I really mean no splashing this time.

A slide at a Melbourne housing estate playground is under 24-hour security after it was deemed too dangerous for small children. Three small children were seriously injured on the slide in October last year, a month after it was installed. Now a guard watches the slide from a car at night. I wonder if anyone has ever written a career paper on the life of the playground equipment security guard?

Ian-K writes "The Sun has a story about a man lost his 'tool' while trying to rape a raccoon. An observant reader over at ATS pointed out that luckily it wasn't a squirrel, or he may have also lost his nuts." I hope he can make something positive out of this experience, like talking at schools to warn kids about the dangers of oral sex with a raccoon.

Rog-Mahal writes "Pope Benedict XVI will launch his own YouTube channel says an AP story snagged from MSNBC. The Pope "joined U.S. President Barack Obama and Queen Elizabeth II on Friday by launching his own YouTube channel, the latest Vatican effort to reach out to the digital generation." The article goes on to state that Pope Benedict was inspired by social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook. In addition to reaching a larger audience, the Vatican also hopes to control the use of papal images and content. Additionally, "Google's managing director for media solutions, Henrique de Castro, said Google was working out details to ensure the site was available in China, where authorities occasionally block foreign news sites."" I look forward to watching his holiness play practical jokes on the cardinals and jump various things on his skateboard.

There has to be a safer way to do this.

Pilots in the RAF have fired upon unidentified objects without success since the 1980s, according to Nick Pope, who used to run the Ministry of Defence's UFO project. "There was a faction in the MoD who said 'We want to shoot down a UFO and that will resolve the issue one way or another. We know of cases where the order has been given to shoot down - with little effect to the UFO," he says. The MoD refused to comment. While not making the best first impression on our alien visitors, this policy assures that the British won't end up in a cookbook.

A 14-year-old who wanted to be a police officer put on a uniform, walked into a Chicago police station and managed to get an assignment -- patrolling in a squad car for five hours before he was detected, police said Sunday. Assistant Superintendent James Jackson said the mix-up was discovered only after the boy's patrol with an actual officer ended Saturday. Officers noticed his uniform lacked a star that is part of the regulation uniform. That's some fine police work there, Lou.

An anonymous reader writes "Wikipedia apparently wasn't enough. There had to be a course on the much needed subject of soap operas at MIT. Here's the Course Description: "The television landscape has changed drastically in the past few years; nowhere is this more prevalent than in the American daytime serial drama, one of the oldest forms of television content. This class examines the history of these "soap operas" and their audiences by focusing on the production, consumption, and media texts of soaps. The class will include discussions of what makes soap operas a unique form, the history of the genre, current experimentation with transmedia storytelling, the online fan community, and comparisons between daytime dramas and primetime serials from 24 to Friday Night Lights, through a study of Procter & Gamble's As the World Turns."" All I really need to know I learned from my evil twin, who fathered my unborn child, who has a extremely rare disease that only one of my many CIA contacts, who is also sleeping with my wife, can cure.

The steep decline in worldwide car sales has caused automakers to stash over-produced cars in some interesting places. From right outside the factory, to holding lots at ports and even test tracks, the over-production problem is starting to catch up with manufacturers.

A gym in central London is offering its customers a chance to use a set of human dumbbells to exercise with. The five dumbbells wear Lycra catsuits which label their weight and sit on specially adapted machines while shouting words of encouragement. Gymbox owner Richard Hilton said, "A lot of our members felt that lifting metal weights was boring and not especially motivating." If you had to chase your weight, and wrestle it into submission before lifting it, you could get your cardio done too.

I hope those aren't their names.

That's a paddling.

An anonymous Coward writes "Knights Armament Corp. who supply sniper rifles to the US military have developed a iPod Touch mounting system and software for the US Army M110 sniper rifle system. The use of off the shelf hardware no doubt cut costs and allowed rapid development of this system." If it automatically played a theme song after every head shot, this would be the coolest rifle accessory ever.

If one of these dolls were human sized, the circumference of her head would be five and a half feet.

Michael Nicholson really likes school. I mean he likes it in the same way Steve Jobs Likes turtlenecks and my unemployed uncle likes Larry The Cable Guy. The 67-year-old Kalamazoo man has amassed 27 college degrees since 1963, and he says he's not done yet. It started with a bachelor's degree in religious education at William Tyndale College in Detroit, which led to a master's degree in theology at Dallas Theological Seminary. Since then, he has earned two associate's degrees, 19 master's degrees, three specialist's degrees and one doctoral degree. Michael is currently working on two more master's degrees and is a shoe-in to lead this year's beer-pong team to the national finals.

In the granddaddy of all stupid public relations decisions, Spirit Airlines decided to charge two passengers a $90 cancellation fee because the couple never used their return flight from Myrtle Beach on Flight 1549. While Spirit Airlines employees may not be very adaptable to tough situations, their HR department can take solace in the fact that they know how to spew forth company policy. It only took a day for the company to give the Kolodjay family a full refund. Behold the power of bad press!

A 62-year-old Frenchman, Lluis Colet, broke the world record for the longest speech after talking nonstop for 124 hours about Spanish painter Salvador Dali, Catalan culture and other topics. The previous record was held by an Indian man who delivered a 120-hour speech. Three notaries were on hand to recognize the feat, which allows Colet to enter it in the Guinness Book of Records. I'm not sure which is the more impressive feat: Mr. Colet talking for five straight days, or three people listening to him that long.

You have to do what you can to protect yourself from harmful UV rays.

Forget about the possibility of crashing, how is that kid able to breath?

Tracey Fox, 42, became so sick of her constantly broken washing machine that she decided to barricade herself against the door and refused to let the repairman out of her home. The grandmother of two said, "I'm not proud of my actions, but I felt there was no other option. It sounds stupid thinking about it now, but it was the final straw." After police were called, the situation was resolved and the company that sold the washer have since offered Tracey and her husband Terry, 44, a new washing machine. It's like I always say, If you have a problem just hold somebody hostage.