'I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!' v2.0

theodp writes "Remember those old Lifecall commercials? Well, you've come a long way, Grandma! The NY Times reports on a raft of new technology that's making it possible for adult children to remotely monitor to a stunningly precise degree the daily movements and habits of their aging parents. The purpose is to provide enough supervision to allow elderly people to stay in their homes rather than move to an assisted-living facility or nursing home. Systems like GrandCare, BeClose, QuietCare, and MedMinder allow families to keep tabs on Mom and Dad's whereabouts, and make sure they take their meds. Perhaps Zynga can make a game out of all this — GeriatricVille?"

GeriatricVille

[shaunbr]

Great, I can just see the Facebook updates now:

"My grandma just had a heart attack and fell in the bathroom in GeriatricVille. Can you help me out?"

In the movies...

[Anne_Nonymous]

A octogenarian 007 would probably deal with this by attaching the device to a friendly dog, and going about his geriatric super-spy business.

Well that's easy to remember!

[Vahokif]

0118 999 881 999 919 725

3

Re:GeriatricVille

[nacturation]

Actually I think PharmVille would be more appropriate to ensure they're taking their meds.

Re:great

[davester666]

I for one have NO desire to know what 'movements' my parents have, nor when they may have them, nor which type of movement it is.

Helicopter children

[basketcase]

So, some day the children of helicopter parents will get their revenge.
Assuming some of them at some point learn how to live.

Micro Jet Pack

[Simonetta]

Hey all you jet pack affectionados!

How about making a micro miniature jet pack about the size of 20 oz beer can! Grandma can wear it on her shoulders. When she falls down, she just reaches over, pops the mini jet pack off her shoulder strap, point it at the ground, press the button, and hold on tight!

WHooosh! Upsee daisy again! No calls, no worries, no lying on the floor for days in your own mess. Just a convenient reload after each fall.

So how about it, guys? Let's do something for grand-ma! And maybe she'll let you sample some of her medicinal marijuana. Sure leaves all that trash dorm weed in the dirt!

Re:Lick my nuts

[Nikker]

You just caught your kids on one of those websites didn't you?

The creeping horror

[deadhammer]

"Okay, so grandma's in the bedroom, but why is her breathing and heart rate up so much? Her body temperature's too high, it's almost like there's a second reading there... And why's the accelerometer going off rhythmically once or twice a secoOHGOD!!!!!"

Mrs Fletcher?

[Macka]

Wasn't the original old lady called Mrs Fletcher?

I remember a system crash/panic message from back in the days of Ultrix (an early version of Unix from Digital Equipment Co. that ran on MIPS). It read: "Mrs Fletcher has fallen down again and can't get up". Some engineer's idea of a joke. DEC were forced to change it though as affected customers were not amused.