Mad Scientist Brings Back Dead With "Deanimation" 501
mattnyc99 writes "Esquire is running a a jaw-dropping profile of MacArthur genius Marc Roth in their annual Best and Brightest roundup, detailing how this gonzo DNA scientist (who also figured out how to diagnose lupus correctly) went from watching his infant daughter die to literally reincarnating animals. Inspired by NOVA and funded by DARPA, Roth has developed a serum for major biotech startup Ikaria that successfully accomplished 'suspended animation' — the closest we've ever come to simulating near-death experiences and then coming back to life. From the article: 'We don't know what life is, anyway. Not really. We just know what life does — it burns oxygen. It's a process of combustion. We're all just slow-burning candles, making our way through our allotment of precious O2 until it becomes our toxin, until we burn out, until we get old and die. But we live on 21 percent oxygen, just as we live at 37 degrees. They're related. Decrease the oxygen to 5 percent, we die. But, look, the concentration of oxygen in the blood that runs through our capillaries is only 2 or 3 percent. We're almost dead already! So what if we turn down the candle's need for oxygen? What if we dim the candle so much that we don't even have the energy to die?' " The writer Tom Junod engages in what Hunter Thompson once called "a failed but essentially noble experiment in pure gonzo journalism." If you can suspend your inner critic for a time, it's a fun ride.
First Undead Post! (Score:5, Funny)
Reanimator! (Score:5, Funny)
Klatu Verata Nictu!
Holy moly! (Score:5, Funny)
Quick, get him CVS commit access to all the BSD projects!
Sign me up! (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Near death != death (Score:5, Funny)
You forgot about mostly dead.
Re:First Undead Post! (Score:0, Funny)
Re:Near death != death (Score:5, Funny)
Schrodinger's cat says hi. Or maybe he doesn't.
Re:Holy moly! (Score:2, Funny)
Too late. I think Microsoft already hired him to do a service pack for Vista.
Re:Near death != death (Score:5, Funny)
There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.
Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
This needed for long space travel but warp / hype (Score:4, Funny)
This needed for long space travel but warp / hyper drives are better.
Re:Whoa boy... (Score:5, Funny)
Well thanks for totally ruining our fun. Next you'll be telling us snacks are bad for us and we can't play slayers and vampires anymore with those colored sticks with string on them from that construction site nearby. They make great stakes you know! What's wrong with having a little fun, serious-face? You're almost as bad as that guy with the bright orange hat outside that's been swearing for the last hour.
Re:Near death != death (Score:5, Funny)
Yes, your friend here is only mostly dead. Had he been all dead there would have been only one thing to do -- go through his pockets for spare change.
Re:Reanimator! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Near death != death (Score:5, Funny)
You're either dead or you're not. It's rather binary. There's no continuum.
There's no "rather binary". It's either binary or it's not.
Re:Aging is a disease (Score:5, Funny)
The rest will starve.
Until the hungry ones realize the others taste good with ketchup.
Re:This needed for long space travel but warp / hy (Score:3, Funny)
This needed for long space travel but warp / hyper drives are better.
Sorry to rain on your party but we are never going to have a warp or hyper drive. They were designed around the scheduling of TV advertisements, not the laws of physics.
Re:DARPA! (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Herbert West - Reanimator (Score:5, Funny)
I don't know how I could have messed that up.
That's exactly what this guy'll say when he's locked himself inside his underground laboratory to keep out the hordes of flesh eating undead.
Reincarnating? (Score:4, Funny)
Esquire is running a a jaw-dropping profile of MacArthur genius Marc Roth in their annual Best and Brightest roundup, detailing how this gonzo DNA scientist ... went from watching his infant daughter die to literally reincarnating animals.
I think they meant literally reanimating animals, but if I'm wrong, this guy's experiments would be interesting indeed.
Not Dead... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Burning the life at both ends. (Score:4, Funny)
One where you could sleep over the economic crisis.
Or get to live to eventually play Duke Nukem Forever.
Re:Near death != death (Score:5, Funny)
Re:First Undead Post! (Score:5, Funny)
What do veggie zombies say?
Graaaiiins. Grrraaaaaiiinnss. Gggrraaaaaiiiiinnnnssss.
I'll be here all night, thank you.
Re:Near death != death (Score:3, Funny)
LIAR!!!!!
Great so now (Score:5, Funny)
we can finally unfreeze Walt Disney, and bring Elvis back to life. Maybe we could bring back George Washington and Abraham Lincoln to advise Barrack Obama? :)
Ah for the good old days when only Jesus could raise the dead.
Re:Whoa boy... (Score:5, Funny)
fun is always a good reason to do anything. Except for things that aren't fun. For example I breed weasels. Through selective breeding favouring weakness and mutations which yield no survival benefit in the wild I have created an army of blind, five legged weasels the size of turnips. They will only eat or procreate when encouraged with electric cattle prods. With my mutant weasel army I will rule the world! More importantly it's a blast. I've never felt so alive.
Re:Reanimator! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Space travel etc. (Score:3, Funny)
Space travel???? Forget that! Next thing you know, you wake up in 2491 dressed in horribly colored spandex being followed around by some little phallically shaped robot that sounds like Bugs Bunny. NO THANK YOU!!!!
Re:Reanimator! (Score:3, Funny)
That's Klaatu you insolent clod!
Re:Whoa boy... (Score:3, Funny)
> I've never felt so alive.
Take the serum and we can solve that for you.
Suspend or Hibernate? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Reanimator! (Score:5, Funny)
Ia, Ia! Shub-Niggurath!
Whoa (Score:5, Funny)
But, look, the concentration of oxygen in the blood that runs through our capillaries is only 2 or 3 percent. We're almost dead already! So what if we turn down the candle's need for oxygen? What if we dim the candle so much that we don't even have the energy to die?
"Can I buy some pot from you?"
Re:Early Cryogenics & Ethical Problems (Score:5, Funny)
Before I listened to that, I thought that this was pretty cut and dried ethically (dead bodies are dead bodies, do what you want) but you see how it negatively affects other people who misplace hope in this process.
A corpse is a corpse
of course, of course
and you can't gain consent from a corpse, of course
because a corpse is, of course
by definition dead!
Re:Early Cryogenics & Ethical Problems (Score:5, Funny)
It would be ok if you had net access.
Re:Reanimator! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Whoa boy... (Score:3, Funny)
When do you think anyone in their right mind will ok that procedure?
You agreed as part of the Vista EULA.
Re:First Undead Post! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:First Undead Post! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Space travel etc. (Score:5, Funny)
You might adapt, but some grouchy old person might refuse to.
Re:Space travel etc. (Score:3, Funny)
It might also be useful for someone like Donald Trump who could use it to hibernate till the economy gets better and medical science can fix his hair.
I am just saying. It could be useful to some.
Re:Space travel etc. (Score:3, Funny)
I'm posting on Slashdot. Done.
Re:First Undead Post! (Score:3, Funny)
What do arthritic zombies say? Paaaiiinnns!
Re:First Undead Post! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Whoa boy... (Score:3, Funny)
Think about it, you're taking a perfectly alive human being and ... putting them at risk of death? For the purposes of?
The great thing about us going into another dark ages is the abundance of semi-retarded, meth-addicted, only-half-living creatures that would be willing to do a crazy medical experiment in exchange for more smack.