"The 2009-2014 World Outlook for 60-milligram Containers of Fromage Frais," by Professor Philip M Parker, won The Diagram Prize for oddest book title of the year. "Baboon Metaphysics," by Dorothy L Cheney and Robert M Seyfarth took second, and "Curbside Consultation of the Colon" by Brooks D Cash came in third. Past winners include such gems as: "Bombproof Your Horse," "People Who Don't Know They're Dead: How They Attach Themselves To Unsuspecting Bystanders And What To Do About It," and the classic "How to S**t In The Woods: An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art." Strangely absent from the running this year was the thought-provoking "Everything is really wet, even dry stuff."

An inmate's attempt to cook sausage in his toilet filled his unit with smoke, and caused an evacuation at a Washington prison. 130 inmates were evacuated when smoke was spotted coming from a sewer vent pipe. The smoke was traced back to the inmate's cell and he admitted to trying to heat up sausage in the stainless steel toilet. Toilet sausage? And I thought Pruno was disgusting.

It's like having a mobile refrigerator with a giant metal arm in my house. Best of all, she makes slightly less noise than a lawnmower.

Legislation may by 2016 restrict the paint color options for California residents looking for a new car. Black and all dark hues are currently on the banned list. The California Air Resources Board says that the climate control systems of dark-colored cars need to work harder than their lighter siblings — especially after sitting in the sun for a few hours.

Earlier this month, an expedition fertilized 300 square kilometers of the Atlantic Ocean with six metric tons of dissolved iron. This triggered a bloom of phytoplankton, which doubled their biomass within two weeks by taking in carbon dioxide from the seawater. The dead phytoplankton were then expected to sink to the ocean bed, dragging carbon along with them. Instead, the experiment turned into an example of how the food chain works, as the bloom was eaten by a swarm of hungry copepods. The huge swarm of copepods were in turn eaten by larger crustaceans called amphipods, which are often eaten by squid and whales. "I think we are seeing the last gasps of ocean iron fertilization as a carbon storage strategy," says Ken Caldeira of the Carnegie Institution at Stanford University. While the experiment failed to show ocean fertilization as a viable carbon storage strategy, it has pushed the old "My dog ate my homework" excuse to an unprecedented level.

Scrapping ideas such as constructing a mile-long plastic ball for containment or building a million cardboard "Mr. Slave" scarecrows, China has decided to battle their fiercely cute gerbil hordes with contraception-abortion pills. The exploding gerbil population is threatening the local desert ecosystem, forcing forestry officials in the city of Changji to start distributing the contraceptive pellets. "Besides pregnancy prevention, the drug can induce abortions and thus largely reduce their breeding rate," said Du Yuefei, head of the epidemic prevention section of the city's forestry bureau.

Sean Hodgson was convicted of murder in 1982. A recent DNA test proved he was innocent so he was released after spending 27 years in jail. His joy was short-lived however as he was struck by a taxi and needed to go to the hospital to get stitches in his face. His solicitor, Julian Young, said the accident was just one example of how hard it was for Mr Hodgson to adjust to life on the outside after 27 years of prison. "He's OK but I think he's struggling with life on the outside, and particularly in London. He's been in to see us and his spirits are up," he said. They must hail cabs with their faces in British prisons.

Keep your chin up. There's a 50% chance that it's only going to last a year or two.

Xytex International, a sperm bank, understands that the recession is hitting their customers in the pocket area, so they have started to offer stimulus packages. The packages seem to be purchaser oriented. Clients who want to start a family but are a little short on cash can now buy a vial of sperm at a $200 discount. Donors aren't being offered anything special like a room with chairs made from .50 cal cartridges, slippers that look like bear feet, or a TV with monster truck racing on continuous loop. "We're all feeling the effects of the economy and, especially for families seeking reproductive options, every dollar counts," said Xytex spokeswoman Danielle Moores.

andrewm_za writes "South Africa's Department of Home Affairs now encourages citizens to check whether they're deceased, online or by SMS, "to ensure that they have not been fraudulently declared dead on the population register. In an event that a person is registered as Deceased when still alive, they must report with an affidavit from a police station confirming that they are alive." This lack of confidence in their database comes a few years after the online marital status checker which came about after too many people were married to the wrong spouse. Both online checks sorely lack a Turing test."

Sherri Davidoff writes "In the great debates of Pirates vs. Ninjas and Emacs vs. Vi, there is one overarching question: Do Pirates and Ninjas use Emacs or Vi? Philosecurity has conducted countless hours of research, interviewed real ninjas and pirates in their natural environs, and launched intensive laboratory studies involving monkeys in order to bring you, our readers, the scientifically proven answers you demand. After thousands of hours and monkey brains, our scientists have reached the following conclusions: Pirates use Emacs and Ninjas Use Vi. Laboratory results showed that 92% of ninjas preferred vi, while fully 96% of pirates used emacs. In the wild, these numbers were even higher (94% and 97.5%, respectively)."

An Italian doctor, Claudio Vitale, completed a brain operation despite having a heart attack after realizing the patient would never recover if he stopped. Vitale started feeling pains in his chest half way through the operation but refused to stop. He had an angioplasty operation after he completed the brain surgery. I think I know who I want as my new preferred provider.

Sometimes fate is just around the corner.

Throw away your soap, detergent, and personal hygiene, the Japanese have invented odor-free underwear. Koichi Wakata, a Japanese astronaut living in the International Space Station, is testing the underwear created by textile experts at Japan Women's University in Tokyo. The shorts are designed to kill bacteria, absorb water, insulate the body and dry quickly. They also are flame-resistant, and anti-static. "The other astronauts become very sweaty, but he doesn't have any sweat. He didn't need to hang his clothes to dry. He can wear his trunks (underwear) more than a week," said Koji Yanagawa, an official with the Japanese Aerospace Exploration Agency.

They said the airline I was flying didn't exist.

A quick-thinking Thai fireman dressed up as Spider-Man to coax a frightened autistic eight-year-old from a balcony. The boy, who was scared on his first day at school, walked out on to the third-floor ledge and refused to come inside. His mother mentioned her son's love of superheroes, and fireman Sonchai Yoosabai hurried back to the station and made a quick change into a Spider-Man costume. Mr Somchai said he keeps the Spider-Man costume and an outfit of Japanese television character Ultraman at the station in order to liven up school fire drills. "I told him Spider-Man is here to rescue you, no monsters are going to attack you and I told him to walk slowly towards me as running could be dangerous," Mr Somchai told local television.

A man confused by years of pot smoking, believed he was married for almost a decade, but discovered he wasn't after trying to marry a new partner. When the The Births, Deaths and Marriages Registry could find no record of the marriage he said he could not remember a wedding ceremony taking place but always believed he had been married. He told the Family Law Court in Sydney that the details of the wedding must have slipped his mind because he was so stoned. In fact he had no "meaningful recollection" of significant portions of the marriage. He and his "wife" fought all the time and in 2003 she gave him a document to sign, which he believed was their divorce papers. When he contacted her for proof of their divorce, she told him it was a residential tenancy agreement. The new couple are free to marry now provided he can remember where the ceremony will take place, who she is and why all these people are here?

Kids are staying well off the lawns in Zephyrhills, Florida, thanks to Mark Shuey and a martial art he calls Cane-Fu. He travels the country teaching cane fighting at dojos, senior centers and retirement communities. He has even started a company called Cane Masters, that sells wood canes made of harder, thicker wood, to sustain wear and wider crooks to fit around an attacker's neck. "When you put this little crook around someone's neck, their whole attitude changes real fast," Shuey said.

Some Mexican villages are truly going Medieval on gangsters by digging moats across every access road but one into their communities. The villages have been besieged by armed gunmen who come into town and kidnap people. Government help arrived too late, or not at all. "This was a means of preservation," said Ruben Solis, 47, a farmers' leader in Cuauhtemoc, a collection of adobe and concrete houses called home by 3,700 people. "It's better to struggle this way than to face the consequences."

After stopping her car to revive her severely disabled son, Penny Batkin was given a parking ticket for making an illegal stop. Mrs. Batkins was taking her son to a hospice in Hampton when he began gasping for breath and turning blue. The ticket cost $145 and the Richmond Council's parking office was nice enough to refuse to rescind the ticket even after she explained what had happened. Richmond Aid officials say they hope local authorities can find it "in their hearts to rescind a parking fine incurred by a desperate mother who had no choice if she was to save the life of her child." Rules are rules. If the police make an exception in this case for a dying child they'll have to make exceptions for dying parents, or even dying extended family members. Where do you draw the line?