United Nations Names Ambassador To Aliens 306
Shag writes "Although searches for extraterrestrial intelligence have thus far come up empty-handed, the United Nations appears to be preparing for eventual 'first contact.' Many media outlets are carrying the story that Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist who heads the UN's Office for Outer Space Affairs in Vienna — already charged with things like keeping track of satellites to prevent Kessler Syndrome and coordinating the international response to any earth-impacting asteroids — will be the first person to meet with aliens if they do show up."
Update: 09/27 16:42 GMT by S : Looks like this one's too good to be true — in an email to The Guardian, Othman said, "It sounds really cool but I have to deny it."
The wrong man (Score:5, Funny)
Why doesn't the UN nominate one of those guys living in the backwoods to be the Ambassador to aliens? It seems to me that those guys are the people who seem to be getting abducted by aliens the most, not well-known astrophysicists.
they will give a book called To Serve Man (Score:5, Funny)
they will give a book called To Serve Man
Re:Do they know (Score:3, Funny)
Someone with experience instead? (Score:5, Funny)
Put him on the US/Mexico border (Score:3, Funny)
I hear a lot of illegal aliens come from Mexico
Re:Someone with experience instead? (Score:3, Funny)
Are you saying Aliens might be more susceptible to T&A?
first contact team (Score:5, Funny)
Re:they will give a book called To Serve Man (Score:3, Funny)
To Serve FOR Man
Re:they will give a book called To Serve Man (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Baby Steps (Score:5, Funny)
That's very interesting Caller, but tonight we are talking about how and why Kenny Rogers was behind the Kennedy Assassination. Next we have a Clyde from east of the Rockies. You're on Caller.
Re:Do they know (Score:5, Funny)
They should have appointed a Poet.
cars (Score:5, Funny)
I think I'd hate that job (Score:4, Funny)
Now that you mention it, don't most of those contacts also involve anal probing with dildo-shaped implements, mutilating cattle and apparently making crop circles for the heck of it?
I mean, I can imagine a thousand Martian redneck hillbilies going,
"Hey, Billy Joe Bob, it says here them Earthlings have a new ambers.. am... contact person."
"What's one of those do, Bubba?"
"Way I figures it, Billy Joe Bob, it means we gots to meet her when we goes down there."
"But we was gonna do some crop circling and mutilate some of those strange animals they keep around. Do ya figure she's gonna help us with that?"
"Nope, probably not."
"Right, I'll fire up the ol' anal probe then."
"Careful back there, Billy Joe Bob, I just bought us the Jackhammer probe upgrade. Don't wreck nuthing with it."
I mean, why not just get the goatse guy as the ambassador?
Mistake (Score:5, Funny)
Re:The wrong man (Score:4, Funny)
I personally think a man like him is the perfect one for the job. Maybe he'll be able to amuse the aliens with our meager understanding of rudimentary physics, prompting them to keep us alive as their cute pets or even just live historical specimens instead of just eating us all or something.
Re:Someone with experience instead? (Score:5, Funny)
Are you saying Aliens might be more susceptible to T&A?
Isn't everybody?
Re:Ok question: (Score:3, Funny)
Why would aliens intrinsiclly meet with humans?
Because of our great spelling skills, and furthermore we're the best at rishathra, or so I read. If that woman ever reads the ringworld books, its gonna be awkward.
Re:The wrong man (Score:5, Funny)
That reminds me of a bumper sticker I once saw. It read: "When the aliens come, I hope they eat the FAT people first!"
I'm sure somebody got their panties in a wad over that one.
Re:I'm not sure we get to decide (Score:3, Funny)
He'd be the one with all the hot cavechicks around him.
Re:No he won't (Score:2, Funny)
They should appointed someone with some multi-language skills. What language we should assume the aliens will speak?
English, obviously. Just like in the movies. Aliens watch movies too I'd assume.
Re:"charged with keeping track of satellites" (Score:1, Funny)
The US Air Force is just a small part of the UN Air Force.
Re:Do they know (Score:3, Funny)
Time is going to be on our side regardless and we will likely have months or even years to appoint such a representative if an ambassador of this nature is ever encountered.
Well, the clock started ticking when the scout crashed in roswell, and now the mothership is arriving, so really this is a case of the UN being slow on the uptake as usual.
Re:Who wants.... (Score:2, Funny)
to be honest, it's probably not nearly as bad as it sounds. consider this chart.
http://nerdnirvana.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Lets-say-youre-the-first-human-ever-to-make-alien-contact.gif [nerdnirvana.org]
Re:they will give a book called To Serve Man (Score:2, Funny)
Re:The wrong man (Score:1, Funny)
Oh great. So she'll criticize all their decisions, insist that they're dressed poorly for the occasion, and when she gets really aggravated with the 'lack of communication' she'll just bottle it up and walk away?
Though now that I think about it, they'll probably be female aliens anyway. The male ones will get lost somewhere outside the Milky Way and refuse to ask for directions.
Re:Mistake (Score:1, Funny)
I'm no rocket scientist, but I for one would feel safer if we put a stripper in charge of greeting the aliens.
They did. What did you think all that anal probing was about?
You're special! (Score:3, Funny)
Why would aliens intrinsiclly meet with humans?
Trees are lousy conversationalists.
And maybe superintelligent aliens have evolved beyond dreary, weepy, emo-goth kid, warmed over nihilism that uses Keanu Reeve movies to make their (for lack of a better term) point.
You have made Sad Keanu even sadder. :-(
Re:No he won't (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Ok question: (Score:3, Funny)
Why would aliens intrinsiclly meet with humans?
Why are you commenting on slashdot instead of having tea and crumpets with the roaches under your sink?
Re:The wrong man (Score:3, Funny)
No wonder. Women are an alien species to us too!