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Brain Scanner Can Read People's Intentions 338

Posted by CowboyNeal
from the you-might-be-up-to-something dept.
Vainglorious Coward writes "Reality continues to catch up with Nineteen Eighty-Four with the announcement of the development of a brain scanner that can read a person's intentions. 'It's like shining a torch around, looking for writing on a wall,' said the leader of the project, Professor John-Dylan Haynes . Demonstrating his own mastery of doublethink, Haynes continued 'We see the danger that this might become compulsory one day, but we have to be aware that if we prohibit it, we are also denying people who aren't going to commit any crime the possibility of proving their innocence.'"
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Brain Scanner Can Read People's Intentions

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  • Pfft. (Score:5, Funny)

    by gardyloo (512791) on Friday February 09, 2007 @03:10AM (#17945520)
    Not without cracking my DRM, you bastards!

  • Re:Pfft. (Score:5, Funny)

    by gardyloo (512791) on Friday February 09, 2007 @03:14AM (#17945546)
    I knew you were going to post that! Ha-ha!

    *disappears in a puff of logic*
  • by SteelCat (793238) on Friday February 09, 2007 @03:41AM (#17945670)
    Inspector Plod: "So Doctor, what are the miscreant's intentions?"

    Doctor Tinkle: "He intends... 'to get out of this bloody MRI scannner as soon as possible'. Funny, that's exactly what the last twenty seven suspects intended as well."

  • by suv4x4 (956391) on Friday February 09, 2007 @03:48AM (#17945704)
    Not to mention that intentions and actions are two very different things.

    Yep, you know they say: Life is what happens while you're planning a mass massacre.
  • by Bloke down the pub (861787) on Friday February 09, 2007 @04:01AM (#17945780)

    This is a scary, scary device.
    Don't be silly, it can't do anything that a wife can't do. Hmmm, on second thoughts...
  • by true_hacker (969330) on Friday February 09, 2007 @04:39AM (#17945960)
    Whats wrong with you guys? Where are the tin-foil hat jokes?
  • by cheater512 (783349) <nick@nickstallman.net> on Friday February 09, 2007 @04:46AM (#17946004) Homepage
    Oh no! My tin foil hat ripped! They now know that I want to take over the world. My plans are ruined!
  • by digitig (1056110) on Friday February 09, 2007 @04:57AM (#17946072)
    If there were a law against thinking of committing a crime, then the thinking itself would be a crime, so you wouldn't get prosecuted for just thinking of committing a crime until they made it illegal to think of thinking of committing a crime. Except that means ... oh, where's Zeno when you need him?
  • by Captin Shmit (861923) on Friday February 09, 2007 @05:24AM (#17946174) Homepage
    "It's not a lie, if you believe it"
  • Night Out (Score:3, Funny)

    by muffen (321442) on Friday February 09, 2007 @05:28AM (#17946190)
    A Brainscanner developed by male scientists, here is what they are really thinking (I used my brainscanner on them):

    1) Get Brainscanner and go to pub
    2) ???
    3) Pleasure
  • by Ingolfke (515826) on Friday February 09, 2007 @05:48AM (#17946264) Journal
    Whats wrong with you guys? Where are the tin-foil hat jokes?

    I guess you're not up on the latest research... here's a summary in common language.

    It's the science man!
    By making the joke and acknowledging the hat you weaken its mental reflection capabilities. Tin foil hats actually work (queue the non-believing corporate servants) by combining the radiated electromagnetic energy from your brain with the conductive qualities of the tinfoil. Over time, usually three to six months, the tinfoil's electromagnetic field begins to take on the qualities of the brain waves its been receiving, this build-up of energy results in a perfect mask for your particular brain patterns... true mental reflection. To take a term from pipe smoking... the hat is seasoned. By thinking about the hat and concentrating your mind on it existence you begin to create a specific energy pattern that counteracts the seasoned fields you've already created. The hat will still work, but there will be small holes in the energy field that are weaker and that will allow external monitor devices to measure your brain activity. The results are still fuzzy, but given secret technology the government may have now or a large enough computer (Blue gene based system would be fine) a good psychoanalysis team could read you like a book.

    Best practices
    Although there is some debate in the psycho-obfuscation and privacy communities about the shape of the hat, the real issue is mental blindness to the existence of the hat. Most people can't forget that they have a large pointy tinfoil hat on their head, but they can forget that they've placed a layer of tinfoil with a small (1cm diameter or less is best) criss cross pattern of wires inside of their baseball cap.

    It goes without saying that you should never share a tinfoil hat with someone else. The combination of brain patterns will weaken the overall effectiveness of the hat and will make you susceptible to brain scanning and false thought recognition (caused by latent electromagentic patterns from previous wearer).
  • by tomstdenis (446163) <tomstdenis AT gmail DOT com> on Friday February 09, 2007 @06:35AM (#17946436) Homepage
    Wrong. It's a crime to deny the holocaust. It's not a crime to not talk about it.

    So if someone asked if you thought the holocaust happened you could just not answer if you didn't want to talk about it.

    But thanks for playing the I think I know the law game.

    Tom
  • by Anonymous Coward on Friday February 09, 2007 @06:59AM (#17946540)

    One scary place this could be used was to check religious beliefs, in some countries you are prohibited to believe anything else than what the state dictates.


    Now, what would happen if it turned out that the religious leader actually doesn't believe it? :-)


    They would be an evangelist.
  • by BrokenHalo (565198) on Friday February 09, 2007 @08:06AM (#17946870)
    From the submission... 'It's like shining a torch around, looking for writing on a wall,' said the leader of the project, Professor John-Dylan Haynes .

    Now why does that remind me of the old joke about how to make a blonde's eyes light up?

    [You shine a torch in her ears.]

Felson's Law: To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

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