Hugh Pickens writes "Watch a video of comedian John Hodgman speak after Barack Obama at the recent Radio and Television Correspondents Association dinner in DC and discuss the central question of our age: "how we can heal the great and shameful division that has plagued our nation for so long — the age old conflict between jocks and nerds" and ask Obama: Are you now, or have you ever been, a nerd?"

Dave Chapman got so drunk Saturday that doing laundry almost killed him. After a night of drinking with his friends, a pantless Dave looked into his dryer for a pair of clean underwear. He didn't see a pair, so he stuck his head in a little farther. Still not finding a pair, he managed to get his shoulders inside to get a better look. Next came his arms, and finally the realization that he was stuck. "I was panicking because there was no air," he said. With the help of his friends, ambulance staff, a female police officer, and two fire brigades, Dave was freed from the machine and was finally able to put on some pants.

Pay attention to the clown behind the curtain.

The National Institutes of Health has given $423,500 to researchers at Indiana University's Kinsey Institute to figure out why men don't like to wear condoms. The institute will also study why men have trouble using condoms and investigate "penile erection and sensitivity during condom application." "The project aims to understand the relationship between condom application and loss of erections and decreased sensation, including the role of condom skills and performance anxiety, and to find new ways to improve condom use among those who experience such problems," reads the abstract from Drs. Erick Janssen and Stephanie Sanders, both of the Kinsey Institute.

Scientists at the University of Sheffield have created a device dubbed the "cargo-screening ferret" that is able to detect drugs, weapons, and even illegal immigrants concealed in cargo containers. The 30cm-long robot is equipped with tiny sensors that are more sensitive than any currently employed in conventional cargo scanners. The ferret will attach itself magnetically to the inside of a cargo container and sweep it for contraband, while sending a steady stream of information back to its controller. Project leader Dr Tony Dodd said, "It's essential we develop something which is simple to operate and which border agents can have total confidence in. The ferret will be able to drop small probes down through the cargo and so pinpoint exactly where contraband is concealed."

A 1-square-foot block of frozen urine crashed through Hans and Irene Schueler's roof this weekend, and they are pissed. The couple has asked air traffic controllers to leak details of flight movements over their home. So far the stream of information has been weak at best. One neighbor said, "They're lucky it didn't hit them, and they don't see why an airline should get away with it."

A neo-Nazi group who adopted a half-mile section of highway in Springfield, Kansas last year may find their pure highway renamed after rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel. Although lawmakers were not happy about the adoption, they had no choice but to accept the group's application. In 2005 the US Supreme Court ruled that a group can't be denied entry to the Adopt-A-Highway program because of its political beliefs. The final solution for Kansas lawmakers seems to be renaming the highway.

"Adam was the luckiest man in the world. He had no mother-in-law."

Mel Gibson's Sit 'N Spin. Dizziness is next to Godliness.

Fed up with violent customers and pimps, a group of Indian prostitutes have begun taking karate lessons to protect themselves. The first phase of the program has 75 women practicing five hours a day in intense heat. Organizers hope the training sends a message that violence against sex workers must stop, and add that the board-breaking portion of their training has become very creative. The Indian Community Welfare Organization founder secretary, AJ Hariharan, said, "We are going to train 300 sex workers in the second phase and 500 sex workers after that."

A man is selling his dad's ashes on eBay in revenge for abandoning him as a child. William Ireland is 50 now, but 44 years ago his dad left him and his mother to start a new life. William later found his father and the two started talking until his father died in 2006. After learning his father left his estate to the other woman and her son, he paid for the cremation so he could sell his dad's ashes. His eBay ad reads, "Here are the ashes of my father, Kenneth Ireland, an adulterer who left a wife, two children and just £17 in her pocket. He never paid a penny towards his kids' upbringing."

Walking into the Casa Pocho bar in Cullera, Spain, and saying, "You know what I like best about this place? Not a f@#king thing!" might just get you a free drink. The bar is encouraging patrons to insult and swear at its staff, and offering free drinks for funny or original verbal abuse. "When you come in after work, you can say swear at them and call them bastard or imbecile," said client Antonio Ossa. Owner Bernard Mariusz said he thought people needed somewhere to let off some steam in these troubling times.

If you've ever wanted to get medieval on your asparagus, now's your chance. The Forme of Cury, a cookbook compiled by master cooks to Richard II, has gone online. Hundreds of dishes are explained, ranging from a porpoise recipe to directions for blancmange. John Hodgson, keeper of manuscripts at John Rylands Library, says "It's not a like a modern cookery book so it doesn't give you exact quantities and times. It's very much suck it and see, but great for experimenting."

When your bride agrees to be hauled away in an L 524, you know you've picked a winner.

chrb writes "Two days ago Slashdot discussed broke counties grinding their tarmac roads into gravel. Now the Telegraph reveals plans to raze huge sections of at least 50 US cities to the ground. The resulting smaller cities will be more economical to run, and the recovered land will be returned to nature."

There are a few questions that you never want to hear. Do you know how to make a tourniquet? And who gave the gorilla a knife? Unfortunately for the Calgary Zoo staff, they had to answer the latter. Zoo visitors were shocked to see a gorilla holding a knife and pointing it at a fellow gorilla. "He grabbed the knife exactly in the correct position and he smelled it and looked at it. A few seconds later, another gorilla came and he was very interested. He tried to get the knife, but the gorilla with the knife lifted the knife for his buddy....It seems to me that the gorilla with the knife was a little bit angry, and he lifted his hand with the knife. It was just a scene from a crime," said Calgarian Joe Scheffler, who was at the zoo with his wife.

Thomas Prusik-Parkin has been arrested for pretending to be his mother in order to collect $115,000 in social security benefits and rent subsidies. Prosecutors say Thomas has been regularly dressing up in a wig, dress and make-up to collect checks since his mother's death in 2003. "I held my mother when she was dying and breathed in her last breath, so I am my mother," Mr Prusik-Parkin said. We can all be thankful that Thomas decided to steal from the government and not open up a little out-of-the-way motel in Fairview, California.

suraj.sun writes "A Maine high school senior was denied his diploma at graduation after he took a bow when his name was called, pointed to friends and blew a kiss to his family. Justin Denney was graduating from Bonny Eagle High School June 12 and had gotten up on stage to receive his diploma when he gestured to his friends and relatives. School Superintendent Suzanne Lukas abruptly told Denney to return to his seat, according to WMTW TV in Maine. He didn't get his diploma. His mother, Mary Denney, is livid. Her son told her that the superintendent warned, 'There's no fooling around up here'. 'He just kind of looked at her because he wasn't fooling around. He didn't consider that fooling around or misbehaving in any sense of the word,' Mary Denney told WMTW. Lukas reportedly asked the soon-to-be graduate why he thought he deserved a diploma. "He goes, 'Because I worked hard and I earned it,' and she goes, 'No, go take your seat,'" his mother told the station. Other students also walked away empty-handed because of various disruptions during the ceremony. Some started playing with beach balls and others were separated from their friends, according to WMTW. Mary Denney doesn't believe her son violated any code of conduct."

He never heard a confession he didn't like.

There are fewer hassles for an adventurer or business traveler bigger than lugging around bags of silver and copper pieces. Luckily TG-Gold-Super-Markt has installed gold vending machines in 500 locations including train stations and airports all across Germany. The machines charge about 30% more than the current trading price for gold, and are updated every few minutes. All are closely monitored by cameras, and like 3rd and 4th edition, electrum pieces are not accepted.