The Science of Santa 223
Hugh Pickens writes writes "For decades, mystified scientists have chalked up Santa's power to the inexplicable wonder of magic, but North Carolina State University aerospace engineer Larry Silverberg, team leader on a first-of-its-kind visiting scholars program at Santa's Workshop-North Pole Labs (NPL), says that Santa is, in fact, a scientific genius and that Silverberg looks forward to Christmas each year, so he can ponder the remarkable accomplishments of one of the greatest pioneers in his field. 'Santa is not just a jolly old elf,' says Silverberg. 'He really has an understanding of engineering, technology, science that's far beyond our own.' It all starts at the North Pole where Santa has an elaborate technical setup that rivals the nerve center of the CIA including an underground antenna that listens to children's thoughts. 'He takes those signals and finds out whether the child has been naughty or nice, and ultimately, what present the child wants.' Santa's mastery of nanotechnology allows Santa to grow presents on the spot eschewing the necessity of carrying them on the sleigh which would be prohibitive because of the weight. Then there's Santa's sleigh itself, an advanced aerodynamic structure equipped with laser sensors to find the optimal path, and covered by a nanostructured 'skin' that is porous and contains its own low-pressure system, which holds the air flowing around the airborne sled onto the body, reducing drag by as much as 90 percent. Finally there's Santa's greatest invention, the relativity cloud, that bends time and space to allow for his round-the-world Christmas journey and explains why Santa is so seldom seen. 'Relativity clouds are controllable domains – rips in time – that allow him months to deliver presents while only a few minutes pass on Earth. The presents are truly delivered in a wink of an eye.'"
Santa of course is not an effin elf. (Score:5, Insightful)
In line with the person it was derived from, santa claus is not an elf himself - he is a magic person (human). Elf 'helpers' were added in recent centuries through influence of celtic/anglosakson folklore.
Re:Santa of course is not an effin elf. (Score:3, Insightful)
You say that like the tea partiers that havent noticed the new gop2.0 tea party. Tp 2007 != tp 2008.5+.
Santa in 2011 is a meme to drive materialism and consumerism. Some still apprecate family and friends by proxy, but the santa of old is nothing like the tool for chinese manufactured goods he has become.
Re:Santa of course is not an effin elf. (Score:5, Insightful)
Santa knows what you need, a heavy dose of lighten the fuck up
Re:Santa of course is not an effin elf. (Score:5, Insightful)
I love the vague terminology - God touched you? Explain exactly what that means. I'll believe something to do with gods the same way I'll believe anything else - give me enough proof to make it the most likely explanation. I'm not saying there is no posibility of a God, I'm saying that beleiving in one is like believing there is an elephant in my bathtub - It's highly unlikely, and if someone told me it was true, I wouldn't take them at their word.
You say there is no proof you can show me, then why should you expect me to believe it? I'm sure you'd think anyone getting an email from nigerian royalty promising lots of money and beleiving it was stupid, but an old book and promising eternal life? It's different how?
I'm open to the idea - If I'm wrong, you should be able to tell me why I'm wrong, and I'll take that on board. If you expect me to treat it differently because it's religion, or suspend logic for no reason, then no. Logic applies universally, you can't just choose where to apply it or not.
Re:Santa of course is not an effin elf. (Score:4, Insightful)
Shhh... You're screwing with the religious zealots. They'll start quoting fire and brimstone passages out of their holy books. Then they'll flip through the peaceful and loving parts, and find reasons to kill you in very uncomfortable ways.
You and I know perfectly well that there is no invisible friend running the universe, and the only kind of divine intervention that happens is choreographed and executed by a flesh and blood humans.
Some of these people actually believe it. Most of their holy books say that by doubting them, you are their evil, and you must be punished. ... and you may say you have an elephant in your bathtub, but I have an undetectable transdimensional leprechaun in a box. Don't ever try to open the box, or he'll immediately move to another dimension. Once you believe in him, I'll introduce you to the invisible dragon in the garage. My girlfriend told me that he's there. He sucks the life out of car batteries, and changes my preset radio stations when I'm out of town.
Re:Santa of course is not an effin elf. (Score:4, Insightful)
To be fair to them, I agree with Penn Jillette that if someone does believe in a religion, it's equally insane not to expect them to be verbal about it. The example he gives is that if I'm stood in front of you on train tracks, and you hear a train coming - but I tell you that the train doesn't exist, you are still going to push me off the tracks (presuming that you are not too scared of getting sued, enjoy seeing people die, etc...). If someone believes I am going to burn in hell for eternity because I don't beleive in God, then I can understand them trying to change my viewpoint.
Doesn't stop them being illogical mind.
Re:Santa of course is not an effin elf. (Score:2, Insightful)
the Christianity cult
Posted on the second holiest day for Christians, on Christmas of all days. Damn, you get troll of the year, asshole.
By any reasonable definition, early Christianity was a cult; they just managed to get some followers in key positions (like Emperors) and it snowballed from there. Then what Christianity morphed into got some money behind it and wanted to expand its influence, and borrowing from existing popular celebrations made it easier to snarf converts. I don't have a lot of respect for a lot of institutional christianity from about the 3rd-20th centuries.
That said, if Jesus of Nazareth was alive today, he'd be involved in the Occupy movement; take that statement however you like but remember that however you take it is more of a reflection on you that on Jesus, who had no trouble taking on the moneylenders in the temple.
Jesus was way cool, but some of his followers have been real dicks.