Strict Order Boarding Would Get Planes in the Sky Faster

electrostatic writes "In a Nature.com oldie-but-goodie, a physicist says he has solved a problem that costs airlines millions every year: what is the quickest way to get passengers aboard an aircraft? Boarding is a serious issue for airlines, particularly those operating short flights that run several times a day, yet boarding times have steadily increased for decades. Back in 2005 Jason Steffen of the Fermilab in Batavia, Illinois said the method used by many airlines to this day is almost the worst. 'The best way to board, according to the researchers, would be a row-by-row, seat-by-seat, strict order. That would mean everyone lines up, row 25 first. I can't imagine fliers will go for that. Next best, they say, would be boarding all the window seats first, followed by those in the aisle. Obviously that's not practical, at least for couples or families traveling together.'"

They won't go for it?

[netwiz]

Well, boo-hoo. I'm so sorry for the First-Class jerks having to be seated last. They get real chairs, plenty of room, and have paid for that. Not to be seated first even though it makes it that much more difficult for everyone else.

Re:They won't go for it?

[Hes Nikke]

they should move first class to the back of the plane and then all the rich fucks might have to see how crappy the rest of the plan is....

Heap?

[paul248]

Please line up in a tree and maintain the heap invariant while boarding. Thank you for flying nlogn airlines.

Not even close

[eln]

The fastest way to board is to have the seating area at the airport be a removable replica of the seating area inside the airplane. Then, when the plane arrives, the entire airplane opens up, the seating area (with passengers) is removed with a gigantic crane-like machine, and the new seating area (formerly known as the airport waiting area) is loaded in. The area formerly known as the airplane seating area is then put into place inside the airport, and becomes the new airport waiting area. Voila, the entire boarding process in 2 minutes.

That's probably the fastest way without resorting to powerful vacuums, but probably not terribly practical. The most practical way would be to build the plane with sufficient space in the aisle to avoid the "fat guy with the large carry-on that clearly doesn't fit into the overhead bin holding everyone up" problem, but they'd never go for that.

So, maybe a giant vacuum (for disembarking) combined with a giant cannon (for boarding) is the best way. We couldn't guarantee seat assignment this way, of course, but if we encased everyone in foam like the stuff in that car in Demolition Man, it should work with a minimum of injuries.

The problem with these researchers is they aren't thinking outside the box enough.

Seating area

[corsec67]

What about having a seating area near the gate that duplicates the seating arrangement on the plane?
You require people to sit there in the correct place, and then you can easily pull people out of the temporary seating area in the correct order.
(You would have to make it big enough for any plane type that is going to be serviced at that gate, and then only seats that exist on the plane are used)

Or an even more interesting, but harder to do version: have the seats on the plane be on a "seat sled" that is swapped out, so that people board the sled before the plane is even there, and then you just swap sleds between the plane. You then let the arriving people depart. (Something about having most of the airframe be doors is probably the weakness of this idea). Or you could have more of the stuff be in the sled, like the entire pressurized compartment, including the galley and bathrooms. Call it the "people magazine [wikipedia.org]".

Re:Not Faster

[JanneM]

It would be faster until some guy arrives 5 minutes later then everyone else and has to go through security and get on the plane,...

"Sorry Sir, your row already boarded. Please see our Courtesy Office over in Terminal Z about rebooking for a later flight. Quite serious, Sir. Yes Sir, same to you too. No Sir, I do believe that act is anatomically impossible. Sir, you are aware of course that as a human you are mostly water? Now, do you want us to press the point that you have knowingly passed through security while being a liquid container greater than 100ml? No, I did not think so, Sir. Terminal Z? Over there, to the left and doen the hall for oh, twenty minutes or so. Bye Sir."

A much faster approach

[Leuf]

1) First seat all the attractive women, evenly spaced with the most attractive furthest back.
2) Allow males to find their own seats.
3) Fill in the gaps with the old and ugly.
4) Store any children in the baggage h.. errr... Special Fun House.

Re:Heap?

[Skreech]

Is n the distance you're traveling? If so, I think I'll stick with n airlines rather than nlogn airlines.

n^2 airlines is complete trash though.

The QUICKEST way to board the plane...

[Lost+Found]

The quickest way to board the plane is with a giant blender and a pump. The only problem you face is having to refund part of the ticket if a toe gets stuck in the blade and doesn't make the flight!

Re:They won't go for it?

[tompaulco]

If first class boards first, and they have used up all of their overhead space, they can use some of the cattle class overheads. Plus, they get to block traffic trying to get to the back of the plane while they steal space from other passengers, and then have to force their way back forward to the first class seats. If done correctly, one first class passenger can delay takeoff by 5 minutes, even longer if they forget which way is forward.

Re:so what's a few minutes apart ?

[waterwingz]

oh ... I see you've met my brother.

Look, if they can empty a plane in 60 seconds

[iminplaya]

They should be able to fill it just as fast. Just open the slides, tilt them up, and slide them in from above.

Re:Not Faster

[clem]

Exactly. This study is taking an assembly-line operations approach to a process involving humans, who might be late, have special needs (e.g. "I can't lift this 300-lb carry-on into the overhead, please help"), have incomplete paperwork; all kinds of variables are at play. The failures of such an approach should be self-evident in real-world scenarios.

Of course this is a physicist we're talking about who designed the scheme. He's probably abstracted the passengers as perfect frictionless spheres.

Re:They won't go for it?

[Greyfox]

That's because in first class you have a lot of stuff to get going. You have to get the complimentary champagne going, the foot massage, and select a random person from coach to be flogged for your amusement. If they waited until last to get seated, that'd take forever!

Re:ban children

[timmarhy]

no fuck that i'm sick of having to tolerate other peoples poorly behaved kids, being trapped beside them for hours just goes beyond my (and i suspect many other peoples) limits.

society is constantly geared to give people with children freebies and discounts, while I (single white male 25 - 45) get the full price shaft on EVERYTHING.

it almost makes me want to have kids so i can inflict them on everyone else and get some kind of revenge.

In Soviet Russia, order is mandated.

[MonkeyBoyo]

I once flew around the Soviet Union a few years before the fall of the Berlin wall.

They had a very strictly enforced an order where people in the back of the jet got on last and got off first.

It seems that on at least some Aeroflot models, if you didn't have enough passengers in the front balancing the weight of those in the rear, the plane would tip backwards.

Old space joke

[sconeu]

This study reminds me of the old joke about the early days of the space race.

NASA was worried about the effects of hi-G on astronauts, so they hired some ivory-tower types to work on the problem.

About three months later, they came back to NASA and said, "We've solved it!"

The NASA manager in charge asked them to detail their solution.

The head professor said, "OK. First, assume a perfectly spherical astronaut...."

Re:ban children

[Anonymous Coward]

What you really need is an airline that will socialize you and teach you basic grammar and spelling.

welcome to LIFO Airlines

[circletimessquare]

and we would like to welcome our new passengers, the previous customers of FIFO Airlines, which went out of business due to time delays

GIGO Airlines has offered to honor our coupons, but you don't want to fly with them if you want get where you really wanted to go

Re:Not Faster

[eosp]

Well if you smear butter on them, then most Americans will be close to frictionless spheres.

Re:They won't go for it?

[Dr. Cody]

Oh yeah, extra meal service, too.

Bad Boarder Corral

[80's Greg]

The worst are people that cram around the boarding area and / or try to board when it's not their turn. Sometimes these people get waved through, but sometimes not. And if they don't get turned around to wait for their turn they end up blocking the people that could be getting seated in the back of the plane.

I always thought it would be great to have sort of a "bad boarder" or detention area to corral people off to the side of the gate that tried boarding at the wrong time. Just a nice little waiting area that they direct you to stand in and wait. And then once the entire plane has boarded you and all your non-boarding in time friends can join. And then everyone could give them a nice Nelson-style "Hah hah" laugh as they walked bye.

Re:Not Faster

[daVinci1980]

It's too bad slashdot doesn't have a 'sad but true' moderation.

Re:Not Faster

[nametaken]

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Re:Not Faster

[Anonymous Coward]

Only if you can keep us from licking it off of ourselves! Butter. Yummmmmm.

Re:What is the real problem?

[nametaken]

I think there's something to be said for thin people, not motivated chaos. :)

Re:this is happening

[Anonymous Coward]

Seat 12F has tons of legroom

As a 6'6" guy, every time I see a little kid sitting in this seat I die a little inside.

Re:Overhead space

[Anonymous Coward]

Hey, Lady at the Terminal -- was it worth it? How was your performance report that month? And let's not forget that my bag was damaged when it arrived and my camera was missing, meaning I couldn't take any photos at the wedding I was attending ... nice one, American Airlines!

funny you should ask, yes, it was worth it. the driver was very reasonably priced--he didn't ask for anything else out of the bag but the camera for his trouble.

Re:Not Faster

[Charcharodon]

Ha, there would be even bigger delays, because they'd be sitting there licking the butter.

If they want "smaller" delays they need to keep the "bigger" ones off the damn plane. I can't stand flying with fat people.

Re:Not Faster

[ArsenneLupin]

Well if you smear butter on them, then most Americans will be close to frictionless spheres.

The word you are looking for is torus. A sphere has no hole...

No that's not American at all

[OrangeTide]

Europeans might use real butter. In America we would have used artificially flavored oil like the kind we cherish on our movie popcorn. There would be no way to stop passengers from just licking the delicious oil off though.

I think more efficient would be to just tranquilize all passengers and quickly have them sorted and loaded into the plane like luggage.

Re:No that's not American at all

[thsths]

In America we would have used artificially flavored oil like the kind we cherish on our movie popcorn.

And is it made from crude oil?

Re:dual boarding more efficient?

[DNS-and-BIND]

if you[sic] neighbor in line has a higher number you will let them go in front of you.

That stewardess just re-invented the bubble sort!

Re:Not Faster

[DNS-and-BIND]

Nope, JetBlue copied Southwest. You have to realize that there are a lot of cultural barriers to accepting things like this. It's difficult for Northeasterners to admit that anything wasn't invented there.

Re:No carry ons...

[CmdrGravy]

Jesus that's way too much stuff, I went on a 6 month holiday to Australia and all I took was a small mirror, some flints and some coloured beads. I bought the knife when I arrived.

Re:once again, the digital world at work

[evilviper]

Man, a bus, I talk like I know something. It's been well over ten years since I've been on a bus. But that's not the point. Well, it's not the point here. We're talking about airplanes. I use those on a regular basis. Although I've never described the experience quite like a neighbouring passenger who said she's "made a career out of strapping a plane to my ass". I miss her. She was an advertising or marketing or sales person for a company that I don't remember, on a flight I've forgotten, going somewhere I can't recall, sometime in the last ten years. Maybe fifteen. Maybe five.

Kinda trailed-off near the end there, didn't you?

Re:No carry ons...

[pipatron]

Well I just hitchhiked through the galaxy and all I had was this towel I found on a spaceship.

Re:They won't go for it?

[Provocateur]

For some more extra fun, dress up lke the pilot.

"I have to get on, I'm flying that plane!"

Sure there's a good system

[p3d0]

There really is no good system.

Sure there is. You just have to open the whole side of the plane and let everyone sit simultaneously, as shown in this photo [funkandjunk.com].

Re:Not Faster

[illegalcortex]

That's a horrible attitude. You're going to need us fatties in case the plane crashes in the mountains and you have to resort to cannibalism.