Thousands of Blackbirds Fall From Sky Dead 577
Dan East writes "In a fashion worthy of a King or Hitchcock novel, blackbirds began to fall from the sky dead in Arkansas yesterday. Somewhere between 4,000 and 5,000 birds rained down on the small town of Beeb, Arkansas, with no visible trauma. Officials are making wild guesses as to what happened — lightning strike, high-altitude hail, or perhaps trauma from the sound of New Year's fireworks killed them."
FlashForward (Score:5, Funny)
FlashForward predicted this!
BEEBE, Arkansas (Score:4, Funny)
Or they flew over a CAFO (Score:4, Funny)
More likely they died of shock when they flew over a CAFO.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concentrated_Animal_Feeding_Operations [wikipedia.org]
Flashforward? (Score:2, Funny)
Are the events from the show Flashforward coming true?!
It's Arkansas (Score:5, Funny)
I know! (Score:5, Funny)
They're pining for the fjords!
My suggestions (Score:5, Funny)
Given the fanciful explanations being put forward, I thought I'd add these possibilities which are just as likely:
- Blackbird mob war (explains the trauma too!) ....Variation: A new super race of pigeon decided to whack the competition
- Suicide protest over the abandonment of puppies and kittens over Christmas
- Someone below was constipated for a week after eating some curry and after going off to die on his own in the wilderness managed to pass wind just in time to prevent death from toxic shock. Unfortunately the birds copped the brunt of it.
- Terrorist Blackbird not caught at the Blackbird airport in time because those pesky Blackbirds loved their freedom too much and refused to be irradiated and groped before they travel
- Y2K11 didn't just hit iPads and iPhones. Those poor Blackbirds shouldn't have bought their pacemakers from Apple and believed the "It just works" hype
- An alien witch temporarily transformed them from Blackbirds into Lemmings. When they hit the ground they changed back
Re:Flashforward? (Score:5, Funny)
What? (Score:5, Funny)
Blackbirds? Didn't the military retire those years ago?
Re:FlashForward (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Or they flew over a CAFO (Score:5, Funny)
see how angry meat makes you!
Re:Lead Dust? (Score:5, Funny)
I think falling hundreds of feet out of the sky would cause trauma.
Falling hundreds of feet could not cause trauma to the birds. The sudden stop at the end, however, will do the trick.
Re:Or they flew over a CAFO (Score:5, Funny)
Survival strategies: Being delicious.
Seriously. Look, Fuck the whales. They had their chance at life, they had a nice evolution plan, and it was working very well, but they'd forgotten to take something into account: Japan. If you have tentacles, or you are huge and unique, or if you have Shitting Dick-Nipples, you have to watch the fuck out, 'cause Japan is coming for you. The Dodo was ugly as fuck and tasted like crap ... and it went, well, the way of the dodo. You don't care about Siberian Tigers either.
Now, even if you care about endangered species, you care up to a point. That is, unless you are a crazy-ass peta member or something, you limit yourself to sending a donation, or going to a stupid sit-down somewhere. Now, you tell us that FUCKING COWS are going extinct, and there's going to be chaos on the streets. People will fucking murder politicians and feed them to the cows. They'll offer virgin sacrifices and pray to Thor until they can guarantee that they'll keep getting their fair share of beef.
So, yeah, being delicious with us humans around seems like an awesome idea.
Angry? (Score:4, Funny)
Maybe the birds had become angry at some nearby pigs and began launching themselves from catapults.
Re:Or they flew over a CAFO (Score:5, Funny)
As hilarious as it sounds, it's true. I love me some pork, and I do go buy ribs from the store or whatever. But I've had wild boar ribs and they are a whole other thing, it might as well be another kind of animal. That's why all you well-exercised vegetarians and vegans are fucked when civilization collapses; we know you're delicious. Oh sure, if you take a city dweller and raise them on beer and frequent massages they're going to be tasty as well, but they just won't have the same kind of muscle structure, or the same depth of flavor that game meat has. And of all the game meat, the tastiest and least gamey is the boar... or the free-range vegan.
Re:Or they flew over a CAFO (Score:5, Funny)