Lost Russian Mars Probe Phones Home 138
astroengine writes "The lost Russian Mars mission Phobos-Grunt has made a surprise announcement: she's alive. According to the European Space Agency (ESA) in the early hours of Wednesday morning, a tracking station in Perth, Australia, picked up a signal from the ailing spacecraft."
She's alive (Score:5, Funny)
She's alive? I felt sure being a probe it had to be part of a male.
Phobos-Grunt's message (Score:5, Funny)
The transmission from Phobos-Grunt was rather cryptic - it consisted only of the line "I will tear off my clothes for Putin".
ISR (Score:5, Funny)
Oh wait...
Re:Phobos-Grunt's message (Score:5, Funny)
The transmission from Phobos-Grunt was rather cryptic - it consisted only of the line "I will tear off my clothes for Putin".
All the French Canadians are excited, and miffed about the misspelling of poutine.
Re:And the message is... (Score:5, Funny)
... "I'm back"?
Nope - more along the lines of `I have a bunch of volitile hydrazine, a computer capable of calculating ballistic trajectories and a bad attitude. You'd best welcome your new Overlord.'
Re:She's alive (Score:5, Funny)
She's alive? I felt sure being a probe it had to be part of a male.
It got lost in our solar system and phoned home for directions... What gender do you think it has?
I'd make a joke about reading maps, but I'd feel old, so I'll skip that... Damn kids and their GPS shinies...
Re:She's alive (Score:5, Funny)
Maybe the probe has realized that it's a lesbian and doesn't want to go to Mars, and wants to reroute to Venus instead? Maybe it's been sitting up there in silent introspection and is now ready to come out of the closet to ground control. I'm sure they'll be proud and supportive no matter which planet it wants to go to.
I can here it sining this in space: (Score:5, Funny)
I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are
still alive.
And believe me I am
still alive.
I'm doing science and I'm
still alive.
I feel fantastic and I'm
still alive.
While you're dying I'll be
still alive.
And when you're dead I will be
still alive.
Still alive.
Still alive.
Re:New SCADA Commands (Score:3, Funny)
So who wants to bet on what the next message will be?
1. "Reach your hardon to the stars with CHEAP VIAGRA"
2. "SatelliteFix has detected errors! Enter credit card number to repair satellite."
3. "You accidentally the whole security, we haz ur satellite. U jelly, spacefags? Yeah, u jelly. NYANSAT AWAAAAAY!"
Re:ISR (Score:4, Funny)
"They don't understand artificial intelligence (or much of any other intelligence, for that matter)."
Hello! Its *FOX* were talking about here. It would fail a turing test if done on them.
Re:And the message is... (Score:5, Funny)
"Hello, I am Peggy"
Re:And the message is... (Score:5, Funny)
No, probably something like "LAUNCH PHASE COMPLETE. PRESS ENTER TO CONTINUE.", but it only accepts input from the on-board keyboard.
Re:And the message is... (Score:5, Funny)
No, the message was:
"Ahhh! Woooh! What's happening? Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I? Okay okay, calm down calm down get a grip now. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? ... And what's this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like 'Ow', 'Ownge', 'Round', 'Grunt'! That's it! Grunt! Ha!
I wonder if it'll be friends with me?"
Admit it, "Phobos Grunt" sounds like Douglas Adams jokingly came up with the name.
Re:why does this story have Crocodile Dundee's hat (Score:4, Funny)
how come we don't have a Russian icon. A samovar with Putin's face worked into it? A double eagle with Putin's face worked into it? Anything with Putin's face worked into it?
How about a picture of Sean Connery?
With Putin's face worked into it?
Re:She's alive (Score:4, Funny)
Only if she used her chin to do it... I always thought that she and Bruce Campbell should get together. Great Now I have this image of Tori Spelling as a Giant Spider queen on Mars using her furry pincher covered chin to implant eggs sacs in Bruce Campbell while he reaches for his BFG. All the while he's laughing uncontrollably because having someone dig their chin into your stomach is quite ticklish. Obviously Sam Raimi would have to direct...
In space. (Score:4, Funny)
Re:New SCADA Commands (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Phobos-Grunt's message (Score:2, Funny)
I take offence to this comment.
The comment is not in need of a fence.