A pig that was a gift to the Kabul zoo from China has been quarantined due to swine flu fears. Pork and all things pig produced are illegal in Afghanistan because they are considered irreligious. The pig at the zoo is the only known pig in the country. "For now the pig is under quarantine, we built it a room because of swine influenza. We've done this because people are worried about getting the flu," Aziz Gul Saqib, director of Kabul Zoo, told Reuters. Just wait until people hear about chickenpox.

Sony Dong sang like the birds he was smuggling when he was stopped by an inspector at the Los Angeles International Airport. Dong was hiding more than a dozen songbirds attached to what has to be the world's most fabulous pair of socks. "He had fashioned these special cloth devices to hold the birds," said US attorney spokesman Thom Mrozek. "They were secured by cloth wrappings and attached to his calves with buttons."

You can put away your wooden stakes, and stop hanging garlic around the windows, thanks to Physicists Costas Efthimiou and Sohang Gandhi. The pair have published a paper where they demonstrate, by virtue of geometric progression, that vampires could not exist. It turns out that the vampire's method of feeding and reproduction would deplete their food supply very quickly. Their paper, "Cinema Fiction vs. Physics Reality," assumes that the first vampire appeared on January 1, 1600 and shows that everybody on the planet would have had their blood drained by June, 1602.

Sometimes you eat the bear, sometimes the bear eats you.

An anonymous reader writes "What do you get when you mount a Nikon D200 with a standard rifle stock? Why a Tactical Camera of course! One that no reporter would be caught with in a war zone or covering any armed action anywhere. What started out as a tongue in cheek project for April Fools wound up being quite the successful demonstration of concept. It features a fully functional trigger; it has controls for operating the shutter and auto focus; and for the patient shots, it has a mounted bipod. Carry sling optional."

In an attempt to reverse declining attendance figures, many American churches are starting to ask WWJD in 140 or fewer characters. Pastors at Westwinds Community Church in Michigan spent two weeks teaching their 900-member congregation how to use Twitter. 150 of them are now tweeting. Seattle's Mars Hill Church encourages its members to Twitter messages during services. The tweets appear on the church's official Twitter page. Kyle Firstenberg, the church's administrator, said,"It's a good way for them to tell their friends what church is about without their friends even coming in the building."

What started out as a joke has turned into an effective burglar deterrent for one Croatian bakery. The upscale bakery had been robbed almost every week until the owner put a life-sized photo of Chuck Norris in the window with a sign saying, "This shop is under the protection of Chuck Norris." The bakery has now been crime free for over a month. Sales assistant Mirna Kovac said, "To be honest we just started it as a joke but it really has worked. Thieves haven't been anywhere near us for ages. People seem to respect him. We have had a few customers come in and ask us whether they can get Chuck's autograph. They really believe he is sitting in our storeroom out the back ready to pounce on any burglars." Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Somalia's al Qaeda-backed Al-Shabaab wing is getting creative with its recruitment marketing. They have made a well produced eighteen-minute video complete with a hip-hop jihad feel. A voice raps, "Mortar by mortar, shell by shell, only going to stop when I send them to hell," during part of the recruitment tape. Intelligence experts say the video was recently made and comes on the heels of an audio message in March purportedly from Osama bin Laden. Industry insiders are intrigued by the tape, but point out that it fails to include any special appearances by other fledgling groups, which is a necessity in today's terrorist hip-hop market.

"...and now the studio has turned it into something people will actually like."

Dodging arrows teaches good foot work.

Kelson writes "Google's Mountain View headquarters has fields that need to be kept clear of fire hazards. This year instead of mowing them, they took a low-carbon approach: they hired a herd of goats to eat the grass for a week. 'It costs us about the same as mowing, and goats are a lot cuter to watch than lawn mowers,' wrote Dan Hoffman."

An anonymous reader writes "A design student made a battered old Skoda 'disappear' by painting it to merge with the surrounding car park. Sara Watson, who is studying drawing at the University of Central Lancashire (Uclan), took three weeks to transform the car's appearance.She created the illusion in the car park outside her studio at Uclan's Hanover Building in Preston. The car is now being used for advertising by the local recycling firm that donated the vehicle."

Marxist writes "The government of Mexico advises people to avoid shaking hands or kissing as a greeting, so what could the people do instead when meeting a friend? As social distancing becomes the norm due to swine flu, CNN's chief medical correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, advocates the el-bump, or bumping your elbows, as an alternative greeting that serves people's social needs while keeping them safer from swine flu compared to shaking hands. Probably we can expect more etiquette innovations as the swine flu virus spreads arround."

If you thought pulling a sword out of stone was hard, you should try to evict a druid. Mr. "King Arthur Pendragon" — formerly known as John Rothwell — has been camped out at the edge of Stonehenge since June 2008. Last week local official were granted an eviction notice for Mr. Pendragon. He had until 4pm on Sunday to leave, but failed to do so saying that he is fighting for the protected world heritage to be open to all, currently visitors are restricted to a visitor center and confined to marked-out trails. "We have opened a bottle of mead and we are drinking to Stonehenge. I have done a short ritual and spell of protection, calling on the kings of old. I am still here so I am in breach of the order as they see it but I have as much right as anyone else to be here," he said.

Chinese officials have figured out a way to fight the bad economy and keep the people in flavor country all at once; make them smoke. The Gong'an county government has ordered its staff to smoke 230,000 packs of locally made cigarettes annually or risk being fined. "The regulation will boost the local economy via the cigarette tax," said Chen Nianzu, a member of the Gong'an cigarette market supervision team.

The squirrels have already taken the motherboard for the winter.

For $25, anyone over the age of 18 can race a police officer at the monthly "Beat the Heat" night in Miami, Florida. The races are held at County Line Drag Way and are designed to redirect people from racing on the streets to the dragstrip. "You could bring your mother's minivan. You can bring a pure racing car. It doesn't matter," said Officer Jose Ayala with the Medley Police Department.

The first one was ok, but I think he hit his stride the second time around.

angry tapir writes "The CEO of a Seattle-area consulting company has been sentenced to three months of home confinement for destroying a client's Web site following a contract dispute. Minecode CEO Pradyumna Samal will also serve 288 hours of community service and three years of probation."

rodrigoandrade writes "The robo-assault reportedly took place in 2007, when a man attempted to repair a defective machine used to lift rocks without properly checking the power supply beforehand. And unfortunately, the human head isn't all that different than a big juicy rock to such a robot."