed to make payment as promised. He was arrested on suspicion of human trafficking.

Greg Hardesty, 45, from Silverado Canyon, California was a little shocked when he received his phone bill last month. It's not everyday that you get a 440-page cell phone bill. His 13-year-old daughter Reina had sent an incredible 14,528 text messages in one month. Hardesty says, "First, I laughed. I thought, 'That's insane, that's impossible...And I immediately whipped out the calculator to see if it was humanly possible." If you crunch the numbers it comes out to be 484 a day or one for every two minutes she was awake, impressive!

boaworm writes "Tired of your old job? Tourism Queensland in Brisbane, Australia, offers this: The role of Island Caretaker is a six-month contract, based on luxurious Hamilton Island in the Great Barrier Reef. It's a live-in position with flexible working hours and key responsibilities include exploring the islands of the Great Barrier Reef to discover what the area has to offer. Living above the Great Barrier Reef is a pretty unique benefit, but the successful candidate will also be paid a salary package of AUD $150,000 for the six-month contract. You'll receive return airfares from your nearest capital city (in your home country), accommodation and transport on Hamilton Island, travel insurance for the contract period, computer, internet, digital video and stills cameras access, plus travel to a number of the other Islands of the Great Barrier Reef. The six-month contract commences 1st July 2009 The full job offer can be found here" Sadly this position does not come with a little person side-kick in a white suit.

Not even Captain Planet is immune to the effects of climate change.

They went on a 12-city rampage the first night.

A_Mythago writes "Ever wanted to unleash your 'Inner Jedi' but have been put off by that pesky lack of midi-chlorians? Fear not, your salvation is at hand with a new EEG-controlled toy developed by Uncle Milton Industries that allows you to use 'the Force' to move a ball up and down in a tube using only the power of your mind. With levels of difficulty from Padawan to Jedi, it is sure to be a hit with the Star Wars geek in your life!" Let me know when they release the Dark Side version of this so I can practice my remote choking powers.

funfail writes "What's the Value of a Facebook Friend? About 37 Cents... To earn your free burger, download the Whopper Sacrifice Facebook application and dump 10 unlucky friends deemed to be unworthy of their weight in beef. After completing the purge, users are prompted to enter their addresses and the coupons are sent out via snail mail." Mmmmm....social isolation and hamburgers, sounds delicious.

It has taken Graham Parker almost his entire life, but today after 26 years he has finally solved his Rubik's Cube. Way back in 1983 when Graham bought the toy, Yuri Andropov was leader of the Soviet Union, and CDs were just starting to fill shelves. The 45-year-old from Portchester, Hampshire, says, "I cannot tell you what a relief it was to finally solve it. It has driven me mad over the years - it felt like it had taken over my life. I have missed important events to stay in and solve it and I would lie awake at night thinking about it. I have had wrist and back problems from spending hours on it but it was all worth it. When I clicked that last bit into place and each face was a solid color, I wept." Mr. Parker plans on spending the next 26 years untying a knot in his laces.

Who says carpentry can't be cool?

It's just a matter of time until they learn to drive.

PeterAitch writes "According to Reuters, Potsdam University in Germany is now teaching social skills as part of their IT courses. This is intended to 'ease entry into the world of work'. The 440 students enrolled in the master's degree course will learn how to write flirtatious text messages and emails, impress people at parties and cope with rejection(s)." The class is taught by a superficial model, who will fall in love with the nerdiest student at the end of the semester after realizing that he is beautiful on the inside.

A teacher at Peterson Elementary School had three 8-year-old girls shave off his beard in front of the classroom, then made them promise not to tell their parents. The girls parents are now angry and want their precious little one's transferred out of the class so they won't have to relive the horror of touching human hair. The teacher, Michael McLane, says the shaving was a "story starter" for a writing activity. A letter from Principal Nolan Harris reads, in part: "As you may be aware, the last week before the Thanksgiving break, Mr. McLane had the class participate in a face-shaving activity with an electric razor as a story starter for a writing assignment. He later instructed the students that if they told they would not have a Christmas Party. Needless to say, that instruction was inappropriate and was not well received by several parents, staff or the Administration. On behalf of myself and the District, we want to apologize to the students and parents."

Ana10g writes "Are you looking for a thruster for that spacecraft you've been building on the side? Matthew Krolak's How-To Article details how to build a Magnetoplasmadynamic Thruster may have the answer. It actually seems to be fairly straightforward, and the parts are readily available." Looks like a great project to do with very small children in a garage full of oily rags.