Researchers Discover Way To Spot Crappy Coffee 184
sciencehabit writes "People who enjoy the most expensive coffee in the world can soon sip without worry: Researchers have come up with a way to tell if their cuppa joe is real or faux. The luxury drink in question—Kopi Luwak—is produced from coffee beans pooped out by the palm civet, a time-consuming process that helps contribute to the beverage's price tag of between $330 to $500 per kilogram. In a new study, researchers chemically analyzed four different blends of coffee—authentic Kopi Luwak, regular coffee, a 50/50 mix of the two, and a brew of coffee beans that producers had chemically treated in an attempt to simulate mammalian digestion. Of the hundreds of organic substances naturally present in coffee, a handful enabled the team to distinguish Kopi Luwak from the other brews. The technique may even be sensitive enough to distinguish pure Kopi Luwak from versions adulterated with varying percentages of other coffees—which offers some degree of reassurance when your morning mud costs about $15 a cup."
Easy (Score:5, Funny)
Look for the Starbucks logo.
Oh shit! (Score:3, Funny)
Oh shit!
Nasty (Score:3, Funny)
In this case, I'll prefer the fake.
The things that pass for delicacies.
Not a problem ... (Score:5, Funny)
I have a cheaper way (Score:5, Funny)
It goes something like this. I go to the store. I take samples of everything, then bring them home. When I wake up in the morning, I try one. One of four things will happen:
a) It does nothing. Bad coffee.
b) It gives me just enough juice to make it to the shower, where I fall asleep again. Bad coffee.
c) It gives me a big jolt, and I say 'fuck work' and submit a new linux kernel patch. Okay coffee.
d) ZOMFGThisIsThe GreatestCupOfCoffee InTheWorldCanIHave AnotherHolyShit EverythingIsSoClear IWantToDoAllTheThings RightNowHolyShit FuckOnAHeartAttack... Good coffee.
What kind of sick bastard (Score:5, Funny)
goes digging through an animal's shit, picking out the beans to brew coffee?
There was corn in my shit yesterday, did someone one to pick the kernels out to make popcorn?
First-world problems (Score:5, Funny)
When first-world problems: "Waaaah my coffee wasn't shat out of something's asshole!!!"
Re:Curse you sir, (Score:5, Funny)
I have you and your ilk to thank for the drek that is Starbucks. What made them big was their coffee is higher in caffeine than most.
Listen, you hipster wannabe geek... caffeine content is the only thing a true geek cares about. Geeks are devices for turning caffeine into code. Therefore, if you want lots of code, you need lots of caffeine. We don't care that it was made by the loving natives of... some country... brewed in a steamomaster 9000 with auto bean injectors, slow-roasted in an artistic clay pot. You care, because you're a wannabe. We only care about two things: That it's hot, and that it makes anyone who drinks it twitch like a politician being asked about his sexual misconduct.
Re:Curse you sir, (Score:3, Funny)
are you always in the habit of referring to "girls" as "sir"?
Now now, be nice. He has to rationalize it somehow, otherwise... his male ego would be crushed by the thought that a guh... gu... a gurrrrrrl smacked him so hard on an internet forum his kids will be born dizzy. And so, to keep his idea of girls as subserviant little playthings for his penis... and him as the big and powerful penis owner... anyone who so completely and utterly destroys him as we have just done, simply can't be a..a... a girl.
In other news, my geek-fu is strong. Now, get lost, or (puts on a fez) I shall taunt you a second time! ;)
Re:First-world problems (Score:4, Funny)
It's only those faggots who order caramel Ralph Macchios and all those other diabetes-inducing drinks that give Starbucks drinkers a bad name. Yeah, I'm a consumer whore. Fuck you.
-- Ethanol-fueled
While I resolutely disagree, I must thank you sir Ethanol for without such flammable incite
I'm not sure I'd ever come face to face with a rare wild "No True Starbuccaneer" argument.
Re:Grocery Store Secrets (Score:5, Funny)
Pan??? I hold each bean individually, betwixt my fingers, whilst balancing a magnifying glass on my nose, directing the sunlight over each precious shit-nugget. I'll have my first cup in 2016. Can't wait.