Biological Activity on Mars

visination.com writes "Recent ground based observations of Mars have confirmed the presence of water and methane. The 300 year life time of methane on Mars is short, giving scientists reason to beleive that Mars may be biologically active." From the article: "Every one of these longitudes shows a very substantial enhancement in the equatorial zone...So this is a very intense source of methane on Mars in this region. It also requires a very rapid decay of methane...more rapid than photochemistry would allow..."

Late-breaking news:

[TripMaster Monkey]

Today the Council of Elders confirmed the rumours that the sinister blue planet third from our star has managed to detect traces of life upon our world.

K'breel, speaker for the Council, stressed that there was no cause for alarm:

"While this is truly a troubling development, rest asured that the mighty Council has forseen this, and has taken the necessary steps to deal with the situation. The asteroid the Council has set in motion is on target to strike the invaders' planet in a few short years, and its payload of biological toxin, specially formulated to destroy their disgusting cellular structure, will insure our continued safety and serenity."

When challenged by pro-life activists present at the conference, who asserted that the invaders were living beings just as we are, and that we did not have the right to arbitrarily exterminate an entire species, K'Breel replied tersely:

"Wrong. Watch us."

Has to be said...

[Anonymous Coward]

I for one welcome our new methane decay-causing martian overlords.

There it is..No, there it is!

[qw(name)]

Why does it feel like our scientists are just chasing after the wind when it comes to the search for life on Mars?

Methane

[Hatta]

Great, we discover extraterrestrial life and it smells like farts.

methane, biological life, etc...

[winkydink]

not gonna say it... too easy.... not gonna say it

Re:Late-breaking news:

[0x461FAB0BD7D2]

Disgusting cellular structure? 3G is not that bad, honestly.

Indeed

[screwballicus]

Given recent Photographic Evidence [nasa.gov], the presence of chocolate compounds would seem to necessitate biological activity.

Re:Late-breaking news:

[notmyeye]

"...will insure our continued safety and serenity."

I hope the deductible is reasonable.

Re:Maybe...

[Tablizer]

I suspect somebody in the telescope room farted, polluting the spectragraph results. Now a 2 Billion fruitless methane mission will be sent up just because some guy had the Delux Bean-a-Mania burrito.

Re:Late-breaking news:

[geekoid]

It's good to hear from our new Pope.

by 'our' I mean your, and my 'your', I mean not mine.

This has been found on other planets too

[The_Rippa]

Scientists recently found large amounts of methane gas around Uranus.

Re:Terraforming

[0racle]

Maybe its something we can transplant.

Re:Late-breaking news:

[Vengeance_au]

However what K'breel fails to understand is:

Biological life on mars --> fossils --> oil

therefore, I give Dubbya 5 days to declare a war on Martian WMD's, terrorism, or being anti freedom. And hey, if the above news about the asteroid comes to light, he'll have a 50% strike rate on invading for legitimate reasons!

Activity

[baadger]

And after further investigation several single celled life forms were recovered from the martian surface. Initial test results suggest the average martian microbe is TEN TIMES more biologically active than their earthling slashdotting counter parts.

Re:There it is..No, there it is!

[HermanAB]

They are chasing bacterial farts...

Re:Just Curious

[TripMaster Monkey]

The Bible pertains to humans only...God neglected to mention his other projects to us.

Dang...

[JasonMaggini]

I knew I should have kept those Slim Whitman CDs my grandmother left me.

Methane in the equatorial zone?

[Anonymous Custard]

Every one of these longitudes shows a very substantial enhancement in the equatorial zone...So this is a very intense source of methane on Mars in this region.

I believe I may have the solution! If you'll kindly lower your nose to my personal equatorial zone, and pull my finger gently, I'll show you what I mean...

Re:Just Curious

[nizo]

Does the bible say anything about life on other planets?

Not yet, but it might after the next major revision. From here [bible.org]:

The King James Bible has undergone three revisions since its inception in 1611, incorporating more than 100,000 changes.

I bet they could slip in something about life on Mars during the next revision.

Half Life???

[TripMaster Monkey]

Great...now we have to design the probes to withstand headcrab attacks.

Soy-forming

[PromANJ]

We also have "Save the rainforest" campaigns. The rainforest is full off unknown species but that doesn't stop the vegetarians from turning it into a giant soy plantage (It's Troll Tuesday right?).

Re:Just Curious

[TripMaster Monkey]

Suuuuuuuuuure it was...

Re:To stupid scientists

[Anonymous Coward]

Thanks for sharing, Mr. President.

Re:Late-breaking news:

[Anonymous Coward]

Not only that, but it's the RED planet. So if there are any lifeforms there, they must be commies. That's all the reason we need to invade!

Re:methane, biological life, etc...

[El]

Must. Resist. Urge. To. Make. Martian. Fart. Jokes!

let me be the first to say

[uberjoe]

I for one welcome our biologically active martian overlords.

Wrong,

[isotope23]

Martians will have to get used to saying:

"I for one welcome our new Terra-ist overlords!"

1. Build Mars colonial Mission
2. Begin Terra-izing Mars.
3. ????? (Encase resident Martian lifeforms in epoxy souvenir blocks)
4. PROFIT!

Woo hoo I found step three!

Re:Late-breaking news:

[kfg]

. . .he'll have a 50% strike rate on invading for legitimate reasons!

Nah! After Mars is reduced to a giant, radioactive Christmas tree ornament it will turn out that the above letter was a "misinterpretation" by the "intelligence" community.

It will come to light that the actual letter said:

"A disease has wiped out most of our male population. Mars needs geeks to insure the survival of our species, and our women are HOT! Them pulp novel covers? Phhhhhhhhbt! You ain't seen nothin' yet, Earth nerd. Because our need is so pressing and so great we have converted an asteroid into a transport ship and will be sending it right over. Fill it up with everyone who knows how to root, if you know what I mean."

Oops.

KFG

Re:Late-breaking news:

[identity0]

I bet when the Martian invasion comes and Slashdot reports it, instead of panicking like the people after the Orson Welles broadcast, Slashdotters will be like:

"Someone tell the editors it's not April fools anymore" (+3, Funny)
"It's a dupe! Doesn't Taco read his own site?" (+2 Insightful)
"I paid subscription rates for *this*?!" (+1 Insightful)
"DUPE!!!" (-1, redundant)
"I, for one, welcome our new Martian overlords" (+3, Funny)
"Slashdot has gone really downhill lately, don't they check their sources?!" (+1 insightful)

and while they chatter away, the Martians will take over the world and kill everyone.

Or something.

Re:Just Curious

[Frostalicious]

The four wheels had rims and they had spokes, and their rims were full of eyes round about....

Sound like a close encounter to you?

Sounds like Pimp My Chariot, Ezekiel style...

Bible XP

[payndz]

Can't wait for the next update! Hope it fixes all those contradictio... er, bugs.

Overload!

[KipCas]

So....many....fart jokes....must...resist urge...to ...So after all the hype, 1st contact ends up being an alien saying "Come on, pull my finger." .....couldn't....stop...bad....joke....brain....ca n't ...process.......all....too...many....

First draft of "Frankenstein"

[timothy]

SCENE: Rooftop. Lightning flashes occasionally. Thunder rumbles.

DR. FRANKENSTEIN stands over the lifeless form of THE MONSTER. THE MONSTER is strapped to a gurney, with electrical apparatus attached to various points on his body.

[Lightning Crashes]

Medium shot: DR. FRANKENSTEIN looks skyward, raises hands, imploring.

DR. FRANKENSTEIN: "Give ... my creature ... *biological activity!*"

timothy

all the proof of life I need

[iowa119900089]

http://english.pravda.ru/science/19/94/377/12257_M artian.html According to this highly respectable news page, a Russian boy is a martian and he can tell you all about life there. Case closed. No need to spend more money going there.

Re:Late-breaking news:

[Anonymous Coward]

There are tons of serious comments on Slashdot warning us of the impending invasion, unfortunately they all get remotely modded down to -2 by the Martian Intelligence Corps. Many of these comments even link to actual pictures of Martians, the most famous one being that of K'Goat, The C of X.

Re:This has been found on other planets too

[ronfar623]

FRY: This is a great, as long as you don't make me smell Uranus. Heh heh.

LEELA: I don't get it.

PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.

FRY: Oh. What's it called now?

PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: Urectum.

Re:Late-breaking news:

[justin12345]

Damn Strait! This is America where when we go to war the spoils are distributed democratically! All these liberals whining about Iraq!? Why, gas is practically free now; and it wouldn't be if we hadn't fought for our freedom over there!

Re:Cows

[Curl E]

Their results? Three cows. Seriously.

Actual cows or ideal spherical cows?

Re:Late-breaking news:

[Chris Burke]

Mars needs geeks to insure the survival of our species, and our women are HOT!

Oh, no. I'm not falling for that one again.

Re:Terraforming

[Lovesquid]

"He just smiled and gave me a vegan-mite sandwich."