Wayne county prosecutor Kym Worthy has told commissioners that proposed budget cuts won't allow the her office to prosecute low-priority crimes like breaking and entering. "We can't even cover our courtrooms anymore. At some point, if the budget continues to be cut, we're going to have to start making decisions about what crimes we prosecute," Worthy said. The county is facing a $105-million deficit in its 2009-10 budget. This might not be so bad. There is almost nothing worth breaking into or stealing in Detroit anyway.

Dustin Britton's bad-assness has been cemented in stone after he fought off a mountain lion with a chainsaw. The 32-year-old mechanic and ex-Marine was cutting wood about 100 feet from his campsite when the big cat attacked. "It batted me three or four times with its front paws and as quick as I hit it with that saw it just turned away. You would think if you hit an animal with a chain saw it would dig right in. I might as well have hit it with a hockey stick," he said. Britton escaped the fight with only a small puncture wound and a 50% increase in testicle growth.

370 children at Southway Junior School were surprised when a spaceship landed near their school. They were terrified when aliens invaded the classrooms and started to abduct teachers; and their parents are furious that school officials decided to put on this production to "develop youngsters' writing skills" without notifying them first. The school did have the foresight to inform the local police however. Thinking it was a great idea, the cops provided sirens and flashing blue lights to signify the landing of the spaceship. A parent who wished to remain anonymous said, "God only knows what the school was playing at. I mean, to shock children into thinking that the aliens have landed and have abducted a teacher is just a little too much for seven-year-olds. My daughter was deeply upset by it all and came home looking shell shocked. She wasn't sure what had happened and really wanted to know that everything was going to be alright."

It's important to start terrifying children early.

Z80xxc! writes "The Anchorage Daily News reports that a 15 mile-long blob of unknown, 'gooey,' probably organic material is floating past communities on Alaska's North Slope. The US Coast Guard sent pollution experts to investigate, who determined that it was not an oil spill or other type of pollution, but were unable to determine what it is. A sample is currently being analyzed by experts in Anchorage, while the blob is following the current northwards."

EdIII writes "Despite having most, if not all, of it's arrest forms computerized, the NYPD has spent nearly $1M dollars on new typewriters for its police officers to fill out property and evidence vouchers with carbon copies. Regardless of complaints from police officers about inefficiency, lack of common sense, and slow processing, typewriters are not going to be phased out anytime soon according to officials. As one cop put it, 'We have to sneak around the rest of the precinct in search of a ribbon to steal.' According to one study by Dr. Edith Linn, outdated equipment is part of the reason for officers being averse to making arrests for less-serious crimes. However, it's not all bad news, for the typewriter companies at least."

A Florida attorney, Cheney Mason, made the mistake of offering a million dollars on a TV show to anyone who could prove that his client, Nelson Ivan Serrano, was able to travel across two states and kill four people in the time that prosecutors had alleged. Having a lot of free time, South Texas College of Law graduate Dustin Kolodziej decided to take Mason up on his dare. Dustin traveled the route prosecutors say Serrano took, completed the trip under the time allowed, and videotaped the whole process. He is now suing Mason in the federal district court — because the attorney doesn't want to pay, saying that his statement was just a joke.

Panna National Park is now officially tiger free making it the second Indian tiger sanctuary to no longer have a tiger population. A census was conducted in the park, after authorities reported no Bengal Tiger sightings for a long time. Three years ago the park had a population of 24 tigers; however, none were found this year. Forest minister Rajendra Shukla is optimistic about the news and says, "Panna is our only park which has lost on this count. Three of state's reserve forests — Kanha, Bandhavgarh and Pench — have been adjudged among the best managed tiger reserves in the country."

angry tapir writes "China has banned the use of shock therapy to treat Internet addiction after its use at one hospital sparked nationwide controversy. The hospital drew wide media coverage in recent months after Internet users claiming to have received the treatment wrote in blogs and forums about being tied down and subjected to shocks for 30 minutes at a time."

atlanticbreakers writes ""Dr. Phil Maymin is an Assistant Professor of Finance and Risk Engineering at the Polytechnic Institute of New York University. He holds a Ph.D. in Finance from the University of Chicago, a Master's in Applied Mathematics from Harvard University, and a Bachelor's in Computer Science from Harvard University. He found a correlation between the annual average beat variance of the songs in the US Billboard Top 100 since its inception in 1958 through 2007 to the standard deviation of returns of the S&P 500 for the same year. He makes an interesting statement about Michael Jackson's songs."

An anonymous reader writes "According to this Yahoo! news article, 'Hamas suspects that Israeli intelligence services are supplying its Gaza Strip stronghold with chewing gum that boosts the sex drive in order to "corrupt the young." The story came to light after a Palestinian man filed a complaint that his daughter had experienced "dubious side effects" after chewing the offending gum, Israeli media reported.'"

boisepunk writes "OS News has reported on what some would consider an abomination. Hannah Montana Linux is reportedly a Linux Distro made specifically for fans of Hannah Montana. It is speculated that Disney may shut this down."

A 3-year-old celebrated his third birthday by taking a 2-hour trip down the Peace River atop his toy truck. The little explorer wandered away from his party and was eventually found sitting on his truck, floating down the river 7.8 miles away. Apparently he was unaware that he was in any danger and was mostly concerned that the boater who found him had also retrieved his truck.

Elgin Nathan James, the founder of FSU — which stands for "Friends Stand United" — has been arrested and charged with attempted extortion. Authorities say FSU is a gang that uses beatings and threats in an attempt to control the punk rock music scene. In addition to boots, mountains of hair products, and spiked wrist accessories, modern punk musicians seem to have money, unlike their predecessors. James is accused of trying to extort a Chicago area artist and accepting a $5,000 payoff from a club.

Some tips you can't get from Heloise.

astroengine writes "Space Disco speaks with a Californian radio DJ about his role in raising, and paying, NASA's 30-year old littering fine levied by a Western Australian town. Skylab parts fell on Esperance in 1979, but the space agency's refusal to pay $400 has resulted in an entertaining annual grudge. Now the Barstow radio DJ is guest of honor at this weekend's 30th anniversary celebrations in Oz and the two small towns at opposite ends of the Pacific will be twinned... all because Skylab had a messy re-entry..."

You can't cast charm person on yourself.

Guil Rarey writes "Neat hacks deserve our admiration. Epic kludges, though, have their own "Plan 9 from Outer Space" glory. ThereIFixedIt is dedicated to jury rigs, MacGyver wannabes, and kludges that, errr, may have needed a little more thought."

fysdt writes "A South African bank has outfitted its ATMs with pepper spray to prevent criminals from bombing or tampering with the machines. But the system still has some bugs: One of the machines released its stinging payload on three maintenance workers last week."

The Narrative Fallacy writes "We've all heard about the dangers of texting while driving, but 15-year-old Alexa Longueira from Staten Island recently learned a painful lesson about the hazards of texting while walking when, preparing to send a text, she stepped into an open manhole, scraping her arms and back as she slid into the sewer, which had some muck at the bottom. The manhole had been left open briefly by the Department of Environmental Protection (DEP) just as workers were grabbing some cones to cordon off the area. 'It was four or five feet, it was very painful. I kind of crawled out and the DEP guys came running and helped me,' Longueria said. 'They were just, like, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"' DEP spokeswoman Mercedes Padilla said in a statement that crews were flushing a high-pressure sewer line at the time. 'We regret that this happened and wish the young woman a speedy recovery.' After being released from Staten Island University Hospital, Longueria's parents say they are planning to file a lawsuit and displayed their daughter's injuries to a photographer from the Staten Island Advance. Longueria's mother said doctors were concerned about possible spine damage suffered in the fall and want a follow-up MRI. Her mother added that she was particularly upset about the sewage. 'Oh my God, it was putrid. One of her sneakers is still down there.'"