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## Scientists Create Equation For a Perfect Handshake144

Hugh Pickens writes "Discover Magazine reports that despite the average person shaking hands nearly 15,000 times in a lifetime, one in five (19 per cent) admit they hate the act of the handshake and are unsure how to do it properly, regularly making a handshake faux pas such as having sweaty palms, squeezing too hard or holding on too long while over half the population (56 per cent) say they have been on the receiving end of an unpleasant handshake experience in the past month alone. But help is at hand as scientists have developed a mathematical equation for the perfect handshake taking into account the twelve primary measures needed to convey respect and trust to the recipient. The research was performed at the behest of Chevrolet as part of a handshake training guide for its staff and is meant to offer peace of mind and reassurance to its customers. A full guide to the perfect handshake is available on Flickr."
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## Scientists Create Equation For a Perfect Handshake

• #### Re:The Seinfeld formula (Score:5, Funny)

on Monday July 26, 2010 @02:43PM (#33034458) Journal

Reach in, grab firmly, give one pump and two shakes, let go.

I tried that but none of the women in my life found it to be particularly satisfying ;)

• #### Well you see (Score:3, Funny)

on Monday July 26, 2010 @02:46PM (#33034506)

American tax dollars at work. Because it's very important to have a perfect handshake when you work for a company that needs a government bailout to stay afloat after bankruptcy.

• #### Perfect Handshake (Advanced Professionals Only) (Score:5, Funny)

on Monday July 26, 2010 @02:51PM (#33034588)
1) Grip firmly with right hand.

2) Take one step in so that faces are around 12 inches apart.

3) Make eye contact (hold position until this happens).

4) Once eye contact is made, firmly grab person's forearm with your left hand.

5) Slide left hand up and down person's forearm, from wrist to elbow, twice, while maintaining eye contact.

6) Wink with left eye.

7) Break eye contact, let go.
• #### Re:Bunk, I say (Score:3, Funny)

on Monday July 26, 2010 @02:52PM (#33034604)

Also, as a person with huge hands, I can tell you that size matters a lot in terms of too much/too little grip.

Oh I see what you did there. Clever.

• #### "Science" (Score:3, Funny)

on Monday July 26, 2010 @02:55PM (#33034652) Journal
Yes.... I completely concur with this post being tagged 'Science.' (alt+U0161)
• #### Neal Stephenson in Snow Crash (Score:4, Funny)

on Monday July 26, 2010 @02:56PM (#33034670)
He posited execs who had embedded goniometers to ensure that each bow to a Japanese business partner reached the appropriate level. This looks ripe for similar treatment.
• #### My procedure: (Score:4, Funny)

on Monday July 26, 2010 @02:58PM (#33034710)
Step 1: Wipe my hand on pants discreetly so as to verify dryness. A sweaty hand is a gross hand.
Step 2: Make a quick glance to verify that the person you'll be shaking with has a standard 5 fingered hand. I'll shake a stump, hook, plastic hand, or sub-5 finger hand, flipper what-have-you but you want to know about this going into the shake and not in the middle of the first pump.
Step 3: Grasp their hand or hand-like appendage firmly, shake about twice, and release whatever they've stuck out at you.
• #### The only perfect handshake (Score:3, Funny)

on Monday July 26, 2010 @03:01PM (#33034782)
> syn seq=X
< syn ack=X+1 seq=Y
> ack=Y+1 seq=X+1
> DATA
• #### Re:Bunk, I say (Score:3, Funny)

<slashdot@digitalsushi.com> on Monday July 26, 2010 @03:02PM (#33034800) Journal

Shoeler and BobMcD, please get a room!

• #### Depends on your goal (Score:2, Funny)

on Monday July 26, 2010 @03:04PM (#33034836)

It really depends on your goal

1. Lick you palm. Make sure it is really slimy.
2. Grab their hand with both of yours so they can't get away. Preferably from behind.
4. Release while at maximum height.
5. Rub you hand on your pants leg for at least 10 seconds.

OK, you will now be excused from shaking anyone elses hand. Forever.

• #### Re:The Seinfeld formula (Score:5, Funny)

on Monday July 26, 2010 @03:17PM (#33035056)
Wait, that's the same advice I was given about how to use the urinal...
• #### The perfect handshake (Score:5, Funny)

on Monday July 26, 2010 @03:32PM (#33035296) Homepage Journal

The real trick to the perfect handshake is getting the hand properly pureed before you add the other ingredients.

• #### Re:The perfect handshake (Score:2, Funny)

on Monday July 26, 2010 @03:40PM (#33035438) Journal

It's also important to properly wash the hand, and remove the fingernails and bone unless your customer asks for "chunky".

Often forgotten is the use of a GOOD blender, and freezing the bowl beforehand to maintain proper temperature throughout the process.

Missing these steps makes the handshake weak and clammy rather than the firm, decisive, bold statement it is supposed to make.

If you really need your handshake to stand out, add some cayenne pepper and bing cherries. People love a bold handshake that promises a fruitful relationship, with just a hint of sweetness.

• #### Re:The perfect handshake (Score:3, Funny)

on Monday July 26, 2010 @05:14PM (#33036856)
Somehow, your sig extolling the coolness of bow-ties makes this extra creepy.

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