In addition to giving you a magnificent mullet, your stylist will cut your hair with things commonly found in a junk drawer.

After a tragic accident 14 years ago, doctors said Brian Wilson would spend the rest of his life in bed, and would never talk again. The two birds he had kept as pets since a child had other ideas. Brian has been taught to speak again by the parrots. "Two birds taught me to talk again," he said. "I had such a bad head injury I was never supposed to talk any more than a two-year-old. Then all of a sudden, a word popped out, then two, then more." Mr. Wilson's recovery has amazed doctors, and his only difficulties now appear to be his excessive need to be reassured that he is a "pretty bird," and his cracker diet.

denobug writes "Ever wonder how expensive a tank of gas could get? How about $81 billion! Juan Zamora had his PayPal debit card maxed out after a routine gas fill up, the transaction cost him $81,400,836,908. Makes me wonder whether the glitch is the debit card transaction system or in PayPal's system."

Andrew Cheatle thought his phone would be lost to the sea forever, but a week later a fisherman found it inside a 25lb cod. He was shopping for a new one with his girlfriend when her phone went off. It was the fisherman explaining what he found. "I thought he was winding me up but he assured me he had caught a cod that morning and was gutting it for his fish stall and that my Nokia was inside it -- a bit worse for wear. I didn't believe him but went to meet him and found it was my phone -- a bit smelly and battered -- but incredibly it still worked after I let it dry out," Andrew said. I think we know what the new Nokia advertising campaign should be.

"Naturally, you must suspect me to attack with Capa Ferro?"

Cornelia Johansson got a pleasant surprise when she went online to pay some bills. She found an extra $1.13 billion in her bank account. "The balance was more than 10 billion kronor. It said the amount had been deposited as a correction for a credit card purchase," Ms Johansson's boyfriend Daniel Hoeglund said. A press spokeswoman for the bank, explained the mystery money as "a technical mistake made by a company."

oldspewey writes "A new skin disorder caused by use of games consoles has been identified by skin specialists. The condition, dubbed "PlayStation palmar hidradenitis", is described in the British Journal of Dermatology. Researchers outline the case of a 12-year-old girl who attended a Swiss hospital with intensely painful sores on the palms of her hands. The girl, who had been using a games console regularly, recovered fully after 10 days of abstinence. The doctors suspect that the problem was caused by tight and continuous grasping of the console's hand-grips, and repeated pushing of the buttons, alongside sweating caused by the tension of the game. Nina Goad, of the British Association of Dermatologists said: 'This is an interesting discovery and one that the researchers are keen to share ... If you're worried about soreness on your hands when playing a games console, it might be sensible to give your hands a break from time to time, and don't play excessively if your hands are prone to sweating.'" We called it Tekken thumb.

G8 protester turnout is way down this year.

Brickwall writes "Florida, faced with a problem of crocodiles returning to residential neighborhoods after being relocated elsewhere, is trying to solve it by affixing magnets to the crocs' heads. The theory is the crocodiles use the Earth's magnetic field for navigation, and the magnets may interfere with that. What I'd like to know is, whose job is it to put the magnets on?" So far the magnet program appears to be working, unfortunately the crocs have started to collect huge amounts of take-out menus and child artwork.

A $50,000 lawsuit alleges that Greenfield Middle School teachers falsely imprisoned a girl when she was put in a time-out room, and that the experience caused the girl to hyperventilate, feel nauseous, and understand that some actions are unacceptable. Greenfield Superintendent Conrad Farner said he could not respond specifically to the allegations, in order to protect the privacy of the student, but said,"I'm confident that the district has acted in an appropriate manner and will continue to do so."

Nadya Vessey's legs were amputated below the knee due to illness when she was young. When asked what happened by a child, she responded that she was a mermaid. The mermaid idea stuck in her head, so she wrote to Weta Workshop and asked if they could make her a mermaid tail. To her surprise, they said they'd do it and two years later she has a realistic-looking mermaid tail with an attached suit.

I'll take the giant chipmunk over Jar Jar every time.

Robert Cox writes "Lawyer Peter Morin has a few choice words for the Claims Administrator in the Apple iPod Nano 'scratch' case: 'Dear Sir: I have received a Notice of Class Action Settlement For Uncoated First Generation iPod nanos. My control number is 12017087501. I wish to submit my objection to the terms of settlement. I have been the recipient of more than a few similar Notices during the past twenty years, but this is the stupidest bullshit I have ever witnessed...'"

This is just the initiation ceremony.

pmbasehore writes "While waiting for his cruise ship to depart, a man decided to use his AT&T wireless card and Slingbox account to watch the Bears vs. Lions football game. When he got his bill, he was slammed with $28,067.31 in 'International Roaming' charges, even though he never left American soil. The bill was finally dropped to $290.65, but only after the media got involved." He might have left the soil (the story says he was already aboard the ship), but shouldn't the dock count?

Elliott's Hardware store offered George W. Bush a position as a greeter in an open letter in a Dallas newspaper last month. Bush walked in the store on Saturday and said, "I'm looking for a job." Andrea Bond, a manager at the store, said president Bush spent about an hour with his secret service security detail shopping and talking to customers during the surprise visit. Despite having a lot of free time, the former president turned the job down. I'm sure W would make a great hardware store employee as long as Karl Rove worked in the aisle next to him.

Kim Sun-Ok, 54, is the proud new holder of the world record in marathon singing. After a continuous 76 hours in a karaoke bar slaughtering Elvis hits and screaming Kid Rock songs until hoarse, the brave people at Guinness were called in to end the auditory nightmare. She started singing at 11:14 am Thursday and sang a total of 1,283 tunes before ending at 3:21 pm Saturday.

I look forward to Swatch's line of off-road tires.

With so many people losing their jobs, the farewell email, letting colleagues and contacts know where you are moving and how you can be reached, has become common. Writing a really good one, whether it be funny, sad or just plain mad is an art form. Chris Kula, a receptionist at a New York engineering firm, wrote: "For nearly as long as I've worked here, I've hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support." In May, lawyer Shinyung Oh was let go from the San Francisco branch of the Paul Hastings law firm six days after losing a baby. "If this response seems particularly emotional," she wrote to the partners, "perhaps an associate's emotional vulnerability after a recent miscarriage is a factor you should consider the next time you fire or lay someone off. It shows startlingly poor judgment and management skills — and cowardice — on your parts." Let's hear the best and worst goodbye emails you've seen.

The Land of Smeg writes "A fourteen-year-old boy was killed after the chair he was sitting on exploded, propelling sharp chairs parts into his rectum, resulting in extensive bleeding, to which he succumbed before medical attention could stem the flow. The chair in question was a standard gas cylinder type, where the height is regulated by an adjustable cylinder containing highly pressurized gas, and it was this which exploded, sending high velocity chair parts into the posterior of the unfortunate youth."