Keep your chin up. There's a 50% chance that it's only going to last a year or two.

Xytex International, a sperm bank, understands that the recession is hitting their customers in the pocket area, so they have started to offer stimulus packages. The packages seem to be purchaser oriented. Clients who want to start a family but are a little short on cash can now buy a vial of sperm at a $200 discount. Donors aren't being offered anything special like a room with chairs made from .50 cal cartridges, slippers that look like bear feet, or a TV with monster truck racing on continuous loop. "We're all feeling the effects of the economy and, especially for families seeking reproductive options, every dollar counts," said Xytex spokeswoman Danielle Moores.

andrewm_za writes "South Africa's Department of Home Affairs now encourages citizens to check whether they're deceased, online or by SMS, "to ensure that they have not been fraudulently declared dead on the population register. In an event that a person is registered as Deceased when still alive, they must report with an affidavit from a police station confirming that they are alive." This lack of confidence in their database comes a few years after the online marital status checker which came about after too many people were married to the wrong spouse. Both online checks sorely lack a Turing test."

Sherri Davidoff writes "In the great debates of Pirates vs. Ninjas and Emacs vs. Vi, there is one overarching question: Do Pirates and Ninjas use Emacs or Vi? Philosecurity has conducted countless hours of research, interviewed real ninjas and pirates in their natural environs, and launched intensive laboratory studies involving monkeys in order to bring you, our readers, the scientifically proven answers you demand. After thousands of hours and monkey brains, our scientists have reached the following conclusions: Pirates use Emacs and Ninjas Use Vi. Laboratory results showed that 92% of ninjas preferred vi, while fully 96% of pirates used emacs. In the wild, these numbers were even higher (94% and 97.5%, respectively)."

An Italian doctor, Claudio Vitale, completed a brain operation despite having a heart attack after realizing the patient would never recover if he stopped. Vitale started feeling pains in his chest half way through the operation but refused to stop. He had an angioplasty operation after he completed the brain surgery. I think I know who I want as my new preferred provider.

Sometimes fate is just around the corner.

Throw away your soap, detergent, and personal hygiene, the Japanese have invented odor-free underwear. Koichi Wakata, a Japanese astronaut living in the International Space Station, is testing the underwear created by textile experts at Japan Women's University in Tokyo. The shorts are designed to kill bacteria, absorb water, insulate the body and dry quickly. They also are flame-resistant, and anti-static. "The other astronauts become very sweaty, but he doesn't have any sweat. He didn't need to hang his clothes to dry. He can wear his trunks (underwear) more than a week," said Koji Yanagawa, an official with the Japanese Aerospace Exploration Agency.

They said the airline I was flying didn't exist.

A quick-thinking Thai fireman dressed up as Spider-Man to coax a frightened autistic eight-year-old from a balcony. The boy, who was scared on his first day at school, walked out on to the third-floor ledge and refused to come inside. His mother mentioned her son's love of superheroes, and fireman Sonchai Yoosabai hurried back to the station and made a quick change into a Spider-Man costume. Mr Somchai said he keeps the Spider-Man costume and an outfit of Japanese television character Ultraman at the station in order to liven up school fire drills. "I told him Spider-Man is here to rescue you, no monsters are going to attack you and I told him to walk slowly towards me as running could be dangerous," Mr Somchai told local television.

A man confused by years of pot smoking, believed he was married for almost a decade, but discovered he wasn't after trying to marry a new partner. When the The Births, Deaths and Marriages Registry could find no record of the marriage he said he could not remember a wedding ceremony taking place but always believed he had been married. He told the Family Law Court in Sydney that the details of the wedding must have slipped his mind because he was so stoned. In fact he had no "meaningful recollection" of significant portions of the marriage. He and his "wife" fought all the time and in 2003 she gave him a document to sign, which he believed was their divorce papers. When he contacted her for proof of their divorce, she told him it was a residential tenancy agreement. The new couple are free to marry now provided he can remember where the ceremony will take place, who she is and why all these people are here?

Kids are staying well off the lawns in Zephyrhills, Florida, thanks to Mark Shuey and a martial art he calls Cane-Fu. He travels the country teaching cane fighting at dojos, senior centers and retirement communities. He has even started a company called Cane Masters, that sells wood canes made of harder, thicker wood, to sustain wear and wider crooks to fit around an attacker's neck. "When you put this little crook around someone's neck, their whole attitude changes real fast," Shuey said.

Some Mexican villages are truly going Medieval on gangsters by digging moats across every access road but one into their communities. The villages have been besieged by armed gunmen who come into town and kidnap people. Government help arrived too late, or not at all. "This was a means of preservation," said Ruben Solis, 47, a farmers' leader in Cuauhtemoc, a collection of adobe and concrete houses called home by 3,700 people. "It's better to struggle this way than to face the consequences."

After stopping her car to revive her severely disabled son, Penny Batkin was given a parking ticket for making an illegal stop. Mrs. Batkins was taking her son to a hospice in Hampton when he began gasping for breath and turning blue. The ticket cost $145 and the Richmond Council's parking office was nice enough to refuse to rescind the ticket even after she explained what had happened. Richmond Aid officials say they hope local authorities can find it "in their hearts to rescind a parking fine incurred by a desperate mother who had no choice if she was to save the life of her child." Rules are rules. If the police make an exception in this case for a dying child they'll have to make exceptions for dying parents, or even dying extended family members. Where do you draw the line?

Marker's best friend.

Bomb disposal teams were called in and a nearby pub evacuated after water company engineers mistook a Monty Python film prop for a hand grenade. After nearly an hour of examination by bomb experts, they counted to three. No more. No less. Three was the number they counted, and the number they counted was three. Four they did not count, nor two, except to proceed to three. Five was right out. Once the number three had been reached, being the third number, they declared that the grenade was actually a copy of the "Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch" used in the film Monty Python And The Holy Grail. A police spokeswoman confirmed that the device was a toy and that it had been no danger to the public.

Owners of the Foxy Lady strip club in Providence, Rhode Island plan to hold a job fair on Saturday. They're looking to fill 30 positions, from strippers and waitresses to disc jockeys and bartenders, at that club and two others in Massachusetts. "I need more managers, I need more competent staff, and I need more attractive waitresses to go along with the ones I have right now," said co-owner Tom Tsoumas. I can't believe there aren't enough struggling single moms, poor students trying to get through college, or women with father issues in Providence. It sounds like paradise.

Nigerian President Umaru Yar'Adua is hoping a new patriotic slogan emblazoned on T-shirts and baseball caps can restore self-confidence and overturn its battered reputation. "Nigeria: Good People, Great Nation," is the new slogan. "At international airports, in trains, in shopping malls, and almost everywhere, every Nigerian is a marked person," Dora Akunyili, information minister and self-styled chief image maker said at the launch of the re-branding campaign this week. Considering what's going on around them they could have also chose, "Nigeria: We won't force you to eat your family" or "Nigeria: No, we're not the place with all the genocide."

Amee Ellsworth says she is terrified that her home could blow up because of natural gas that has seeped into her water supply. She can ignite the water with a lighter from faucets in her kitchen or bathroom. The Colorado Oil and Gas Conservation Commission determined the gas is coming from a leak in one of eight active gas wells within a half-mile radius of the Elllsworth's home. Amee should look on the bright side. Not everyone gets to take a shower that cleans and sterilizes all at once.

ghostlibrary writes "March Madness for geeks — NASA has up its Mission Madness stunt — 6 rounds of head-to-head mission competition. This isn't to decide funding for new stuff, nor is it a robot war. Instead, it's a popularity contest, with the added plus of trying to predict beforehand which missions will win. Each bracket winnows out half the mission choices, to ultimately determine which was the most popular NASA mission. The first voting round is today, act quick to get in on the geeky action, or just browse it April 8th if you want to skip ahead to the results. I have my guess of how it well end up on my astronomy blog, but obviously seeing my predictions before you cast your own may skew the results. Remember, this isn't science, it's sociology."

Good tanker mothers accept both cars and trucks.