Brickwall writes "Florida, faced with a problem of crocodiles returning to residential neighborhoods after being relocated elsewhere, is trying to solve it by affixing magnets to the crocs' heads. The theory is the crocodiles use the Earth's magnetic field for navigation, and the magnets may interfere with that. What I'd like to know is, whose job is it to put the magnets on?" So far the magnet program appears to be working, unfortunately the crocs have started to collect huge amounts of take-out menus and child artwork.

A $50,000 lawsuit alleges that Greenfield Middle School teachers falsely imprisoned a girl when she was put in a time-out room, and that the experience caused the girl to hyperventilate, feel nauseous, and understand that some actions are unacceptable. Greenfield Superintendent Conrad Farner said he could not respond specifically to the allegations, in order to protect the privacy of the student, but said,"I'm confident that the district has acted in an appropriate manner and will continue to do so."

Nadya Vessey's legs were amputated below the knee due to illness when she was young. When asked what happened by a child, she responded that she was a mermaid. The mermaid idea stuck in her head, so she wrote to Weta Workshop and asked if they could make her a mermaid tail. To her surprise, they said they'd do it and two years later she has a realistic-looking mermaid tail with an attached suit.

I'll take the giant chipmunk over Jar Jar every time.

Robert Cox writes "Lawyer Peter Morin has a few choice words for the Claims Administrator in the Apple iPod Nano 'scratch' case: 'Dear Sir: I have received a Notice of Class Action Settlement For Uncoated First Generation iPod nanos. My control number is 12017087501. I wish to submit my objection to the terms of settlement. I have been the recipient of more than a few similar Notices during the past twenty years, but this is the stupidest bullshit I have ever witnessed...'"

This is just the initiation ceremony.

pmbasehore writes "While waiting for his cruise ship to depart, a man decided to use his AT&T wireless card and Slingbox account to watch the Bears vs. Lions football game. When he got his bill, he was slammed with $28,067.31 in 'International Roaming' charges, even though he never left American soil. The bill was finally dropped to $290.65, but only after the media got involved." He might have left the soil (the story says he was already aboard the ship), but shouldn't the dock count?

Elliott's Hardware store offered George W. Bush a position as a greeter in an open letter in a Dallas newspaper last month. Bush walked in the store on Saturday and said, "I'm looking for a job." Andrea Bond, a manager at the store, said president Bush spent about an hour with his secret service security detail shopping and talking to customers during the surprise visit. Despite having a lot of free time, the former president turned the job down. I'm sure W would make a great hardware store employee as long as Karl Rove worked in the aisle next to him.

Kim Sun-Ok, 54, is the proud new holder of the world record in marathon singing. After a continuous 76 hours in a karaoke bar slaughtering Elvis hits and screaming Kid Rock songs until hoarse, the brave people at Guinness were called in to end the auditory nightmare. She started singing at 11:14 am Thursday and sang a total of 1,283 tunes before ending at 3:21 pm Saturday.

I look forward to Swatch's line of off-road tires.

With so many people losing their jobs, the farewell email, letting colleagues and contacts know where you are moving and how you can be reached, has become common. Writing a really good one, whether it be funny, sad or just plain mad is an art form. Chris Kula, a receptionist at a New York engineering firm, wrote: "For nearly as long as I've worked here, I've hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support." In May, lawyer Shinyung Oh was let go from the San Francisco branch of the Paul Hastings law firm six days after losing a baby. "If this response seems particularly emotional," she wrote to the partners, "perhaps an associate's emotional vulnerability after a recent miscarriage is a factor you should consider the next time you fire or lay someone off. It shows startlingly poor judgment and management skills — and cowardice — on your parts." Let's hear the best and worst goodbye emails you've seen.

The Land of Smeg writes "A fourteen-year-old boy was killed after the chair he was sitting on exploded, propelling sharp chairs parts into his rectum, resulting in extensive bleeding, to which he succumbed before medical attention could stem the flow. The chair in question was a standard gas cylinder type, where the height is regulated by an adjustable cylinder containing highly pressurized gas, and it was this which exploded, sending high velocity chair parts into the posterior of the unfortunate youth."

The credit crunch has hit cave dwellers. A Missouri family has been forced to sell the 17,000-square-foot home they created in a cave. Instead of renting a few rooms to troglodytes or morlocks, the Sleeper family have decided to list the cave on eBay. Curt Sleeper said, "We don't want to move, but we need to protect our equity. We put everything we had into this home."

5 juveniles were arrested on burglary charges after a police officer followed a candy wrapper trail to a house where they were staying. Police were called to when a man noticed that his neighbor's glass door was broken. Inside the house police found a smashed 36-inch television, broken furniture and holes in several doors. A police officer then followed a trail of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups packages in the back yard to the house where the juveniles were staying. The juveniles, who were 14 to 16 years old, confessed to the burglary after being interviewed and told police that stolen items were hidden in the attic. Hopefully these kids will get the proper thief mentoring they need in jail because a candy trail is just embarrassing.

A dictionary has been created to help kids who are all balled up trying to figure out what some dappers are saying in their bull sessions. The authors thought the idea of a dictionary of this sort was the bee's knees, and made another while they were at it so the old timers could understand the young birds too. Nigel Hare-Scot, big cheese at Home & Capital advisers, said: "There is a vast array of guides on youth street slang to assist older people in bridging the generational gap, but nothing on the market to aid teenagers understand the language of pensioners." I say he's all wet.

Marilyn Manson's fifth birthday party and his favorite toy.

Here's a short history of the internet and internet memes from 1970 to the present. Nothing really important happens until Sept. 1998 of course, but it's still neat to see it all laid out.

The funny thing is, nobody did until the sign went up.

1sockchuck writes "Have you ever lost your patience with a server? We're not sure who was the first person to intentionally blow up a server, but plenty of others have followed in their footsteps, and many seem to have captured the event on video. The Gallery of Exploding Servers documents the sometimes incendiary relationship between man and machine. Those who prefer a kinder, gentler disposition may prefer the guide to Flying and Crashing Servers."

A 14-year-old Wisconsin girl was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct after she refused to stop texting during a high school math class. The girl denied having a phone when confronted by a school safety officer, but a female cop found it after frisking her. The Samsung Cricket was recovered "from the buttocks area" of the teenager, according to the police report. The girl was banned from school property for a week, and is scheduled for an April 20 court appearance for a misdemeanor disorderly conduct charge. I applaud the adults involved for their discretion and temperance in this heinous case of texting without permission.