Artificial Heart Recipient Has No Pulse

Artificial Heart Recipient Has No Pulse 465

Posted by Soulskill on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:14AM from the just-a-low-pitched-hum dept.

laggist writes "A heart patient in Singapore has been implanted with an artificial heart that pumps blood continuously, allowing her to live without a pulse. From the article: '... the petite Madam Salina, who suffers from end-stage heart failure, would not have been able to use the older and bulkier models because they can only be implanted in patients 1.7m or taller. The 30-year-old administrative assistant is the first recipient here to get a new artificial heart that pumps blood continuously, the reason why there are no beats on her wrist.'" The story is light on details, but an article from last year in MIT's Technology Review explains a bit more about how a pulse-less artificial heart works.

Artificial Heart Recipient Has No Pulse

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First pulse. (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:16AM (#29593049)

First pulse.

All logic aside.. (Score:5, Funny)

by faux978 ( 1554709 ) writes: <shanecram@gmail.com> on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:18AM (#29593079)

This probably wouldn't happen cause of medical history and all that jazz, but that aside, it'd be priceless to see a nurse unaware of the circumstance trying to take her pulse..

Awesome... (Score:4, Funny)

by pohl ( 872 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:21AM (#29593105) Homepage

...now I only need to come up with the perfect crime that only a person with no pulse could get away with and I can cash-in on a screenplay for an episode of CSI.

Re:In a movie (Score:3, Funny)

by sopssa ( 1498795 ) * writes: <sopssa@email.com> on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:21AM (#29593111) Journal

What are the drawbacks?
That when there's a bug, it's a Blue Screen of Death you wont be booting back from.

Re:In a movie (Score:5, Funny)

by sakdoctor ( 1087155 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:23AM (#29593131) Homepage

What are the drawbacks?
Welcome to the afterlife, Jean-Luc. You're dead.

Re:Any systems depend on a pulse (Score:5, Funny)

by 0x000000 ( 841725 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:26AM (#29593175)

Apparently not a single organ in the body does serial communication by having it clocked in or out on the rising or falling edge of the pulse.

Kinda like a rotary... (Score:5, Funny)

by Nexus7 ( 2919 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:30AM (#29593251)

You know,
piston engine go boing boing boing... rotary go mmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Re:In a movie (Score:5, Funny)

by thhamm ( 764787 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:31AM (#29593277)

Welcome to the afterlife, Jean-Luc. You're dead.
No, I am not dead. Because I refuse to believe that the afterlife is run by you. The universe is not so badly designed.

Re:Awesome... (Score:5, Funny)

by simoncpu was here ( 1601629 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:31AM (#29593283)

That has already been done with Star Trek TNG, Episode 148, where a Takaran sabotaged a test and faked his own death in order to discredit a Ferengi scientist and steal the metaphysic shield technology for use as a weapon.

Re:In a movie (Score:4, Funny)

by K. S. Kyosuke ( 729550 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:32AM (#29593307)

Well, for one thing, they haven't replaced her lungs with continuous, ehm, blood conditioner. :-)

Re:In a movie (Score:2, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:33AM (#29593317)

Artificial heart + partying? That's a bright idea. Almost as good as smoking through that little hole in your neck.

Re:In a movie (Score:3, Funny)

by Drunken Buddhist ( 467947 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:44AM (#29593471) Homepage

Reports of my assimilation are greatly exaggerated.

New rules required. (Score:5, Funny)

by ThatsNotFunny ( 775189 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:44AM (#29593477)

I shall now have to amend my requirements for women that I will have sex with.

Pulse now optional.

Re:Should sleep with a sign on chest/back.. (Score:5, Funny)

by i.r.id10t ( 595143 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:45AM (#29593501)

Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.
Inigo Montoya: What's that?
Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

Re:Kinda like a rotary... (Score:5, Funny)

by L4t3r4lu5 ( 1216702 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:50AM (#29593565)

Pfff, stop being such a wankle.

Re:New rules required. (Score:3, Funny)

by Drunken Buddhist ( 467947 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:51AM (#29593587) Homepage

Normally I'd say that artificial hearts aren't designed for strenuous activity, but you're a slashdotter after all...

Re:Any systems depend on a pulse (Score:3, Funny)

by Rogerborg ( 306625 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:53AM (#29593621) Homepage

I can think of one organ that reacts visibly to blood pulses. Suck your gut in some time and you may see it too.

The perfect sniper (Score:5, Funny)

by isThisNameAvailable ( 1496341 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:53AM (#29593627)

Snipers have to concentrate to manage their heart rates and time their shots between beats. A little practice and we've now got the world's quickest shot at 1,000 meters.

Re:All logic aside.. (Score:5, Funny)

by Thyamine ( 531612 ) writes: <.thyamine. .at. .ofdragons.com.> on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:57AM (#29593667) Homepage Journal

I imagine it never quite would get old either. Going in for a check-up with some new nurse. Watching her reaction as she adjusts her grip, then again, watching her change arms, looking a little more worried. Or maybe I'm just cruel.

Re:Should sleep with a sign on chest/back.. (Score:5, Funny)

by Inda ( 580031 ) writes: <slash.20.inda@spamgourmet.com> on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @10:58AM (#29593687) Journal

Agreed. What you would realy need is a hole and a crank handle.

Re:In a movie (Score:4, Funny)

by imakemusic ( 1164993 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @11:01AM (#29593745)

I aint'n't dead!

Re:In a movie (Score:5, Funny)

by QuantumRiff ( 120817 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @11:07AM (#29593829)

Even more than that.. I want to see the eyes of the nurse that doesn't know her condition when she checks her blood pressure...

Re:In a movie (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @11:13AM (#29593915)

Almost as good as smoking through that little hole in your neck.
Oh damn! I thought that what it was for. A cigarette, after all, fits the hole perfectly.
I just made an appointment with my surgeon to have it fitted for cigars, too.

Re:Any systems depend on a pulse (Score:5, Funny)

by Clandestine_Blaze ( 1019274 ) * writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @11:13AM (#29593933) Journal

+1 for necrophiliacs who get the best of both worlds.

Re:In a movie (Score:5, Funny)

by pushing-robot ( 1037830 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @11:21AM (#29594061)

Actually, it means you're a Slashdotter.
Whether that's good or bad is left as an exercise to the reader.

Re:In a movie (Score:3, Funny)

by Mister Whirly ( 964219 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @11:32AM (#29594261) Homepage

I would be partying all day and nights.
It is better to Rock n Roll all night, and party ev-er-y day.

Re:All logic aside.. (Score:5, Funny)

by Clandestine_Blaze ( 1019274 ) * writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @11:32AM (#29594269) Journal

For added humor, start yelling out BRAAAIIINNNNNS with a glazed over look in your eyes.

Re:Any systems depend on a pulse (Score:3, Funny)

by theJML ( 911853 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @11:40AM (#29594429) Homepage

So you want SNMP monitoring for your heart?
Nothing like getting a page about your heart malfunctioning...

Re:Oblig quote (Score:4, Funny)

by noundi ( 1044080 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @11:44AM (#29594497)

It's life, Jim, but not as we know it.
It's worse than that, she's dead Jim!

No wait.

Re:In a movie (Score:4, Funny)

by powerlord ( 28156 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @12:04PM (#29594853) Journal

What are the drawbacks?
That when there's a bug, it's a Blue Screen of Death you wont be booting back from.

So what does the call center script say?
"If the patient has turned Blue, have them reincarnate and hope that solves the problem."
"If patient is unable to reincarnate, please reintroduce the four noble truths and the eightfold path. Then re-attempt to reincarnate."

Re:First pulse. (Score:3, Funny)

by RandomFactor ( 22447 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @12:17PM (#29595023)

Beat me to it.

Re:Should sleep with a sign on chest/back.. (Score:5, Funny)

by m.ducharme ( 1082683 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @01:07PM (#29595807)

How about:
"Paramedics/Doctors: USB port for resuscitation and diagnostics is located under left breast. Use clean power supply when connecting to heart."

Re:In a movie (Score:5, Funny)

by jockeys ( 753885 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @01:33PM (#29596183) Journal

Welcome to the afterlife, Jean-Luc. You're dead.
No, I am not dead. Because I refuse to believe that the afterlife is run by you. The universe is not so badly designed.
Blasphemy! I should... cast you out, or smite you, or something.

Re:In a movie (Score:5, Funny)

by digitig ( 1056110 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @01:35PM (#29596217)

What are the drawbacks?
Well, I'm going to have to relax my "anything with a pulse" criterion...

Re:Kinda like a rotary... (Score:3, Funny)

by Lost Penguin ( 636359 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @02:48PM (#29597275)

So, does it come with a boost gauge?

Re:Any systems depend on a pulse (Score:3, Funny)

by Daniel Dvorkin ( 106857 ) * writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @02:52PM (#29597323) Homepage Journal

And when she moves super-fast with her cyborg powers, she has to make a "nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh" sound. Otherwise it's not real.

Re:Any systems depend on a pulse (Score:5, Funny)

by Chris Burke ( 6130 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @02:52PM (#29597329) Homepage

I can think of one organ that reacts visibly to blood pulses. Suck your gut in some time and you may see it too.
What, my toes? I'd have to move my massive genitals out of the way too to see those.

Re:Any systems depend on a pulse (Score:3, Funny)

by StikyPad ( 445176 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @03:41PM (#29597857) Homepage

Because I'm sure they would love you laying on their power cord...

Re:Oblig quote (Score:3, Funny)

by omeomi ( 675045 ) writes: on Wednesday September 30, 2009 @05:56PM (#29599369) Homepage

There's Klingons on the starboard bow!

There may be more comments in this discussion. Without JavaScript enabled, you might want to turn on Classic Discussion System in your preferences instead.

First pulse. (Score:5, Funny)

All logic aside.. (Score:5, Funny)

Awesome... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:In a movie (Score:3, Funny)

Re:In a movie (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Any systems depend on a pulse (Score:5, Funny)

Kinda like a rotary... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:In a movie (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Awesome... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:In a movie (Score:4, Funny)

Re:In a movie (Score:2, Funny)

Re:In a movie (Score:3, Funny)

New rules required. (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Should sleep with a sign on chest/back.. (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Kinda like a rotary... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:New rules required. (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Any systems depend on a pulse (Score:3, Funny)

The perfect sniper (Score:5, Funny)

Re:All logic aside.. (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Should sleep with a sign on chest/back.. (Score:5, Funny)

Re:In a movie (Score:4, Funny)

Re:In a movie (Score:5, Funny)

Re:In a movie (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Any systems depend on a pulse (Score:5, Funny)

Re:In a movie (Score:5, Funny)

Re:In a movie (Score:3, Funny)

Re:All logic aside.. (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Any systems depend on a pulse (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Oblig quote (Score:4, Funny)

Re:In a movie (Score:4, Funny)

Re:First pulse. (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Should sleep with a sign on chest/back.. (Score:5, Funny)

Re:In a movie (Score:5, Funny)

Re:In a movie (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Kinda like a rotary... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Any systems depend on a pulse (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Any systems depend on a pulse (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Any systems depend on a pulse (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Oblig quote (Score:3, Funny)

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