I'm going to build a washing machine that plays, "You Shook Me All Night Long."

If you happen to have a partner that craves the dulcet screech of baboon passion or the symphony of grunts only a herd of wildebeests practicing the carnal arts can compose, Binder Park Zoo in Battle Creek, Michigan is the place for you this Valentines Day. For $50, the zoo is offering their "Zoorotica" program to lovers. The tour runs from 2:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. and includes a special presentation and hors d'oeuvres. "We're going to talk about animal reproduction, the different animals here at Binder Park Zoo and their little quirks, different things that get them going to help them reproduce," said Jenny Parnett of Binder Park Zoo.

Prison chiefs have been criticized for allowing inmates at HMP Erlestoke to borrow books such as Escape by David McMillan , which describes how he broke out of Thailand's "Bangkok Hilton" from the prison library. The catalog of "inappropriate" books also includes Pretty Boy, the story of Roy Shaw, an armed robber who assaulted prison guards while jailed and a book by Tim Carroll about great escapes during World War Two. Strangely, Shiv Making For Dummies, and The Rotation Schedules of Gloucester Prison Guards, didn't make the "questionable" list.

Animal Planet's version of American Gladiators ended poorly.

goran72 writes "A new study has suggested that strands discovered in fossil hyena poop found in a South African cave could be the oldest-known human hairs. According to a report in National Geographic News, researchers discovered the rock-hard hyena dung near the Sterkfontein caves, where many early human ancestor fossils have been found."

An anonymous reader writes "A British graduate student was left 'reeling' after his university threw out a bag of lizard excrement he had spent years collecting in the rain forests of the Philippines." So he has to spend another seven years in the rain collecting lizard crap, it could be much worse. The university could have lost his records and forced him to take all of his freshman and sophomore level humanities classes again.

David William Hadeen is facing criminal charges after allegedly donning a cape and robbing an adult store with a wooden sword. David, wearing an American flag sequin hat, green shirt, blue jeans, tennis shoes and red cape, entered L'amour Shoppe and went straight to an area of the store that features sexual-enhancing devices. Hadeen allegedly took one of the enhancing devices, worth about $200, and waved the sword at a clerk "as if to ward him off," said Sacramento police Officer Konrad Von Schoech. When police made contact with Hadeen he was still wearing the cape and hat. The sword was lying on the ground, along with the apparatus, which appeared to have been opened. It's a shame when someone twists something as innocent as Mad Libs into something illegal.

India's Hindu nationalist movement is developing a new soft drink made from cow urine. The Cow Protection Department of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), India's biggest and oldest Hindu nationalist group, is in the final stages of development for the pee pop. Om Prakash, the head of the department, said "Don't worry, it won't smell like urine and will be tasty, too. Its USP will be that it's going to be very healthy. It won't be like carbonated drinks and would be devoid of any toxins." I hope this becomes popular enough that I can collect and sell all the old trucker bombs lying in the ditch on my way to work.

Yo, that's real mahogany dawg!

A "trailblazing" Norfolk town has begun heating many of its buildings - including the schools - by burning oil made from melted-down cow and pig carcasses. The strategy is described as "equal or lower in carbon footprint than natural gas." Should schools have to offer vegetarian heating?

The biggest waste of money in years.

Jad Holmes, 18, is scheduled to be in Middletown Municipal Court on Wednesday, charged with two counts of telecommunications fraud, for allegedly ordering more than $37,000 of candy online to be charged to Middletown High School. Holmes is accused of placing two orders -- for $19,880 and $17,372, respectively -- through a Michigan-based company. He's being held in Middletown City Jail on a bond of $30,700. Officials say they are willing to accept candy as payment.

will_die writes "Since Slashdot has a long history of articles and comments about Schoolhouse Rock! I figured it should be noted that one of the most famous singers died this week. Blossom Dearie sang many of song for that series, including 'Mother Necessity,' 'Figure Eight' and 'Unpack Your Adjectives.' Besides Schoolhouse Rock! she sang in her girlish voice for over 50 years primarily in jazz and cabaret. In addition to singing she played the piano and wrote various songs. However the songs she sung for Schoolhouse Rock! were written, composed and played by Bob Dorough, who is still alive. She died of natural causes after many years of failing health."

If you borrow a cup of sugar it is very important that you try and replace it.

It's good to see people troll forums other than Slashdot, but the My Little Pony forum? You may as well go down to the senior center with a hacksaw and start shortening canes. My favorite admin post from this thread has to be, "Your picture of Stalin riding a Year3 Limited Edition Starflower inside a German concentration camp was both upsetting and historically inaccurate."

A man arrested on a charge he held up a bank had almost $3,000 cash on him and listed his occupation as "robbery," according to a court document. Lonnie Pannell used false documents to seek treatment at the Veterans Affairs hospital in Hot Springs, where a police officer spotted the money, the document states. Funny how the "always tell the truth" thing somehow got through to Lonnie, but the whole "don't steal" message seems to have eluded him.

Mankind can only dream of a future cool enough for these helmets.

It's fair to call Barbara and Scott Humpherys penny-pinchers, and they are making sure their daughters end up the same way. The family scours parking lots, sidewalks and every other place you can imagine for for other people's lost money. "It's not so much that we need the money," Barbara said, "it's to show an example to our children. The more change you see, that penny becomes 99 more, and it becomes a dollar." "With the economy the way it is right now, it's important that they realize Dad is not this endless tap of cash," added Scott, a U.S. Army career counselor. I think this is a great thing to do with your family. It teaches resourcefulness, financial responsibility and that child hands are the perfect size for slipping between sewer grates.

According to Randall Hinton he is paid $93,803 a year to do nothing. As an employee of the New York State Insurance Fund his work day consists of: listening to rock 'n' roll, blues or classical tunes and placing his feet up on his desk, staring out his office window and counting cars on the New York State Thruway. He sees no one and talks to no one at work and it's been this way for almost a decade. Since February 2002, Hinton has been director of investigations for the Insurance Fund, but he said he has never been allowed to investigate anything. Hinton contends he is without portfolio as retaliation for suing Gov. George Pataki's administration 10 years ago. In a January 2002 settlement in his suit against then-DEC Commissioner John Cahill (who later became Pataki's top deputy) and then-Assistant DEC Commissioner James W. Tuffey (now Albany's police chief) he was guaranteed state employment as a director of investigations. If I were Randall, I would enjoy my exile, but he's a bit more ambitious and has filed a complaint with the Division of Human Rights claiming discrimination stemming from the retaliation of his original claim against the DEC.

A 16-year-old student went to a job interview instead of the hospital after he was stabbed. The Staff at the King West Vets veterinary clinic noticed blood on the students leg during the co-op placement interview and called police. "He did really well on the interview and we were very proud of him for sticking to the appointment," said veterinarian Kent Ackerman. He wouldn't say if the student will get the job. You know times are tough when showing up after being stabbed doesn't land you the job.