I still don't know what he is, but at least I know what he eats.

This seems to be a common design flaw in balconies.

A Brazilian judge has ruled what I have known for years, TV is an "essential good" needed to watch soccer and popular reality shows. I would have changed "essential good" to "best friend" or "mentor," but I can recognize the need to be conservative in a ruling. The judge awarded $2,600 in damages to a man who sued a store for not replacing his faulty television set. "In modern life, you cannot deny that a television set, present in almost all homes, is considered an essential good," ruled the judge. "Without it, how can the owner watch the beautiful women on 'Big Brother,' the national news broadcast or a football game," the judge quipped.

Vandals in three US states have altered the text on electronic road signs, posting notices of "Nazi zombies" and "raptors ahead" instead of legitimate messages detailing traffic problems. The latest prank took place Tuesday in Collinsville, Illinois, and warned "DAILY LANE CLOSURES DUE TO ZOMBIES". Past faux warnings from around the country this week include: "NAZI ZOMBIES! RUN!!!", "RAPTORS AHEAD.", and "ZOMBIES IN AREA! RUN." As you can imagine authorities don't think hacking traffic signs is funny and warn that doing so is against the law punishable by removal of your delicious brain.

A 68-year-old grandmother has taken the driving test almost every working day since 2005 in the southwestern city of Jeonju, South Korea. She failed again Monday for the 771st time. "It was a record-breaking number here. I wonder if she will try it again for a 772nd time?" Choi Yong-Cheol, a police sergeant supervising the test in the city's Deokjingu district, told AFP. The woman tells a local newspaper that she will take the test until she passes. Police estimate she has spent almost five million won (3,600 dollars) to take the written test, with each test costing 6,000 won in addition to other expenses. It appears this woman is single-handedly fueling all bad driving stereotypes.

The latest weapon of mashed destruction.

There is nothing to be proud of in this picture.

Mike writes "Rather than let their sewage go to waste, the city of Oslo recently announced that it plans to cut carbon emissions by converting 80 public buses to run on biomethane generated from raw sewage. The city plans to adapt two sewage plans with the technology this September, and the new biogas buses will be quieter and will cut 44 tones of C02 per bus per year."

A sewage treatment facility in Nagano prefecture has recorded a higher gold yield from sludge than can be found at some of the world's best mines. An official said the high percentage of gold found at the Suwa facility was probably due to the large number of precision equipment manufacturers in the area. The facility recently recorded finding 1,890 grammes of gold per tonne of ash from incinerated sludge. The prefecture is so far due to receive 5 million yen ($55,810) for the gold, minus expenses. I can't wait to see the game show they make out of this. I bet the physical challenges are brutal.

An Australian company has launched a personalized, environmentally friendly coffin business, to help people express themselves to the very end. LifeArt will make you a customized coffin with designs such as a surfer catching a wave, a picturesque scene, or the colors of a favorite team. I want, "For Those About To Rot, We Salute You!" in big black letters.

What is the worst that could happen?

I'm surprised their hoods don't get caught on the moving parts.

In an attempt to stop prisoners smuggling mobile phones into jail, Britain plans on introducing bottom scanners. Prisoners will have to sit on the scanners (chairs), called Body Orifice Security Scanners, which bleep if their subjects have a phone hidden inside them. The £6,500 chairs are going in 102 jails across Britain, and can also be used to detect drugs and weapons. The chairs are very reasonably priced when you think of the savings on latex gloves, lube, and anti-bacterial soap they provide.

Teunis Tenbrook, A philosophy student with feet so smelly that he was thrown out of Erasmus University in Rotterdam, has won the right to attend lectures after a 10-year legal battle. Tenbrook was thrown out after complaints from professors and students that it was impossible to study with the smell from his feet. A Dutch court has ruled however, that having smelly feet is no excuse to ban a student from a university. The judge said, "Our considered opinion is that the professors and other students will just have to hold their noses and bear it." It looks like Mr. Tenbrook and his ten rancid piggies will finally get an education. Let's hope he learns about soap.

I had this conversation with my college roommate many times.

It's more fun if you go outside and level.

At least he's a good protector.

The Tough Guy 2009 challenge is described by its organizers as a 'uniquely fear-ridden' test of both body and spirit. The race consists of a grueling six-mile cross-country run in the freezing cold with 21 different obstacles including underwater tunnels, hot coals, electric fences and swamps. Competitors were strongly advised to prepare by undergoing cold water training to guard against the potentially lethal threat of hypothermia and had to sign a 'Death Warrant disclaimer' before taking part in the event. The race was supposed to conclude with a hour-long conversation with my mother covering such topics as: what Mrs. Kline said at the book club Wednesday night, speculations on what type of curtains would go with the new carpet, and a treatise on what is wrong with various family members. Organizers decided against the phone call after it was deemed too hazardous to competitors in their weakened state.

An Irish carpenter pleaded guilty to a series of strange crimes including robbing a Brisbane ticketing agency to feed his pet fish. Richard William O'Flynn admitted in court that he gave a note to a Brisbane Ticketek employee, which read: "Give me all the #@*! money from the till." When his clever note didn't work, he came back with a goldfish and explained that he needed the money to feed his fish. O'Flynn also tried to hold up a bakery with a decorative cake knife after ordering a "gay wedding cake" for him and his partner. It's a lot easier to go crazy if you jump in with both feet.

As long as I still have wasted Wednesdays, I'll be fine.