Steve Henry and David Alberts have written a book, You Are Really Rich, You Just Don't Know It Yet, that tries to figure out the real world value of life's priceless moments. According to the authors, being told, "I love you" is worth £163,424, being in a stable relationship £154,849, and hanging out with your friends comes in at a measly £63,256. The values were determined by asking 1,000 people what made them happy and then comparing that event to the happiness they would feel after winning the lottery. "It was interesting when doing the research that very few people mentioned money and people focused on family occasion, hanging out with friends, having a quiet time on their own, seeing grandchildren and visiting places they had never seen before as things that made a real difference in their lives," said Alberts.

Inspired by the surplus of raunchy low-budget comedies of the '80s and the music videos of the time, The "Amora Sex Academy" has opened in Berlin. The academy allows the socially awkward to practice their clumsy fumblings on the erogenous zones of naked mannequins. More than 50 interactive displays can be studied at the academy, offering helpful tips on subjects ranging from striptease to oral sex and how to achieve a perfect orgasm. There are also film clips you can watch demonstrating various sexual positions, including something called the "Italian chandelier," which can burn up to 920 calories per hour.

The easiest and cheapest way to get rid of unwanted neighbor kids.

A new study has shown that even sperm can be superficial. Researchers found that males of many animal species, including humans, can adjust the speed and effectiveness of their sperm by regulating the amount of seminal fluid they produce during copulation. The determining factor on that amount of fluid seems to be whether the male finds the female attractive.

The Baltesz family is using a radical method to get their runaway dog to come back home. The family is marking trees, lampposts and the local streets with their own urine in the hopes it will lure their Labrador, Simon, back. Having presumably tried all methods that didn't involve pouring pee out of a soda bottle, the family decided this approach was the best. Mrs Baltesz told the Bristol Evening Post, "I know it sounds bizarre and I'm embarrassed to mention it but it makes sense if you think about it. Simon may pick up our scent because dogs have an incredibly powerful sense of smell. Despite having two other dogs, the house is so quiet without him."

A Polish woman is not doing her countrymen any favors by suing an Egyptian hotel, claiming that the hotel pool is responsible for getting her 13-year-old daughter pregnant. The mother claims "stray sperm" in the pool are to blame for the baby souvenir her daughter came back from vacation with. "The mother is adamant that her daughter didn't meet any boys while she was there and is determined to go ahead with the case," said one travel industry source. The level of this mother's ignorance is astounding. Everyone knows that you can't get pregnant in a swimming pool, in a hot tub, or if you press really hard on the girls belly button after sex.

2-year-old Natalie Jasmer put her phenomenal hide-and-seek game on display for her family, neighbors, police and firemen Tuesday evening. The little girl remained undetectable for over an hour after authorities started searching the neighborhood. Eventually, the family dog found Natalie asleep in a drawer underneath the washing machine.

The most spectacular disaster porn ever!!!

The face of the new Ambien marketing campaign.

cruff writes "Don't know if the USB Chainsaw is real or not, but the 500 ma provided by a USB port probably won't cut the stuff they show in the video, unless you spend a long time charging a battery. :-) However, imagine the uses to which a properly trained IT person could put this new tool!"

tugfoigel writes "Built by "Kevin" for a contest, this computer-controlled alarm clock is touted as the world's largest. To be more specific, he 'mounted a large air cylinder to the head of [his] bed and a valve, controlled by a computer, which [he programmed] to wake [him] up in the morning.'"

mcgrew writes "The Chicago Tribune is pointing out that shortly after noon today, the time and date will be 12:34:56 7/8/9. The Trib points out that this happens only once or twice per century, although it actually happens twice on the day it happens in. Serious Cubs fans know the first night game at Wrigley Field was played on 8/8/88 — which just happens to be four sideways infinity symbols. I imagine you can make any day 'special' like this if you try hard enough."

Somerset needs to hire a witch, and not just any witch will do. The town needs one who is willing to live in the Wookey Hole Caves, a local tourist attraction. The job pays £50,000 a year. Applicants "must be able to cackle," and "must not be allergic to cats." The job is open to men, women, and even trans-gender witches, to comply with sexual discrimination laws. "Wookey Hole wants the appointee to go about her everyday business as a hag, so that people passing through the caves can get a sense of what the place was like in the Dark Ages. This was when an old woman lived in the caves with some goats and a dog causing a variety of social ills including crop failures and disease. So the job is straightforward: live in the cave, be a witch, and do the things witches do," said Daniel Medley, from Wookey Hole Caves.

When faced with a problem, the only thing in Antonio Chiaia's toolbox appears to be his double-barrel 12-gauge. The 74-year-old was arrested for using his shotgun to try to get rid of a tree limb in his backyard. He told police that he couldn't reach it with his saw so he thought he might be able to shoot it off. Police charged Chiaia with unlawful discharge of a firearm and second-degree reckless endangerment.

An English court has ruled that David Peers is not allowed to be drunk anywhere in England or Wales until 2016. Peers has been charged 11 times for his drunken anti-social behavior, and has been arrested for fighting, verbally abusing town residents, and occasionally urinating on shop windows. Doug Stott, of Surrey Police, said, "David Peers has a history of drinking and disorderly behaviour. Despite extensive intervention by Surrey Police and our partner agencies, Peers has not shown a positive change in his behaviour and has continued to verbally abuse and be aggressive towards local businesses and residents."

It's heavier than it looks.

In an attempt to boost test scores, some Austrian students will be able to "phone a friend" if they get stuck on a test question. The students will be able to call teachers, doctors, or other experts for help when they don't know an answer. Teacher Reinhard Peter came up with the idea while watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire," and says, "They can call doctors, teachers and other people to ask their help. Many of them suddenly have exam anxiety as though they were sitting in the classroom taking the exam. They get nervous on the phone and feel that if they give the wrong answer they are not only failing themselves but the pupil who is calling them as well." Peter adds that all of his students have passed their exams since he allowed the calls, and he has no plans for installing a 50:50 policy.

The city of Bridgewater, South Dakota is suing meat plant owner and "sell by date" denier, Ilan Parente, for having to clean up his abandoned meat plant. The city spent between $5k-$7k on volunteers, city and county personnel, fire department, emergency management and ambulance personnel to clean up the 44-ton mountain of rotting meat left in the plant. Parente says that he received the bill but will have to consult with his advisers to decide if he would pay. Bridgewater residents speculate that he left the meat behind as payback for past run-ins with local officials. Parente denies these claims and says the putrefying pile was a simple mishap he has been trying to correct for the past month.

The family that replaces the human race together, stays together.

More than 500 workers at Japan's, Keihin Electric Express Railway, must have their faces scanned each morning to determine their optimum smile. The "smile scan" analyzes a smile based on facial characteristics, from lip curves and eye movements to wrinkles. After the program scans you, it produces a smile rating that ranges from zero to 100 depending on the estimated potential of your biggest smile. If your number is sufficient, you can go about your day grinning like a maniac. If your smile number is too low the computer will give you a message such as, "lift up your mouth corners" or "you still look too serious." Every morning employees receive a printout of their daily smile which they are expected to keep with them throughout the day.