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If asked to read a corporate white paper, I feel like ...

Displaying poll results.
Laughing
  919 votes / 5%
Crying
  1154 votes / 7%
Stabbing
  2106 votes / 13%
Revising spam filters
  1933 votes / 12%
All of the above
  4972 votes / 30%
Giving it to paragraph three to catch my interest
  3404 votes / 21%
Are you kidding? This white paper is totally fascinating!
  1597 votes / 9%
16085 total votes.
[ Voting Booth | Other Polls | Back Home ]
  • Don't complain about lack of options. You've got to pick a few when you do multiple choice. Those are the breaks.
  • Feel free to suggest poll ideas if you're feeling creative. I'd strongly suggest reading the past polls first.
  • This whole thing is wildly inaccurate. Rounding errors, ballot stuffers, dynamic IPs, firewalls. If you're using these numbers to do anything important, you're insane.
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If asked to read a corporate white paper, I feel like ...

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  • by bobthesungeek76036 (2697689) on Wednesday February 27, 2013 @05:58PM (#43028583)
    Buzzword Bingo!!!
    • by NoNonAlphaCharsHere (2201864) on Wednesday February 27, 2013 @06:40PM (#43028845)
      Can you direct us to a white paper enumerating best practices for optimal client-centered Buzzword Bingo methodologies?
      • Re:Missing option: (Score:5, Informative)

        by The Grim Reefer (1162755) on Wednesday February 27, 2013 @06:48PM (#43028917)

        Can you direct us to a white paper enumerating best practices for optimal client-centered Buzzword Bingo methodologies?

        http://bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/ [bullshitbingo.net]

      • by dreamchaser (49529) on Wednesday February 27, 2013 @07:48PM (#43029379) Homepage Journal

        Can you direct us to a white paper enumerating best practices for optimal client-centered Buzzword Bingo methodologies?

        We should not overestimate the transformational power of industry buzzwords, nor the new synergies they can help us achieve in emerging vertical markets. What we need is a new paradigm embracing the best practices that will lead us to ever growing profitability.

        • by webmistressrachel (903577) on Wednesday February 27, 2013 @08:43PM (#43029847) Journal

          Are you the Grand Nagus?

        • by rasmusbr (2186518) on Wednesday February 27, 2013 @11:05PM (#43030853)

          While you touched on many important paradigms, I think it's crucial to understand that the core of the problem with the buzzword complex is that it overemphasizes the transformative cultural forces present in highly interactive social network ecosystems.

          What we truly need is a flexible and authentic approach to telling deep, engaging stories about a performative community culture that focuses not only on iteration but also on building meaningful relationships within our social graphs in order to create an innovative and multifaceted story-based brand, through which we can see past the unnecessary and false dichotomy between sustainable growth and scalable, engaging profit opportunities.

          • by snspdaarf (1314399) on Wednesday February 27, 2013 @11:22PM (#43030971)
            Oh, God, I understood that. (reaches for whiskey bottle)
            • by geekoid (135745)

              Of course you did, its becasue it's true.

              If it's a word that's been used for decades, it' isn't a BUZZword.

              • Of course you did, its becasue it's true.

                If it's a word that's been used for decades, it' isn't a BUZZword.

                Lucky we have people like you who generate a constant supply of new ones.

            • by DirtyLiar (796951)

              You poor soul. It is now your responsibility to commit ritual suicide in order to prevent the viral spread of the toxic paradigm to other vulnerable minds.

          • I really wish I had some mod points for you folks! Made my night.

            Can you direct us to a white paper enumerating best practices for optimal client-centered Buzzword Bingo methodologies?

            We should not overestimate the transformational power of industry buzzwords, nor the new synergies they can help us achieve in emerging vertical markets. What we need is a new paradigm embracing the best practices that will lead us to ever growing profitability.

            While you touched on many important paradigms, I think it's crucial to understand that the core of the problem with the buzzword complex is that it overemphasizes the transformative cultural forces present in highly interactive social network ecosystems.

            What we truly need is a flexible and authentic approach to telling deep, engaging stories about a performative community culture that focuses not only on iteration but also on building meaningful relationships within our social graphs in order to create an innovative and multifaceted story-based brand, through which we can see past the unnecessary and false dichotomy between sustainable growth and scalable, engaging profit opportunities.

          • You know, if you keep doing that, the grin is going to set like concrete and you'll have to stick with it forever.
          • After reading that, I'm not sure who needs a lobotomy more. Me for having read it and triggered a neural apocalypse which will otherwise leave me seizing on the floor in a puddle of my own bodily fluids, or you for being able to produce it so accurately.

          • While you touched on many important paradigms, I think it's crucial to understand that the core of the problem with the buzzword complex is that it overemphasizes the transformative cultural forces present in highly interactive social network ecosystems.

            What we truly need is a flexible and authentic approach to telling deep, engaging stories about a performative community culture that focuses not only on iteration but also on building meaningful relationships within our social graphs in order to create an innovative and multifaceted story-based brand, through which we can see past the unnecessary and false dichotomy between sustainable growth and scalable, engaging profit opportunities.

            What's a paradigm?

            • by rasmusbr (2186518)

              It has different meanings in different contexts, but when people use it in business it seems to be an attempt to use a philosophy of science meaning of paradigm (inspired by Thomas Kuhn's paradigm shift theory) to make some new idea or theory about marketing, or UI design, or what have you, sound more important and profound than it is.

              Instead of saying "it's kind of a pain to design software and translate it to other languages when every button and icon has some text, so let's use icons instead and spare us

    • by WillgasM (1646719) on Wednesday February 27, 2013 @06:42PM (#43028857) Homepage
      I've always wanted to turn meetings with vendors into a drinking game. The second they spout some BS buzzword, we all crack open some tall boys and waterfall. I want to do it just to see the look on their face.
    • by gandhi_2 (1108023)

      "Whitepaper" is itself a bullshit buzzword.

    • by ackthpt (218170)

      Cowboy Neal is my proofreader.

    • by Cloud K (125581)

      Can I play that on the Symantec Cloud?

  • by bughunter (10093) <<ten.knilhtrae> <ta> <retnuhgub>> on Wednesday February 27, 2013 @06:10PM (#43028657) Journal

    If asked to vote in a Slashdot Poll, I feel like ...

    Modified for improved relevance.

    • by rgmoore (133276)

      The problem is that you won't get anyone to vote honestly for any options that involve not answering. All you'll get is "Answer honestly", "Lie about my opinion", "Complain about the lack of options", and "My vote is always for Cowboy Neal".

  • If CowboyNeal or Randall Munroe http://what-if.xkcd.com/ [xkcd.com]) wrote it, I'd read it over and over again and recommend all my friends buy a copy.

    Anyone else and it's likely snoozeville or Buzzword Bingo.

  • by Trepidity (597) <delirium-slashdot@@@hackish...org> on Wednesday February 27, 2013 @06:37PM (#43028825)

    Some companies separate their reports into "whitepapers", which include the buzzword-filled marketing stuff aimed at execs, and "technical reports", which include technical details and analysis. In those companies, I would not normally read a whitepaper, since all the good stuff is in the tech reports. However, some companies file them both under "whitepapers", in which case there is often some good stuff buried. Sun used to publish some good technical whitepapers, for example.

    • by happy_place (632005) on Thursday February 28, 2013 @08:52AM (#43033147) Homepage

      Unfortunately most of the jargon doesn't translate to the company, and often that's perfectly okay with the uppermost management, which is why it gets really ridiculous when the CEO (and/or marketing) starts quoting from it, and the engineering staff has no idea what they're talking about. I first encountered this at HP, when Carly Fiorina the Chief Executioner was blowing smoke about her baby "e-speak", which turned out to be mostly smoke and mirrors. She spoke so inspiringly that most people they allowed her to be inspiring without any actual substance. I remember One day I'd had enough of having no idea what the CEO was saying, so I decided as a lowly engineer that I would take her speech and disect it. As I started to study it, I would ask my fellow engineers, management, and their management what the different buzzwords meant. She was basing the whole direction of the company on this stuff... right? So someone should know what it meant. I was flabberghasted to discover that: NO ONE KNEW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT!? They all smiled or nodded when she'd come to visit, but after the warm fuzzies had faded and we had to go back to making PCs we still didn't really have a clue how it impacted us at all. Little did we know she was laying the ground work for the dismantling of the company... but that's another story for another time... oh and as far as I was able to discover, espeak turned out to be (as far as I could tell) an hp(ish) proprietary type of XML, back around the time xml was still competing to be the standard open source solution and hp thought they could do better.

      • by xclr8r (658786)
        Wow sounds like this season of House of Lies
      • Better of Ted did an episode not on buzzwords, but buzz projects. It is funny, but no one wanted to admit they didn't know what this fake project was.
  • ...most corporate things make me feel like stabbing. I think I'll get out my ice pick "Ol' Rusty" and read AT&T's terms and conditions.
  • by Chris Mattern (191822) on Wednesday February 27, 2013 @06:55PM (#43028975)

    They've always got all these black marks all over them. I can always use more white paper, but these...psssh.

  • The best part of corporate white papers is ignoring them, and their flawed science.

  • What about the underrepresented minorities like the Brown or Yellow papers?
  • by PPH (736903) on Wednesday February 27, 2013 @08:12PM (#43029591)

    ... the two ply variety.

  • by Anonymous Coward

    But if you want to piece together the truth, you can't depend on finding the "hip professor" who knows everything past, keeps up with everything present, and is willing and able to explain it to you in crystal clear fashion for the price of a restaurant meal.

    You've got to sort through a bunch of sources. One nice thing about white papers is that the people writing them understand that if they're written with the density of, say, patents or journal articles, nobody's going to read them. So there are usuall

  • by skine (1524819) on Thursday February 28, 2013 @01:06AM (#43031471)

    What the hell is a white paper?

  • by Anonymous Coward

    Taking a printout and saving money on toilet paper.

  • Especially El Reg is bad on this point. Which is a shame, given the rest of their site is so good and readworthy....
  • by chrish (4714) on Thursday February 28, 2013 @09:18AM (#43033279) Homepage

    Been there, done that. Switched from technical writing to programming to escape it.

    In other news, you can successfully switch careers in your 40s without getting boned financially.

    • by geekoid (135745)

      SUre, if you go from a low paying position into a high paying in demand position.

      Tough to go into a completely new field from a 'high' paying job.

      For example: try going from full time programmer to full time bass player.

  • I made a fair living doing, amongst other things, writing white papers. Those who haven't read one simply haven't experienced the true depth of American literature. I guarantee you an experience unlike any other!
  • By Email: Ignore.
    By Phone: Listen to pitch. Decline.
  • Another Gem from the MBA world. Your product is inferior to almost everything out there so you create a "White Paper" that argues that the other products are made from people's broken dreams. Then as icing on your MBA cake you put out a press release and sucker various publications into quoting your White Paper showing how the average company would save $20 million by using your product and that only fools using 20 year old technology use the competition.

    This is basically the exact opposite of the truth
    • by geekoid (135745)

      Depend. what YOU are describing is a B2B 'whitepaper' I would argue they aren't really white papers, but marketing took that term anyways.

      In the private sector(non B2B) most White papers are just technical explanation of a product.
      In the government, they present a policy while inviting participation in the discussion.

      You complaint about white paper is akin to saying you hate hacker becasue they are all trying to steal credit card numbers; when in fact the word hacker means more then that.

  • by Anonymous Coward

    They have their uses. Some whitepapers take some good jabs at their competitors. While you can't take their word, there is often enough to point you in the right direction to being digging on your own, with something to dig for. If you stick at it long enough you can get a good idea of perceived shortcomings of an array of products you are considering. Again, you have to follow up, but sometimes its a starting point.

    I've also read other whitepapers that are incredibly useful. Some from SPI Dynamics wri

  • by Anonymous Coward

    In Government parlance (at least here in the UK), its part of the law-making process. Government departments publish drafts of upcoming legislation called "green papers" for discussion, rubbishing and so on. the final proposal is called the "white paper". They're so-called because thats the colour of the paper they're printed on. A white paper then grows up to become a Bill and enters the Parlimentary maw in earnest.

    "White Papers" issued by commercial organisations are just turgid advertising shit.

    When I

  • I was instructed to write a white paper on the merits of MPEG vs JPEG video encoding for a specific hardware based application by my PHB who had been chief in architecting the new product we were about to go to market with (I had only joined a few weeks previously). Unfortunately for him the sorts of tests that needed to be carried out to compare ourselves to established systems basically meant we could only show MPEG beat out JPEG with that particular application. Our system was JPEG based so the WP myster
  • by Anonymous Coward

    makes me feel the same as the word whitepaper

  • If I can't get the paradigm shift before the deliverables are met then I'll have to bring it to the next level or get off the reservation.

  • I prefer white text on a dark background - its easier on my eyes

  • If you replace "corporate white paper" with "patent," you can have the same poll options and get similar results. Well, OK, the patent version might get higher results for crying since the BS that gets through the patent office has a direct result on people's livelihoods.

  • Yes, a corporate white paper, it may have some uses. Anyone disagree?

2.4 statute miles of surgical tubing at Yale U. = 1 I.V.League

 



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