Microsoft Seeks Do-Let-The-Bed-Bugs-Bite Patent

theodp writes "In its just-published patent application for Adapting Parasites to Combat Disease, Microsoft lays out plans to unleash 'altered parasitic organisms' on humans, including mosquitoes, fleas, ticks, bed bugs, leeches, pinworms, tapeworms, hookworms, heart worms, roundworms, lice (head, body, and pubic), and the like. 'Irradiated mosquitoes can be used to deliver damaged Plasmodium to individuals,' explains Microsoft. 'Instead of contracting malaria, an individual receiving the damaged Plasmodium develops an immune response that renders the individual resistant to contracting malaria.' Don't worry about runaway breeding, advises Microsoft — 'a termination feature [that] can include programmed death' makes this impossible. As David Spade might say, I liked this movie the first time I saw it — when it was called Jurassic Park."

Microsoft?

[Anonymous Coward]

I didn't know they had a germ warfare division...

Blue Screen Bugs

[Anonymous Coward]

'a termination feature [that] can include programmed death'

I'm confident Microsoft can get that part right, it's their core competency.

Dirty hotel managers says...

[istartedi]

So, you call down to the manager to complain about the bedbugs. The manager says, "They're not bugs, they're features".

Enough Bugs

[guttentag]

Seriously, hasn't Microsoft unleashed enough bugs into the world, in places we really, really don't want them?

Re:Microsoft? Not SBRI?

[maxwell demon]

In this case, the bugs are the feature.

Re:history must have some prior art

[Greyfox]

Microsoft has been sucking our blood for 3 decades.

Microsoft? Do what you're best at!

[hoggoth]

MSoftie: "The latest report is in. Our software is riddled with viruses. Bugs everywhere."
Gates: "I thought we were the best at software! What's the meaning of this?!"
MSoftie: "Apparently we are the best at viruses and bugs..."
Gates: (ding!)