Increased Carbon Emissions Creating Giant Crabs

An anonymous reader writes "A lot of things in America are supersized: our portions, our drinks and now, apparently, our crabs. New research reveals that crabs can grow much faster and larger when water is saturated with carbon.This means that as greenhouse gas emissions grow, so will these crustaceans."

CRAAAAAB PEOPLE

[Anonymous Coward]

I for one welcome our steel pincered overlords.

Re:Well, that's it.

[Squiddie]

Giant Enemy Crabs are easy. Just flip them over and attack their weak point for massive damage.

Ok

[fyngyrz]

We're going to need giant tubs of melted butter.

Re:Well, that's it.

[redneckmother]

Wait, just to check - exactly what kind of crabs are we talking about here. ... runs screaming into the distance, scratching madly.

That was my first impression, too.

I was reminded of graffiti I saw above a urinal at a drive-in theatre in Amarillo, circa 1972:

Please don't throw toothpicks in urinal. Texas crabs can pole vault.

Re:Ok

[Golddess]

As long as Cave Johnson isn't heading their development.

Re:celebrate!

[Anonymous Coward]

Well fuck. I guess we should do something about global warming after all.

Re:Ok

[houstonbofh]

Bigger crabs and lobster, and someone thinks this is a bad thing? I am going outside to rev my SUV for a while...

STD?

[Das Auge]

I was thinking of something completely different...

Re:Count Me Confused

[bill_mcgonigle]

If you actually want to fix the issue you go after the bigger fish.

They tried that with the groupers and found out that all the small ones were male, and then they turn into females when they get larger. It caused the population to crash for a while.

Seafood is wildlife. It's only due to the size of the oceans that the species haven't been wiped out completely. If people had such a voracious appetite for wild venison, we'd have empty woods by now. I try to limit my seafood consumption to once a month or less, for that reason. I do take some fish oil for my heart, and I know that's bad for a few species, but I'm also testifying on a hemp legalization bill in a few days, in an attempt to fix that as well.

Yes, we can grow Omega-3's with weeds, but our government imprisons people who do.

Re:celebrate!

[Culture20]

Yeah, but he'd have to stand there flexing muscles and glowing for two episodes to build up the power.

Re:Ok

[Anonymous Coward]

You're looking at it backward. By using incendiary lemons, you cook the crab as you spice it. This saves crucial time in the endless war against the giant crabs.

Re:CRAAAAAB PEOPLE

[Curunir_wolf]

Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum?